Sober Music Buddies

Elia sat quietly at the end of the bar; ginger ale filling the glass in front of her. The same thing that had been in her glass the last two hours she sat there. Though that gorgeous bartender was more than happy to serve her something a little stronger. Maybe a drink and a quick lay was what she really needed to cope with life right now. Okay, her therapist probably wouldn’t agree with her, but would one time really be that bad? She wondered if he would change his tune if he knew.  

Who in the hell sits at a bar to try and hold onto their sobriety while the world around them falls apart? She couldn’t help but laugh to herself at the complete shit show her life had become over the last 8 months…fuck it.  “About that drink” she said to him as he approached her end of the bar again “a little whiskey in the next won’t hurt anyone.”  

As she stood to make her way to the bathroom, the band Elia had come to see in the first place was just starting to play one of her favorite songs.  Well, at least, it used to be one of her favorite songs. Now it was more like a time warp to a past life.  

Focusing way more on the band and thoughts of that whiskey waiting to get her through it all, she ran smack into someone nearly falling over..  “Woah.  Woman on a mission!” the stranger teased as she centered herself.  “I am so sorry.  I don’t know what I was doing. Must be the band working their magic again” she murmured apologetically. After a quick round or apologies and pleasantries she was back on her very focused path.

The band was going to break as she made her way back to the bar.  All thoughts on that whiskey sitting at her seat waiting for her.  Was she really going to do it?  Ten years of sobriety down the drain.  And for what?  Because the life she had dreamt of was falling apart before her eyes?  Who does that?  Who lets the shit surrounding their life push them to give up what was once the most important thing to them? Elia Cruz, self sabotaging expert, at your service.

Making her way back to the bar, she truly was a woman on a mission.  Mission Whiskey Ginger Ale. Within eyesight of the bar she stopped dead in her tracks.  Could that seriously be him standing in her spot? The stranger she had just slammed into while she was arguing with herself about whether she wanted that shot more than she wanted her sobriety. Fuck.  Well how’s this for awkward, annoying, and just throwing another log on the fire of shit that was her life today. Take the high road Elia.  

“Um, excuse me, but I think you’ve stolen my seat.” Yikes. That may have come out a little snarkier than the high road required.  “What? Oh!” he laughed as he turned and saw her standing behind him “well at least you didn’t accost me this time and tried using your words.” Even though this guy was standing between her and her drink, again, she couldn’t help but laugh. As he turned in her direction she was caught off guard.  Was that an actual glass of soda in his hand?  Most people wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, but professional drinkers have that down to a science.  Can’t have bartenders trying to reduce consumption. “I was actually just going to snag this table over here with not only a better view of the band, but actual chairs instead of miserable barstools.  Would you care to join me?” He asked as he grabbed her glass of ginger ale and handed it her direction.  Wait. Why did her drink also appear to be of the alcohol free variety? Take it as a sign Elia and just go with it. It wasn’t like sitting at a table with real chairs meant she had to go home with him any more than she needed to go home with that cute bartender.  ‘No, seriously it doesn't mean you have to go home with him.  Let’s see if we can keep this friendly for once.’ she heard her inner voice telling her. Alright, fine. Let’s see what we can do. What’s the worst that could happen?

Reaching for her glass of ginger ale, which upon further inspection really was just full octane ginger ale. Sans whiskey. She smiled at the stranger wondering if he knew how much he was saving her right now and wondering more whose decision it was to omit the whiskey from her drink. Not to mention the thoughts of why she wasn't more irritated with this whole situation.  “Well, I guess I didn’t come to watch live music staring at the bartender convincing myself that ginger ale is the only thing I want to drink,” she said. The bartender turned and pretended to be offended “hey! I pour a pretty mean ginger ale over here!” Laughing at the whole situation she raised her glass to his and toasted “to straight soda nights with live music and the town’s meanest soda tender!” 

After the obligatory introductions were made, they spent the rest of the night talking about the most random topics, jamming out, and dancing to some great local live music. As the band played their final song of the night she wondered where this was going to end. Would sober Elia make better decisions than drunk Elia if she was put in the position? Her anxiety flared and all she could think about was sneaking to the bar for a shot of liquid courage. But, before she could think about it any more the sound of Sam’s voice broke her thoughts.  “So, not to seem like a creep, but all of my friends who love live music also love to drink.  Which I’m currently trying to learn not do” he said as he shook his empty soda glass. “I had a freaking blast hanging out with you tonight.  Stone cold sober, this was a seriously epic night.  There are some other places having live music this weekend and I hate hanging out in the bar drinking soda all by myself. That is, if sober live music is your sort of thing of course” he joked.

