Torn in Half

Content Warning: This story contains sexual content

Sophie grabbed my hips, pulling me into her embrace. Her mouth, warm and inviting, I couldn’t seem to get close enough to her. Her absence this past week drew an insatiable thirst.

“I missed you so much, Dee-dee,” she purred into my ear as I kissed the base of her throat.

“I missed you,” I replied. “Take this off.” I pull at the hem of her shift.

She doesn’t waste a beat, as she undresses, so do I. Leaving only my matching bra and panties; yellow, her favorite color.

As I press her against the cool wall of my apartment, I couldn’t help but feel rushed. It was risky inviting her over, but I simply couldn’t wait any longer.

We found ourselves sweaty over several surfaces of this overpriced apartment, before ending up beneath my satin sheets. My head locked perfectly in the place between her chin and shoulder. Her gentle fingers stroked up the length of my spine. Here, I could lie forever.

My mind drifts, though I was unaware of my loss of consciousness, until an abrupt slam of the door yanks me from paradise.

“Hey Delilah, I’m back,” a deep voice called from the entryway.

Sophie and I both jumped up. “You have to go,” I whisper. “I am so sorry. Wait in the closet hallway and I will distract him. "

If she was upset or offended, she didn’t show it as she pulled my t-shirt and shorts on. “I love you,” she whispered, kissing me on my forehead before scurrying off to the hall as asked.

I don’t deserve her.

“Hey baby,” I finally reply, remaining in the bedroom.

Caleb makes his way into the bedroom, his suit hugging him pleasantly around every muscle. When he sees me, naked but covered with a sheet, his eyes soften. Caleb is tall, quiet, and stoic. He is a force to be reckoned with, but inside this apartment - inside our home - he is putty in the palm of my hand.

“I didn’t know you’d be back tonight,” I greet, my eyes straining to remain focus on him rather than the corridor beyond.

He steps closer, closing the gap between us, his eyes staring through the bed sheet. My palms sweat and my thighs clench under his gaze.

“Do you want for me to leave?” Now he stands over me, his mouth to my ear and a hand grazing over my breast. “Because your nipples tell a different story.”

My breath catches in my throat and I can’t help the smile that breaks across my face. He leans in to kiss me as a creak in the floorboards sounds from outside the room. Caleb releases me, slowly turning. Over his shoulder I see Sophie pause, a deer in the headlights and about to be seen. But before Caleb can turn his head, I palm his groin. Bringing the attention back to me.

He pulls back the sheets; I pray he cannot sense the arousal that doesn’t belong to me. He lowers himself to between my legs, and I melt. I grab a fistful of his hair, opening my eyes. Sophie is still standing in the doorway.

Go. I nudge, the look on her face sheer conflict as if her feet are cemented in that very spot.

“Go- Oh,” I moan out, as Caleb continues his work.

It isn’t until Caleb unzips his pants, lining himself up to me, that Sophie finally leaves. The sound of the door closing masks by our mutual climax.

***

“Babe,” Caleb starts from the hall while I brush my teeth. “Is this yours?”

He holds up a yellow crop top covered in daisies. He must’ve found it in the living room where I stripped in off of Sophie last night.

“Uh yeah,” I say, grabbing it from him. “I found it on sale and tried it on yesterday, but I don’t think it matches my vibe.”

“Ah,” he says. “Why was it behind the couch? And your bra was on the kitchen floor? What the hell were you doing last night?” His question was of genuine concern, unable to piece it all together.

“Well,” I stammered, attempting to make it up as I go. “You know how much I love red wine? Well, I uh - was drinking said red wine last night. And um, you know how it makes me. I was just listening to music and dancing around. I guess the t-shirt and bra got in the way.” Finishing with a shrug, I divert my attention to combing my hair.

“That’s kinda hot, I’m not gonna lie.” Caleb comes to stand behind me, pressing himself into me. “Maybe I’ll pick up a bottle of red on my way home.”

I laugh nervously, “That sounds fun.”

