The Coiled Snake

London was a city of dazzling spotlights. Everyone scrambled for their place, ultimately blending in with a sea of strangers. Despite the loneliness lurking in every corner, Suki came to the city. Hope filled her chest for a spotlight among the glitz of fashion, the very beacon that drew her to the city in the first place. As Suki sat still on the central line, she stared at spreads from magazines and photographs jump to life in the tumbling tube. Women wore brazen leather coats. Standing passengers were submerged in layers of cloth, all chained together by belts outlining the map of a maze. Bodies were canvases, and each person craved to prove originality still existed.

The tube halted at her stop, and Suki almost missed stepping out on the platform at Stratford. The sliding doors hit each other with a clang just behind her head. Suki gripped the straps of her backpack and made her way timidly down the steps in the crowd of unknown faces.

Clusters of people passed by, and Suki couldn’t help but glance furtively at the magnificent figures adorned in black or clothing with the bravado of armour. She was out of place in the glamour. With a striped t-shirt and a skirt that resembled what she may have worn in middle school, Suki looked nothing like the people on their way to the looming Startford building, ready for their first day of the new academic year. Suki loosened the straps of her Kanken backpack, conscious of how tightly they wrapped around her shoulders.

The heavy winds of London blew Suki’s brown curls from side to side until a halo-like frizz formed around her head. Her reflection in the glass walls of many restaurants along the way was not a sight Suki wanted to behold. Perhaps a black tote bag would have been the wiser choice for her first day at the London College of Fashion. Suki was never one to dress up or spend the nights out when the world felt like a fantasy. While the other girls at school mocked Suki and the boys found her features rugged for their tastes, Suki was convinced she was merely an observer, not a member of society. She often wrote stories about others from a distance.

Fashion had endless boundaries; it was the sole common way of self-expression—even if someone rejected the concept of fashion altogether. When Suki received a glorious, sparkling acceptance letter from LCF, she believed it would be a fresh beginning. But walking into the cold building with light cement floors and a grand staircase spiraling like a coiled snake, Suki wasn’t so sure she would ever belong. The same cluster of students from the tube chatted around the common area, sipping iced drinks and holding vintage bags or designer ones—everyone did anything to appear one of a kind.

Suki swallowed the lump in her throat and made her way towards the reception. She could feel everyone’s gaze piercing her, mocking her worn-out trainers and mismatched clothing that stuck out like a stack of hay in a pool of precious stones.

“Ermm, Suki Reeder,” she said her name at the desk. Barely audible.

“Sorry, hon, what was it?” A chirpy middle-aged lady asked.

“My name is Suki Reeder.” The lady was able to hear just fine that time, but Suki was left breathless from the nerves racking her insides.

“Ahh, yes,” the lady fumbled around a pile of IDs before plucking the correct one, “yes, here it is, Suki Reeder.” She pointed at the name written boldly across the ID. “Lectures are on the lower ground floor. Have a nice day!” Her introduction was too lively compared to the feline faces infiltrating the entire reception. Suki left the desk and made her way down the stairs, weary that there were just around ten minutes until her first lecture started. It was surreal to be at a university that mimicked a never-ending catwalk. Despite the silent halls, Suki thought she could hear the upbeat music of a runway show and see the flashes of light from digital cameras. Suki tilted her head up and eyed the spiral staircase; it all felt like a stage that wasn't meant for her. She loosened the straps of her Kanken bag further, fidgeting on the spot as if her squirmy movements would shake off the mocking eyes latched to her clothes. A girl from behind brushed past Suki on the way to the lecture hall. Her heeled boots clicked menacingly on the cement below.

She must have been on the fashion journalism course as well. Suki eyed her long hair cascading like a chocolate waterfall. Her corset was loosened over a regal black dress, billowing around her ankles. She whiped her head and those large eyes were outlined crisply with inky eyeliner. She smiled, but Suki didn’t reciprocate, uncertain whether the smile was for her.

In the cold lecture room, dimly lit with plush red seats, everything appeared so far from the drab interior of Suki’s school. She made her way close to the front and dropped her Kanken backpack with an audible sigh. She was relieved to stash the backpack under the seat with her feet, finally out of sight from anyone who fit perfectly well inside a magazine. Suki jerked her head to the shuffling sound on her left. The girl with the waterfall hair was in the next chair, her green eyes piercing into Suki’s.

“Hi, I’m Shay.” Her voice was sultry, luring even—like a predator. Suki was drawn in.

