The Cruise Ship That Never Ports

As I stare out of my panoramic, floor-to-ceiling windows all I can see is the Atlantic Ocean. I hear the fierce, powerful waves that can take one's life in the riptides. I wanted this. I wanted the adventure of leaving my family, my friends & 20-year job to hop on a plane with only two suitcases, and my "forever" fiance to move to Puerto Rico.

It has been two and a half years that we have lived here. I promised myself that I would never become bored. I was going to acclimate beautifully into a new culture. There was no doubt in my mind that I would be speaking fluent Spanish in no time at all! I bought a new laptop and decided to write that best-selling book I told myself I was always going to do once I had the time. Welcome to the life I always wanted!

I have learned very little Spanish. The words I think I know, I am too embarrassed to repeat for fear my Wisconsin accent will just butcher it! The only thing I have written was in a notebook that I recently came across that said "Two Suitcases and a Carry On." That was the extent of my best seller. The rest of the notebook consists of scrabble game points. My fiance keeps score because I have a tendency to cheat. I still find a way to come across the perfect letters when needed and his head is turned!

We live in a condominium right on the beach. There are 18 floors, 4 condos per floor (aside from the penthouse suites) which adds up to 66 units. There is also a gym and a pool on the property. We assumed we would meet many new friends as we are both very sociable and I have to admit, really fun! We have not met one person. Not that we are unfriendly people at all! The majority of people just don't live here full-time. The few that do, speak only Spanish and keep to themselves.

I do have one friend here. His name is Edward and he is a homeless man that hangs out at the small grocery store at the end of our block. I am not sure if he is related to the store owners, but that is HIS spot every day and only his! I don't always give him money. Somedays I give him a bottle of water, somedays a little food (even candy.) He never asks for money, but somedays I decide that it is going to be his lucky day and I give him some cash. He beams and thanks me. I introduced myself and my fiance to him close to when we first moved in. He always acknowledges us by name and thanks us. Recently we noticed that he yells "hi mom and dad!" to us as we ride our bikes past him. He is about 20 years older than us! I thought maybe he forgot our names, but he didn't. I spoke with him the other day and he addressed me by name. It then occurred to me that if he can communicate so well in English, what's my problem learning Spanish? I tell myself I will channel that as my incentive. Soon.

I thought I was cool because I had my license transferred to PR. That was "proof" that I had indeed relocated to all of my doubters that thought I was making this drastic move up! My little Officer and a Gentleman story was legit! I soon realized that San Juan has over 3 million people in a small area. Driving is insane! There are potholes everywhere, narrow streets which half of the time there are no working traffic lights. When there actually are working lights, the people rarely pay attention to them. So driving here is treacherous! In the past 2 1/2 years here I drove a total of one time! My hands were clutched to the wheel. My heart was racing. My knuckles were practically bursting through my skin! I could barely breathe. It was around 7:00am on a Sunday and no other cars were even on the street! I physically lost my license kayaking while I was back visiting in Wisconsin. I made the executive decision to transfer it back! We have bicycles for transportation now or my fiance drives (which is not pleasant either!) I have also been told that I am a "poor navigator" so exploring the island is pretty exhausting!

Finding a job is tough because I am not bilingual. Also, because we travel quite a bit and I am not available for any kind of consistent work. No problem. I can work remotely as a travel agent. I am certified and an expert in numerous specialty travel itineraries! Then came COVID.

We tried to join some social groups and then the pandemic hit. Now I am not making a political statement or even writing my opinion on any of it. I am just stating that Puerto Rico LOCKED DOWN! They had Executive Orders which in the beginning, you could not even go outside for a walk, go to the beach, or even swim in the pool at the condo. It was a long period of time for everyone, and here in Puerto Rico, it still is.

Don't get me wrong! Puerto Rico is beautiful! The people are extremely polite and have smiles on their faces all of the time! But I look out the breathtaking view in my living room (bedrooms as well) and I want to cry. I miss my family, friends and even the job I didn't appreciate. How I long to complain about being overworked. I even miss that catty gossip (well, I actually loved the catty gossip!) and dreading the sound of my alarm clock. I miss being able to get in a car and just drive to pop in on my children, go to the store or get my hair and nails done! What I would give for a torturous morning drive in the middle of a snowstorm just to make it in for work when others couldn't (that was kind of like a game of chicken for me!), yet I AWAYS made it in!

Be careful what you wish for. The blissful daydreaming of living on the beach on a tropical island with a drink in your hand isn't what it is cracked up to be. My fiance is lucky to be alive (and visa versa) because we are together pretty much 24/7. If we had a drink in our hands every day we would be signing up for rehab and no one would be able to understand a word we were saying due to the language barrier!

If you have ever been on a cruise you might understand that after a certain amount of days you are happy to go home. We both feel like we are on a cruise ship that never ports. The same view (although it is beautiful!) you can only admire for so long before you realize the cold winter snowstorms are different every time and the cold is refreshing!

Maybe next year I will write that book and have an ending. At the moment I am in limbo trying to figure it all out on a remote island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and the Caribbean Sea waiting to port.