Carl

“Mr. President, the country is under attack. Several military bases along the southern border have confirmed hostile UFO sightings. Initial reports seem to suggest they are 2 meters long. Extended limbs. Elongated faces, no mouths, and crustaceans for ears. All of them carrying what seems to be a downsizing weapon, where everything they point at, immediately shrinks 100-fold. We immediately shared information with our allies around the world and they are also suffering from this surprise attack. Cities across the world are gone. Paris, Budapest, Madrid. Most survivors had to hide, underground. We are still trying to understand these creatures. What their intentions are and why is attacking Earth so important to them? We have everyone on it. C.I.A, F.B.I, Navy, Army, and all the eastern Jet Fighters are ready on call. As soon as we receive more information we will inform you immediately, but for now, God Help Us All.” 

“ Get me, Carl,” said the president as he dismissed the 4-star General responsible for fighting these uninvited creatures. People were running chaotically around the White House, receiving calls from every major public office, leaders from allied countries, and neighboring states. 

On the outskirts of the city, watering his orchids, stood Carl. On his Sunday outfit, wondering what should he have for dinner. The options for tonight's dining were Carl’s mother's pasta o takeaway Chinese food. The orchid bowl seemed about full when a black SUV disrupted all the silence surrounding his little garden.

 “Carl Gerber? Is that you?”

“Ye-yes” murmured Carl. “The president has requested your presence in the Oval Office.” “What seemed to be the matter?” asked Carl. 

“ We can't tell you. The only information we can give you is that it's of absolute importance and urgency.” 

“ Fine, ill just finished watering my pla….” 

“Carl. We need to go. Now!” 

The water hose was left running as Carl entered the large vehicle surrounded by 3 men dressed in black suits. 

“Jesus Christ! They just attacked Tel Aviv!” screamed a woman with a phone in one hand, her cellphone in the other, and news channels on nearby TV screens.  

The president was dripping sweat and shaking uncontrollably. His assistant tried giving him some of his sleeping medication but he wasn't interested in sleeping right now. Reports started coming from a military base in Sweden that the Swedish Army had captured an alien alive and tried questioning it. It doesn't appear to know any English skills but when shown sample pictures, the alien kept picking the pictures of death and destruction. The president slowly was losing color becoming a pale stick. The phone rang. It was the Italian Prime Minister. “Tell me Mr.President, why is it that the greatest military complex in the history of mankind isn't bombing the fuck out of this fucking creatures!” 

The president took a big breath. “I am not going to attack like a crazy person! I want to understand them before I do something.” 

“ You don't discuss with the lion when your head is in its mouth!” Shouted the Prime Minister as he hung up the phone violently. 

The other phone lines kept ringing and the situation was getting into The president's head. His secretary again offered Asprin but he profusely declined as he screamed. “ Where the fuck is Carl?”

Down the hall, Carl was entering the building, wearing flip-flops. Given the severity of the situation, none of the White House staff noticed him but on any other given day, he would have been escorted out.

 “Ah! There you are, Carl.”

 “Mr. President, you asked for me?” 

“I certainly did Carl. Hope you weren't doing anything important?” 

“No Sir.” 

“Ok great. So listen here Carl, the world is under attack from extraterrestrial beings. E.Ts that we have no idea or understanding and apparently there are shrinking entire cities.” Carl stood frozen like a deer in front of headlights. 

“What exactly am I doing here sir?” 

“ Well Carl, for several reasons. Rason number one is that I ordered profiles of the best speech writers close by and your name stood out to me. You studied Churchill?” 

“ Yes sir. I did my thesis dissertation about Churchill’s life and Speeches.”

 “Excellent. And you are currently working at the Herald Newspaper?”

 “ Yes Sir.”

 “ Any big news your working on?”

 “Well, there’s been a couple of murders at the park recently and we're trying to investigate them. 

“Well…” said the President as he tried to hide his nervousness by drinking a glass of water set on the desk. “ Well Carl, I'm going to need you to write a speech for me .”

 “Addressed to who?”

“The world.”

 “Sir?”

