Loved... and Lost

*December 16, 2022 - *text message received*

7:52pm: “We should talk…. come over.”

…………….

Midnight approaches. Paralyzed in thought and reminisce, Ria’s sitting on her walnut tan, leather sofa in her living room. Her eyes begin to water as she takes a sip of wine and delicately nurses the rim of her glass whilst staring out into the slow, rippling lake and trees covered in blankets of snow beneath the starry, night sky. As a single tear trickles down her cheek, Ria abruptly closes her eyes and sharply inhales. As she lets out a lengthy breath, she opens her eyes and takes another sip of wine.

With moments having passed by, she snaps out of her daze, places her wine glass on the round, glass coffee table and heads upstairs to her bedroom.

As she opens the doors to her room, she walks alongside her bed and makes her way to her bathroom. “You have to do this”, she reassures herself as she catches a quick glance of reflection in the bathroom mirror while turning to run her shower. As the water is getting hotter, she goes to her bedroom closet to find something to wear. She grabs an ivory, long-sleeved blouse and a pair of dark, skinny jeans and lies them across her teal, satin sheets.

A few moments later, now finished with her shower, Ria wraps herself in a towel hanging from the other side of the shower glass, sliding door. She steps out onto the black, furry, floor mat and walks toward the bathroom mirror. Her ombre, brunette hair dripping wet, she begins to dry and style it. As she un-wands the last curl and unplugs the curling iron, she looks at herself in the mirror and forces a slight smile. She looks down at her leaf-shaped earrings lying on the white counter and as she cuffs her caramel curls behind her ears, she places them in. She opens the counter drawer for her makeup and applies her light brown, matte lipstick. Looking in the mirror, she reassures, “You can do this.” Ria finishes by applying brown eyeshadow and mascara, then proceeds to her bedroom to get dressed.

Ria glances at the distressed, white clock hanging above her headboard... 2am is approaching. She goes and grabs her black, trench coat from her closet and tosses her hair, with both her hands, as she buttons up. She bends down beside her footboard, grabs her black, heeled boots and puts them on.

She starts walking down the lightly dimmed, narrow corridor to her daughter’s room.

She opens the door to her daughter, Aurora, sound asleep, cradling her plush, Arthur doll and her TV left on the ending credits of Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights. Ria flicks the wall sconce on and as she saunters toward her, she stumbles on a curly-haired, Barbie doll, picks it up and places it atop the white, sideboard buffet next to the doorway. As she caresses the doll’s hair; she notices a drawing on the mirror… a family of 4. Ria feels a single ache in her heart and faintly sighs, causing a tear to drop onto the fluffy, white rug.

She turns to her sleeping daughter, concerningly.

She proceeds to the bed and sits next to Aurora, looking at her in adoration and guilt.

Remembering the time, Ria sighs, turns to the nightstand and pulls the white-beaded string to turn on the lamp. She slides out the drawer and grabs Aurora some socks and underwear and lies them on the bed.

Ria then goes and opens the double doors of the closet and grabs a pair of black jeans and a white, long-sleeved shirt.

“Mommy?”, an awakening Aurora asks sweetly, rubbing the sleep from her beautiful, dark brown eyes. “Yes?”, replies Ria, as she turns while shutting the closet doors and walking towards Aurora. “What are you doing?”, Aurora continues. Ria kneels and pauses while thinking of her next words, carefully. “We’re gonna go for a drive,” she replies with a smile, looking up at Aurora. “You wanna see Delilah?” she asks as she starts taking off Aurora’s SpongeBob pajamas. “Yes,” she exclaims with a big smile on her face, “and David?” “Yes, David, too.”, Ria assures, smiling, as she goes to pinch Aurora’s cheek with a wink. Aurora smiles as she put on her shirt and finishes fastening her jeans. “Your hat and gloves are on the dining room table.”, Ria reminds Aurora as Ria stands up and grabs Aurora’s polka-dotted coat from her bed post and her black boots beside the nightstand. “OK,” Aurora yawns, as she grabs her coat and boots from Ria and makes her way downstairs. Ria turns around and grabs the remote on the nightstand to turn off the TV and places it back. She then gets up and bends over to turn off the lamp.

As Ria’s heading towards the door, she pauses and takes another nostalgic look at the drawing taped to the mirror, before turning off the wall sconce. She walks out and closes the door behind her.

Simultaneously, as Ria heads downstairs, Aurora’s tying the sparkly laces on her boots and putting on her coat.

The moment Ria turns the corner into the dining room, she wonders, “You want something to eat, before we go?” “No, thank you, Mommy. I’m just tired,” Aurora yawns while she puts on her black hat and gloves. “I’m sorry, I know, it’s late,” she regrettably expresses, “I’ll grab some blankets and a pillow for the car.” Ria hurries along the passageway near the entrance. She grabs 2 navy-blue, fleece blankets and a gray, throw pillow from the hallway closet and rushes back to the dining room to stuff them in an empty, black duffel bag lying beside the fireplace mantel.

