The Dating Game, 21st Century Style

“We shall begin momentarily. Please remain seated, and don’t panic. The view-screen will start up, displaying the avatar chosen by your prospective date.”

The glass screen covered the space just above the desk, which had a line of caulk that connected the two. It was a small cubby, with walls on each side tightly confining Zach. The metal legged chair scraped on the tile floor, a loud squeak when he moved to make himself more comfortable. A florescent light above the glass screen painted the space in a sickly green. Normally it would be a problem, but they were speaking through avatars. The ladies couldn’t see him.

“Is it about time? I have been waiting here for several minutes.”

The loudspeaker behind him above the door remained silent. Zach looked down, and saw that someone had carved something into the desk. Do I Dream of Electric Sheep? He traced it with his fingers, repeating the words on his lips. He took out a pencil, and filled the cuts on the desk with lead, highlighting them.

Someone cleared their throat.

He looked up, and there was a person in the view screen. Their avatar had pink hair, with a skrillex haircut, and metal plates stitched together where he had skin. “Sorry, if I’m disturbing you.”

He put down the pencil. “You did not. Very interesting avatar. What should I call you?”

She smiled, and looked like she sat up. “You can call me Annabelle-88. What is your name?”

A droid. “My name is Zach. So you are an android?”

She put on a sheepish grin. “I really shouldn’t say. You have nice eyes.”

This was too easy. The show rules were available on the net like everything else these days. AI companions were becoming more and more prevalent, and not only did people like testing them out, but there was entertainment value in watching people figure out who was an robot, and who wasn’t.

“Thanks, I have gotten several compliments about them. Tell me, what do you do for a living?” It was also a dating show, so the standard first date questions applied.

Annabelle-88 giggled. “I work in a bookstore. I just love the smell of musty paper, and leather bound books. I would never trade it for the world.”

Zach frowned. “That is not a good career choice. Books are on the way out, most people don’t buy them anymore. It is all online. You probably should choose a different career.”

She stopped, and sat back for a moment. “I don’t think so. So many people come into my store everyday, looking for the perfect book, and I help them. Why is that a bad thing?”

Zach tilted his head. “It is not. But if you are going to be independent, you might want a career that has better prospects.”

Annabelle-88 started giggling again. “I don’t care about being independent. I like my job, and I like books. You don’t have to poo-poo it. I suppose you have a big and important job.”

He rubbed his chin. “I am an executive.”

“Oh wow! That's an important job. You must really enjoy it.”

“Why would you say that?”

Annabelle-88’s avatar had an impish grin on its face, “Because its logical.”

It was logical, but Zach didn’t anticipate that answer. “Why would you say its logical?”

She appeared to think about it for a moment. “Because. You spend all day doing executive stuff. Since you do that all day, you either hate it, or like it. You have to. And you don’t sound like you hate it. You don’t have that in your voice.”

Very perceptive of that AI. They must really be getting good at them. The truth was though he didn’t have feelings about his job. Time to move onto another question. “Do you have pets?”

“I have two kitties at home, along with a ferret. The oldest is Sammy, who is my baby, even though she is a grandma. She has orange fur, and just the most lovable eyes. Next is Muffin, who loves to eat, and likes to laze around the windows when he isn’t eating. Scooter is the ferret. I got him two months ago, and he has stolen three of my earrings.”

Pets were a good thing. But that seemed like so much going on at her place. “How do you have time for dating with so many animals?”

Annabelle-88 looked shocked. “Time for dating? They aren’t children. Well, they are my children, but they can take care of themselves for the most part. They don’t stop me from dating. I find a lot of guys like them.”

Zach slid his chair forward, a metallic screech echoing though the small chamber. Annabelle-88 winced. “I do not care either way about them. I do not have any, but I do not mind them.”

“You got a squeaky chair?”

“It did not squeak. It has metal legs, and when I move on these tiles it makes a sound.”

“I see. So, Zach, tell me, what do you want out of life?”

Zach folded his hands on the desk. “I want to succeed in my job, and provide a good home for a wife and children someday.”

She appeared perplexed. “So you want kids then?”

Zach laid his palms flat on the desk. “Aren’t we all supposed to? I like doing what I am supposed to be doing. All the surveys say that your life gets happier after getting married and having children. If everyone is saying that, then it must be true.”

She scrunched her nose up. “Really? I would never do something just because I am supposed to. But I do hear that from a lot of guys. Its okay if you don’t feel deeply about it now. Maybe you haven’t thought about it much. I do think its true though. My brother married his wife five years ago, and I have never seen him so happy. Especially with Claire and Hogan.”

Zach rubbed his nose. “So you are an aunt? Are you the favorite?”

“Of course. Nobody bakes chocolate chip cookie bars better than I do, and I love to see my niece and nephew have their face smeared with chocolate after enjoying them.”

