He who angers you controls you.

“ If she’s going to be there, count me out. I’d rather sign up for a colonoscopy and mammogram on the same day than spend another second in that person’s presence,” Anita said as she sipped on her glass of wine.

Anita had met up with Todd and Lisa for their weekly lunch at Mortellos and of course, the topic of discussion that keeps coming up is their 20 year high school reunion. She didn’t want to be a Debbie downer, but the idea of attending St. Peter High School’s reunion was something that Anita had been dreading since the Facebook invitation popped up in her notifications 3 months ago. It’s not that part of her didn’t want to see how some of her classmates were doing, it’s just that the thought of running into her again made Anita’s blood boil. It’s easy to block people on social media these days, so she has gone years without seeing a single mention, photo, or peep about Samantha Emerson- her once best friend.

It’s been over 7 years since she last spoke to Samantha. The events of that day were forever etched into her memory. After leaving Samantha’s house she tearfully went home to recall the argument with her husband, Gerry. She was so flustered, red, and hot with anger, over the situation that just transpired. Anita began going through framed pictures with Samantha and started to pull them down from the wall. She angrily tossed them into a box with other items that were attached to the memory of her now ex best friend. As tears streamed down her face, she kept replaying the argument over and over again in her mind.

“How could she say that to me?” She said to Gerry as she sobbed loudly.

They had been friends since they met in their ninth grade homeroom. Anita was immediately taken in by the beauty, wit, and humor of Samantha. Everything about Samantha was the opposite of who Anita was and even looked like. Samantha was tall, and lean, with long dirty blonde hair that complimented her forest green eyes. She was the more outgoing one of the duo. As Anita was short, with mousy brown hair, and eyes to match, she always felt like she was in the shadow of Samantha. They ended up spending every day together and Anita truly enjoyed being in the company of someone like her.

  They both played tennis for the school and even got their first part-time jobs together at the mall. They were inseparable. Their friendship was one that others envied. Even their husbands joked that it seemed as though they were more each other’s soulmates than best friends. Their bond was one that Anita felt could withstand anything, even the distance of going to separate universities couldn’t mess with the closeness of their sisterhood. The friendship wasn’t without faults or low points. There had been small arguments, periods where life kept them too busy to stay in touch, and normal friendship disagreements. Samantha could be bossy and overbearing at times in comparison to Anita’s quiet and meek demeanor.

Many of the arguments and disagreements were the results of something Samantha had done or said that hurt Anita. They would make up and instead of Samantha fully apologizing for her actions, they would just put more emphasis on Anita being sensitive, as Samantha would say. Although those unpleasant moments would happen between them, there was never a point where they were so angry and vowed never to speak to the other ever again. That was until that day at Samantha’s house all those years ago.

So as she sat listening to Todd and Lisa go over the list of those attending, she held her breath hoping to not hear Samantha’s name.

“Chelsea Eckers, Thomas Ellery, Samantha Emerson.”

“ Damn it !” Anita said as she slammed her wine glass on the table.

“Oh come on, Anita. It’s been years, I’m sure by now you two can be at the same event,” said Todd as Lisa finished listing off the names of those attending.

It’s not that easy to just be in the same space Anita thought to herself. This wasn’t the first event both had been invited to since they had their friendship breakup. One time their kids were invited to a swimming party at the community center, and as soon as Anita saw Samantha, she grabbed her daughter and left before Samantha could have the chance to come up to them. She avoided the places she knew Samantha would frequent, and politely turned down invitations to events or social actives she feared she would have the opportunity to run into her ex best friend. 

“Well I don’t want to go to this if she’s going to be there,” Anita said. 

“I just think it’s such a shame for you to miss out on seeing all of our other friends, all because you can’t try to be in the same space as Samantha. It’s not like you have to speak to her,” Lisa tried to reason with her now obviously upset friend.

That night as Anita sat with her family at the dinner table, she found herself unable to be present with them and fully participate in the conversations they were having. She excused herself and went upstairs to run a hot bath, hoping that would help to clear her thoughts. As she sat in the hot lavender scented bubble bath, she fought back tears when thinking of how it seemed like no one understood why she was hesitant to want to attend the reunion. Yes, it has been years since the day she stormed out of Samantha’s house, but the wounds from their final talk turned argument, still haunted her.

