Stay in Touch?

Kate was sipping on her coffee, waiting for her gate to open so she could finally get home. She was so lost in thought that she wasn’t feeling how the hot coffee was burning her tongue. Maybe if her tongue became numb from the burn it would distract her from feeling numb on the inside? All she knew was that the coffee wasn’t helping her with anything – neither her sleepiness, nor the numbness inside. She brought the cup closer to her lips once again, but nothing happened, no liquid touched her lips, no wetness, no nothing. 

“Oh, so I drank it all,” she mumbled, clearly not noticing that she finished a whole cup of cappuccino. 

She was sad that there was no coffee left in the cup because she would have to think of another thing to do before the gate opens. She already walked around the duty free, bought some presents for her nephews, restocked some of her makeup, and bought a book for her on the plane, though she wasn’t sure if she was going to. 

Eventually she decided that she would go find her gate and wait there. Maybe taking a short nap is a good idea, otherwise waiting for one more hour would be torture for her. Her gate was E15, which meant that she had to walk for a few minutes to get there, which made her happy, minus 5 minutes from the waiting time. 

Surprisingly, almost all the seats next to the gate were taken. Apparently the people on this plane are very punctual or maybe, just like her, they wanted to get the flight over with as quickly as possible. The only empty seat was next to some guy who had his headphones on and was typing something on his computer. Well, I guess she didn’t have freedom of choice in this situation, and she had to sit right there. For some reason, and that reason could be that she was bored, she couldn’t help but peek from time to time to see what he was typing on his computer. She didn’t realize how or when she started filtering options in her mind of what the guy was typing. Was it some kind of a project proposal that he was trying to submit to his boss? Or maybe he was writing his dissertation and had to submit a draft before the deadline? Or maybe he’s just writing a comment under a Youtube video? 

Kate thought she was doing all the thinking and peeking secretly but apparently she wasn’t skilled enough to be a spy just yet and the guy noticed that she was really invested in what he was writing. 

“Uhm…Excuse me?” he said looking at her, indirectly implying that she had some explaining to do. Little did she know that she was so deep in thought that she didn’t even notice that he was staring at her waiting for her to answer his question. 

“Hello?” he said, waving in front of her frozen stare, struggling to get any response from her. This time he got lucky because Kate suddenly snapped out of it and to try to avoid the awkward situation started looking into another direction. 

“Miss? What are you doing?” asked the man, clearly not giving up.

“Uhm,” she said, turning her eyes in his direction, “ Are you talking to me?” she asked, pointing at herself. 

“Oh come on, you clearly see that I’m looking at you,” he said, sighing. 

“Okay, then I guess you can clearly see what I’m doing, no?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, but I want you to answer me. Why are you reading what I’m typing?”

“Well, technically speaking, I wasn’t reading, I got so lost in thought trying to understand what you were writing that I wasn’t actually reading,” Kate said, expecting him to “compliment” her for not invading his privacy. 

“How generous of you,” he said, putting his palm on his face. 

“Can you just tell me what you’re writing? My curiosity’s going to eat me alive,” she asked, making that face that the puss in boots is making in the Shrek movie.

“And why would I do that? You’re a total stranger who’s being really weird right now.”

“Because I’m really bored and I need you to help me survive the wait before I get on the plane.”

He really didn’t understand why he had to save her from boredom but he slowly found himself giving in. 

“On one condition - I’m only answering one question, nothing more. Deal?” 

A small smile suddenly appeared on the face that was filled with boredom, curiosity, and slight sadness before. 

“Deal,” she answered, holding her hand, waiting for him to return the respectful gesture. 

He did it very quickly to avoid the awkward situation he was put in. 

“I’m a writer and this is the new book I’m writing. Happy?” he said with a tone that screamed “let’s get this over with”. 

“Actually, no, I’m not happy at all,” she said looking away but also looking at the man through her peripheral vision, trying to see if he was interested to know why. When she saw that his facial expression changed, she realized that she succeeded.

“What do you mean?” he asked with a confused face.

“You asked if I was happy and the answer is no. I’m not happy, not at all. Now I have even more questions that I want to ask you. About your book, about your profession, and a lot more.”

