The taste of her

Empty. It was all so empty. Empty to the degree that darkness became home, silence became a friend and if not for the occasional bubble interrupting that euphoria, he wouldn’t be sure any of it was real. Throughout his life, there were only two things he really had faith in. Those bubbles and the tinge of sweet hunger shooting through him like fireworks. And when they exploded, well, it would all start anew. 

Still, there wasn’t something quite right about it all. He could remember a time when his senses were exploding with passion, when there was light and sounds and other beings. Not just him. When had that gone away? Was it when those beautiful shadows had overtaken the skies and even the oceans had shook with delight? Or were they shaking in fear?

He wasn’t sure anymore. Couldn’t be when that hunger began to kick in again. That hunger that wanted to seduce him to the bottom of his own existence, of all existence. That hunger which begged him to start over, end it, capture it, be rid of it for a while. However long that while may be. And it was so very tempting, to just cave in, sink, and let himself be reborn. Let the hunger die, for now as he always had. As he always would.

So, his descent began. How fast was he moving downward, plunging into the cold, darkened regions of the only home he’d ever known? Little light reached these parts, little air, little warmth. But he was so very used to it, to the monotony, the loneliness, and the nothingness. Briefly as he descended to that pit, he felt something he had not felt in a long time. The hunger told him to keep on going, to leave it alone, to not risk it. Maybe years ago he would have listened above all else. Not anymore. Nothing ever changed here, nothing was ever out of the ordinary. What could that presence be but something magical, something riveting and worth every risk he had to offer? He intended on finding out.

If his senses hadn’t been so spiked, he may have missed it as he floated back up, back to where it was warm and comforting. Back to where the hunger never subsided. But he could feel it, he could feel it in every tiny millimeter of him. He could feel her. It was no longer warmth from some unknown God that the land people prayed to long ago. This was warmth from something, somewhere that he was all too familiar with. She seemed to sense him too, and before he knew it, she was everywhere. He was everywhere, no longer floating in a dreary existence, but engulfed in soft clouds, glowing lights. Shades he couldn’t imagine, resonating from her. 

It was no longer dark. It was no longer cold, or silent. Bubbles seemed to be everywhere, beaming between them both, her glow wrapping around him, into every single part of him it could reach. Even the parts he had long since forgotten existed. He could feel them now, could feel her in them, ghosting over them and lighting them up in this unimaginable fire. Fire, this is what it must feel like. He’d never felt fire before, never hoped to, never dreamed it was possible. And yet here he was, blazing and radiating in this feeling he could hardly describe if words were his forte. This was real warmth, what a word could never hope to be, what most could never hope to feel.

They could have been there for days, or weeks. Time wasn’t something counted or relied upon anymore, had never really been for him. But it felt like an eternity. He didn’t want to remember time before this, not when he had been surrounded by hundreds of others. He just wanted her and her alone. She was all he needed, all he had ever and would ever need. This was a utopia, and it was unimaginable in every way imaginable. 

She pulled away suddenly. Why, how could she? When he would have let himself stay that way until the hunger took over completely and it was too late to start anew. He would have stayed there and let himself die if it meant he could be with her for a second longer. But her time was running out, he knew that. Could sense it in the way she trembled and fought against the descent. Maybe she was weaker than him or simply didn’t have the resolve, but soon he was plummeting with her. This wasn’t how he imagined it, how he wanted it. Why was he once more getting so cold, even when so close to her light? He tried to get closer, but it wasn’t physically possible. It already felt like he was a part of her so why did he not feel that warmth anymore? 

Soon sand sprung up all around him. They must have reached the bottom, but his mind could hardly register it. As he tried to hold onto her, his grip failed him, she failed him. He could feel the way she folded in on herself, and he wished maybe he could scream even though it was impossible. Was it even possible to feel this way? Maybe years of radiation and loneliness has changed him into something he wasn’t sure of. Had it changed her too? If it had, would she still be caving in to natural desire rather than him? Thoughts were too complicated, he didn’t wish to feel this anymore, wanted to shut himself away from the transformation, her glow getting dimmer and dimmer until it was hardly recognizable. 

Then, it was over. She seemed so small now, but her glow had returned. In a way, she was as beautiful as before, if not more so. She was so pure, the darkness no longer tainting her luminosity. He reached out to her again, and for a moment she fluttered there, on the edge of floating away, but he would not let her. Like that, he tried to envelope her in his own warmth, which was fading so quickly. The hunger was taking over, so quickly. Perhaps she could feel this because she was wrapping around him, too, trying to give him her warmth. For a fleeting moment, perhaps it worked. But the hunger was far too strong now and her grip was getting far stronger than he thought was possible. He couldn’t escape it if he tried the very hardest that he knew how to try.

As his tentacles wrapped further around her, her in an almost embryo-like state, he knew it would be so easy to end the hunger. Try as he might to get away, she would not ease her grip, even as he struggled and fought her, and fought the hunger. She would not let go, and he could not hold on any longer. Just like that, it was him completely engulfing her, except now it was not an iridescent beauty, but one so sickening, even great villains would turn and cringe at the sight. 

But at least, the hunger had subsided.