Heliophobia & Oatmeal and Raisin Cookies

Heliophobia (noun) refers to intense, sometimes irrational fear of the sun.

There is this idea that if children have their fantasy ripped from them or destroyed too soon that it would destroy them. So given how much Jasper's parents loved him, they did everything they could to avoid that. So much that they continued to let Jasper live as he pleased. He only would go out as long as the sun was shining somewhere else and he continued to do this throughout his life. He would do school remotely and take picture of his work and submit it through emails. Then in high school, he met Grey. They were instant friends and have been for six years. Grey had originally thought that it was odd that there was an allergy to sun. Never being able to go outside during the day. But he learned to deal with it just as Jasper delt with it.

It was 4:03 in the morning in Los Angeles, California, 2021. Jasper Anakin Thatcher and Greyson Charles Beckett, (Yes. Those are their real names.) were driving down Hollywood Boulevard in Grey's worn-down truck. His father had offered to buy him a Wrangler but he declined. He said that it was too much for him. Jasper and Grey had been out since 8 p.m. when the sun went down. They do this essentially every night.

"No." Jasper protested.

"Why not?" Grey asked.

"She's gonna want to go out during the day."

"I know but maybe tell her why you can't and she'll get it."

"Oh yeah, 'Hey, girl I've talked to once, I'm allergic to the sun. Wanna hang out sometime?" Jasper said with fake enthusiasm.

"I think that sounds great." The pair laughed.

The truck pulled up to Jasper's house.

"I'll see you later."

"Okay, see you." Jasper stepped out of the truck, closed the door, and walked up to his front porch. Sometimes they hang out during the day, but only in Jasper's house with all of the blinds closed. But just because Jasper was afraid of the sun doesn't mean that he doesn't need sleep. So he walked sluggishly to his room, didn't even bother changing his clothes, he was so tired.

Grey was driving by himself now, which he kind of hated. He liked having someone to talk to, especially Jasper. They understood each other. He was there for Jasper all those times that he was lonely inside his house while everyone else was in school or outside walking around in the daylight. Grey sighed. He couldn't remember the last time Jasper went on a date. The sun consumed his life, even though he didn't touch it. A thought came into Grey's head. He picked up his phone and dialed.

*  *  *

It was 11:30 a.m. Jasper and Grey sat on the couch, just lazily gazing at the TV. It was a do-nothing day. Well, most days for Jasper were already, do-nothing days. He would watch TV, read, cook, nap, work, all the usual things. Grey sighed and looked at Jasper.

"Wanna go get some food?"

"You can go get the food and bring it back." Grey sighed again. He then stood in front of the TV.

"Dude," Jasper said, raising his arms in annoyance.

"Can we just go do something, please?" Grey groaned.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"Do you want me to die?"

"You won't die!"

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you won't!"

"Do you even know how Solar Urticaria works?"

"You don't have Solar Urticaria! You're heliophobic!"

"What does that mean?" Jasper asked, confused.

"You're afraid of the sun."

"I'm afraid of it because I'm allergic to it." Grey just stared at him in disbelief.

"You're not allergic to the sun!"

"Who told you that?" Grey sighed.

"I called your mom and she told me."

"Yeah, okay." Jasper scoffed.

"Fine." Grey stood up from the couch, picked up his keys, and started to put his shoes on.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

"Why?"

"Because I want to go out and experience the world."

"If I could go out, I would."

"That's just the thing! You can! You're just afraid to!" Grey walked towards the door and puts his hand on the doorknob.

"Wait, wait, wait." Jasper gets up from the couch and makes his way over to Grey. "Anything you wanna do. We'll do it."

"Anything?"

"Sure." Jasper said hesitantly, not liking how Grey said 'anything'. Grey thought for a second. What to do? After a moment, something came to him.

"I have an idea."

"What?"

