The Best and The Worst Decision I Ever Made

          The Best and The Worst Decision I Ever Made

When I was ten years old my parents decided it would be best for me to start a new school. After a year of being bullied, constant trips to the principal's office, and being surrounded by people that caused the faculty to contemplate calling 9-1-1 weekly, it seemed like the right call. I would be transferring to a private school called Coloma Christian. As an overweight and insecure fifth-grader, the idea scared me so bad my hands would become numb and turn white. However, I decided to comply with my parent's wishes and remain optimistic. 

Despite the uncontrollable pit in my stomach changing schools turned out to be the best decision I ever made. Or I should say, the best decision my parents ever made. Throughout my first two years at Coloma Christian, I met a tall, blonde-haired boy named Rick, with the most perfect complex I have ever seen. I also met a tall, stocky, black-haired young man who looked like he had hit puberty about five years early, considering the mustache on his upper lip. His name was Patrick. Rick, Patrick, and I soon became great friends and bonded over our love of recess sports. Fast forward eight years, I was eighteen, Rick and Patrick were still my best friends and Rick still had the best complexion I have ever seen by a guy. 

After we graduated High School it was time to enter “the real world” or so we thought. Originally we all believed that higher education was our desired path. Rick went to a school on the east coast to chase his love of business, Patrick went to the west coast to study engineering, and I stayed in the midwest with absolutely no idea what I was doing, so I enrolled at the local community college where I spent two semesters. When the spring came around I got to see Patrick and Rick for the first time in what felt like forever. We picked up right where we left off, playing basketball, putting each other in headlocks as fast as the opportunity presented itself, and just plain out having a great time. 

Once we got over the excitement of seeing each other again things started to calm down and we got to talking. It was at that moment that Patrick said something that changed my life forever. 

“I don't think I'm gonna go back to the west coast this fall.”

“Why not?” I asked him. 

“Engineering seems like a fine career, but I don’t think it’s for me. I want more.”

“What’s more?”

“I think I'm gonna join the Army,” he replied.

I don’t think Rick thought too much into it, but I was shocked. Never before had Patrick said anything that indicated he wanted to join the military, especially not when he had an engineering degree there for the taking? Sure enough, Patrick went to meet with a recruiter and was shipped out to boot camp within the next few months. After a year had gone by I received a letter from Patrick saying he had graduated from Airborne school and was set to become a combat engineer in the 75th Ranger Regiment. 

When I got this letter I immediately felt happy and proud of my friend, but at the same time felt disappointed in myself. Patrick was out there doing something that really made a difference in the world and here I was finishing my second year of community college and was working a minimum wage job on the side. So I did what any reasonable nineteen-year-old would do. I dropped out of college and joined the army. As somebody who never had any interest in school, I enlisted as an 11-Bravo (Infantryman) and was on my way to boot camp within two weeks of receiving Patrick's letter. 

While I was in boot camp the Islamic terrorist group known as “Al-Qaeda” bombed the world trade center on September 11th. So instead of going through your average everyday Infantry training, I was training to deploy into combat almost as soon as I got done with basic training. 

My first deployment was the scariest experience of my entire life. I spent three months running through the streets of Kunduz Afghanistan with an M60 machine gun and dodging bullets and improvised explosive devices daily. However, at the same time, I had never felt more alive. I was addicted to the adrenaline rush and the patriotic feeling of representing America on the battlefield. 

On my second deployment, my detachment was partnered with a group of Army Rangers to conduct a search and capture mission of one of the headmen in the Al-Qaeda movement. I did not anticipate seeing Patrick again until we were both retired from the military, but somehow someway the “group of Army Rangers” we were deployed with happened to be his battalion. It was the first time I had seen him in almost two years and the word on the street was that he was the best combat engineer in the history of the United States Army having defused more explosives than any other. Two days into the deployment our task unit stumbled across an improvised explosive device that was detected by Patrick. Patrick proceeded towards it with the intent of defusing it like he had done so many times before. 

As Patrick walked toward the bomb, it went off, killing him and two other soldiers. It was horrific. I’ll never forget the feeling I experienced as I watched Patrick die. The chill down my spine, nausea in my stomach, the anger I felt towards Al-Qaeda, how long the flight home felt, and how much sitting through his funeral felt like a bad dream that I was trying so desperately to wake up from. 

The empty space in my heart that was created when that IED went off has never been filled. Nowadays I have a wife and two children. I often tell them stories about Patrick, how I joined the Army for fulfillment as did he. I describe to them his unrivaled ambition, his bravery in the face of danger, his unreservedly pure heart, and how I watched him take his last breath. Throughout my time in the Army, I experienced endless satisfaction. I protected those who couldn’t protect themselves, I defended the country I love, and I stood by my best until the very end. However, I was also forced to witness humanity in some of its most horrific forms and because of that, I will always have an empty space inside. Although I didn’t realize it when I did it, joining the Army will always be the best and the worst decision I ever made.