“Listen, I don’t want to sound rude, but talking to strangers about my life wasn’t on my to do list today. Moreover, my writing and my life are personal things and I don’t share them with just anybody. I’m sure you wouldn’t do it either.”

“Actually, you’re wrong. I can tell you about myself if you’re interested, of course.”

“Oh God, this woman is just…I can’t even find the words to describe you…”

The man turned to his computer and started typing on the keyboard acting like he’s ignoring her, but she knew very well that he wasn’t fully doing it. 

“You might not really understand how I’m feeling but sometimes you really need to talk to a stranger and not someone who knows you well. I think that that’s partly what you’re doing with your writing, you’re talking to strangers, they’re just ‘listening’ to you a little later than when you’re actually speaking…”

All of this time he was typing on his keyboard, but after hearing the last line he stopped. For a few seconds he simply froze in the same position and kept looking at the screen. But then he turned to her 

“So from the first moment you were just trying to make me understand that you needed someone to talk to?”

“I guess so,” now she was the one who looked away from him. 

“Why didn’t you say it like that then?” he asked the question while looking at her intensely, waiting for her to bring her gaze back.

“I guess I didn’t know that either.” She brought her eyes back to him, showing a sad smile. 

He closed his computer and put it away. 

“What do you want to talk about?”

“I want to share a secret with you. Now I know you’re going to be surprised that I decided to share a secret with a stranger, but trust me, sharing a secret with a stranger is much easier than with someone you know. They care less and that’s what makes it easier to share what you have to say, especially when it’s something hard and complicated.”

“Well, I guess you already know me a little…but yeah, you’re right, sometimes sharing things with a stranger is much easier…Tell me. What’s the secret?”

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, preparing herself.

“I’ll tell you in a second, but you have to promise me that when we say goodbye to each other you’ll forget about this secret and won’t think about it.”

“You’re scaring me, you know. I hope you didn’t commit a crime or something,” he said laughing. 

“Promise me,” she said without changing her facial expression, she was really serious now. 

“Okay okay, I promise. From answering a stranger’s questions to listening to their lives, to then making a promise. I really can’t recognize myself anymore.”

She didn’t pay attention to the second part of his speech and just heard the first part where he was making a promise to her. 

“You know, I’ve never hated life, I’ve always been grateful for everything. You think, or at least you hope that if you’re grateful and appreciate the things you have, everything will be alright. But there are some things that you can’t control in life. A few weeks ago I found out that I have cancer and I have one year left,” she was telling her story with a very serious voice, no other emotion, simply stating facts. 

Suddenly the annoyance in his eyes was replaced by something else. Was it…? Was it empathy? Sadness? Shock? Maybe a little bit of those three.

“I guess you didn’t expect it, huh? Well, same here. I don’t want to go into details, but I’ve been feeling weird and when the pain got unbearable, I went to the doctor and to say that the diagnosis was a huge disappointment to me would be an understatement. I took a few weeks to digest what happened by myself before I could share this with anybody. And guess what? You’re the first person I’m sharing this with. I hope you feel honored.” Her emotions changed only when she said the last line. That’s when she looked at him and winked. But now they switched roles and he couldn’t show any emotion, to be more precise he didn’t know how to react because this was the first time something like this happened to him. 

“Honestly, I don’t know what the right thing to say is in this kind of situations, so if I say something wrong please let me know,” he said, uttering every word very carefully. 

“Don’t worry about it, you can say whatever you want,” Kate answered, giving him a small smile. 

“How are you feeling now? Or maybe it’s better to ask, what exactly are you feeling now?”