"Exposure therapy!" Grey said cheerfully. He then swung the door open and pushed Jasper out. As Jasper tripped and fell down the porch stairs and onto the ground, Grey closed the door. He took a moment to collect himself and then looked around him. Wind blowing leaves on trees rustling. And sunlight. Sunlight everywhere. Jasper looked at his own legs. They were covered in the sunlight. He looked all around his body, every inch engulfed. At this moment, Jasper lost his mind and bolted for his front door. He pulled on the doorknob and twisted it but it would not open. It was locked.

"Grey! This isn't funny! Open the door! Open the door! Let me in!" Jasper was banging on the door. To say he was panicking would have been an understatement.

"It's not meant to be funny. Embrace it, Jas!"

"GREYSON!" Jasper kept yelling but Grey stood by the door, not doing anything.

"Stop! Stop freaking out for a minute and just look around! You're fine!"

"I COULD DIE, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO!" Jasper continues to pull on the doorknob. A woman walking her dog saw the scene and not wanting to get involved, pretended that she didn't see anything and kept on walking.

"You're not dying, Jas! This is good for you!" Just then, Grey heard glass shatter. He opened the door and poked his head outside. There was broken glass on the porch and he saw Jasper's foot for a moment and then it disappeared. He looked back in the house and saw Jasper come in from the broken window and fall onto the floor. He surely had minor cuts and scrapes from his hands pressing against the broken glass on the floor. Grey's mouth hung open.

"You broke the window? Are you kidding me?" Jasper ignored him and quickly stood up, practically running for the stairs, avoiding the sunlight that was in the house due to the door being open.

"Hey, Jas, I'm sorry. I didn't think-

Jasper must have thrown something at the door because there was a big thud followed by "FUCK OFF!" So Grey did. He walked back down the stairs and out the door, closing it behind him, feeling like he just shot Jasper. Jasper had pulled a blanket off his bed and wrapped it around himself, trying to collect his thoughts and relax. His chest felt tight and he was sweating. He made no plans to move from that spot for the rest of the day.

*  *  *

Grey walked up the porch with a bag in his hand and saw some of the broken glass from the window. Now a large piece of cardboard covered that square space. He knocked on the door. No answer.

"Jas." It had been two days since he saw Jasper. He was getting concerned. "Jasper, I'm sorry about what happened." No response. Grey felt awful. His best friend generally thought he was going to die from stepping in the sun. "Jas, can I please come in? I won't throw you outside again." He still heard no movement inside. "I brought you oatmeal cookies." At that, Grey heard feet shuffle. It made him smile. Just as the door opened, the smile was gone. He was wearing all black and had a hat and hood on. Bits of his curly hair was still sticking out underneath

"What, are you gonna go rob a bank?" Jasper ignored Grey's joke. He took the hood off of his head but left the hat. "It's like 80 degrees outside."

"I wouldn't know." Jasper held his hand out and Grey handed him the bag of cookies. Oatmeal and raisin cookies had always been Jasper's favorite so Grey never said anything negative about it since he had never met another person who liked that kind. Actually. Never.

"Okay, man." Grey sighed as Jasper opened the bag. "I'm sorry I threw you outside but I just want you to know what your missing." Jasper lays on the couch and eats a cookie

"I'm sure it's not that different from night."

"Okay, if it's not that different then let's go sit on the porch." Jasper stopped chewing and looked at Grey.

"Absolutely not."

Grey took a few steps towards Jasper.

"Come on."

Jasper pointed at Grey and leaned away from him.

"Get away from me! I don't trust you!"

"Okay but I'm asking you to." Jasper just looked at him. "As a friend." Jasper groaned very loudly and sat up. He then covered his face.

"Fine."

"Come on. I promise you that you'll be fine." They both made their way to the door. Jasper put his hood back on. Grey was going to say something but he decided to pick his battles.

"Ready?" Jasper nodded. Grey opened the door and Jasper inhaled deeply. Grey stepped out onto the porch and Jasper inched his way forward.

"Want me to hold your hand?" Grey joked as he held out his hand.

"Don't touch me." Jasper swatted Grey's hand away, making him laugh.