“Suki.” She extended her arm out, and Shay took it delicately in hers. “Oh, wow, I love your nails.” Suki found herself enthralled by the snake scales pattern on each sharp nail.

“Thank you,” Shay said with a certain musicality in her voice. She looked at Suki’s hands, hoping to return the compliment, but was met with naked nails cut far too short.

“I’ve never really liked having anything on my nails.” Suki fought the urge to turn red. She was a hapless commoner in front of Shay.

“Aww, that’s okay. Honestly, it’s very uncomfortable to wear nails like these. I sometimes keep my nails bare, too, just not for the first day of uni." Shay smiled in a way that made Suki’s insides drown in bile, but she shrugged off the sensation—she was over-analysing the conversation.

“I wonder where everyone is?” Suki asked. The hall was still empty save the two of them.

“Oh, everyone is either late or coming in very last minute for lectures. I was told by some friends in the second year of this course.” Shay knew other people; she had friends.

“I guess you and I are the same. We are dedicated,” Shay said.

Suki began to float in the air. She was just like Shay Kane.

***

Shay Kane. Shay Kane. Shay Kane. Shay Kane. Suki thought about her friend incessantly as the months went by at university. Shay Kane. Her name sounded popular. No, it sounded famous—the name of a model, which she was to some capacity, like many others at LCF. But the many other people weren’t Shay Kane. Tutors found themselves lost in her piercing eyes, and students in the course wanted to stay within her vicinity, for leaving her world felt like a loss too hard to bear.

Suki always studied with Shay. They sat together in cafes all day at times, grinding through textbooks, jotting down notes, and completing assignments for the most part. Shay would smile at Suki from over her laptop, and the smile would be returned each time with adrenaline pumping on overtime inside Suki.

“Do you want to get dinner tonight? We can watch a movie as well. Maybe The Devil Wears Prada?” Suki asked while typing away on her laptop. Her voice began to waver as the invitation partway left her lips.

“I’ve watched that movie many times,” Shay said, judgment dripping from her words.

“Oh, yes, of course, so have I. I just like to rewatch the film.” Suki’s face turned pale pink, and the words fell out of her mouth in a jumble.

“Right, right of course.” Shay gesticulated with her hands. “Well, maybe another time. I’m making dinner with my boyfriend today. I know we live together, but it has been so long since we have properly spent time, so we decided tonight would be the night. You know how it is.” Shay smiled. The corners of her lips held a sardonic curl, but all Suki could see was her white teeth.

“Yes, I understand,” Suki muttered. Shay's life, filled with parties and someone to love, was like a distant dream.

“But of course we will see each other tomorrow! You are just so great to study with.” Shay resumed typing away on her keyboard.

At least Suki had her as a friend.

***

Months had gone by, and Suki couldn’t believe her first year was coming to an end. The extravagant dresses worn by students didn’t faze Suki anymore. In her old trainers and with her Kanken backpack draped across both shoulders, Suki assumed the role of an observer—concocting stories about those around her.

Shay never had dinner or watched The Devil Wears Prada, and after some time, Suki stopped sending invitations.

It was the last day before summer began, and Suki was perched in the seminar room with glistening white tables scattered around haphazardly. Each chair was rapidly filled with a student, like pigeons flocking down for seeds. When Shay entered the room, there was nowhere left to sit. Suki mimed a frown towards Shay, who merely shrugged and lingered in the corner.

The chatter ricocheting across the room soon hushed as all eyes were forced to turn to the front.

“Thank you all for coming. I know assignments are done and many of you are already in holiday mode, but I wanted to take a session to discuss placement applications with you.” It was Louise Clarke who was holding this seminar. She leaned comfortably into her chair as the screen behind lit up. Louise Clarke nor any of the other tutors knew Suki personally. Everyone was aloof in the halls of the Stratford building. There were many unsmiling and stoic faces Suki crossed throughout the year.

“The level of writing in the room right now is not at industry level, and, of course, it won’t be yet. But all of you need to work a lot harder if you want to secure placements…except Suki. Your last submission was exceptional. Is it okay if I share it?”

Something like this had never happened before. Suki was stunned, and for a moment, she felt butterflies would lift her off the ground. Suki nodded prudently, making sure her unbridled joy remained boxed inside.

Louise walked through the article thoroughly, while Suki stared out of the glass wall of the seminar room, floating; everything was like a dreamy blur.

The questions filtering in afterwards were a drone in the background. Suki’s ears were blocked, and her eyes fell on anything but the front of the starkly lit room. She glanced furtively at Shay Kane, whose gaze was fixed on the screen, unmoving, and unwilling to meet Suki’s eye.

