Hide and Seek

Gilly is at Mel's house playing hide and seek. Mel lives in the double wide trailer at the end of the cul-de-sac. His mama is at work at Scooter's Bar and Grill down the road and he's 10 so he's old enough to stay at home by himself. Gilly isn't, but her older brother Mick is supposed to be watching her anyway. That's what he tells her daddy even though he's just drinking beer in the woods with his friends and Gilly can do whatever she wants.

Mel and Gilly have been friends since his dog ran away last year and Gilly found him sleeping on her porch. Gilly wanted to keep him, but he had a name tag and his name was Rex and Daddy said he must belong to somebody. Mel's mama came and got Rex the next day and Mel was with her. Rex didn't seem so happy to go back with them, he looked back at Gilly with his big brown dog eyes as if to say, "Shoot, they found me." Gilly said "I'll see you around." Mel though she was taking to him and he said, "Ok," and smiled a weird smile that involved his eyebrows somehow.

Gilly and him are not in the same grade but they go to the same school and wait at the same bus stop. Gilly only comes over to his house because Rex is there, but Mel doesn't mind. He doesn't have friends at school and him and Gilly have fun together.

Gilly decides to hide in the shed out back. Mel says not to hide there because there are spiders and snakes and he doesn't want to go looking in there and find any. Gilly thinks it will be funny to scare him and it seems like the best place to hide. Mel should know she doesn't listen anyway. That's what her mama used to say. Before she left.

Gilly has to squeak in between the two double doors that have a chain loosely tied around the handles keeping them shut. It's musty and there are shadows of rusty tools hanging from the walls. There's not much light to see by. Gilly trips over something big under a tarp and stubs her toe. She bends down in the faint dust-filled half light.

It shouldn't take long for Mel to find her. He'll come in the shed and scream because he's so scared and flap his hands and Gilly will laugh. Mel will tell her to shut up, but he'll start laughing too. Gilly chuckles quietly to herself just thinking about it. She sits down on a dust-covered bench, stifling a sneeze. Something skitters away. Something louder and bigger than a spider. "Shoo fly!" she says, the way mama used to say, to all the creeping and crawling things in the shed.

Gilly's mind starts to wander to her stuffed animal, Kiki. Kiki was there when mama left and Mick and Mel both say she's too old for stuffed animals but Gilly doesn't care. Kiki is soft and dried her tears when no one noticed her. Kiki is there every night when Gilly misses mama reading a bedtime story to her, and Kiki hides in her backpack at school. Kiki reminds her not to cry in front of everyone or to ball up her fists and yell when no one is listening.

Gilly starts to get restless. She doesn't know how long it's been. It feels like too long, longer than it takes to wait at the doctor in the room on the table with the paper on it for the doctor to come in. She left Kiki inside on Mel's couch. They were all watching TV when Gilly suggested hide and seek.

Mel was going on and on about the show, some cartoon anime that Gilly couldn't pay attention to. Mel indulges her need for fun little kid games. Maybe he feels sorry for her because mama left or his own mama told him to be nice to Gilly.

Mick gave her a watch but she took it off at the bus stop because it was rubbing her wrist and she doesn't understand what the little hands mean so she wouldn't know what time it is anyway. Mel would tell her, he's smart.

Gilly calls out his name, "Mel! Hey Mel! Come find me already!"

It's quiet. If he were near the shed he'd be making enough noise to hear. Gilly doesn't want to give up the game but she's getting antsy. She calls Mel's name again. Then she calls for Rex. Normally Rex follows her around but for the game Gilly didn't open the door to let him outside. He would've given away her spot too quick. But Mel might've let him out to help find her.

"Rex! Rexy boy!" She calls and whistles. She's not so good at whistling but she's been practicing. It comes out too full of spit and too soft, but she can hear the dog barking inside the trailer.

"Hey, be quiet!" she hears Mel say to Rex.

"Hurry up and find me!" Gilly calls.

Then it's quiet.

Frustrated, Gilly gets up off the bench with then intention to wiggle her way out of the shed. She forgets about the something under the tarp and trips over it again. "Ouch!" she yells into the dusty air.

It's harder to get out of the shed than in. Gilly has to flatten herself and not breathe. The shed doors creak and she can hear Rex scratching at the screen door now, trying to get out to her. She shoves real hard to wriggle her way through. Something cracks as she falls out and onto the dirt around the shed.