“You ready yet, Mommy?”, Aurora asks while bundled up and sitting at the dining room table. “Yes, baby, let’s go.”, Ria confirms as she’s zipping up the bag and signals Aurora toward the front door. Aurora stands up and puts on her coat’s hood as she walks down the passageway... Aurora opens the front door and walks to the car. Ria, not far behind her, grabs her keys and purse off the dark grey, console table beside the door and walks out to the car, locking the door behind her.

3am approaches. As the gentle howls of the cool, forest breeze and the sound of the thin layer of snow-covered leaves crunching beneath her boots fill the air, Ria strolls to her car, as she notices the stars slowly clearing the sky.. Ria opens the driver’s side door and gets in, to an already-fastened Aurora, reclined on the passenger side. She tosses her purse in the backseat and knocks the snow off her boots as she props down, placing the duffel bag and keys on her lap. She closes the door and looks over at a half-asleep Aurora. Ria then unzips the duffel, grabs the fleece blankets, and lies them over Aurora, one after the other, as she tucks her. She then grabs the throw pillow, lightly props up Aurora’s head and gently nestles it between her and the headrest. Ria quietly places the duffel in the backseat and then starts the ignition. She turns on the heat and proceeds to defrost the car as she unfastens her trench coat and puts on her seat belt.

Soon after the seatbelt clicks, Ria exhales, catching a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror as she turns on her windshield wipers and starts to drive.

“Here we go...” she breathes, passing through the leaf-less trees of her driveway...

Soon after Ria checks both ways and turns onto the main road, she looks over at Aurora still soundly sleeping and smiles. Driving down the road…, for miles, no car in sight… Occasional, Christmas décor and head beams lighting the night. Ria turns to Aurora and confesses, “You deserve better, kid.” “I know this, and I’m sorry… but, Mommy is trying,” she whispers, “…I miss them, too.” Ria concludes and lightly rubs Aurora’s leg. Ria gracefully sweeps her hand away onto the steering wheel as sentiments, bittersweetly, begin to fill her mind; her other elbow resting on the side of the door and her head resting on the palm of her hand.

*Clips of the past start to play…*

• “Slow down, Delilah,” Aurora laughs as she chases Delilah around the playground. “Come catch meee!”, Delilah chuckles, running wildly towards the steps to the slide. Ria and David sitting on the park table, both grinning at the site of the girls.

• Delilah and Aurora are tucked in bed as Ria is sitting between them, reading them a bedtime story. Both of their heads rested on Ria’s shoulders. A few moments pass by as the girls are both smiling and begin nodding off. Ria finishes reading Disney’s Bedtime Favorites. Ria looks up to David, who’s watching in the doorway and smiles, before looking at the girls. Ria kisses both their heads and gently lies them on their pillows. She quietly crawls off the bed and turns the wall light off before walking out of the room with David, cracking the door behind her.

• Ria just finished washing the dishes as David walks into the kitchen and goes to hug her from behind. They both start swaying to imaginary music as David grabs her soap-sudded hand, swiftly spins her around and pulls her in close as they slow dance. Ria rests her head on his chest.

• ”Hey, I’m home.”, Ria says cheerfully as she hurries up the stairs to the bedroom with her luggage. As she throws her luggage down by the bed and takes off her coat, David comes from Delilah’s bedroom and passionately hugs her from behind. “I missed you,” he says as he holds onto her. He pulls her onto the bed and Ria holds onto his hand wrapped around her waist as they both fall asleep.

• ”I love you,” Ria says. “I love you, too.” David says, as she hugs him from behind, resting her head on his back. *

• ”Get her, get her!”, David yells as Delilah and Aurora energetically bombard a defenseless Ria with pillows. Meanwhile, Ria is shielding herself with her arms in the corner of the bedroom, laughing.

• ”Will you marry me?”, David asks Ria with dewy eyes. “Yes,” Ria answers as tears of joy stream from her eyes.

Ria’s smile begins to fade.

• ”I’m doing this for us, David, why can’t you just believe in me and support me?” Ria frustrates, “I just wanna feel like I have a voice and what I have to say could really help someone.” she continues. David scoffs, “That’s the problem, you wanna live in this fantasy world and worry about other people and we got our own life to worry about." “David…, just… please…, we’ll figure it out. Just trust me, ok? I really wanna do this and it’ll benefit all of us.”, Ria begs.” “What are you even writing about?”, David asks, pessimistically. After Ria enthusiastically explains, an unimpressed David just gives her a blank stare.

• “Why didn’t you tell me about these?”, Ria asks, shuffling overdue bills before showing David. “And what can you do? You’re not working. You can’t help me.”, David insults. “I can take out a loan. I can ask my family for help.”, Ria suggests. “That’s not enough.”, David argues, “And we’re already in debt as it is, we don’t need more.” “Don’t do that. Ok? I’m trying. And I gave up everything because you wanted us to move in with you. You knew I’d have to start over. And, if it’ll help until I get my writing off the ground then why not just –“ “Because we don’t need help or loans, we need you to work!”, David interrupts. “I can’t work, write AND be here for the girls like I am. You’re barely even here to spend time with them or watch them,” Ria frustrates, “I cook, I clean, I give them baths, I get them dressed, I’m the one teaching them, playing with them. Even when I had my job and my apartment, I was helping you all the time. All you do is work and relax, whenever you do decide to even come home. We’re supposed to be a team... I need help, too.” “…Yeah, you do.”, David insinuates. Ria scoffs.