"Sorry."

Jasper was just looking at the sunlight that was on the stairs of the porch. But it didn't go farther than that. So Jasper felt somewhat safe when he stepped past the doorframe. He sat on the wicker chair that was planted in the back left corner and Grey sat on the long couch that was on the other side. The porch wasn't huge so they weren't very far apart. He had sat on this furniture hundreds of times before. But this felt like a victory.

"How are you doing?" Grey would see that Jasper was tense. He was looking around a lot and not staying still.

"So great," Jasper said without looking at him. A minute went by. Then 10 minutes. Then 30 minutes. Then an hour. They chatted and laughed and lost track of time. Grey noticed that the sunlight was getting closer but he didn't want to say anything. He didn't want to spoil the moment. He musty have been spacing out for too long because Jasper then asked,

"What's wrong with you?" Grey paused. It was over.

"Okay, listen, don't freak out." Jasper made an odd face.

His hand felt warm. Unusually warm. He looked at it. They had been talking for so long that he hadn't noticed the sunlight had covered his hand. He shot his hand back and stood up so fast he got a head rush. But he wasn't thinking about that.

"Hey, hey, hey! You're okay!"

That was just the thing. He was okay. He felt fine. Why did he feel fine?

*  *  *

It had been hours since Grey left. Jasper said that he wanted some space to think about things. He was just sitting on his bed, completely lost in thought. He should be in pain. He should be dying. But he felt fine. That was what was bothering him. Not that Grey let him sit in the sun, or pushed him outside but that he was not writhing in pain. He took a deep breath and picked up his phone. He scrolled through his contacts and clicked. The phone dialed for a moment and then someone picked up.

"Hello?"

“Mom?”

“Oh! Hi, honey! What’s going on?” She sounded so happy.

“Am I allergic to the sun?” She paused for a moment.

“What? That’s an odd question.”

“Am I?”

“Of course!”

“Really? Because I got pushed into the sun the other day. And I just spent over an hour with my hand in sunlight and I feel fine. I actually feel better than fine which is odd because I should be dead.” There was no answer for a moment.

"Okay. Listen. You had a fear of the sun when you were a kid and we thought that it would just go away as you got older, but it didn't. And we didn't want you to feel that it was your fault so we thought that we would tell you that you were allergic to sunlight. Your father and I didn't want you to feel different."

"You didn't want me to feel different?! I haven't gone out in the daytime since I was three!"

"Jasper-" Jasper hung up.

Jasper picked the phone back up and dialed. The phone rang for a moment.

"Hello."

"Hey, Grey."

"Hey. What's up?" Jasper paused for a moment, gathering the courage to ask.

"Can we go see a sunrise?"

*  *  *

It was 5:39 a.m. The Hollywood sign was something that the duo had visited many times before but Jasper had never seen it during the day. He was the perfect balance of nervousness and excitement. Maybe the scale tipped slightly towards nervousness but he tried to ignore it. As they both walked up the path with a flashlight, Grey kept asking Jasper if he was okay and if he still wanted to do this. Telling him that if he wanted to, they would walk right back down and go back home. The constant need for reassurance was starting to annoy Jasper, so Grey stopped asking. They had reached the sign after a few and they placed themselves between the Y and the W. The sun wasn't in the sky but the city was still bright. It seemed like every house, every building had its lights on and they would never turn off. The sky was now getting a little brighter as a little gold light peaked over all the buildings. As minutes passed, the glow got bigger and brighter and higher and it was the most beautiful thing Jasper had ever seen. The entire world was lit by this one star and he got to see it. Jasper's smile had molded into a frown.

"What's wrong?" Grey asked.

"Think about all the sunrises and sunsets I missed."

"Wasn't your fault. They let you think that."

"Yeah but all the wasted days where I could have been living, I was sitting in my house."

"Well," Grey gestured towards the rising sun as he dipped his hand in the backpack. "the day isn't over."

Jasper smiled as Grey took a bite out of an oatmeal and raisin cookie.