One year

Journal entries:

January 1st, 2022,

The beginning of this year has started out extra cold. I can't believe my short story I submitted. The coldness of my room only adds to the coldness of the moment. God we need to fix that heater. Can you believe what the review said?

"Dear Jason Parker, never write again. This was supposed to be a romance and yet I feel no emotion. This story is beyond pretentious, your male lead is a jerk and the female is weak willed, Have you ever even spoken to a female before?"

I hate to admit it, but they got a point. I talk to girls sure, but I have no experience romantically. Speaking of women my mom told me we have new neighbors. Apparently it's a single mother and her daughter who is wheelchair-bound. The girl is also apparently my age. My mother went out of her way to tell them I could help her daughter out since we'll be in school together. Jeez, I wish she'd at least speak with me about it before making a decision! Oh well, I guess it could be worse. Still, even if I don't have much to do with my time, I'd prefer to be able to keep writing and prove mister one-star review that i can actually write.

February 1st,

I cannot stand this girl. She seriously has an attitude, and that's coming from me. Her name is Mariel Lopez, and she's fifteen like me. She's small, and being in a wheelchair certainly doesn't help her look any bigger. Her parents apparently came from Mexico, although she was born here in the US. She's the opposite of my physically. She has light brown skin, pitch black hair, and brown eyes that almost glow. Her pretty face sure does hide her personality well, though.

She's rude and crass. I made a joke about Mexico and she started berating me and asked, "What would a skinny white boy like you know about Mexico?" Then she bumped me with her wheelchair. I swear this whole past month has been her and I fighting. I really hope my mom doesn't have me help her out for much longer.

March 1st,

I started writing again. Another romance. Why do I write romance stories? I don't know really, figured they'd be easy. A few pretty words and girls go crazy. At least that's what I thought before getting annihilated online. Oh yeah, Mariel has adjusted to school I suppose. Well except for a lack of friends. I've been taking the responsibility of wheeling her around everywhere. I have to say, she's become much quieter recently. Not sure as to why, but I'm glad. Instead of having her insult me whenever I say something we just quietly travel together. Well, I wish she'd give me a better response when I try to mess with her. Not that I miss her banter with me...I think...

April 1st,

I can't write. Mariel is on my mind. She didn't want to go to school for the last week. She finally went yesterday after prodding from her mother and mine. I discovered why she kept skipping. Girls are cruel and vicious, attacking each other. I mean they seriously pushed her wheelchair down a ramp. I scared them of and helped her onto her wheelchair. She wasn't appreciative. She started yelling and crying and telling me I couldn't possibly understand what it's like. To be bullied for your ethnicity and culture. To not be able to defend yourself when people attack you because of a weak body.

I say this like she isn't right. Of course she is. I have it easy compared to her, but apparently I just have no empathy. I feel terrible now, though. When we walked home she insisted she wheel herself. I stood behind her, ready to help if she needed. Despite how tired I could tell she was, with her tiny arms struggling to move anymore, she wouldn't ask for help. Now I sit here in my room wondering when she'll talk to me again. God, I'm no better than the people who have harassed her. I'm a jerk, just like them, joking about her condition and race. Maybe I should lay off on them.

May 1st,

I started writing again. I finally could get a flow going again. Mariel came out of her room after awhile. She texted me one night asking me to come outside at 12am. I ended up sneaking out. She was sitting in her wheelchair looking up at the stars. I asked why she was out here, all alone in the cold. She told me something about the stars and how she wished she could be up there with them, free of her problems.

For once I didn't insult her. I didn't make fun of her race, her physical issues, or anything of the sort. For once, I talked to her like a person. Apparently she's been bullied a lot in her life. She's never had many friends, and the ones she did have she left behind. Despite having the internet and ways to contact them, she's realized they moved on. She started tearing up. God, I must be weak to women crying, cuz I was sappy as hell. I put a hand on her shoulder and told her it's ok. I understood how much it must've hurt to start again, this time alone. But then I did something I never do. I reassured her. I told her I'd be her friend and help her however I could. She smiled at me. I don't know why but it made my heart skip a beat. I'm still thinking about it even now. God, what is happening to me?

June 1st,

Mariel made a friend. We had started hanging out after class, going to each other's homes and playing games and the such. Then one day she introduced me to one of her friends. Then suddenly we started spending a little less time together. I guess it's okay, I have my friends and she has hers. Still, I kinda miss seeing her all the time. This summer is gonna be long.

July 1st,

Mariel has more friends and I can't help but feel envious. She spends so much time with them. I want to reach out, but I feel childish. I'm still her friend and I want her to hang out with other people, but I can't help but feel like I've been replaced. My friends tease me and say I have feelings, but that can't be true. We're just friends...right?