“Okay, everyone, thank you for coming today, and I hope you found it useful. Have a great summer, and I will see you all in October,” Louise said after the screen turned black and Suki’s article disappeared. The moment of stomach jitters and pink cheeks had come to an end for Suki.

After thank yous were muttered across the room, everyone began to descend the spiral staircase, ready to leave the building. Suki was lost in the crowd of students, some congratulatory and others indifferent by her presence. Once she was outside, Shay Kane was nowhere to be found.

***

When the new term started in October, Suki was off to the Stratford building, still a daunting, looming structure, as thoughts about the year ahead muddled in Suki’s brain.

Shay was early for the first lecture; Suki made her way through the crowd of students to greet her friend. They hadn’t spoken all summer as Shay Kane was away on holiday. All summer, Suki stared at the photos of Shay beaming with her friends under the sun and wondered why she wasn’t there herself.

“Hi, how was your summer? I saw you were travelling?” Suki asked, a feigned chirpiness in her voice. Her Kanken backpack was forsaken, and in its place, Suki hung one of the university tote bags on her shoulder. As the bag kept sliding down her arm, Suki had to fidget on the spot, attracting stares from everyone huddled around Shay with their iced drinks. Suki stuck out like a sore thumb.

“It was great, how was yours?” Shay asked nonchalantly.

“It was good, I just went back home to see my family.”

“Aww, how nice.” Shay sipped on her coffee.

“Should we go to the lecture hall?” Suki was eager to start the year just as they had before.

“I’ll come in a bit.” Shay turned her back and resumed her chatter with the icy blonde-haired girl and one with tattoos cradling her neck. A few guys hung around the area as well, and Suki soon began to flush a shade of red—she didn't belong. To hide her ripe face, she skittered over to the lecture hall, full of empty chairs.

As all the students filtered in before the clock struck nine, Suki found herself all alone in the third row. Clusters of people sat behind her; a sea of spotlights shone upon them, while Suki remained in the shadows.

***

The year flew by, and while many missed the chance to secure a placement, a celebratory email delighted Suki. She shrieked around her laptop screen in her dimly lit room. She read the email under her breath. Each time the word Vogue grazed her lips, she could taste chocolate truffles—delicate and rich.

News of this placement trickled among the students, and unknown faces started to appear before Suki in the cafeteria and as she lounged on sofas across the building, paddling through her work.

“Hi, I’m Zoe, also on the fashion journalism course.” The icy blonde-haired girl was sitting before Suki. The same one trailing Shay all over the university.

“Yes, I’ve seen you in lectures. I’m Suki.” She extended her hand out of courtesy and was met with a strong shake.

“Yes, yes, I know. Congratulations on your placement!” She said.

“Thank you.” Suki smiled solemnly. “Is Shay around today?” Suki asked with a pang in her chest. A thin sliver of thread still tied Suki to Shane, although they barely exchanged a few words throughout the year. Suki longed to study with her friend again and maybe even have a cup of coffee without textbooks and laptops sprawled between them.

“Oh, Shay, she probably didn’t come today, I’m not sure. She always…I guess it’s none of my business to say. Never mind.” Zoe looked away, her shoulders slouched.

“No, what is it?” Suki pressed on.

“She pities you, you know. She always said she was spending time with you so you wouldn’t be left out. But I don’t understand why she would say such things. You’re so great and clever.” Zoe leaned in; her breath had the lingering scent of dark coffee.

“Right.” Suki’s lip quivered, and she fought the tears bursting to the brim of her eyes. “Well, are you free today for coffee or dinner?” Suki extended an invitation out of the blue. She felt her insides coil up, afraid to hear an answer.

“Oh, I would love to, but I’m going to a friend’s birthday dinner today evening. Why don’t we meet in the library tomorrow to work on the assessment together?” Zoe asked, her teeth sparkling with silver gems.

“Oh…sure.”

“Great, I will see you tomorrow then!” Zoe exclaimed before bolting up from the chair and heading down the spiral staircase.

As the year came to an end, Suki sat alone in the lecture hall and around the Stratford building. It was always silent, but the strong beats of a runway show continued to loop inside Suki’s head.

Shay never met Suki’s eyes in the hallways of Stratford. While no one noticed the canary spotlight shedding light on Suki as the year went by, students always flocked around Shay Kane like doves, and tutors always praised her for reasons Suki couldn’t understand.