• ”Hey, girl, were you sleep?”, Ria asks David’s boss, on the phone, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “No, you’re fine, what’s going on?”, Lauren responds. “Sorry to call so late, but do you know if David is still working at the office? He was supposed to be home hours ago and he’s not picking up.”, Ria asks. “*silence* …I’m not sure, I’m sorry.”, Lauren replies. “Ok, sorry to bother you.”, Ria replies, “Goodnight.” “No, you’re fine, goodnight.”, she replies.

• ”We should go out tonight. I have a babysitter for the kids for a few hours.”, Ria smiles anticipating David’s response. “I’m not really in the mood, why don’t you go with your girl friends?”, he replies. “David, we haven’t been on a date in 3 months.”, Ria worries. “I’m tired...”, David responds.

• ”This isn’t working. Maybe moving you in was a mistake. Maybe.. we need to take a break.” David concludes.

As Ria pulls behind David’s car in the shoveled driveway. She looks out as it began to sleet and clears her throat, trying to brush off her depressing thoughts.

Ria checks her wristwatch. It’s almost 4am. She turns off the car and looks over at Aurora, still sleeping.

She quietly grabs her keys out the ignition, grabs her purse from the backseat floor, opens the car door, and gets out. Flinching at the sleet of snow falling from the sky, she shuts the car door and carefully tiptoes her way through the snow toward the salted porch. She reaches in her coat pocket for her phone. “We’re here”, she texts David as she reaches under the porch lights. She looks over at Aurora in the car, as she waits for David to open the door. He opens the door.

“Hi,” they both say, nervously.

“Do you mind getting Aurora? she’s asleep in the car, I’d feel bad for waking her again.”, Ria directs. “Sure.”, David answers as he grabs his coat from the hook beside the doorway. While he’s putting on his coat and hurrying to get Aurora, Ria briefly looks back then heads to the living room, lit by the fireplace. She unbuttons her coat, folds it onto the arm of the black, cushioned sofa and sits across on the accent chair, pondering. She hears the car door shut. “I’mma lay her in the room with Delilah.”, David says, as he comes in cradling Aurora. Ria nods and smiles, “OK.”

David shuts the door, quietly walks up the spiraling, white stairs and heads toward Delilah’s room. He carefully lies her on the empty bed, aside Delilah’s. He unravels the cold blankets on her and tosses them in the corner of the room by the door. He then gently takes off her coat and boots and places them on the taupe, hardwood floor. He grabs the white, folded blanket at the bottom of the bed and covers her.

He walks out of the room and makes his way back downstairs to the living room.

He walks in to Ria patiently still sitting on the sofa, gazing at the fireplace...

“You look beautiful.”, he says as he admires her by the archway. “Thanks”, she replies, looking around, “Seems like you’ve been well.” “Yeah, I’ve been doing better.” David laughs, scratching his head. “Without us?” Ria worries. “That’s uh….” David stutters, “How’ve you been?” “Still writing. My book became a New York’s best seller. I wanted all of us to celebrate, but you never answered my calls.” Ria wonders. “Yeah, I’ve been busy lately. But I’m happy for you, really. You really did it. That’s, that’s good. I’m proud of you.”, David says as he sits down on the black, cushioned sofa. “Yeah, I did it.” Ria confirms, discontent. “I started to think you weren’t gonna come.” David expresses. “Yeah, I just needed time to think, that’s all.”, she replies. “After 5 months, I'm surprised you have more to think about.”, David laughs.

As a tear falls from Ria’s eye, she stands up, walks in front of him and kneels. Looking up with tears beginning to flow from her eyes, she grabs David’s hands and chokes, “Be with me.” She shrugs her shoulders and lets out a soft chuckle while looking at David’s face. Anticipating his response, she cries, “I feel like I lost my best friend… Aurora misses you... I miss you. I miss how we used to be.” Ria gains some composure though tears continue to roll down her face. She sniffs and professes to David, “I wanna be a family again and whatever I need to do, I’ll do it. I just don’t wanna live without you. I love you.”

“I….”, overwhelmed and slightly turned on, David lifts her on his lap, pulls the back of her head towards his and passionately kisses her.

As they start to strip, keys jingle and the front door unlocks…

The door opens and the sound of luggage rolls in.

The front door quietly closes and footsteps head toward the living room…

“David?!”, a woman yells as David and Ria both turn around, startled.

“Lauren?!”, Ria exclaims, jumping up. She looks down and notices Lauren’s pregnant with a ring on her finger, “No.”, she shakes her head, in disbelief, and cries as it all begins to hit her.

Lauren storms out of the house and heads to her car.

“Lauren!”, David yells as he runs after her. Lauren pulls off before he can stop her. He comes back in and slams the door.

As Ria’s shock dissipates, she looks over at David turning around toward her….

“I’m married...”, David sighs, “...that’s what I wanted to tell you.”