Mel is walking back inside the back door. "Hey, jerk!" Gilly calls. She picks up one of Rex's chewed-up sticks and throws it. But Mel doesn't turn around. She runs up to Mel, but he shuts the door in her face. She opens the door and pushes him from behind. He falls and clambers up quickly. Rex is barking at her, a scared, jumpy bark. Rex is backing up as he barks

"Hey, what's going on?" Gilly says. "Why are you ignoring me, Mel? I'm sorry for going in the shed."

Mel is getting up off the floor. He turns around to face Gilly. But his eyes are looking at somewhere else, like the way daddy looks after he's had a lot of beers and Gilly is trying to ask him to come read her a bedtime story like mama used to do.

"Mel!" Gilly yells his name. He doesn't react, just keeps staring off and through her. "I'm right here."

Frustrated, Gilly runs to the couch to get Kiki. She's confused and big tears start rolling down her cheeks. "I want my mama," she says, even though she knows mama is not around anymore.

Rex is still barking at her, but keeping his distance. Mel runs down the hall to his room and shuts the door with a slam.

Gilly sits on the couch, clutching Kiki to her chest. She rubs the worn-out ears against her cheeks. Rex slows down his barking and then stops, but maintains his position. Gilly doesn't know what to do. She decides to ride her bike back home, even though she knows Daddy is still at work and Mick won't be there anyway.

She grabs her backpack by the front door and stuffs Kiki in. Rex doesn't try to sneak out the front door for once when she opens it.

At home it feels big and empty and Gilly starts to cry again. She crawls in her bed with Kiki and pulls the blankets over her head. She cries until her eyes feel dried out and Kiki is damp with her tears.

"What's wrong, darling?" comes a gentle voice.

"Mama?" Gilly peeks from under the covers, not sure if she can believe her ears.

There she is, Mama, standing by the bed, her brown hair like Gilly's tucked behind her ears. But she looks faded and out of focus. Gilly wipes her eyes.

"You can see me?" Mama says. Her voice sounds a little far away, even though she's right there next to Gilly's bed.

"Mama? Your back?" Gilly asks in a shaky voice.

Mama nods. She sits down on Gilly's bed and Gilly can feel her warmth. "I missed you," She says. "Daddy and Mick said your weren't coming back ever but I didn't believe them. They made me wear a black dress and go to a..."

"Shh..." Mama says, putting her warm soft hand over Gilly's lips. She scoops Gilly up in a big hug that feels like when the sun comes up in the morning.

Gilly relaxes and smiles. She wants to tell Mama about Mel, since she only met him after Mama had left. But she's so happy to see Mama, there are no words. She just smiles so big her face feels like it will crack.

Mama looks at Gilly and says, "You can come with me if you want to now, hon." She looks off out the window, where the sun is sinking low.

"Or I can take you back, and you can stay."

Gilly shakes her head, not understanding. "No! You stay here, Mama!"

Mama smiles again, a soothing smile like when she used to give Gilly crackers and ginger ale when Gilly would say her tummy hurt and she didn't want to go to school.

"I don't know what your talking about." Gilly says. "You're here. Just stay. Daddy will be home soon, he'll be so happy to see you, Mama. He's been drinking a lot of beers and he doesn't go to bed much."

Mama just keeps on with her smile, her head tilted a little like she's kind of listening but not all the way. This is the look the adults at school give Gilly and she hates it. Like they all know something but they don't want to tell her what it is. She doesn't want to get mad at Mama, though. She tries to think hard about what Mama has said. About taking her back.

"Back to where, Mama?" she asks.

"Where you still are, of course."

Gilly knows she is in her room, with Mama. Where else could she be? She's here, holding Kiki, who is still soft in some places that Gilly hasn't rubbed too hard against her cheek to feel better. She remembers leaving the shed, she remembers wiggling her way out between the chain-bound double doors. She remembers Rex barking, and Mel running to his room and slamming the door. "No," she says. How could Mama be so wrong about this?

"Remember when Mick got hurt playing football and he didn't remember?" Mama says gently. This was last year, when Mick played in the football game for the first time because the other guy got hurt, but then Mick got knocked down and hurt too and he didn't remember playing the game and his head hurt and the doctor said don't go to sleep and daddy was worried and rubbing his beard and muttering to himself.

The sun is almost all the way down and Mama is getting more faded and frayed at the edges. Her soft brown eyes crinkle at the edges. She's waiting for Gilly to do something, so Gilly says, "Ok, Mama," which isn't really an answer, but it's something. And Gilly feels tears in her eyes again. Because something is gone and it's more than just Mama.

"Gilly!" she hears a far away voice, high-pitched and cracking with worry. "I'm not coming in there and it's not funny so c'mon."

It's Mel, "Come out of the shed, I found you," he yells.