I met my ''I quit''

A conversation between two people, acquaintances, possible friends.

“I quit. I quit. I do quit!”

“How come you quit?

“There’s no other way. Quitting is not the end.”

“Sit down let’s talk. Tell me more. Why do you quit? And what do you quit?”

“It’s not easy to say, it’s not easy to speak out.”

“Try, I am by your side. I am your friend. I can understand. I have quit, quit so many times. I know what it feels like to quit. But what are you quitting?”

“I am quitting not aligning who I am and my results. I am quitting a job that never took care of me as it should have. I am quitting over giving and not receiving enough.

I am quitting pretending that everything is okay when it’s not. I quit to pretence. I quit the emotion of defeat. I quit bullshit! I deserve to be fully happy.

I deserve to live a life that is full, exciting and thriving. That keeps me smiling daily, that spark alive forever. I quit a life that is not mine and that has never been. I quit myself so that I can BE myself.”

“Do you mean that you’re unhappy?”

“I mean that the results of being something I’m not have made me quit. I had to die so many times as a self. I don’t know if you understand what I mean...”

“I do, I do. I know that things have not been easy these days, these months and these years. I’ve seen you happy, I have seen you working so much, doing so much, trying so hard.”

“That’s the point. I quit trying too hard. When you have tried so hard, given so much. There is no other way, the opposite is my salvation. I quit but I do not quit living.”

“Good. I am happy that you say that. I was wondering…—”

“I’m not quitting out of despair and wanting to throw myself into devastation.

No, no way. Life is full. I know there is more to life. I know life is a blessing. I’m alive. It’s not over, but I quit bullshit over what I know, what I believed of myself.

I quit lies that I spoke to myself, that people spoke on me, over me. I quit listening to those lies and thinking they are true.

I quit giving it any kind of power. But I won’t quit life.”

“I’m so sorry that you are going through all that. I wished I could have been there for you to help you and support you.”

“I never spoke. It is the first time that I speak it out loud with confidence. Can you imagine that in my darkest moments I can speak with confidence? I can quit with bravery.”

“I really never thought I would hear you speak like that. Your heart, I can sense the pain but I can also sense strength. I wish I could have helped you better before.”

“I wasn’t ready to accept your help. I wasn’t ready to vocalize it. Because the person you knew, she died, she doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Have you lost her?”

“No. I intentionally threw her off the bus mindfully. She cannot come with me. I quit her. She cannot! I refuse all of ''hers'', they cannot come.”

“What do you mean they?”

“All those versions of me that accepted bullshit and lies. I cannot accept their limiting beliefs. I just can’t because I’m different. I still have work to do on myself but I quit pretending. I quit overdoing, working so hard, may come whatever it comes to but I’m done.”

“What about your faith, have you lost your faith?”

“A lot of people think that quitting is losing. I have quit a number of jobs, people... that didn’t feel right: out of fear, out of truth. A lot of things that I’ve done have lost me but at the same time, I was blessed enough to have the light that guided me through the quitting. But this is different.

This quitting feels like a death and birth.

Quitting is hard. Quitting is painful, but quitting is sometimes the only way out. Quit being the perfect child and what I have never been. Quit trying to achieve perfection when it’s not and it will never be.

Quit thinking you know it all, when we don’t know anything at all. Quit thinking and believing that it happens by magic, it never will happen by magic. We have to do something there is magic in the process. But if you don’t move and do something you cannot witness the magic.”

“You didn’t speak about your faith.”

“Quitting and faith don’t seem to go along but they do. To quit is to surrender. Because you don’t know what’s next. When you quit doing too much, doing so hard, it means that you stop doing or overdoing. So, what is next you don’t know. You surrender to that gigantic hole, that huge 'I don’t know', and that ‘I don’t know' has a bigger name…”

“I wish I could have been there to help you but—”

“I didn’t ask you to come and help me. And you didn’t ask If you could help me.”

“I thought you could handle it all, you never opened up.”

“Sometimes people who don’t ask for help, are those you should really go and offer your help to. No one is super strong. No one is infallible. We all have weaknesses. We all have struggles we all go through things that deeply can bruise us.

I quit but I’m standing strong. I quit but I’m still alive. I quit but I’m standing tall.

If you had asked me, 'Do you need help? How can I help you?' I would have appreciated that. Not sure I would have accepted your help, because of pride, perhaps I would have said I need help. 'I’ve been doing this all by myself and I’m grateful that you even offer.' But you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry. You pushed me away so I thought—”

“I know… It’s not on purpose. Just my focus has always been to be safe. Have a better life...”