August 1st,

I got into a fight with Mariel. We started hanging out a little more. It seems like things were going well. Her birthday was on the 23rd of June. I celebrated with her that day. Apparently her other friends couldn't make it the day of so they were going to hang out later that week. God I'm such a douche. She noticed I was jealous, and apparently could tell for awhile. I kinda blew up and started yelling at her. We argued about such a trivial thing. Then I said something I shouldn't have. I mentioned her father, and how he did a bang up job of raising her. She stopped yelling when I said that.

She was crying her eyes out. I can't get the image out of my head. How could I say that to her? I ran out after that. I'm a coward. I haven't said sorry to her in a week. God I'm worthless.

September 1st,

I finally talked to Mariel. It'd been over a month. I hadn't spoken to her because I was scared of her rejecting my apology. I avoided her until today, when her friends told me she was depressed. She apparently blamed herself for our fallout. I can't believe I made her feel like that. I went over to her house.

She was quiet, not saying much. I awkwardly tried to joke around but she wasn't having it. Then I pulled out my note I had written. The note I had meant to give to her so long ago. I uncrumpled it and read it out loud. It was written in Spanish, and I tried to pronounce the words as best I could, which wasn't good at all. I failed Spanish for a reason. I told her what an ass I'd been and that I was sorry for everything and that I cared about her. Right when I got to the last line, she bursted out laughing and begged me to stop. She started correcting my Spanish and then told me I was indeed an asshole. Then she hugged me and told me she forgave me. I've never held onto someone tighter.

October 1st,

So I'm pretty sure I'm in love. This is an odd feeling. My heart races whenever I see Mariel, and I can't stop thinking about her. Something about the way the sun hit her eyes when she smiles at me makes my heart ache. I feel like an absolute idiot.

Mariel and I decided we should dress up together. Not sure what we'll do yet. Our friends think we're a couple. No matter how many times we say we aren't, they just keep pushing. Can't lie though, feels pretty odd whenever Mariel adamantly denies it. Kinda wish she'd be more hesitant. It feels even odder when a guy at our school asks if we're dating because they want to ask Mariel out. I can't help but feel jealous and protective. I tell them we're single of course. It's Mariel's choice whether to date them or not. However, she's rejected every guy. I wonder why?

November 1st,

M story is almost done. I'm feeling good about this one. I think this time, I'll knock 'em dead. Mariel and I also got closer. We hang out even more than usual and now our parents think there's something up. her family is coming to our house for thanksgiving, and my parents are teasing me to be careful not to be too touchy with her when she comes over. I hate my parents. I doubt Mariel sees me like that. I mean she could have anyone, I doubt I could land someone so out of my league. She has hugged me more than usual recently and seems to smile at me a lot more. Not sure what that means, but hey, I'm not going to complain.

December 1st,

Mariel and I kissed. I'm not sure how exactly we got to the point. That day was the anniversary of her father's death. Apparently that was the reason her mother and her had to move. She told me all about the man. He was loving and caring and stern yet fair. Her father taught her how to deal with her disability. Without him she felt weak and lost. She felt like that... until she met me.

That took me by surprise. She told me how much I've done for her, and that she cares for me more than she's cared for anyone before. I felt my heart flutter and I kind of started acting on instinct. I knelt down and hugged her. I told her how much I loved her and that I'd always be there for her. I told her I'd care for her, no matter what happened or what her condition. She told me it'd be rotten work. I responded in a way I never thought I could.

I said, "Not to me. Not if it's you." Then I leaned in and kissed her. It felt good, though I'm not sure what exactly about it did it for me. Something about the way our lips locked perfectly, or how her silky hair felt in my hands. Maybe the warmth of her hands gently caressing my face, or the way I could feel her breathing heavy. We pulled away, even though I wanted to stay like that forever. We quietly walked back home, and said goodbye as we parted ways. I have no idea what will happen now.

January 1st, 2023,

Mariel had to leave. Her mother got a better job farther away. When I found out, it felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. We spent one last day together the day before she left. She told me she loved me too. We held hands, walked around, ate food and laughed. We didn't do anything spectacular, though it's not like we had to. Loving someone means it's the little things that do it for you. Mariel left the next morning. We still text and call everyday. She's made friends and she's happy. However, she misses me. She's going to return during summer vacation to see me. I can't wait to see her again. By the way, I finally finished my story. Mariel read it first and she absolutely loved it. She thought the title was a little corny. I have to disagree. I titled it "One Year".