I awoke with a tremor running throughout my body, coldness had seeped its way into every limb of my body. The kind of cold that seized every muscle and caused my body to curl into itself seeking any bit of warmth. When my body shifted my head whirled crashing me back down onto the rough concrete I was laying upon.
I felt the sticky puddle that had formed around my body, soaking my skin and clothes. I tried to blink against the darkness that surrounded me, blinking against the nothingness that smothered me. I lifted my stiff arm to my head fighting another wave of dizziness. The smell of rust and sawdust met my senses, stirring me.
The groan that escaped me and was quickly answered with a scream that filled me with terror. I began to pull myself off the floor, slipping on the icy pool of liquid before I gained my footing. I could hear the pounding of footsets somewhere above me and blindly shuffled in the opposite direction.
Another scream and I could tell that it was closer, too close. I tried to run but my body was weak and I fought to stay on my feet, reaching out for anything around me. My hand sliced against metal and I sucked in my breath to keep from crying out.
Whatever seeked me had become louder its frantic breathes seemed to echo around me. Suddenly its body slammed to the ground, splashing in the liquid where I had momentarily laid. I held my breath as I waited for it to rise again, knowing it would.
I desperately searched the darkness, I clung to a sliver of light that poured through a door behind me. As it gave another howling scream I darted across the darkness. My shin slammed into something hard and heavy which nearly tripped me causing me to stumble loudly. I kept moving as it shrieked behind me, its pounding feet could be heard as it shifted towards me. I whimpered as I continued to fight my frozen limbs to move faster.
Slamming into the door I was met with a thousand stars above me. My head pounded as I pushed myself to run. The moon hovering above lit the field that stood before me, illuminating a red truck that sat in the distance. Behind me my pursuer joined me into the night, I gasped as I realized that I wouldn't make it. It was faster than me on my best day, I fought against the sob building in my throat.
I had cleared half the distance when I could tell it was right behind me, and could feel its nails only a fingertip away. A bang slammed into my eardrums as I collapsed against the sodden grass. I lay motionless for only a moment before I found the strength to pull my head from the ground. Turning I found Alder standing a few yards away, the gun still raised before him. I twisted around to see it laying only a few feet from me. I watched it twitch before going completely still. Alders feet crunched against gravel as he closed the distance. The metal of the gun glinted off the moonlight as he leveled it with her head. It was a her, with shoulder length blond hair matted to her head. I flinched as the second blast reverberated into the sky. Before I realized he had moved, firm calloused hands gripped my forearm, yanking me to my feet.
“Get up, Odi. We have to move now before they swarm us.” The sound of my nickname grounded me and I hurried to join Alder as he began hobbling his way towards the truck.
I tried to find words but the pounding in my head made it impossible to focus on anything other than one foot in front of the other. Alder must have realized how much I wobbled because he gripped my shoulder, urging me forward.
“What happened to you, kid?” He asked about concern coating his voice. “I-I fell from the loft.” I managed to mumble in response.
“Damn, we will get you looked at as soon as we get b-” Screams cut off the old man. “Shit.” he spit out. He began pulling me faster, urging me to run and I did. Fear numbed the pain as another scream came from behind us. It wasn't long before the sound of multiple pairs of feet began to gain on us. Faster, they were always faster than us.
Alder gave one last shove towards the truck before he turned, More shots rang out and I knew better than to stop now. I was so close only a few more feet till I reached the truck.
Another shot followed by a body flopping to the muddy earth when my bloodied hand yanked open the passenger door. I gasped as I saw a shadow sprinting towards me from across the driver's window.
“Go!” Alder shouted at me and I leapt into the cab. I drew the knife that I kept tucked in my waistband in time for the face to slam into the glass. It bounced off and I watched as it gained its footing. I fumbled in my pocket for the keys and shoved them into the ignition as Alder took the passenger seat, slamming his door behind him. Outside the man had risen, I saw his face twisted in an expression of rage as he shrieked out. The sound muffled from inside the truck but a sob broke through as he repeatedly slammed his head into the glass. It vibrated but held as I started the truck, the engine roaring to life.
Another slam and the window shattered, I gripped my knife ready to drive it into his skull the next time he rose. His face reappeared bloodied and battered, I lifted my arm and brought it down as hard as I could. The blade stuck into his head as he fell to the ground. I didn't hesitate, I shifted the gear into drive and slammed my foot down on the gas pedal.
The truck jerked forward, tires spinning as it tried to find purchase in the wet mud. A body hit the bed of the truck followed by another, from my peripheral vision I could see more shadows sprinting towards us from across the field. Finally the tires caught and we bucked forward.
I held my breath until I found the road, and even then only the sound of the heavy engine and spitting gravel filled my ears. Gripping the steering wheel with two hands to fight the tremble that shook my body. Both from the cold and fear that was numb from the shock.
Alder sighed a deep breath before he began to chuckle, the sound rumbled from his chest. I glanced over at him questioning his sanity and was met with his warm, wrinkled smile. “First knife kill?” he asked. A manic laugh huffed from my lungs. I nodded as my eyes continued to scan the narrow road lit by the bright beams of the headlights as we drove into a grove of tall trees. “Yeah.” I said my voice shook.
“Well, it was one hell of a kill. Can't wait to tell the others.” He chuckled again, "Buried it right in his head, dead instantly.” He finished with a clap.
I smiled proudly, warmth filling my chest and I clung to it. “I would hope so, It was my favorite knife.”
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Excellent.
Thanks for liking 'Town Without Pity'.
And 'Maybe One Day'.
And 'Unforgetable'.
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Breanna, this piece doesn’t just crawl beneath the skin—it burrows. You’ve captured that rare alchemy of claustrophobic terror and brutal poetry, where every footstep echoes with dread and every breath is a countdown. The sensory immersion—the smell of rust and sawdust, the pulse of muscle memory in flight, the primal shiver of survival—is masterfully done. What stays with me isn’t just the horror, but the human heartbeat beneath it: the desperate will to live, the flicker of pride in a moment no one should have to own, the tremor of cold turning slowly into fire. This is trauma made mythic. And I’m grateful for it. Keep writing in blood and moonlight. Enjoyed it, J.S.
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Normally, I don't enjoy not knowing exactly what's going on, but in this case, the ambiguity worked brilliantly to enhance the tension. The precision of the descriptions and actions quickly filled in the blanks. It feels like a scene pulled from a larger world—something along the lines of The Last of Us. The emerging bond between Alder and Odi is compelling and leaves me wanting more. Very cool writing - I'd love to read the next chapter.
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"I held my breath until I found the road, and even then only the sound of the heavy engine and spitting gravel filled my ears." Language like this makes the story suspenseful but also clear and eloquent. Nice writing.
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Really liked the "middle of the action" you dropped us into, had me wondering who's the victim and who's the offender. Felt like I was in a Criminal Minds episode, amazing storytelling
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This was a good story. I tend to write stories that readers have no clue what's going on until the very end or the middle or so. I really enjoyed this story, Breanna. Good work
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This was intense!
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Creepy and well paced. "They were always faster than us" gave me such a feeling of dread and urgency. Wonderful.
Jim
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