The Month of January

January 1st

It begins. Not just a new year but a new me. Yes journal, this is the month I finally start writing that book. You know the one, the one that has lived, rent free, in my head for years. Yes, that one. It is time to put pen to paper and get it out. I will write every day. You, dear friend, will help keep me on track. You will remind me of what I am to be doing. Yes, each day, I will record my progress with you. Accountability, that is your job. Mine is simply to write. Let us begin.

January 2nd

Good morning journal. I have good news to report. I wrote a thousand words yesterday! Yes I agree. It is an awesome start. Discipline. Sitting at my desk and focusing. I told myself I wouldn't get up, wouldn't do anything else until I got five hundred words. Then I walked the dogs. Exercise helps the brain, you know. With stretched muscles and contented pups, I poured more coffee and returned to work. The next five hundred words came even easier. I can do this journal.

January 3rd

Hello dear friend. A cold and windy day, perfect for cuddling up with coffee and a good book. First though, I have to write it. See what I did there? Alright, I will laugh for the both of us.  With a good start, I picked right up where I left off. I dragged out my snuggly, told you it was cold, and set in to write. The only difference, no dog walk. Too cold for their old bones, and my own. The mid writing break saw me walking around the house. I let them out to do their business and then back to the story. They didn't hesitate at all. Another five hundred words later and day two was complete.

January 4th

Hello journal. I have a confession. Yesterday wasn't an easy day. The anniversary of my mom's passing. It was hard to find motivation. I bundled myself and the girls up and we walked. We walked a lot. I needed to clear my head, grief once again. Ten years, you would think it would be getting easier. No journal, it isn't. 

Nevertheless, I made a commitment. So, I dried my tears and got on with it. Sitting down at the desk, I wrote for her as much as myself. She wished too, did I tell you that? Before the cancer, she talked about writing. So this is for us.

A thousand and one words. Then I curled up on the couch with the dogs.

January 5th

After yesterday ‘s carthic cries, I feel in a better place, mentally. The weather warming helps also. I heard the birds singing again. They lifted my spirits. I sat down determined to enjoy the writing. After all, I am in a place where the story turns. My protagonist is about to meet her love interest. Always exciting. Coffee at hand, I got started. The words flew. It was so easy. I didn't even take a break. I wrote straight to the thousandth word. It was only the dogs whining that reminded me they needed out. We walked. I smiled and nodded at a few neighbors that were out. The rest of the day I spent cleaning. It felt good to be productive.

January 6th

Hard night. Pain kept me awake. I guess I was too productive. I must remember not to push myself. When the alarm blared at 6 am, I wanted to throw it out the window. Two problems with that. One: the window is closed tight and covered for the winter. Two: it isn't just my schedule. The ladies have to pee. After forcing myself up, I let them out, made strong coffee, and forced myself to sit and write. That, dear journal, is where the accountability I find in you, comes in. Five hundred fought for words, a weak walk, and five hundred more. Nothing but resting after. A lesson learned.

January 7th

A better night's sleep led to a better morning. I woke up a few minutes before the alarm, which is always a good thing. The bitter cold has returned. Brr. The girls hurry with their business. It will be another inside walk day. Bad weather is a good excuse to cuddle and write.

I move to the couch, cover myself and the dogs, and start writing. This time, no word count. I just let it flow. By the time the dogs need to go out again, I have written a thousand and five words! After they pottied, I returned. No reason to stop a writing binge. Another thousand words and I reach a natural stopping place. A check of the weather confirms that it is still too cold to walk outside. A half hour of laps around the house and I returned to cuddling the pups.

January 8th

Laundry day. Worse, bedclothes laundry day. I let the dogs out, strip the bed, start the first of many loads, let them in. Coffee and straight to the desk. The muse that was so generous yesterday is stingy today. Each word feels forced. It is partly due to reaching the dreaded middle. A bunch of little scenes that are necessary to reach the beginning of the conclusion of the work. Why am I back at the desk? Because the couch would be too easy to daydream, too easy to do anything other than work. Today is work. Five hundred well earned words and I am ready for a break. Despite the cold, I bundle the ladies and myself up and we walk. On returning, I change out the laundry, and return to the desk. I sit there until I have another five hundred words.

January 9th

Thank God for home delivery. Grocery shopping day means a little change to my routine. After letting the dogs out, I make an order on my phone. They are let in and I return to the chore, yes it still is, of writing. Still in the middle, I push through. A brisk knock sets the dogs to insane barking. The groceries are here. I fetch them, waving to the guy who delivered them. The girls are excited, jumping about my legs. They know the bags mean there may be something for them. I found the bones. They are set to a morning of happy chewing as I get the rest put away. Is it the combination of the cold weather, the cleaning and laundry, the pressure of the writing, I don't know. It is suddenly all too much. Reaching for a chair, I manage to sink into it before I fall. 

January 15th

I know, journal, I know. Long time, no hear. The episode I previously mentioned led to a major flare. No energy to write to you. No energy to do anything but survive. My brother came, made sure I was fed, the ladies were seen too. I spent the last six days in bed. Sleeping, eating, sleeping again. 

Today, I managed to shower, boy oh boy, did I need it. My brother, bless him, rewashed the bed clothes as I vegged out on the couch. Tomorrow I will attempt to write again.

January 16th

It seems a good idea to start back small and not move to the desk. So, I stayed here and picked up where I left off. It was good to revisit old friends. No, I didn't make a thousand words. Barely made five hundred. But, I wrote!

January 17th

A bit better today. Able to move to the desk for a small amount of time. Half the time I would usually be there but I am not complaining.  Better, I was able to take a small walk. Not the normal half hour but ten. A start. 

The writing? Was still at around five hundred words. What can I do?

January 18th

I tried to return to full normality. Bad mistake. I know better. 

January 30th

I spent the last twelve days in the hospital. I had to be put on IV pain meds. I hate this disease! Will try again, slowly, in February.