“I know, wish I could have…—”

“You know what, no need to cry over spilled milk. I have no resentment over you or myself. Quitting doesn’t mean that I resent myself, quitting doesn’t mean that I feel defeated.

No. Quitting is empowering in many ways. It’s over, I accepted it! The facts are here, you cannot run away from them. You cannot shy away from them. They hurt, break you or make you. Then what matters is that you get back up and what’s next. What can I not do?”

“What do you mean by what can I not do?”

“When you quit you don’t know what’s next, you surrender right? It’s not about doing it’s about what not to do anymore. Which door to never open and go to because that is the lesson. If you quit and still go back to where or to those emotions, those decisions. You’re doomed to quit again and again and quit not resolving the maze. But if you quit and get the lesson and choose another door, intentionally, fiercely surrendering to a new door: you transform, transform and transform.

Quitting offers you a new eye. It breaks you to make you.”

“Wow, I have quitted before jobs or relationships but I never thought quitting was so deep.”

(Long silence) “You have a superficial life.”

“Do you think I have a superficial life?”

“You have everything you want?”

“Because I worked hard to have everything I want. I have a good life. I’m happy. My life is kind of magical. So I don’t know why you think I have a superficial life.”

“You don’t know what quitting means.”

“I do know what quitting means.”

“You don’t know what quitting means.”

“I know what quitting means.”

“You don’t know what quitting means. You have never known.”

“Are you angry after me because I have a better life than you?”

(Laughs) “It’s not a competition. I think you have a superficial life but that’s your truth. Superficial is not bad. Its surface, it’s a bubble where you are immune to any kind of pain or any kind of disheartening or tragedy. Who doesn’t want to have a life of pleasantness?”

“You think that I have never been hurt before. That I have never had to quit out of pain.”

“I think you have never quit, ever. I don’t say that things have been handed to you, but definitely, you must have had it easier.”

“No, never. You have a misunderstanding. I am happy to hear that you’re quitting out of strength but if you think I have a superficial life then you have a super-needed life. Living is not superficial, being in pain and distress is not living.

I’m here to help you to grasp living now that you are free. You have quit something that you know was never good for you. Okay! That version of you died but this is your opportunity.

Get back up. Take that door. Live.”

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.—”

“No, I’m not hurt. I just see how you are. What would be my point to argue with you? I know my life is not superficial. I know what I had to do to be where I am. I know what you went through to be where you are. (breathing)

I have a secret for you.”

“A secret.”

“Yeah”

“What is that?”

(Long silence) “Who am I?”

“What do you mean by who are you?”

“Who am I?”

“I don’t know why... Why are you asking me this question?”

“Who am I for you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t even look at me? Look closer.”

“What do you mean look closer?”

“Look closer. Don’t we have the same eyes? Don’t we have the same hair? Don’t we have the same nose?”

“What! (laughs) we are not from the same family!”

“Look closer! Don’t we have the same mouth? Don’t we have the same voice? Look closer. Don’t we have the same smile? Don’t we have the same tears? Didn’t we go through the same quitting?”

(Long silence, sighs) “We did! We did go through the same quitting.”

“So you think that you are living a superficial life today. What growth! You think you are living a life of ease, and from where you are you project it to me.

I came to see you, to speak to you, to hear you out. I wanted you to see me, to witness me, look at me, to what you’re quitting has as an effect. Look at us!

This is the door that you took. This is the door that you dared to take. Look at that door you did not choose to settle for as a result this is the door that birthed me.

I remember the moment you opened that door, you were frightened, scared, claiming 'what the fuck is happening'. But you’re still standing tall. I remember when you took your hands and you cleaned off those tears from your face and stood up straight. I remember when you opened that door, you didn’t look behind not a second. You opened it with strength and intention, stating that it was enough! You barged into that door with so much intensity but mindfully surrendered to it.

I was there, I felt it, I was exactly where you are. (silence)

You don’t speak anymore.

You think my life is superficial today.

Have you forgotten that door?

Have you forgotten it?”

“Who are you?”

“Look closer. Can’t you see who I am?”

“Who are you?”

“Look closer. Can’t you see who’s I am?”

“Who are you?” (breathing, nearly in tears)

“Look closer can’t you see it’s you? Not you, but it’s you.

On the other side of the door, can you see it now?”

(Long silence) “This is it. The result of that door.

You are on the other side.” (subtle smile)

“I am on the other side. I have a happier life meaning that you had a happy life. It’s beautiful on this side and I’m grateful that you quit. Thank you for quitting! I had to come and say thank you, because you quit so that I can BE. You’re in pain now but know for sure that your quitting was the best thing you could have done for all of us ahead.”

