Cynically Romantic

CW: child abuse

Cynically Romantic

This world is a beautiful place full of wonder as far as the eye can see. The children go about their play amid the summer sun without worrying about the world or even skin cancer. Ah, such youth I enjoyed too once upon a time, not that anyone would believe it now. Now that I'm an adult, I consciously downplay the beauty in everything.

"Man-up," they said, "only a female or a baby let their true emotions show."

It is a tough habit to break even though I've come to understand that it is becoming outdated. Hard to believe even 15 years ago, people worried about such petty things as masculinity and the like, though I'm not alone in my old-fashioned views. My trail of thoughts is interrupted by a sudden beneath my legs.

"Hey, watch it, ya lousy brat!"

"Sorry, old-timer."

"Hey, don't yell at my son!"

"Sorry, I forgot to take my anti-grump pills today."

 She didn't seem too amused by it, but it seemed to quell her anger.

"I just can't believe you sometimes Mortimer, you used to be so cool, but now…."

I adjust my glasses to realize it was Marsha, I never really had any feelings towards her, but we used to study together to make the grades.

"Oh, Marsha, sorry I hardly recognized you; it's been a while."

"Still hate kids, I see."

"Only the particularly impolite or reckless ones, which is pretty much all of them these days."

"Well, we got to go the sandcastle contest is happening soon. I entered my kid in it."

"If that's the crowd I see east of us, I wouldn't like the odds. I mean, how much variation can there be? It's a bloody sandcastle, not some Renaissance painting."

"Wouldn't you like to know? Come on, Daniel, let's go; we're going to be late!"

"Coming, Mommy!"

I cringed a little at the word mommy. Don't get me wrong, I didn't particularly grow up with a bad one or anything like that. I briefly watched the contest and saw the judging. Not a surprise the kid didn't win, but if you asked me, his sandcastle looked better than anything I could have made at his age. You may be wondering what I do for a living. Despite my attitude towards children in Public, I'm the kind of guy you take your kid to see if they're out of control and need to be put in their place. That is, I am a sort of neighborhood boot camp drill sergeant. I teach them life skills the hard way and to be responsible, productive members of society. I've seen my share of complex cases over the years, but there's one that vexed me greatly, not because he acts particularly bad but because he seems so withdrawn and nothing, I say, seems to move him.

I was hoping by going to the beach, I could figure out what might make him tick, but it's like there's no soul in him at all. However, when I can get him to do anything, he is always so well-behaved. So there must be something going on at home; I just know it. No one is as sincere as them, not since people saw how mean I am. His parents tipped me for taking their son under my wing, which is highly unusual as I have never heard of a boot camp instructor receiving a gratuity. Either something is terribly wrong here, or they have mistaken me as a babysitter for him. Perhaps to get the answers, I will need a different approach. 

Back to my place of boot camp, I bring him in after his parents dropped him off. He says nothing to me on arrival, seeming just as cold and bitter as usual.

"Leonard, are you ready for our training exercise?"

Still nothing but silence, but something about him tells me something is incredibly wrong today.

"Fine…"

He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, which seemed odd considering it was still upwards of 90 degrees Fahrenheit. 

"Think you'd be more comfortable rolling up your sleeves?"

"Since when do you care about my comfort? This is a boot camp, yes?"

"A boot camp, yes, but not a death camp. Fine, you can keep it like that; then I thought today I'd teach you a little bit of cooking instead of the usual outdoor training. A true survivalist must know how to cook as you won't always have your parents there to do it for you."

"They never do."

"Then who does?"

"Me."

"Oh."

Somehow, I reflect on the tasks I could never get him to do, such as cleaning laundry and comparing it to what he would do. Then it hit me, could he feel like those skills are not masculine, or is it something else?

"Well, then how about we go for a swim?"

"No!"

But he likes swimming, or he did the last time he was here.

He hunched over, seeming in no mood to do anything. I spotted a glimpse of something down his back that wasn't there before. I snapped a photo with my phone, and on closer examination, it looked like someone had cut him near the back of his neck or struck him. He's trying to hide bruises, but who could have done this?

"I don't normally do this, but if anything is on your mind, I promise I won't insult you if you are honest with me."

After what seemed like hours of hesitation, he finally spoke.

"Remember how you taught me how to grow crops last session?"

"Yes?"

"Well, my parents got mad at me for tracking mud in the house after I worked on the family garden."

"What do they do when they get upset with you for things?"

"I cannot say."

"I see."

