Alien Discourse

Frank sat rigid and still except for his bouncing knee hidden under the table. He put pressure on the ball of his right foot. That spot that always gave the satisfying involuntary knee bounce. It was comforting, providing as much relief as possible in a public place. Spikes of anxiety lurked in the recesses of his brain, hanging in the dark corners, waiting. He longed for the dark cave of his basement.

He checked his watch again, 16:20 ten units more than the agreed upon orientation schedule. These later models had more problems with the human chip control. It was like the powers that be screwed up, and the most recent iteration of replicas had a hair too much human. Illogical and, in Frank’s opinion, had an absolute counter effect on the mission. But he couldn’t question the will of the tallest.

“Ahhh, whatserjabbit.” Frank muttered, looking around himself again at the weak pieces of skin around him, seemingly having some sort of enjoyment by being there. Frank, 50 years after his first visit, still didn’t understand it.

“Hrmpfff.” He muttered as he stood and grabbed his bag from the back of the chair. “Not. Even. A. Notification.” He said under his breath enunciating every syllable. He tucked the chair into its proper space. Then, he felt her before he saw her, gah.

“Hi there. So sorry I’m late. Want to get the full scoop on this mission business. Isn’t this place great? Every bit looks different now. A bit overwhelming really.” She set her coffee down with a decided thud and extended her hand in front of her, “Joseline, nice to meet you.”

Her smile was so wide and so bright, Frank felt the anxiety crawl from the space in his brain and creep into his fingertips where it wasted no time transferring to his human chip with consequences that had proven unpredictable in the past. He shook it off. He had to stay in control.

He reached out with impish charm and shook her fingers. “I’m Frank. I will be handling your transition training. I am ready. Let’s get started. The program lasts for six weeks with various skill assessments along the way. If you pass, you will receive specific mission directives. If not, they will send you back for more programming. I want to make clear to you how important it is for you to be attentive, on time, with a positive attitude. Are you ready to proceed?”

She sat down with an efficiency Frank had to admire. Maybe there was hope. Frank joined her at the small table once again checking who and or what was around and possibly listening. Frank had turned his alert system to red. The system was registering no immediate threat. They were safe, in a dead zone. Hard to find, but in this place? Not surprising. Most of the people existing there barely were aware they were there. Their noses, for the most part, pointing at phone screens oblivious to anything around them. Eyes nothing but blank stares, shifting, watching. This was usually followed with furious tapping of the typing and sometimes a chuckle or laugh. Then, because this town Frank found himself in was a human tourist destination, there were incessant selfies in an attempt to make their besties jealous.

Frank, now comfortable in his chair, knee bouncing once again, rested his chestnut brown eyes on Joseline. He ran a quick assessment algorithm. She was pretty much standard issue. Scored off the charts on risk taking, and adventure seeking behaviors, interesting.

Joseline submitted to the gaze and allowed access to all but her most private files, a new trick. She met Frank’s stinging gaze with quiet calm. “Did I pass the prelim?” The bright level ten smile reappeared like a laser. 

Frank sighed and shook his head. How was he supposed to get her to take any mission seriously? She appeared to be more like the problem than any kind of solution. A reactionary being, presenting smiles and charm until challenged. At that point Frank knew, under duress, this model would go full on Karen with violence enhancers.

“Listen Joselite, we are going to have to work together for a time. You have to, for the love of the most supreme tallest, tone down your human factor chip, please.” Frank brought his hands in front of his face in a prayer gesture, bowed his head and for a moment, closed his eyes. He thought better of this and slitted them to make sure Joseline didn’t make any sudden moves. It had only happened a handful of times, although the frequency increased with these later models. It was like if all else fails to bring happy to the human chip, hurt target. The attack could be as innocuous as a roll of toilet paper, or box of cereal thrown at you, or more dangerous, like an SUV trying to run you over in the crosswalk. Better to err on the side of caution.

“Yes sir, but you have to imagine my surprise. This is all so very new to me. I always knew there was something different but after the visit, the chip activation, everything started to make sense.” Joseline fired in rapid speech.

“Ok. Ok. Ok. That. Take a breath. I will explain everything.” Frank sighed.

Joseline adjusted herself in her chair, sat upright and pulled her long red hair into a tight high ponytail. “I am ready.”

Frank accessed his orientation files for review. It had been awhile. There seemed to be fewer and fewer new ones coming in. He often wondered if the tallest were losing interest in the mission. Maybe this one could make the difference. He had to try. “Ok then. Let’s begin. You were sent here many years before. Raised as a human child so you could assimilate their ways and be more productive in the research we must perform. You were placed with a family, not the smartest of humans. If they had the normal intelligence, they may have detected your inherent strange behavior which is detrimental to the mission.”

“They certainly didn’t care for me. Tolerated my existence, that’s the best way to describe it. What is the mission?” Joseline tilted her head to the left.

“We will get to that. There is an order to things you know.” 

A blender went off mixing up some foofoo drink for some patron. The noise grated on Frank’s last nerve. Why did he agree to meet her here? It was so very human but so very annoying.

“I don’t mean to be impatient. I am beyond thrilled to learn that I’m something else. To think for years, you were the problem, only to find out there was a reason. I can’t begin to tell you, the relief.”