Lately, there had been a feeling of uneasy tension between the friends. They used to have lunch once a week at Mortellos and rotate between each other's houses every Friday for dinners and game nights. But for the last month and a half, Samantha had been canceling their plans. At first, she was just missing a couple of lunch dates, then slowly their Friday dinner and game nights halted altogether. There would be a variety of excuses presented at first like a sick kid or scheduling conflicts. Anita tried her best to understand her friend’s absence because she knew there had been some rough times experienced by Samantha. A couple of weeks before she started to cancel their meet ups, she had come to Anita tearfully about a dire financial situation she was facing. Being that they were best friends since high school, Anita decided to lend the money necessary to help Samantha out of the bind she was in. They agreed to have Samantha pay back the money every week, scheduling the payment to be done when they met up for their weekly lunch at Mortellos.

When the first week's payment was due, Samantha was unable to pay Anita. Anita understood and just told her friend to pay her at next week’s lunch date. When the following week rolled around, Samantha canceled on Anita, saying she was unable to attend their lunch date due to her child being sick. So for the next month and a half, phone calls and texts began to go unanswered, along with dates to hang out being canceled. The canceling of dates and unanswered calls or texts didn’t upset Anita at first. At first, she was genuinely concerned about her friend and wanted to make sure she was okay. So one afternoon that Samantha didn’t show up for the lunch date, she had promised she finally would be at, Anita decided to swing by her house to check on her. Upon her arrival, she was surprised when Samantha’s oldest child answered and said that their mom wasn’t home, She had gone to lunch with a friend. She was taken aback, considering Samantha had texted her that she was home sick with her youngest child and was unable to meet up once again for lunch. She had lied and Anita didn’t understand why.

That night when she was telling her husband about the lie Samantha told, to once again avoid meeting up, he became upset. Not just due to her flakiness, but also because he felt she was getting away with not having to pay them back the money that was loaned. He told Anita that “enough was enough” and asked her to text Samantha to ask for some form of payment as soon as possible. So she did just that, in a much nicer tone and wording than what Gerry had suggested. She still thought of her as her best friend and just assumed that maybe there was some sort of misunderstanding that needed to be worked through.

So the next day she met up at Samantha’s house, excited to see her best friend for the first time in over a month and a half. When the front door was open, she wasn’t greeted by Samantha’s usually warm and friendly smile. Instead of inviting her in to sit and talk, Samantha handed her an envelope and said, “This should settle everything.”

“Sam, What do you mean this should settle everything?” Anita asked with a confused look on her face.

“Oh Anita, don’t play dumb. It wasn’t cute in high school and it’s not cute now,” Samantha said with a tinge of annoyance in her voice.

“I don’t understand, truly. I’m not playing dumb. I’ve been worried about you for this past month and a half. Now is the first time I see you and this is how you act,” Anita tearfully replied to her friend.

Samantha looked Anita in the eyes and said, “Stop crying. It doesn’t matter. You only care about getting your money back anyways. You don’t care-“

“I don’t care about the money. I care about my friend not showing up and lying about why,” Anita shouted back at a stunned Samantha. She never spoke up much, let alone got angry, so it took Samantha by surprise. 

What followed next were accusations of selfishness, lying, and even jealousy being shouted back and forth between Anita and Samantha. Just as Anita was about to suggest they cool down and talk later when they both weren’t so upset, Samantha told her to leave her house. As Samantha was closing the door, she looked at Anita and said, “I knew I should have cut you loose years ago. You’ve always been jealous of me. I thought you loaning me money was to help me out. Truthfully, it was your way to hold something over me to finally feel superior to me…instead of just being in my shadow.”

Shadow…that word was like being pierced by a thousand knives into the heart. Anita ran back to her car, immediately crying puddles of tears as she looked back at Samantha’s house. Samantha knew what to say to cut her the deepest and today she did just that. She called her mom as she drove back home and listened to the advice her mom had given her.

“Honey, you have to stand up for yourself. You don’t deserve that… she doesn’t deserve your friendship or presence in her life. He who angers you controls you, “ Her mother said.

