Different

Driving my car to the restaurant, only one thing is going through my head; this is a bad idea. What the hell am I thinking going to a blind date? What in the world was Mia thinking when she set me up to this? Ugh this is definitely not how I expected my Friday night to go, I just wanted to eat pizza and ice cream from the tub while re-watching Friends for the nth time, and when I complained Mia had the audacity to say that she was being considerate because she set me up on a two-hour dinner on a Friday night rather than a weekend date. “Two-hour dinner date” yeah right, more like two hours of sitting with a complete stranger making awkward small talk and praying for someone to come and kill you whenever you make a stupid comment, which, knowing myself, I expect will happen every ten seconds. I get lost in my thoughts while dreading the night ahead that I suddenly find myself in front of the restaurant. Holy crap. I can still go; it will make Mia mad and I won’t hear the end of it but it will save me from two hours of utter humiliation. I should just drive back home, apologize to Mia, and not go to this date. But to be honest, a little part of me is excited for this date, I’m not really a risk taker and my life is always rather peaceful and consistent, so a little part of me is curious as to how the night will go, and two hours won’t kill me, right? I get out of my car before I change my mind, give the valet my keys and thank him, and head into the restaurant. The restaurant is elegant and intimate; a dimly lit space with mainly two-seat and four-seat tables and soft jazz music playing. It is definitely not as cozy as your local restaurant, but not as fancy as I expected so I feel less intimidated. I just remembered a crucial detail, Mia refused to show me a picture of my date; “It’s your first blind date, I want it to be as suspenseful and exciting as possible!” gee, thanks a lot Mia. All she told me was that he is “hot as hell” and I won’t take her word for it, my definition of “hot as hell” is very different from Mia’s, so I just scan the room with my eyes and then a guy sitting alone on a two-seat table looks up and clearly recognizes me “well seems like his friend was sensible enough to show him a photo of me”, I internally sigh for the hundredth time in the last 5 minutes and head towards the table as he stands up to greet me, and as I get closer I start getting a better look at his face, oh God Mia was right, he is hot as hell; curly light brown hair, tanned skin, defined jawline, pointy nose, full lips, and deep blue eyes that you just can’t help but stare at them. I am standing in front of him now and he I am sure he is about six feet tall and is wearing khaki pants and a tucked in navy blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I am so glad that I am wearing my close-fitting off shoulder knee-length black dress that makes me look less of a pumpkin standing in front of this bizarrely attractive guy, who I have no idea why he is going on a blind date with such looks. He extends his hand and introduces himself “Hi, I’m Lukas and you must be Ava” Oh. My. God. He has a low husky voice and I get even more nervous that my voice squeaks while saying “yes, pleasure to meet you” good lord, it hasn’t even been 10 seconds and I already wish someone would come kill me now. He smiles saying “pleasure to meet you too” and pulls my chair for me to sit down, of course he is a well-mannered gentleman, what am I doing here again? I manage to sit down without embarrassing myself, Hallelujah! He sits in front of me and the moment I’ve been dreading has come, how the hell am I supposed to start a conversation with a complete stranger?

***

I sit down and look at the stranger sitting in front of me. To be honest she does look a lot better in person than that photo Gabe showed me, I mean the photo was pretty good but she is much more beautiful now that she’s in front of me. If I were to describe her appearance, I would say she looks like Jolene from Dolly Patron’s song; she has auburn hair, believe her skin tone is ivory or close to it, and the emerald necklace she’s wearing looks dull in comparison to her beautiful emerald green eyes. The waiter comes and breaks our uncomfortable silence by handing us our menus. Although I already know what I’ll order since I’ve been to this restaurant before, I start going through my menu as she does the same just so that I have something to do while she decides what to order. Five minutes go by and we place our orders, the waiter leaves and I am now again left with this stranger not knowing what to talk about. First things first, I need to make her more comfortable because she’s been fidgeting ever since she came and now it’s making me nervous.  

“So, …, how old are you?” I ask,

“I’m 25, you?”

“27”

“Oh…”

“What? I don’t look my age?”

“No… I just didn’t think you were older than me”

What is that supposed to mean? I decide not to ask and change the subject and ask about her job

“I’m an English teacher”

“A teacher?”

“Yes, high school”

Without realizing it, I find myself saying out loud “what a boring life”, and right after the words are out of my mouth, she whips her head and glares at me saying “Excuse me?” crap, I made her angry.