After the session was over, I put in an anonymous tip to the protective services. Upon doing a bodily analysis, it was reported that the parents had been abusing him. I knew it, loss of interest in usual activities, unexplained marks they refuse to show. Though I'd lost a client, I adopted him soon after. It was weird. I mean, I don't usually like kids but something about this one he seemed genuinely caring underneath it all. I had expected he would be mad at me for separating him from his parents like this, but actually, he had a massive smile on his face when I signed the forms to be his legal guardian. When I brought him home, he asked me a question that I suppose I should have expected but didn't.

"Why did you adopt me? I mean, I thought you hated me."

"Coaching and hating are two completely different things."

"Not with my family."

"So it would seem. I always knew it didn't add up how you were painted to be this out-of-control delinquent when you'd never shown me such tendencies."

He was silent again.

"I suppose since you're my son, I can show you something no one else knows."

"What?"

"Well, you're getting to be older now about to enter high school and experience love for the first time."

"Yeah?"

"Well, it can be a tricky time indeed, and you're already experiencing changes in your body. Well, with those changes comes regrets, mistakes, and all that, and I want you to know I've been there too."

I lead him to my backyard garden, where he'd been before, then unlocked a gate behind it to what would appear to be a shrine of sorts to anyone else.

"What is this place?"

"It would have been a playground or something had I not become a work from home boot camp instructor."

"A playground?"

"Yes, I was married once."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Elina was the love of my life, we went everywhere together, and she taught me to enjoy the beauty in all things, even those of which are offered to us every day but seldom do we give a second thought."

"Sounds nice..."

"Yeah, we were so excited I was a martial arts instructor at the time and pretty successful; my kind but professional approach garnered me a lot of respect, as did my skills. I knew pretty much every form of martial art enough to teach kids and adults alike. Elina was a research scientist, one of the few female ones I knew."

"So, where is she now?"

"Well... that alter there; what does it look like to you?"

After he examined it closely, his eyes sunk.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"Aye... after it happened, I withdrew a bit from my role there and decided to honor her memory.

"I would teach the world's youths never to take anything for granted, so I got certified to be a boot camp instructor with some money I saved.

"But as you likely know, I hardly had it in me to be as harsh as the ones you'd meet in the army.

"That allowed me to retain a younger audience of children who needed to learn discipline and manners."

"Some say time heals all wounds. But I didn't feel right not to be negative around others to put up that wall so no one would bother me.

"Despite having had love, I still held that a man must be strong when others are not, but I realize it has been tearing me apart over the years.

"I don't think I'm fit to train anyone in anything anymore, knowing I'm just a stepping stone for other people's dreams, never to have the fulfillment of my own.

"Still, people kept coming to me for help despite how mean they thought I was at times." 

"So you wanted a child?"

"Yes... I guess at some level, my discontent turned to envy whenever I'd see a happy family out at play despite knowing that while they were living the life I wanted, death comes for us all sooner or later and removes the happiness we had.

"Just as well had the thing survived, it would have to live with knowing it killed my wife."

I feel a sudden warmth against my chest as he'd hugged me as if trying to console me.

"Thanks, but I am fine; anyways, I don't have to tell you, but a lot of people think I am mean, and it is probably better that way.

"Do not try to tell them otherwise; I chose this life for myself, and I've found a way to make it work for me."

"Understood, dad."

Somehow my heart melted as he'd called me dad, I'd never known the joy of being a father, but I could feel something inside me stir in a way that only a proud parent would ever feel. In the end, I trained him physically and helped him study for school, and he went onto College to follow his dreams. It was bittersweet to see him off, and though I'd offered to help him pay for it, he insisted on doing it on his own. I couldn't be prouder, for I'd taken an at-risk youth and turned his life around for the better. I hope you are proud of me and smiling upon us Elina, I did it for you.

As I wrote that, I wiped a tear from my eye. I felt a chill in the air and looked behind me, and were I not in a state of emotion I'd seldom felt before I'd swore I saw Elina wave to me as she headed towards her memorial site. Though overcome by a mix of grief and pride, I smiled for perhaps the first time in 28 years. The last time was when Elina was pregnant. If one day I could have the closure to know without a doubt she knows that despite how I come off to others, I made a difference in people's lives and raised the kind of son I know we both wanted but couldn't have, I'd be content for the remainder of my years.

Whether that happens or not, I won't stop changing lives, for that is what I live for now, even if it is behind the mask of someone few people find personable until at last I am reunited with my love in the afterlife.