Those words were not the first time Anita’s mom had spoken to her about standing up to the boisterous Samantha, but this time she felt differently after hearing them. As she recounted the details of the argument to her husband, he too agreed with Anita’s mom and encouraged her to take a stand and do what’s best for herself for once. So as she replayed the incident in her mind, she realized that enough had been enough and proceeded to call Samantha to speak her mind. Upon trying to call, then text Samantha, she discovered that her number was now blocked. She went on Facebook to send a message and discovered there too Samantha had blocked her. Their friendship was really over. This argument had been the worse they ever had and although Anita was hurt, she still held hope to make peace. But upon seeing Samantha block her on everything, she got angry. Allowing herself for the first time to truly feel upset by actions and words that were used to hurt her. 

The lavender scented bubble bath grew cold and Anita’s skin grew wrinkled. She exited the tub and saw she had a text message from Lisa.

Sorry if I didn’t try to understand more about why you’re upset. I just think you deserve to not let anger or her keep you from living your life. You deserve to find peace and closure and I think going to the reunion may be a great start.

As she lay in bed that night, she thought about how much she’s missed out on or avoided over the past 7 years due to being angry at Samantha. She didn’t even attend a funeral of a mutual friend, for fear of running into her. Anita’s life had been halted in some ways after that day at Samantha’s 7 years ago. Lisa was right, she did deserve to attend the reunion and was ready to finally address Samantha about what had transpired between them all those years ago. The next day she went to Macy’s to buy a new outfit, made a hair appointment with her stylist Cindy, and even treated herself to a new pair of heels from Jimmy Choo. She wanted to look her best and feel the most confident she possibly could. 

The next night was the high school reunion. It was being held in the ballroom of the Grand Hotel in the downtown art district of their town. As she walked arm in arm with her husband, she entered a beautifully decorated space. The school colors of gold and black were incorporated into every design aspect of the room. The DJ was playing music from their era of high school and was encouraging people to dance. She saw Todd and Lisa at a table near the champagne fountain and made her way over there with her husband. The group sat and laughed as they watched slide show photographs of them and their friends back during their high school days. 

The night was going well and Anita found herself happy that she decided to attend. After a few sweaty dances on the dance floor, she told her husband she wanted to go sit back down at the table. As she walked back, she saw her. There she stood with her flowing blonde hair and wearing an ivory white dress, laughing with a group of former classmates. Just as she was about to turn around, one of the girls in the group called her name and ushered her over to their circle.

“Anita !!! It’s been years,” Samantha said with a huge smile as she went to reach in for a hug.

The smile, the greeting, the hug…it all took Anita back. How could she just smile and exchange pleasantries as though the past 7 years had not happened?

“Can we step somewhere outside and talk,” Anita asked Samantha.

“I would love to, Anita,” Samantha said with a huge grin.

As they stepped outside, the tension Anita felt that fateful day all those years ago, quickly returned to her. She had rehearsed what she would say if she got the chance to speak with her ex best friend. Just as she was about to speak what she had rehearsed Samantha spoke up.

“ It’s taken me 7 years, but I need to say I’m sorry. I only came tonight to see you and try to make things right again,” Samantha said as she teared up. 

She began listing all the reasons why she acted the way she did those years ago and said what she said. She even tried to explain why she blocked her phone number and social media accounts. Anita listened, and with every word Samantha spoke, she found herself angry. Not because of what was being said, but because the words didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t need to hear the words, “I’m sorry.” She had been having a great night at the reunion and it made her upset about how much she’s missed out on because of being angry at Samantha. She realized that anger had controlled so much of her life these past few years and it was time to do something about it. Here was her ex best friend apologizing and for once taking accountability for her actions instead of blaming it on Anita being sensitive. She had waited 7 years for this moment when she realized the words didn’t change anything. Too much time and bad blood had transpired between them. But instead of being upset about that, she found that she was angrier about holding on to the resentment all these years, only to learn that an apology couldn’t fix anything.

So she looked Samantha in her eyes, and told her, “Ok. Thank you.” She then turned and walked back towards the ballroom. All that she rehearsed to say to Samantha no longer seemed important or worth her time. She caught glimpses of her husband and friends having a blast on the dance floor as Samantha was apologizing and speaking. She thought about how she finally understood the meaning of the saying her mom would tell her,” He who angers you controls you!” She hugged Samantha and went back inside to join her friends. As she danced with her husband and friends, she smiled, as she was happy that she decided to attend the reunion after all. At that moment she realized how much fun she had been missing because of worrying about one person. She knew that forgiving Samantha was the only choice. Not because she wanted her friend back, but rather because she knew choosing to let go of her anger and bitterness meant she was choosing herself again.