I take up makeup

“Conceal those dark spots, that’s exactly how to do it, great job,” began Cynthia as she oversaw Melissa at the beauty counter at Macy’s. Melissa knew that coming here would be like this, someone giving her a spiel and examining her tirelessly, but she was out of options. And she needed a new concealer before the party this evening, before she saw Ray again.

“The trouble with concealer is that too much concealer blends everything together and you end up lacking definition- it’s really more of a spot treatment.” Said Cynthia. Melissa had been wearing makeup as a teenager and she knew what she was doing but smiled politely. She thought of Robert whom she knew in college, her first real heartbreak. She knew how much concealer to apply then when she told him she wasn’t interested.

That had been difficult, to be sure. But Robert hadn’t been ready for a serious commitment and Melissa? Well she had been primed for a long term relationship all her life. “That’s great, you’ve applied the concealer expertly on that primer. Always remember the primer goes on first before the concealer and not the other way around.”

The truth is Melissa had always been conditioned for a long term relationship for as long as she could remember. That came first. That was the basis on which all of the romantic decisions she had made in life arose. Perhaps humans were destined to be creatures in committed relationships and women, with their unique conditioning, arrived at this conclusion sooner than men.

It wasn’t just that women were more perceptive and were easier to condition into formal roles that men maneuvered through bulkily. It was just apparent to most women that the basis of everything was male female companionship. Men sought out women. And women were practically designed to feed into this relationship in every way.

“Excellent blending of your primer and your foundation, by the way. Don’t be afraid of that foundation, it will provide an excellent base for the rest of your makeup.” Melissa smiled as she finished applying one last bit of concealer. “You know people absolutely rave about this brand of concealer, and it really does wonders for you.” Melissa dropped the concealer and reached over the blush to the setting powder.

“Now that is what you really want now that you’ve established your foundation and applied some choice concealer.” Melissa observed that she had become a target at Macy’s. This woman was on her like a hawk and she knew she could not get out of here without dropping a little bit of dough on some makeup.

“That’s exactly the right amount of setting powder to use,” said Cynthia, “it will automatically set the foundation and concealer and reduce shine or oil.” Melissa wondered if Cynthia gave this spiel to everyone or was she just a sucker for listening?

“Now for contouring we have a great special we’re running on e.l.f. brand contouring palettes if that’s something that interests you today?” Melissa knew she would need to face this question head first because she did not want to get suckered into buying a whole new makeup bag- she had only come here for a little bit of concealer, and maybe a tip or two. She wanted to try new things. She was a bit sick of the same old patterns.

But at the same time, she didn’t want anything too extraordinary. When she saw Ray at the dinner the previous night her entire relationship with Robert had flooded back to her, since Ray was Robert’s best friend. She knew he would be at the party tonight and that was enough to get her into the mall to make sure she was up to snuff. She just needed a bit of concealer.

“Thanks,” said Melissa, “but I’m just here for concealer. I ran out earlier today and, well, you know how it goes.” “Of course.” Replied Cynthia just before she walked away from that portion of the counter. There was always a line that could be crossed and a line that could not be crossed and the line that she would not cross with Cynthia was buying anything other than one stick of concealer.

She really did have her heart broken by Robert and it was such a shame to her that that relationship ended the way it did, but it is sometimes hard to see the bigger picture about these things when you are experiencing them. He was the kind of man who would have appreciated her without things like makeup. Like, he understood that that was just enhancing what was already there. It was more than just physical.

She stood and looked at her reflection, at the contours of her face and cheekbones and jawline

and saw the definition that was intended to be perceived by the viewer. She knew that she held the male gaze firmly. There were points on her face that were hard to pass up. Everything sort of pointed towards the right things. She knew that makeup enhanced this, but it was more than that.

It’s been said that every woman is looking for a trick mirror that reveals to her her flaws that are able to be corrected while simultaneously projecting a flawless self. Melissa knows that makeup doesn’t solve these problems, it just accentuates certain things.

Just then, Cynthia returned to the counter with the stick of concealer that Melissa was interested in buying. She had done enough shopping for the day, and had used up far too much of this woman’s time doffing around with makeup that she didn’t even intend to buy. She paid for her makeup and walked back towards the colossal parking garage. It would not be too difficult to find her car once she got on the right level.

And there was Robert, the nagging feeling again. She had loved him. And he had broken her heart. And she had concealed it from him, from his friends, from everyone. And now the past had come roaring back. And as she sat in the car and applied concealer to one last dark spot, she realized that she was preparing for battle. That she would be enhancing her features in an effort to make up with Ray and allow the past to be in the past.

And there it was that Melissa saw, as clear as day, that the whole establishment of beauty products and goods were founded in the external realization of something which is indeed not physical but does in fact reside within. That every flaw a woman sees in a mirror is indeed only the indication of some temporary lapse in thought, in caring, in compassion. That each perceived imperfection is a kind of psychic manifestation of a fixable problem. That she had been too harsh with the kids, that she had acted without feeling for her husband, that she had neglected herself. And in this way Melissa drove out of the parking garage with a new inner glow which is, as it turns out, so much harder to conceal.