Her avatar briefly showed her eating a chocolate bar. There was something strange about that story. It came to him quickly. There was a story in the lifestyle section about young children named Claire and Hogan eating chocolate chip cookie bars in some contest. Very clever this AI indeed. She seemed very lifelike with that personal story.

“That sounds very homey. Do you bake for them very often?”

Annabelle-88 smiled. “Not as often I like. They live about two hours away. But we video chat. And we get together at least once a month. My family is important to me.”

A small fizzle on the view-screen, and Annabelle-88 had blue hair. It flashed, and went back to pink. “That is good, family should be important.” But who had that much time to spend with people two hours away? It was easy if it was just a programmed throwaway line in a dating game.

“Do you have much family?”

“I do not ever get to see them. That is okay. I have a good group of friends here.”

“That's great!. Friends are so important. What is your favorite thing to do with your friends?”

“We all play video games together.”

She couldn’t completely hide her disappointment. “That's nice. You guys play together a lot?”

“Yes. I got the high score last weekend.”

“Do you think that your video games dig into your dating life?”

Zach shook his head. “Nope. In fact, I like my lady to join us. I do not have anything to hide.”

Annabelle-88 pouted. “I don’t have much interest in video games. But you can have the things you do without me. I’m not someone who is joined at her boyfriend’s hip.”

Zach had heard that line before. It was never true. “That is good to know.”

“So, Zach, do you think that you might pick me? I’m a lot of fun, never boring,” her voice bubbled, “and I look great in a swimsuit!”

Yeah, complete with wires. Annabelle-88 sounded too good to be true. So of course she was. “I do not know Annabelle-88. I am not looking for a robot companion right now. You are nice to talk to, but I need something real. So I am going to have to pass on you.”

She looked sad. “That’s too bad. You seem very interesting, and I would like to get to know you better, but if you aren’t interested…”

The loudspeaker chimed in. “And that’s all we have time for today!” The lights in the cubby went out.

****

“This is an interesting concept you have here, Doctor Lougria.”

“It is the next stage of evolution for AI, Carlson. And look, here comes my assistant.”

“Oh, the lovely Annabelle-88. How did you get roped into this research?”

Annabelle-88’s brown hair neatly framed her face. “I have an interest in the human condition. And just in case you are wondering, these are real, as is everything I said in there.”

Carlson looked back up at her face, bereft of mechanical implants. “Oh, never doubted it my dear. But what was all this supposed to accomplish?”

Doctor Lougria cleared his throat. “Even today, it is very easy for human beings to tell if they are talking to AI. There hasn’t been one that truly passes the Turing Test. Well this exercise is to see if AI can determine if it is talking to a person or another AI. My assistant doesn’t know at the beginning if its AI or a person they are talking to either. But as we have seen, she has correctly determined which is which 100% of the time during their experiment. We humans know if something is off.”

Annabelle twirled her hair around as she put it in a ponytail. “True, Mr. Carlson. And I do need a date, but I don’t need a date with a robot. After only a few minutes of conversation, I can tell.”

“But Doctor, why this format? Surely the AI knows it is being fooled?”

“That is where you are mistaken. Not only do the AI’s not pass the Turing Test, they cannot administer it to each other. When we have had two AI’s conversing, it is just as likely that they agree to see each other again than not, after being told that point of the game is to find a human date. They don’t even believe that Annabelle’s human, especially with the name change nearly 75% of the time.”

“Why is that?”

“We believe that they have developed a suspicious streak from the Internet. Furthermore, they still have difficulty, for lack of a better word, believing the emotional responses she provides. Other AI’s certainly can provide those by text or by video these days, but as humans can sense when it is off, the AI either believes all of it, or none of it.”

Annabelle gave a crooked smile, “And the cookie bar story gets them every time.”

Carlson chuckled, “Why is that?”

“Suspicious AI. Those who have been exposed to the Internet for the longest never believe a coincidence that it was my niece and nephew featured. They assume that I stole that story to make myself more human.”

“So how can this problem get fixed, and do I need to worry about it?”

Doctor Lougria scratched his beard. “That is beyond our current technology I believe. Only God can put a soul in a body, and he has not deigned to give AI that gift. I believe its the human soul that recognizes itself in another, so we know on some level who is human, and who is machine. As for it being a real problem, it demonstrates the gulf between man and machine. I think people worry much about robots replacing us, but they aren’t human, not even close.”

Carlson laughed. “That's not a helpful answer Doctor. My new companion bots are marketed so you can’t tell the difference. Are you saying that I’m a liar?”

Doctor Lougria chuckled. “No. You are just a dreamer. Finding a companion was never going to be that easy. Even in the twenty-first century.”