2023 Unfiltered: Live, Laugh, Likes

Written in response to: Write a story in the form of a list of New Year's resolutions.... view prompt

14 comments

Funny Contemporary Fiction

31 December 2023

Well, hello there! How are all my beauties doing?? This is it! 2023 is almost over, and what a year it has been! As is customary, in my last post for the year I will reflect on the year that was and look forward to the next. Are you ready? Let’s goooooo! 

Starting off with the reflections, below I highlight some of the most interesting events of 2023, as well as some personal milestones. Just a reminder, I don’t post about any conflicts on my page #WarSucks 🙅‍♀️ Any inflammatory comments will be blocked 🙏 Good vibes only! 💃

Drumroll please, here are my reflections on the year that was:

  • The first month of the year brought us a number of key events. Prince Harry’s memoir ‘Spare’ was published, and… well I’ll just leave this quote here for you: “My penis was a matter of public record, and indeed some public curiosity.” Why, Harry, why couldn’t you SPARE us that? 🤐 Also, Buzz Aldrin got married again at the age of 93! 😨 Maybe it will be third time lucky, Buzz! And in news from down under, Jacinda Ardern announced her resignation following a plummeting in her level of support, and a wild kiwi egg was laid in Wellington for the first time in more than 100 years! 🥚 #cute
  • In some more sombre news, in February, a massive earthquake hit Syria and Turkey, killing almost 60,000 people 😥. It was the deadliest earthquake in Turkey since 526 AD. But on the plus side, my souvenir earthquake mugs were a huge success – check my store for the deets! 🥳
  • March saw sales of vinyl records exceed those of CDs for the first time since 1987. OMG, that’s before I was even born! And in more serious news, the ICC issued an arrest warrant against Vladimir Putin, but he is yet to turn himself in 🙄 Fingers crossed 🤞 it will happen in 2024. 
  • 2023 was the first full year where the Earth had a population of 8 billion 😲 and in April, India became the world’s most populated country, surpassing China. On a personal note, my account reached 100k followers – woohoo! Thank you to each and every one of you – your support means the world to me and I love you all! #kisses 💋
  • In May, the WHO finally announced an end to COVID-19 as a global health emergency ☠ Remember when we used to track the case count daily? 😂
  • In June, a submarine disappeared on an expedition to view the wreck of the Titanic. A multi-million dollar rescue effort ensued in an attempt to save the 5 adventurous souls on board. Sadly, they were unsuccessful 😥. In other news, hundreds of migrants died when their boat sank off the Greek coast. There was no rescue effort here… I guess money does talk after all 💰. But in the end, it’s dust to dust for all of us… #yolo
  • In July, the Earth apparently experienced its hottest day yet since at least 1979, clocking in at an average global temperature of 17.2℃. That’s 62.9℉ for my American followers. I don’t know guys & gals, 17 degrees seems pretty cold. I’m not sure this is a real thing, to be honest. After all, the world’s climate has been changing since forever, duh! And if it gets warmer, we can just go to the beach more often, yay! #BeachBod. July also saw the much-awaited world premiere of Barbie. Remember, you’re Kenough! 💜
  • Returning to COVID-19, in August, the last remaining health requirements in New Zealand were removed. Why are we always last in everything? 😭 There were firsts as well… India landed its first spacecraft on the 🌚, becoming the 4th nation to do so, and Donald Trump became the first former US President to have their mugshot taken. 🤣 But that’s not all! We also saw the 9th edition of the FIFA Women’s World Cup, which was hosted for the first time in the Southern Hemisphere! Congrats to the Spanish ladies ⚽.
  • Nothing much happened in September on a global scale. But of course it was huge for me personally as I got engaged! 👰 Wedding bells are ringing, watch this space! 
  • In October, New Zealanders went to the polls and decided it was time for change. But wait, didn’t we basically swap one white guy named Chris with… another white guy named Chris? 🤔 Well, let’s see what happens, I guess! 
  • In November, there was a volcanic eruption off the coast of Iwo Jima, creating a brand new island, wow! Talk about nature showing off – this volcano hadn’t spewed its fiery goodness in, like, a millennium. 🔥🏝️ Stay tuned for some epic island vibes, peeps! #VolcanoChic #NewIslandAlert #TravelGoals
  • And finishing it off in style, in December, the queen herself, Taylor Swift, was very aptly named Time person of the year 🥳. Go TayTay!