***

“What a boring life”

What? Did he just say that to me? I look up and I know I must be glaring at him which is something you don’t usually do on a first date, but I am fuming right now so to hell with this date, “excuse me?” I spit in a way that makes it quite obvious that what he said has offended me, and he certainly looks taken a back, now it’s his turn to feel awkward as he stammers an apology

“Sorry, that came out wrong. I just mean that it’s such a routine oriented job. You graduate school and celebrate that you broke free from your everyday routine, so I just can’t understand why someone would voluntarily choose to go back to that same routine again”

I try to keep my rising temper under control as I reply “I don’t see it that way, I enjoy what I do and I think it’s a great job, to see that I am making a difference in someone’s life no matter how small it is makes it feel like the most rewarding job one could get. And to me, having a daily routine is not something unbearable and it isn’t really a source of boredom, rather it gives my life a sense of stability and serenity, so I don’t really see my job or my routine-oriented life as ‘boring’”

“Wow sorry I really didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just that I can’t imagine myself having your job and living your life and being satisfied or content with it”

“Then what makes you feel satisfied or content?” I ask

“Well several things, but mostly travelling. I work as a luxury travel advisor, you see, so my job includes a lot of travelling, which means new experiences and engaging with different cultures on a regular basis, I can no longer be happy if I stay in one place for too long. That’s why I just can’t understand how someone can stay in one city for extended periods of time and not get bored or sick of the place”

“Well newsflash; just because I’m different from you, doesn’t make me wrong or make you right, it just makes us different”

“Yes, and again I apologize for my rude comment”

“Apology accepted”

***

“To be honest with you, I didn’t expect you to get angry with me” I say as I chew on my food that the waiter served a few moments ago.

“Why? How did you expect me to react after you insulted my lifestyle?”

“I don’t know, a meek reaction at best? It’s just that you were fidgeting and stuttering since we came so this kind of outburst was a shock”

“Being nervous because I’m doing something out of my character and meeting with a stranger is one thing, standing up for myself and my beliefs is a totally different story” she replies so confidently looking me straight in the eyes that I start to wonder if the stuttering girl who came here was just a figment of my imagination.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asks, “sure” I nod and she continues

“Are you happy?”

I take a second to process the question before answering “yes, I believe I am”

“Then, what is happiness to you?”

The question throws me off guard a little, I think for a while before saying “To me, happiness is to never want for anything”

“Can you elaborate a little?”

“Well you see, the way I see it is we become unhappy when we want something but we can’t get; I want a car but I don’t have the money to get it so I become unhappy, I want to hang out with my friends but I have work so I become unhappy. So, in order to attain happiness, I believe one has to have enough freedom to do what they want and enough wealth to fulfill their materialistic wants”

“So, you’re saying that if I don’t have the freedom of doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to or didn’t have the money to buy anything, I wanted no matter how expensive it is then I can never be truly happy?”

“Well yes, more or less”

“I beg to differ; I think your view on happiness is too money-oriented. I mean I can only gain such freedom as the one you talk about by either being an extremely irresponsible person or by being filthy rich, which is also the rule for being able to buy whatever I desire, and I really don’t think one should hinge their happiness on how much they’ve got in their bank account.”

“But money does make people happy to a great extent”

“I never said it didn’t, but you see, the way I see it is having a lot of money does not guarantee a happy life. Material wealth can be lost, and with that comes the undeniable looming fear of once losing it, and fear never leads to happiness.”

Okay I’ve never thought about it that way before, now she got me really intrigued so I ask her “What about you then? What is happiness to you?”

***

I thought about the answer to this question a lot, so it doesn’t take me long to answer saying “happiness is accepting life on life’s terms, and being at peace with what is.”

He looks astounded for a beat before saying “please do explain more”

“What I mean is, happiness to me is a state of mind. I believe it is something intolerably elusive to many of us because we have the wrong idea that happiness is something we attain when in fact your search for it stops once you decide to be happy and satisfied with what you already have. And my view on happiness explains why you are not content with your chaotic adventurous life while on the other hand I’m satisfied with my simple boring life.”

He stares quietly at me and I can’t really read his expression then he finally says “you know you really aren’t what I was expecting at all, and this date isn’t going the way I expected it to go either.”

I start to panic internally believing I screwed up and ask “is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Not good and not bad, like you said earlier, just different”

He smiles as he says my own words back to me, and I can’t help the smile that starts forming on my face.

***