Caleb is my steady rock. My unchanging, consistent partner. Our relationship has followed every basic pattern, a story you’ve heard before. He loves me; he keeps me sane. He reminds me to do laundry, make dentist appointments, and call my mom. I remind him that this life is our only one. That one night spent drinking cheap beer until the sun rises will not ruin his success.

“I made breakfast for you, chocolate chip pancakes and eggs. I’ll see you later, babe, I love you.” He kisses me and heads towards the door.

I don’t deserve him.

***

“There is nothing I can say or do to show you how sorry I am for the situation I have put you in. I don’t know what to do. All I know is that I can’t live without you.”

Sophie strokes my cheek, “You don’t have to be sorry. If this is it, if this is all I get of you - the hiding and secrecy - I will take it. If it means I get to hold you and love you, I won’t complain.”

“I know. But you don’t deserve this.” I protest.

She doesn’t respond, instead she kisses me. Seated in the living room of my apartment, Caleb not due to be home for another few hours, I hold her tightly. Kissing her back, kissing the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Our love came after Caleb. It was unexpected and unfaltering. Sophie works with me, she is another nurse in the pediatric department. What started as an immediate friendship, quickly grew with each and every encounter. Soon I stopped telling Caleb about her, Sophie and I would go out drinking and dancing. Our first kiss was blamed on tequila and a marijuana cigarettes.

When Caleb went away for a weekend, she spent the night. The plan was to watch every Harry Potter Movie straight through. We never even put the disk in the DVD player. Finding entertainment within each other. Sophie convinced me to go skydiving, she was there when I got my nipples pierced, and she gave me the confidence to quit the job I hate.

Where Caleb was my rock, Sophie was my perfect storm.

Lost in the feeling of her body on mine, I didn’t even hear the key in the door.

“What is going on?”

Sophie pulled away first, I slowly looked to Caleb standing in the doorway holding a bottle of Merlot, my favorite. His face flashed through so many thoughts, but only one emotion - pain.

“What is this,” his voice cracked.

“Caleb,” I stand, holding my hands out in surrender. “I can explain this.”

Sophie curled herself up behind me and didn’t say a word.

“I think it is quite clear.” He ground out.

“Caleb…”

“I am gonna go.” Keeping the wine in hand and turning away.

Bare-foot, I run after him, leaving Sophie on the couch and catching him just before he exits the apartment.

“Please, Caleb.” My mind was unable to catch up with the amount of damage I have caused in this short amount of time. But this wasn’t a short amount of time, this was a long time coming and I knew it. I was getting too bold, too lazy. Too selfish.

His eyes red, he looked between us once more and said, “It’s either her or me.”

I swallow, how am I expected to choose? Right here at this moment, I cannot choose. Both people have made me into who I am, they are responsible for the person I have become. They both have loved me unconditionally. And I love them, both of them.

Looking at Sophie, still seated on the couch, her knees pressed to her chest. Sophie awoken something in me. She showed me parts of the world and of myself that would otherwise be darkened. She was tender and fearless; her love consuming. How could I let any of that go?

This apartment, this home in the city that I have built with him. We have a history that could never be forgotten. We have grown and changed together, many couples cannot say that.

When I don’t answer, Caleb leaves and I swallow the sob that threatens to break me. The door closes behind him and I fall to the ground. My chest aches and I hear Sophie make her way to me.

I expect her to wrap me up and hold me. But she remains standing over me. I look at her face, tears streaking her full cheeks.

“I can’t do this anymore, Dee-dee,” she starts. “ I can’t watch from the hall closet while another person gets to taste you and love you. It hurts too much.

“You couldn’t choose me. I have chosen you every day, I have done whatever you need to keep you happy. To keep him in your life. And it all hurts too much. You’re right, I deserve this pain.”

I was selfish to think I could have them both. My ignorance led me to think Caleb would never discover my lies, and my foolishness led me to believe Sophie would be satisfied living in secret. The hole in my chest is deepened as she opens the door and walks out.