“ Yes Carl, the whole world. See, The United States government has taken a different approach to the current crisis we are in. We are looking at it as an opportunity to prove to the world that we are not greedy capitalists fucks but the world’s God-sent guardians. Destined to protect the world and bring peace in moments of crisis. ”Carl shrugged his forehead

“ Depomatically, its extremely important. Anyways, I brought you in because you more than anybody else know the type of situation we are in. Winston Churchill was in one, exactly the same.” 

“Im not the following sir.” 

“ Carl, when the Nazi and Luftwaffe were headed to London, its destruction was imminent. Bound to happen. Pretty much in the same situation we are in, imminent destruction. Nevertheless, Churchill, by some form of alchemy, hypnotized the London citizens to fight. On the beaches, on the sands. That good old classic Churchill. Carl, the reason why you are here now is so you can help me unite the world against these invasive aliens. I need you to write a speech about courage, discipline, hard times, unity and how America has led the worldwide resistance. On how America’s desire to fulfull its manifest destiny and protect the world. I want you to tell the world that they should listen to America because we know whats best for the world.

“ Bu, but Sir, I don't know anything about the situation.” 

“ Well, Carl, that brings me to the second reason why you are here. You are going to meet with their leader. Their mother ship is parked down in Australia. 

“Sir?!” 

“Yes, Carl. I want you to understand these creatures. How do they think, what are their pains and sorrows? Are they naturally friendly or naturally evil, Do they have a God? All the little details that really characterize someone or something. Once you are done meeting with them you come back to me and write me my speech.” 

“Wh, When exactly am I doing this?” 

“See that chopper parked in the yard and getting ready to fly? That chopper is going to take you to a military base down in Florida. Once you are there, a cargo plane will take you all the way down to Perth, Australia. More details will be handed to you are you get closer to the meeting point.”

 “ Ce-Certaintly Sir.” 

“ Listen, Carl, if it was up to me, I much rather be in my Texas lodge, smoking a cigar and eating some good ol Texas bbq but, very much like Churchill, you are chosen in the time of War. Only the hand-picked by God are chosen in a time of War. Now your country needs you more than ever. My God be with you.”

Four heavily armed bodyguards escorted rapidly Carl into the Chopper and made their way down south. 

In between the engine's propeller going at full speed and voices talking through the headset, Carl could only think about his beloved orchids, nevertheless, the fact that the president himself had asked him for his services was too much to ignore. His country needed him and his writing skills. Down below him, entire cities rested their fate on Carl’s writing. A shiver ran through his spine thinking of his possible Death on his way down to Perth.

“Mr. Carl Gerber?”

“Yes.”

“Im the director general of the Australian Military Base. As you already know, their mothership decided to land right here in my beloved Perth. We’ve been monitoring it ever since it touched the ground but unless we send someone inside, we will never really know what the hell is going on.”

“That's why I am here.”

“Exactly,” said the director as they both made their way toward the checkpoint.

“Now, your mission is simple Carl. Go inside and gather as much intel as you possibly can. We will be waiting for you.”

Carl, visibly afraid and shaken, slowly made his way toward the enormous flying saucer. Several soldiers provided cover in case things got rowdy. Upon arrival, Carl could only think about the massive structure. “How does this thing fly?” said Carl. 

“Electromagnetic Waves” said a voice.

“What the hell?” screamed Jack. He was at least 150 meters between him and the checkpoint. No one was remotely close to him.

“Carl Gerber?”

“Yes?”

“We have been expecting you?”

“Who is, we”?

“ The uninvited creatures”

“ How am I able to hear you?”

“ We communicate through telepathy. Please, come in our mother ship.”

Carl was expecting a giant metal opening to come down and the shadow of these creatures to wildly contract with the bright lights inside but it wasn't even remotely close. Like magic, Jack teleported himself inside the vehicle, where five of these creatures were seated at a round table, apparently waiting for Carl’s arrival. 

“Have a seat”

Shellshocked, Carl followed their orders.

Once seated, no one said a word. There was a lot of staring but no talking.

“Well,” said Carl, finding the courage to speak remembering Churchill.

“My name is Carl Gerber, as you already know for some reason, and I am a writer. My job is to write about you. Basically to tell the world what you guys are doing here and why you are downsizing the planet without our consent.”

“ We come in peace.”

“ What do you mean?”

“We wish to cause no harm.”

“It's a bit too late for that isn't it?”