And now, on to my resolutions for 2024:

  • I will have the most amazing wedding ever! Love you, Chad 😘.
  • I will go to another Taylor Swift concert 🎶
  • I will increase my number of followers to 200k – come on lovelies, help me spread the word! 🗣
  • I will read 5 real (paper) books 📚 – keep an eye out for my list in the new year! 
  • This is gonna be the year where I share my fabulous work-out routine with y’all. I’m not the only one deserving of this bod! 🏋️‍♀️ Watch this space… 
  • I’m also making a separate account for my cat, Leviticus, so keep your eyes on that too! 😺

And with that, the 2023 season is over – see you all next year! Don’t forget to check out my merchandise – link in bio! #HappyNewYear #ily 

I have a feeling that 2024 will be the best yet… and have I ever been wrong? See you on the flip side, and until then, live, laugh, love – because life is too short for anything less. Cheers to a sensational new year filled with endless possibilities! 🥂 #NewBeginnings

January 03, 2024 08:24

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14 comments

Trudy Jas
23:15 Jan 03, 2024

LOL. Great (and sad) reflection on current superficial communication.

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19:44 Jan 04, 2024

Thanks for reading, Trudy :)

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02:59 Feb 25, 2024

Good to be positive. A timely reminder of some current affairs and when they happened. Great to finally get around to your resolutions. I wondered how you managed to get the icons/emojis into your text. I'm not very technical. Came off really well. This is done in great post fashion. Loved the chatty, relaxed voice. Well done.

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03:19 Feb 25, 2024

Thanks, Kaitlyn! Glad you enjoyed it. For the emojis you can just press the windows icon and then the period.

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03:50 Feb 25, 2024

Thanks. however, where would I find the windows icon? LOL.

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Michał Przywara
21:42 Jan 05, 2024

Heh, great tone, captures the voice :) Caring on the surface, but everything connects/compares to the writer. “my souvenir earthquake mugs were a huge success” - oof :) But it makes sense. We can mock it, but influencing is like any other business: if you're not selling something, somehow, you're not earning. Some points are self-indulgent, some mirror public opinion (or at least, the opinion of the audience) but then there's things like “There was no rescue effort here… I guess money does talk after all”, hedged with a #yolo for safet...

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03:44 Jan 06, 2024

Thanks for reading, Michał, you make some interesting points!

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AnneMarie Miles
14:46 Jan 05, 2024

Oh man this was hilarious! Sad, when you consider how incredibly accurate this is, though. This speaks volumes of the times we are living in. The way you poke fun at the ego centric nature of the social media generations is genius because it is exactly the kind of irony we see on platforms like Instagram and Facebook. Especially the bit about the tragic earthquake that this narrator used to promote their earthquake mugs. Yikes. The use of emojis was really effective in establishing this apathetic tone, too. Awesome job, Melissa. Thanks for s...

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21:09 Jan 05, 2024

Thanks for reading, AnneMarie, and sharing your thoughts. I'm glad to hear it resonated with you and that the irony came through well - it was a bit difficult to get the balance right and painful to write at times, haha!

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AnneMarie Miles
22:23 Jan 05, 2024

I can imagine that! I'm glad you completed it and shared it. You did a great job.

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19:01 Jan 03, 2024

Very realistic Instagram voice lol Well done. This is a snapshot of a particular generation very well done and highlights the sad decline of humanity as a caring species I to a much more self centered one ...or was it always like that just less advertised? Good stuff

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19:44 Jan 04, 2024

Thanks Derrick. Yeah, I always thought that having more information at our fingertips would make us more informed and empathetic, but it seems not :/

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Michelle Oliver
09:59 Jan 03, 2024

#yolo. Love the light and airy vibe of this. It reads just like an influencer, upbeat and a perky with those hashtags and emojis. The contrast between world events and personal reflections (eg climate change= beach bods) was great, highlighting how the mass media and social media can twist the story for personal gain (likes and followers). A quirky fun story with a serious and dark undertone about the current human condition. Thanks for sharing.

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19:43 Jan 04, 2024

Thanks for reading, Michelle, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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