"Bloom Where You are Planted."

"Are you there God? It's me, Marisa." Time to talk again. I was just wondering how this life works out. What does it look like when I take my last breath. Will my kids be happy, productive, successful, fulfilled, purpose-driven, lively, and vibrant people in their communities? Who will they marry? Will they have children? And if so, how many?

And how about my husband? Does he finally publish his comic? How about his illustrated children's books? Is he happy with the life we have made together? Does he build his art center? Did our home expand to make room for all of our kids to come home with their babies?

I know You can't tell me yet. There are sure moments I probably wouldn't want to walk through if I knew of them now. I guess that is why you give us just a lamplight's glow of light for the step we are on. Let me pause to consider the places I would have quit this journey if I had known beforehand what it would look like to live out faith in my generation. I acknowledge that everyone has their own unique journey. Thank You again for these unique fingerprints! But Lord, You know the rough and rocky roads.

Funny how Pastor Jim Swope compared this life to a gravel road. Oh how I loved the breeze blowing on my hand as I road along those gravel roads that led back home. The most beautiful time in all of life was listening to music blaring, hand out the window, wind whipping my hair against my face, and the cloud of dust infiltrating every crevice of that Chevy Blazer. Oh those sunsets...sunrises...and places the moon made the road glow bright! Careless and free. The world made sense on those rocky, gravel roads.

Rocky yes. At least the path I picked seems a bit rocky. Like fresh new gravel has been laid over and over again on my road. Well, Your road. When my SUV of this life finally adjusts to the new rocks, more are placed making it just a bit precarious to speed forward. I slow down. I pause and put up caution flags. Then I doubt. I always get back to the realization that You are good and know what You are doing. I however do not like to be the one out of control. "Jesus take the wheel" isn't even an accurate recalculation of events. It is more like we swerved because You finally wrestled control back from my death grip.

The what-ifs do me no good. They do not accomplish much anyway. Still, I would have made better financial decisions that is for sure. Well, maybe not. Each place of lack and struggle taught me how to give to those in desperate need also. I give school clothes away because I know how it feels to be the kid made fun of in my hand me downs. We share a meal with strangers or friends equally because we how good those breakfasts that "Grandma Mary" made us tasted in the midst of our homeless season. After having no place to call home, we know the value of somewhere to put your coat and shoes at the end of the day. I guess You did have a plan.

When I was 12 years old, I made a decision to be kind to strangers after I saw someone treat my Dad badly. That is when I began opening doors and smiling at people at the gas station. All because of a rude and mean person who brought tears to my eyes by how inferior he treated my Dad. That day also taught me the value of seeing past a disability, mental or physical. I grew tougher and softer at the same time simultaneously that day. Perhaps I did need that lesson.

Maybe You remember the day I thought I was going to be a missionary to Africa. I sincerely meant I would travel across the ocean and live in a tiny village in a 3rd world area. My 12 year old self had no idea what that entailed, but I was ready! Instead, the woman who has never flown once worked in an airport seeing people from every culture, occupation, and race every day. That desire to be a missionary gave me the ability to love all people. It gave me opportunities to minister to basic needs and emotional needs by being ready to embrace every face.

That year when I was 12 was a real eye opener. While life carried on, death happened around me. I said good-bye to many relatives that year. Those good-byes taught me to value the moments. To treasure what is fleeting and can be lost at any time. I also understood the sacrifices love makes by watching my Great-Grandma go to a nursing home. It crushed my Mom that she couldn't take her in. And even more so when she died a month later. Those tears didn't bring her back or diminish the love we had for her. It just made us aware of why living is important.

That summer I read so many romance novels. I just absorbed those pages as a way of coping. It was also the year that I discovered Janette Oake books. A much deeper love and commitment than what I was reading of in those romance novels. She began to inspire me in my faith. Mrs. Terry was so wise to let me loan out those books from her. I couldn't wait to open those covers and read quickly through those books about their journeys in the West!

Pioneers of the faith. Deep love and even deeper faith. Until now, I did not understand the richness of those books to get me through the rocky places of life. And the power of the written word. Now I realize as I have forged ahead that all of this life leads into the next moment...the next season...and the next soul need. My life is a testimony to an enduring spirit and persevering heart. God, I thank You for the opportunities I had to grow and change. Believe me marriage, 8 kids, the dilemmas of poverty, and overcoming will teach you some things. God, thank You. The only wisdom I have has come from these places of pain and heartache. Great joy does come after the weeping in the night. I do not want to re-live those places. But, oh how appreciative I am for the moments when the sun shines perfectly down upon me. Every day is an opportunity to recover all that has been lost and to "seize the day." The barren places cause someone to bloom where they are planted much more than the flourishing ones.