Daydreaming

Eggs are frying in a pan—scrambled with cheddar, and seasoned with black pepper and garlic powder. Sneezing is inevitable. Apple slices are softening in the steam pot on the burner next door. Our twins like them with sprinkled cinnamon. There are some soft tugs at the hem of my gray robe. I see they have joined me in the kitchen. You are still resting on the couch, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

“Just a minute kiddos. Papa’s getting your breakfast ready,” I say to the twins.

They are cramming their little arms into cracked-open cupboards within their reach. Childproofed, of course. Elliot insists on being picked up, so I oblige after turning the burners on low. A pungent odor attacks my nostrils when I cradle his rump into the crook of my elbow.

“Whew, Bubs! Babe, he’s ripe!” I call towards you in the front room. “Do you mind grabbing him for a diaper change while I finish cooking? I promise to have your coffee ready by the time you’re done.”

You have recently picked up some shifts at a local Italian restaurant to help us make ends meet. My gratitude for your sacrifices is boundless. We exchange a close-lipped kiss to not offend each other’s nostrils with our morning halitosis. Our daughter Ember does not like when we show each other affection, so she starts whining at us and patting my hip. I pick her up and she stinks too, but the eggs and apples have finished.

After turning off the burners all the way, I begin setting up their highchairs with my one free hand. Both kids get changed, then settled in their chairs. They are clapping with joy and banshee-screaming from excitement. Their food has cooled down enough, so it is time to eat.

“Do you ever stop to ask yourself how we got here?” you ask me across the table. “Like, how do we even manage all this chaos every morning before eight?”

My head rests on my forearm. I am trying to scavenge what little solace remains for the day. “I have no idea,” I mumble. “Survival instinct, I guess. And lots of coffee.”

You chuckle to yourself and let me catch a wink. I hear you sipping in spurts because your cup is fresh, even if cooled a bit by a splash of creamer. Mine sits next to my elbow, black and untouched.

The children inform us they are done eating with swift kicks to their trays and twisting their hands in the air. Food is all over the floor and their faces, but they smile and giggle when the warm rag helps clean them up. My heart flutters a beat as I kiss their grimy foreheads. You clean up the chairs, the floor, and the dishes while I occupy the children with toys and books.

At nine we go for a walk. At ten there are bottles. Then the day’s eye of the storm; naps begin at eleven.

It is a Saturday and the day is once again gloomy and cold. The week has been long juggling our jobs and loving these kids. You work tonight, so we snuggle up on our overstuffed sofa with the video monitor nearby. Naps are not only for children and we are both soon snoring having forgotten our mouth tape upstairs.

Dreams during a nap can be strange. The sounds around us are often still audible and influence our subconscious. Your questions from breakfast echo in my mind. The two-reeler at the back of my skull plays grainy color pictures on my opaque eyelids. They begin twitching from rapid eye movement and my body feels wet.

***

“You know she likes you, right?” my best friend Nathaniel spoke up after a long silence. We were sitting on the rooftop of the high school drying off in our boxers after sneaking into the outdoor pool.

“Who, Leah?” I asked. “She hides it well then. You sure?”

“Yes, she told us as much the other night when she was staying over with my sister. She couldn’t stop crying about you guys moving away. To be honest, I have been pretty torn up about it too,” he admitted.

“I know man, I still can’t believe we are doing this, again. For good this time too. You think she’ll be there tonight?”

“Oh, I don’t doubt it. I’m sure all the youth group will be there. Heck, the whole church will probably see your family off.”

The house of the Lord was packed as predicted. You were there, as were other friends of mine offering to kidnap me so I could stay. I was two years shy of being a legal adult after all. They even offered to help me find a job or two to support myself. We all knew the inevitable was upon us though. Still, we tried to make the final moments count, even if it meant hatching half-baked schemes. Before long, the ceremony was over and the goodbyes drew out as long as possible.

“Simon, my family’s going to miss you guys,” you said after waiting for a final hug. Our younger sisters were best friends and they were losing their biscuits on the lawn behind us. A weep-filled embrace was the only thing holding them steady.

“We will miss y’all too,” I replied, already channeling the Texan I was soon to be. Both our eyes are red from many tears shed throughout the evening.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye then. I wish you and I could have hung out more Chia Leah.”

“That nickname normally makes me mad, but I’ll let it slide tonight,” you chuckled in the way a knot catches in your throat. “Goodbye, Simon.”

Fresh tears spilled from our eyes as we embraced. Before pulling away from each other I kissed you on the cheek. You did not know I knew of your crush, but I think it was sweeter that way. Thunder rumbled around us and a screaming firecracker fired off in the distance.

***

My snoring woke me up, as did the baby monitor next to us. Bubs must be teething again. He has been emitting a high-pitched whine around halfway through his naps recently. Sis wiggled her butt a little but was otherwise unaffected by him. She is used to it by now.

You also stirred at the sounds, so I pulled you in for some snuggles. There was a chill in the house and you were warm.

“I have better answers to your questions earlier,” I said.

You squirmed and mumbled something unintelligible in response. This indicated that I should leave you alone a little longer. Many memories ran through my mind as I combed my fingers through your soft, blonde hair. A pleasurable sigh escaped your lips and you nuzzled deeper into my hairy chest.

We had both experienced our fair share of trials before returning to each other more than a decade later. As survivors of life’s struggles, our different traumas added depth to our characters. Though we would never wish them on anyone else, we are better for it because we chose to overcome them.

“I’m sorry honey. What did you say?” you finally responded, pulling me from my reveries.

“We manage the chaos well because we do it together now. It took a lot for us to get here, but it all serves as a foundation for success,” I said.

“You’re right, that is a better answer,” you replied, then looked up at me and smiled. “I love you, Rhymin’ Simon.”

“I love you too, Chia Leah.”

As the daydream lingered on the fringes of my mind, I held you closer and kissed you on the cheek not minding the strands of hair stuck to your face. There was deep comfort in knowing it would never again be my last.