“What we are trying to tell you is that the responsible for the city shrinking is not us. Our main mission on Earth is to experiment with Kangaroos.”

“So, you guys eat Kangaroos?”

“No. We feed by inhaling carbon monoxide. We experimented on Kangaroos because we believes a Kangaroo pauch is the best habitat to grow our offspring. Kangaroos don't get harmed at all, we sedate them, take some samples and leave them where we find them.”

Carl's jaw touched the floor. Not because he was surprised but because he was so utterly confused.

“So, you guys are not shrinking cities?”

“Not at all. We actually believe in Humans. Sometimes they might do illogical things but the majority of the time they are harmless.”

“So who is shrinking cities?”

“ He comes from the planet Kwil. Goes by the name of The Gaint. Who’s soul purpose is to shrink the galaxy so he can become instead a giant. But, in reality, he’s a 2’3 tall Kwillian with mother issues. Rumor has it, his mother banned him from eating gorgonoids in the mornings, she thought he was ganing some weight, and thats when he snapped.”

“ How does he stop?”

“ Give him gorgonoids”

“ What the hell is a gorgonoid?”

“ We can provide you with some”

“ Is there a way we can reverse the city size?”

“ Yes. We developed a gun that returns things to their normal size.”

“ You will help the humans?”

“ Yes. Under the conduction that you allow us to continue experimenting on wild Kangaroos”

“ Deal. How do I get off?” 

“ Imagine it,” said the voice one last time as Carl appeared outside the aircraft. The soldiers on the checkpoint couldn't believe there eyes. Carl had been inside and back with no harm done.

The director general was eager to hear what the aliens said but Carl refused to say a word and asked for immediate relocation back to Washington.

On his way back to the Western hemisphere, Carl took out his computer and decided to begin the speech the president requested from him. This way he could deliver it to the world upon his arrival. 

“Carl! What happened to you in Perth?! Did they do something to you? Can you hear me alright? Said the president as he made small talk.

“Yes. Sir, I am alright. Here is your speech.”

“ What?! You're not going to tell me anything?”

“ Everything you need to hear is in the speech.”

“ Very Well then. Please, atleast stay for the speech.”

“Im going home to my orchids sir.”

“Thank you for your service, Carl. I'll make sure to donate a heavy amount to the Herald Newspaper.” Carl nodded and exited the White House.

“ We are ready in 10 seconds!” screamed a man with a big set of headphones and paper scripts. 

“Mr. President, makeup is ready for you.”

“Don't make me look so tanned, I don't want people to think I've been on vacation.”

“Ready in three, two, one…”

“ Fellow American and fellow citizen of the world I come to with a message. A message of hope and message of courage. As of right now, a joint military operation led by the United States of America has allowed us to restore the majority of cities there were affected by this terrible invasion. We apologize to the countries of the world for the time America needed to save them from this terrible misfortune. The U.S. will continue the pursuit of global justice and peace around the world. We call on every nation around the world to unite under the leadership of the United States in a coalition called Wolrd Army. America will also begin protecting Kangaroos and naming them the 8th Wonder of the World. Together we will be able to sustain peace on Earth. Never forget that the United States will all act ratious in the face evil and continue protecting you and your families around the world. Thanks to American soldiers, we have restrained the manace. May God Bless America and May God Bless the world.”

All capable land phone started ringing. “ Mr. President, the Italian Prime Minister.”

“You crazy motherfcuker! I dont know how you did it but you can count on Italy joining the World Army. God Bless America.”

 “ Mr. President, Weapons Inc Ceo is on the line.”

 “ Mr. President let me tell you how much your speech has inspired us to work with you and supply you with whatever you need sir, it will be an honor .”

 “Mr. President the Swedish Goverment is asking to meet with you.”

The President leaned back on his chair and set his tired feet on the Resolute desk as his plan unfolded infront of his eyes to perfection. Enjoying the moment, he lit up a cigar and a camara crew had made their way to the Oval Office. 

“Mr. President, congratulation for handling the crisis in such a composed and calm matter.” “Thank you very much, now that everything is in control ill fly back to my family and after that, im going to start building the Wolrd Army.”

Carl returned happily to his little garden. Away from the noice and camara crews. He did his job and left. The only thing on mind was the fact that he was going to need another orchid bowl because all of them had sprouted.