As they walked to the parking lot Sam gave her his number to text the number exchange and make plans for the rest of the weekend. Pueblo’s best sober live music buddy read the text that came across his phone. Throwing his head back laughing he gave her a solid high-five and they headed their own ways. Huh. Maybe this sober fun thing wasn’t as miserable as she thought it was going to be. At least now she had a live music buddy who wouldn’t make her question her ability to stay sober she thought as she drove home from the bar. It’s not that she didn’t have plenty of support from her drinking and non-drinking friends. But she hadn’t quite figured out how to party with her old drinking buddies, without drinking. As she drove her thoughts, quite clear for just leaving a bar, ran in a million directions. Had she ever driven home sober from a bar?  Hell, had she ever left a bar sober?  And she had an amazing night to boot.  She decided to send a single text as she pulled into the driveway 

He had just crawled out of the shower, still singing the songs he couldn’t get out of his head when he heard his phone go off.  Thanks for the ‘epic’ sober night. That ledge gets a little too close for comfort sometimes. The preview on his phone read.  Thanks for letting me intrude on your pity party. I was thinking about throwing my own tonight, but the leap of faith turned out to be the better option. He shot back at her as he went to bed thinking maybe he really could do this sobriety thing.

Over the next few months they hit just about every local bar they could find with live music.  And every time they went their drink order was always the same - Dr. Pepper and Ginger Ale.  It is still unclear whether it was their dancing skills that actually improved, or their own interpretation of their dancing skills that changed; but either way not only did the bands love them but they had gained quite the popularity with bar patrons.  So much so that it was often a contest when they arrived to see who could buy their drinks for them the fastest. They never got this kind of service or treatment when they were drinking!

Elia and Sam had managed to form a support system for their sobriety, with drinkers. In a lot of ways the support they received from the people at live music shows became almost as vital to their success as their meetings were.  Of course, meetings were still an integral part of their recovery, this was just sort of like an added bonus meeting that you just get to hang out and have a good time at.  

They each had chosen to not share the fact that they were frequenting ‘bars’ in their meetings.  Sometimes they would go to meetings together, but most of the time they attended separate meetings. It wasn’t that they were drinking, or even tempted to drink when they were at the bars anymore. It just felt like something that could be a trigger for others in the group. So they kept quiet.  

Sitting near the stage one night, Elia was heading for refills when she spotted a familiar face in the crowd making their way to the bar. It was Julie from her Monday night meeting and she looked lost, but on a mission. Picking up the pace she made it to the bar just as Julie did.  Turning and registering who was next to her Julie’s face dropped and a look of befuddled confusion fell across her face. By the grace of God, Rodrigo, the bartender chose that moment to make his arrival.  “Refills on the Dr. Pepper and Ginger Ale again? You two are going to die of gut rot from all the sugar!” he jested as he filled their glasses.  

“Wait. When you talk about the live music you go watch you’re actually going to bars?” Julie asked, confused but intrigued. “Yep! I don’t bring it up in meetings because I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, but me and my buddy go to all the bars around for live music. Do you want me to grab you a soda and you can join us?” She knew this was her opportunity to make the same difference in someone’s life that Sam had made in her’s that first night. One of the regulars slid in as they waited for their sodas, taking the cue that Julie was new to the ‘club’ he never missed a beat.

By the time Rodrigo had poured Julie her soda she was laughing and getting along with the regulars like an old pro. A sober old pro. Pulling up a chair, Elia introduced Julie to Sam and by the end of the night they had all worked out their particular issues of the day and danced away any thoughts of slipping there may have been earlier in the night.

It was at the next meeting with Julie when Elia was forced to ‘come clean’ to everyone about where she had been going to see all the live music she always talked about. When it was Julie’s time to share, she shared our night from earlier that week. To say that Elia was terrified might be the understatement of the century.  What was everyone going to think of her?  Were people going to assume she wasn’t really sober and that she was hiding behind the guise of live music? She only had to wait a matter of moments before the answer was clear. The resounding applause that went up as Julie finished her story alone was enough to bring Elia’s nerves back to earth. But the requests that followed for phone numbers to join live music nights were astonishing. They got it! They really got it!

What had started as a duo of sober live music buddies had grown.  They were now a group of five to twenty sober live music buddies on any given night.  They were doing the very thing they all thought they would have to give up for good when the choice of sobriety was made. They were going to the bar, hanging out with friends who did drink and friends who did not; because by that time those regulars buying their sodas had become their friends, and in many ways part of our sober support system.