“Shush.” Frank shook his head. Would she ever stop talking? “Ok so we start at the beginning. You are aware that you have access to a myriad of data in your brain socket. You can call up any kind of earth data enhanced by the tallest. Have you practiced this as instructed on the initial greeting?”

“That has been the absolute best. I took out a co-worker the other day with the best information. She was going on about how the vaccination killed a four year old child. When I asked her how on earth that happened she explained the most outlandish story. She said the child had the vaccination, and the next day was riding her trike out on the sidewalk in front of her house. A drunk driver came careening through the neighborhood and ran her over. The mother, I kid you not, said the heavy metals in the vaccine caused the car to be attracted to and hit the girl. Can’t make this stuff up. So as the story was coming into my receptors, I accessed the files. I gave her statistics of lives saved by a simple vaccination from Covid to small pox to polio. I demonstrated visually how this newest vaccination works. I showed her the lines of people, and the trek of people making every sacrifice to get to where the vaccinations exist. I told her I had the three shots, and never suffered Covid. You know with that long Covid, it could wreck your life.”

“Did she believe you?” Frank was genuinely interested. She was doing the mission without even knowing what the mission was. Unearthing the absolute illogical behavior in the human race, exposing, questioning, and trying to figure out why the hell these humans acted against their best interests time after time.

“Eh? No. But my arguments were spot on.”

“Therein lies the problem.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. Not yet. So you have some practice with the brain socket ability. Also with the first visit you were able to access the alien part of your person. You were given access to pictures of Feurtuen, pictures of the tallest, information about the structure and organization of our society. Do you have any questions about that?”

“I would prefer to live there. Health care is complete and available. Violence is seen as a relic of the stupid and uninformed. Productivity is not the measure of worth, thinking and logic reign. And the nature, how do I get back to Feurten? I would much rather be there.”

“That is not our mission. I’m sorry. I understand the desire.” Frank softened. She had picked up so much so fast. 

“What is my mission?”

“I’ve touched on that, perhaps a bit too soon. Although you show remarkable promise. So we have covered the brain socket ability, and you seem to be comfortable with that feature. Have you practiced any of the time travel, direct transport, or phasing?”

“A little bit. It’s all a bit overwhelming I must say. But that is why I was late today. I popped over to the south of France, Aix en Provence. Beautiful place, made even better because I immediately understood the history and the essence of the place.” Josephine sipped her coffee but otherwise did not move. She remained rigid, straight in her chair, showing not a bit of emotion.

“Ok. I am going to direct you to practice those skills once a day for the next week until we meet again. You cannot make yourself obvious when you go to new places. You must blend in.”

“But what am I supposed to be doing? What are these skills for?”

“I will tell you when you are ready.”

“I’m ready.”

“Not quite.”

“How will you know?”

“I usually don’t bring this up in the initial meet, but you seem ready. Have you practiced with the mind control, or reading of thoughts?” Frank leaned back in his chair crossing his legs. He didn’t feel the need to bounce his leg anymore, strange, in a public place even. She calmed him somehow. If she was able to access the mind, she may know too much about him already.

“I have had that all my life Frank. I never knew why or what it was. It certainly makes people uncomfortable.” A small smile played on her lips as she peeked at him with a sideways glance.

“So, then, you already know the mission.” Frank felt exposed.

“Maybe, but I would like you to, how do you say, articulate it. The tallest are questioning their involvement. This society, this place from India to the United States, Central and South America, although there are some bright spots there, Europe to Africa and the Middle East is sour, rotten. Fascism is retaking its hold in several places. A handful of people possess the wealth belonging to millions. They hoard it worse than the dragons of the golden age. Injustices, climate catastrophes, these plights are ignored or covered up with senseless useless arguments. These humans will deflect with outrageous arguments about what gender you are, or whether you decide to have a baby or not. They punish the poor and create an existence that lacks any joy. All of these people,” She said the word with disdain,  “will destroy themselves.” Joseline folded her hands in front of her and stared directly at Frank. The noise left the room. They were no longer there. They were in a blank room. No furniture, no decor, just a void with white walls and no doors.

“What are you?”

“Do you know why you were sent here, Frank?” They sat at the same table, but in a different realm. 

“I am afraid I don’t understand this protocol.” Frank searched his brain socket for some sort of answer. There was none.

“You were a reject, a defective unit. Early days, I’m sure you don’t have recollection. You were sent here to catalog and witness this downfall, the tallest foresaw, of these human units in an effort to prevent the same fate for us.”

“For fifty years.” Frank rubbed his chin. “It was always a losing battle? I should have known.”

“There was hope for a little while. Not anymore. I’m afraid your mission is no longer the of interest to the tallest.” Joseline sat back, crossed her legs, folded her arms in front of her. “You are to be undone.”

“What happened to your perky smile? I could get used to it. Would that help?” Before he could finish, there was just nothing. Frank ceased to exist. 

Joseline returned to the earthly location, minus Frank. She finished her caramel macchiato, blotted her lips with the napkin. She closed her eyes, received the final go ahead in her brain socket. Then as programmed, she blew up earth. Done. Starbucks was no more.