“At the very beginning I was a little angry too, I felt it was very unfair that lots of my dreams, goals, and aspirations are going to be left like that in the hopes that maybe there’s another life waiting for me. To be honest, the sadness has decreased since the first day of finding out about the diagnosis, but I wouldn’t say that it has fully disappeared from my heart. If I had to say what I feel now, I would just say that it’s a combination of fear and sadness. I’m scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen, you know? I’ve always been feeling uncomfortable about undefined unpredictable things. My sadness is connected to life, my family and my friends. I realized there’s so much I won’t be able to experience in this life, which is so unfortunate because I’ve always dreamt about it. I’m never going to be able to have my own family, become a mom, to turn my parents into grandparents, I won’t be able to achieve my professional dreams, I won’t get to spend time and get old with my loved ones, I won’t get to travel the world and create memories, I won’t get to plan things for the future, and, most importantly, I won’t be there when something happens to one of my parents. I’m basically leaving them alone, you know? It’s like you’re watching a movie and in the middle of it or maybe a little less than the middle you stop it and don’t continue watching it. The plot is clearly incomplete, the story hasn’t been fully told but you don’t get to watch it anymore. But most of all, I’m scared of my parents’ reactions and how they’ll feel when they find out… Actually, the reason why I wanted to talk to someone was that I wanted to distract myself with something, anything…I’m so nervous about telling them but also I can’t keep it a secret from them because someday they simply won’t be able to reach or find me…”

“I don’t…I don’t think I can find the right words to say in this situation…I’m sorry…You might say, ‘Wow you’re a writer but you can’t find the words’ and you’ll be right, but I really can’t…While you were telling me this I thought of a few things to say but all of them would just be empty words…So let me ask you this - I know we just met a few minutes ago, but do you, by any chance, need a hug? Also, sorry that you wanted to distract yourself from this topic but somehow we ended up talking about it…”

Hearing the offer lit her eyes like the eyes of a child that finally gets the sweet or toy they were asking for for so long. It’s like she realized that without having asked for it, she got what she needed most at the moment. She nodded and waited for him to take the initiative and open his arms, which he did not so surprisingly. 

She came closer and seconds later found herself getting teary in his eyes. He didn’t notice it until the moment he felt the sleeves of his jacket get wet from her tears.

“How am I going to share this with them? How can I put it into words? How can I make sure they don’t get too sad? I don’t want to see them cry,” she was whispering these questions through her slow tears.

“If it was the opposite, nothing could make it okay or less painful, right? Just say it the way that it is and use every second loving them, caring for them, creating memories with them - do that for all those years you’re not going to be next to them,” he said, still holding her. 

She wanted to answer but heard that her gate was already open for boarding and knew she already had to leave, even though she felt so comforted in this hug. She slowly broke the hug and quickly started preparing to leave - her bag, her phone, her trolley - great, everything was ready. 

Before getting up from the chair, she looked at him and knew it was time to say goodbye, forever. 

“Thank you, thank you so much, for every word, for every gesture and empathetic glance. Whatever you did was … I know that not everyone would be kind enough to do this… so I’m even more grateful about that…I hope you stay healthy, happy, and I hope you publish lots of wonderful books and will get the audience you deserve. From the way you comforted me, I could feel you have a beautiful way of putting thoughts into words, so I know you’re talented. I don’t even know your name, but I feel like I know so many other -  more important  - things about you. Thank you once again…”

She said and got up to go but then felt his hand holding her arm. 

“Wait! Can we stay in touch?”

“Remember you promised that you would forget about the secret after we said goodbye?”

“Yes, I do…but I didn’t promise that I’d forget you…and honestly, I don’t want to forget the secret because…because…I think you’re in a hurry and we shouldn’t be having deep talks… The fact of the matter is I want to stay in touch and be with you on that journey, if you let me,” he answered with hesitation and emotion in his voice, waiting to hear her answer.

“Sorry, I don’t think we should keep in touch,” she said, taking her arm out of his grip, turning away. 

She took a few steps forward, getting closer to the gate. She was hoping that she’d distract herself and feel less emotional before the flight, but oh well, she made things worse and now she was even more emotional than before. She took a paper and pen out of her bag, wrote her number on a piece of paper and turned back to him. 

She started approaching him with a smile on her face. 

“Kidding! Yes, let’s stay in touch,” she said, taking his hand, putting the paper in it, and slowly taking her hand away so that they could have an indirect hand holding moment. 

His sad expression was replaced with a wide genuine smile. She smiled back at him, with the same smile. They couldn’t stop looking and smiling at each other for a few seconds, before she remembered she had to leave. 

“Let’s stay in touch?” he asked, already knowing the answer and waving her goodbye. 

“Let’s stay in touch!” she confirmed, waving him back.