“All of us ahead?”

“Yes, all of us ahead. You have created a new pathway of doors that never we could have dreamed of. I am so grateful for what you have done, we are so grateful. Thank you. That’s why I came to speak to you.”

“Where are you?”

“Look at me. You’re beautiful. You’re so full of light. I’m not on the other side. Don’t worry about that.”

(Laughs and tears) “You have humour.”

“I know. (laughs).

Thank you for quitting. It was a long, long journey for you to get the lesson, but it was worth it.”

“I don’t know if I can ask…—”

“Go on ask. You can ask anything you want.”

“How is it on the other side?”

“It’s different. I’m new, I’m not you. It’s different.

I remember you, I remember all the ones before you but I’m different. The moment you opened that door, everything changed. Everything changed quickly and I did not have the time to look back.

So when I heard you, I had to come and speak to you. Listen to you and show you what that quitting had as a result.”

“You heard me?—”

“You know what, you didn’t fully die, or else I wouldn’t have heard you. So I had to come back and speak to you. Be by your side and listen to you at this moment that changed everything. I needed to see you, to speak to you, to hear you. I needed you to see YOU.

... I can go now.” (silence)

“You can go now, now it feels like a hug.”

“I know it feels like a hug (laughs). That’s why I had to come back.”

“How does it feel on the other side?”

“I don’t think you would understand.”

“I agree. Don’t tell me just live for me.”

“I live for myself, but I remember you. You guide me to move forward. I would like to thank you for the choices you made and didn’t make. I would like to relieve you but also empower you. When I say I wish I could have been more helpful. I just couldn’t have: I wasn’t there, I couldn’t be there.”

“I understand now. You didn’t exist yet.—”

“Exactly. I didn’t exist yet.”

“It feels like a doctor who encounters another doctor.”

“Isn’t it? our favourite doctors. (laughs)

I have to go now! There was an alarm.”

“An alarm?”

“You know time travel is still experimental.”

“Time travel is still experimental. Where are you? When.. are you from?”

(Laughs) “From a beautiful place, your place. I have to go now, do you feel better?”

“I do. Thank you.”

“Okay, do you need to know something?... that I need to tell you?”

“No, no. It’s a lot of information for me, so I kind of have to digest it.”

“Oh! one thing you’ll forget everything I just told you—”

“What? That’s so unfair.”

“I know. But that’s how it works.”

“What do you mean?”

“You will forget everything. Everything.”

“No way.”

“Yeah, you’re gonna forget everything.”

“How come! You come and speak to me and now I forget.”

“Well, that’s how it works. And you cannot remember me.”

“Why?—”

“Because if you remember me, then this door doesn’t have any kind of meaning. The door disappears if you remember me. You have a sense of me, but you cannot remember me.”

“How unfair—”

“I know that’s how it has been designed.”

“Who designed all of this?”

“Well, that’s a question I cannot answer or I will have to destroy you.” (laughs)

“Ooh—”

“Yeah.”

“Ooh—”

“Yeah. It can become a little bit dark sometimes (laughs). Just kidding, but it’s always bright.”

“Okay, okay. Is your journey long?”

“No, it’s like a blink of an eye.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

“You still have my humour.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, it has evolved. I can sense it.

So I’m gonna forget…—”

“You’re gonna just forget everything.”

(Long silence) “Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure.

Actually I’m here to hug you.”

“OK, Yeah!”

“Come here, let’s have a hug.”

“I never thought of hugging myself.”

“Well, sometimes you have to hug yourself. Especially when you won’t remember it.” (laughs)

“That is quite comical.”

“I know.”

“You’re stronger.”

“Yes, I am.

I am proud of you. I feel like you needed to hear this more than I needed to see you.”

“I am proud of you.”

“I am proud of us. We took that door.

The alarm again. I really have to go now.

It was my pleasure.”

“Yes… it was…”

“Are you confused?”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Well, you will think better as you grow. You are used to this time travel. It’s just that this is a materialized physical version of it and it may be an experience that puts you off-guard.”

“You changed the way you speak!”

“I know.”

“How are you so confident?”

“Well, I am. I have never been this confident in my life.”

“How did you do it?” (long silence)

(Long breath-in) “You had to die.”

•

Pouf (magic sound). 

A new voice stated: 

“Welcome back! She is fully gone.”

“Good. Let’s get to it. This travel was smoother my friend.

Did you arrange the new ID timeline?”

“We did. I even added a sound effect.”

Nice!.