It's far more fun to be dry

It’s far more fun to be dry.

Susan Zephar

Chapter 1.

I’m awake, I’m still alive I think, wait. 

I start touching myself all over just to check that I have all my bits intact and am indeed still here, oh no! I’m wet, I’m cold, it’s happened again this is disgusting.

Oh yuck, I’ve got vomit on my chest and on the floor, oh no! I’m on the floor again, sigh, how did I end up here again? I hope I’m at home at least, let me check, I can’t hear anything, and my vision is blurry so opening my eyes didn’t help at all.

Then I remembered.

Oh yeah! It’s January the mutha phuckin 1st baby!

Ok, I’m getting up I can do this.

I roll onto my front pull up my knees, lift my head press down onto my hands, success! All fours baby. 

Wait, what’s that noise? Is it Puss Cat, where is she? I must be at home then.

I have to get to her, I stand up. I’m woozy, wowzers this is too much. 

I shake my head, my head is banging, but my vision is clearing, where’s my phone? Oops there it is on the sofa, let’s see what’s going on…

I read the date, January the 2^nd!

What the fuck is going on?

30 missed calls too many texts to count.

I need to pee, wait… oh man, I’m already doing it! Yuck, this is so disgusting, I am so disgusting, what is happening? 

First, let me get some water and find my cat.

Puss cat is in the kitchen, I open the door and she is pissed having a proper hissy fit, I’m not entirely sure she’s really a cat, sometimes I think she’s a familiar, always judging me like my nana. She’s broken into her biscuits and the tap is dripping cold water, surprise, surprise, there’s poop and pee on the floor. I don’t blame her for being angry and now she’s cussing me out. 

It’s too much noise for my sore head, I grab water from the fridge and head to the shower, I get in the hot shower with my clothes on, slowly take everything off, and drop it to the floor. I wash thoroughly and after a short while, I get out, put a towel on, and go to my bedroom, I put some jammies on and go back to the kitchen. 

I call Mum first; she is even more pissed than Puss cat.  I start to clean up the poop and pee gifts on the floor. 

“This has gone on for too long Vivian, and you know it! If I hadn’t heard from you by 5, I was gonna call the police, I knew you were probably at home sleeping it off. I can’t take this worry anymore it’s too much; you’re going to kill me,” she cried. 

“Mum, listen, It’s January which means dry January.”

“What? I don’t give a shit about any of that. You’re going to kill yourself, Vivian Dawn Quinn!”

“I hear what you’re saying, I do, but I need you to listen to me please Mum. I’ve been thinking about knocking this drinking thing on the head, and to be really, really, honest, after waking up today and realising that I’ve lost 1 or 2 days of 2024 never to be seen again, I have to say I’ve scared myself.”

“What! How did you manage to miss 2 days of your life Vivian?”

“Is it 2 mum? I mean, from the 31^st to the second but really early hours of the first, so it’s 1 day really, anyway, focus Viv. Mum, the saddest part is I got ready to go out, I bought my outfit months ago, I paid to get my hair done and did my makeup.”

“Yeah, so what happened?” mum asked.

“I started doing overproof rum shots, I didn’t think I had that many, then I had some wine, I got my shoes on, and I don’t remember after that to be honest. I woke up on the floor 45 minutes ago.”

“You didn’t even go out, was somebody there with you, did something happen?”

“No Mum don’t worry nothing happened outside of my own foolishness; I didn’t even see the outside of this flat! I know Sherri was supposed to come over but hang on let me see. Yep, she’s been calling and texting me too, I better call her back. Mum, I pissed on myself and vomited too.”

Mum starts to cry, and so do I, why did I tell her that? Am I still drunk?

“I’m only telling you this so that I can finally address this for real.”

“Ok baby, call me later.”

“OK Mummy, love you, I’m sorry.”

I call Sherri.

“Sherri, don’t cuss me, I’m sorry.”

“Viv, when you told me you opened the rum, I knew the night would be a wrap for you, and I didn’t even bother coming to get you.”

“Oh,” I said, and then I thought, that made me feel a bit sad but I didn’t bother telling her.

“Yep. I had a great time though, it’s a shame you missed it, again. How long are you gonna do this for Viv, it’s been a long time that you’ve been doing this.”

“I know, I know I have, but I made a decision.”

“Which is?” Sherri asked.

“Dry January,” I said.

“And what you gonna do with that Viv?”

“Stop drinking Sher.”

“From when?” Sherri asked me.

“Today, well, technically the first, cos I’m sure I was still drinking after midnight,” I said.

“I’m not so sure that saying it is enough though Viv. You need AA, and probably meds.”

“I’m not that bad Sherri!”

“Did you wet yourself?”

“Yes.”

“And vomit on yourself.”

“Yes.”

“Vivian, be honest now, did that happen twice last month and probably the same every other month for the last year?”

Damn, she pays attention. 

“Yes. Ok, I see your point.” I admitted.

I felt so embarrassed I was crying silently tears rolling down my face.

“This is not our first rodeo with this Viv, but I would love it if it was our last. And I know you’re over there crying but it's not enough babe, truly.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said sadly.

“So, dry January?” Sherri asks.

“Let’s do it!” I agreed.

“How do we do it?” Sherri asked.

“No drinking whatsoever throughout January, the whole month no cheating,” I said.

“Ok Viv, I’ll join you on this quest as your support system.”

“Thank you, Sher, I can do this.”

“Yes, you can.”

Chapter 2

It was all a dream.

 “Viv wake up.”

“I’m awake, what’s going on?” I’m so confused.

“I had to let myself in with my key you didn’t answer the door, we gotta get ready its New Year’s Eve baby! Said Sherri excitedly.

“What! Are you serious, oh man I had the maddest dream or premonition.”

“What happened.”

“It’s too long to go into but I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do because of it.”

“What?”

“I’m staying home tonight and I'm signing up to dry January.”

“Oh, wow Vivian, that’s amazing, I’ll join you; we’ll stay here watch a movie get takeout, then start as we mean to go on.” 

“You don’t mind missing out on tonight?” I asked.

“You know what Viv, there’s always a new year that’s gonna roll around but our livers need some love, and to be honest I drink too much as well, so let’s put some fizzy pop in a wine glass and ring the new year in with style.”

And we did just that, it was fun, but truth be told, I did miss having a drink.

7 days later.

Kill me! 

I joined a ‘Dry January’ group on Facebook and apparently, day 7 is a real hurdle to get over, I’m not sure I’m gonna make it, Sherri flopped already cos she had a birthday drink up to attend, so I took myself to my mum's house for some extra support.

I’m not angry with Sherri, it is what it is, this journey is about me, and I can’t follow my friends when I know I have a problem that needs addressing. 

My issue isn’t simply alcohol, it’s more the increasingly negative impact alcohol has had on my life, and my refusal to see that; I didn’t drink all the time, but when I did it became more and more chaotic. So, to help take up my time (it’s so funny how much of my thinking is taken over by thinking about alcohol now that I’m not indulging), I started swimming once a week, I’ve been twice so far and I can’t say I love it, the steam room is good though.

The support group is amazing, a real tribe of like-minded people who don’t judge me. I lost out on Sherri’s commitment but these lot keep me on track.

I even started therapy, yay me. 

I’m feeling encouraged and positive, I asked for help, I got it and I’m utilising it.

January is not wet anymore people, it’s far more fun to be dry.