Super Awkward!

SUPER AWKWARD!

“Okay, Charlie, it’s time.”

I looked at my therapist, Rick Bondar, raising my eyebrow.

“Time for what, Rick? I still have forty minutes.”

“Time to get out there — into the world.”

I crossed my arms and looked away.

“No. It’s not. I can’t do it.” I looked up at the ceiling. “It’s too soon. I’m not ready.”

Dr. Bondar looked at me — at least I thought he was looking at me, since I only caught movement in my peripheral vision because I was still looking at the ceiling.

“Charlie, look at me.”

Reluctantly, I moved my eyes towards Rick. He had his gentle “I’m the doctor, and I know what’s best for you” look on his face.

“Charlie, you’ve got all the tools to go out and meet people and talk to them.”

I shook my head. "No, I don't."

“We’ve gone over all the proper topics versus taboo topics. You know how to ask open-ended questions. And you know how to actively listen.”

“I can’t do it, Rick. There’s no way I can do it.”

“You can, Charlie, I know you can. I have faith.”

"At least one of us does." I snorted. “What happens if people don’t talk to me? Don’t like me?”

Rick looked at me quizzically.

“What would happen if people didn’t talk to you?”

I paused, and thought about the worst case scenario.

Let’s be honest here, Chuck, I said to myself. Every outing is already the worst case scenario.

“Rick, people don’t like me. I know that. I’m awkward and weird. The fact that I work in IT only makes it worse.”

He shook his head. “People do like you, Charlie. You have friends. It’s just that you have trouble in social situations where you don’t know people. Meeting new people is your kryptonite. We need to fix that.” He paused, putting his hands on his knees, and leaning towards me. “You’re more than ready to do this. I have faith.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Rick, seriously, I’m not sure. What if it doesn’t work out?”

“Again, Charlie, so what? Will it be any different from any other social encounter you’ve had?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“So, it will either be the same, or be better. And, you have to tools to make the change to better.”

I leaned back in my chair, shutting my eyes again.

“Charlie?”

I opened my eyes, and looked back at Dr. Bondar.

“I really don’t think I can,” I said.

We sat in awkward silence for a couple of minutes. I never realized how long a couple of minutes were until I tried to out-wait my therapist. Finally, I spoke up.

“I’ll try,” I said with more enthusiasm than I felt.

“Fantastic,” said Rick, slapping his hands on his thighs, and sitting back.

I sighed. Had I just promised to try something I wasn’t ready to try?

“If I remember correctly, don’t you have an IT association conference coming up in a couple of days?”

“Yeah. It’s three days, out of town.”

“Do they have a mixer the first night?”

“I don’t know. Probably.” I looked down at my hands. “I, uh, never go to those things. I just go to the workshops.”

Rick took off his glasses, pointing at me with the arm. “Well, this time I want you to go to the mixer.”

My stomach sank. All those people … all those people I didn’t know.

“Rick …”

“No, Charlie, hear me out. I want you to at least try. Give it a try for about half an hour. If it doesn’t work out, fine. We'll talk about it when you're back. But it might be fine. Give it a try.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

*****

I entered the ballroom of the hotel. My pulse was racing, and my mouth was dry.

What was I doing here? I should be up in my room, watching TV.

The room was filled with wall-to-wall people, all standing around, talking, having a great time. No one noticed me. I made a beeline for the bar. Rick had told me no liquid courage. Maybe a beer or two, nothing more. He wanted me to be my “authentic self,” — not feeling brave because of alcohol.

“Heineken, please.”

The bartender plopped the beer in front of me, moving on to the next customer, barely looking at me.

I took my drink and walked along the periphery of the room. I was invisible. People were laughing, joking, having a great time. Me, not so much. I faded back to the wall, watching those around me. I’d only be here a couple of minutes, but I felt that it was time to go. I’d promised Rick that I would stay for half an hour, but this was too painful.  

“So, you're awkward, too?”

I looked towards the voice. It was a woman, around my age, holding a glass of wine, watching the crowd.

She looked at me. “I recognize all the signs. I watched you creep around the room, watching everyone, but not joining.”

“I wasn’t creeping …”

“Yes, you were. And I know that’s true, because I just finished doing the exact same thing.”

She smiled at me, and held out her hand.

“Cara Jones, IT Goddess.”

I took her hand.

A good firm grip, Charlie, and only a couple of pumps — don’t shake forever! Rick’s voice echoed in my brain.

“Charlie, Super Nerd.”

“Good to meet you, Charlie,” she said. “Now we can both say that we met someone at the conference.”

Make sure you face the person that you’re talking to, and don’t crowd them! If they take a step backwards, you’re too close!

I turned towards her.

“Who’d you promise that you’d talk to a stranger?” I asked.

“My therapist,” she said. “You?”

“My therapist,” I said.

Then we stood there, neither of us talking. My heart started to pound, my palms started to sweat.

I spoke first.  

“My therapist, Rick, told me I should talk about things that we may have in common.”

Cara nodded. "Mine, too."

“So,” I continued, “I’ve been to this conference every year for the past five years. How about you?”

“Me too!” she said. “And this is the first time that I’ve been to the mixer. I’ve got to say, it’s worse than I thought it would be.”

I must have looked offended, because she continued. “No offence. I mean, there are so many people, and they all know each other, and I don’t know a soul.” She looked at me, “Except for you, Charlie, Super Nerd.”

“Same here, IT Goddess Cara.”

We both laughed.  

“I can’t tell you the last time someone had laughed at something I’ve said. Usually they just ignore me.”

“Me too!” she said.

Another silence, this time not as painful.

Talk about things you might have in common. Don’t interrupt. Be a good listener. And, please Charlie, make sure you look at the person you’re talking to. Eye contact is very important!

“So,” I said, “What workshops are you going to tomorrow?”

Cara seemed to brighten.

“Well, I’m scheduled for the In-house Cyber Security at nine o’clock.”

“Me too!” I said.  

I took a deep breath. Here we go! I thought, and plunged in.

“Maybe we could meet for breakfast before the workshop?”

“That sounds like an excellent idea!” said Cara, a smile spreading across her face.

*****

“So, we talked for a couple of hours. A couple of hours, Rick! Hours! And there were hardly any awkward silences!”

“Charlie, I’m so proud of you. It sounds like both you and Cara had success at the conference. Did you see her again?”

“Other than the first workshop, we’d signed up for different ones. But we had our meals together and talked about what we’d learned.” I paused. “It was really nice to meet someone who I had so much in common with.”

“I’m happy for you Charlie. Participating in your own life is a beautiful thing!”