Out of the Rock

Last summer, exactly a year ago today I survived on nothing alone but potato chips. What a time to be alive now that Snapchat is around to remind you of how far you've came.

"Lara?" I hear my colleague calling me from behind me. I am at my lunch break at my job, it is nothing fancy; it's a fast food restaurant and it's to be expected to be someone's first job on their CV. Except, I'm twenty-two and I still haven't worked out a professional excuse for me to have such a large gap in starting my career. I hope it will come with my work experience.

"Yes?" I answer. I forget that's my name sometimes, Lara. I am used to people calling me SakuraGurl, or Sacks for short. It sounds funny when I put it in a real life scenario, like in front of a deep fat fryer.

"Harry told me to tell you that when you're finished with your break you need to be cashier." My colleague, Melanie tells me. She's dressed in our uniform, black and red with a matching cap. I'm not the biggest fan of being a cashier, it's far too much talking however it is easier once I remember that it is all pretty much scripted and kept to a minimum. I'm used to doing my talking behind a screen and a keyboard. Real people right in front of me is a little baffling at first.

"Okay, I'll be done soon." I tell Melanie and she nods her head and exits the room. I check the time on my phone, I still have ten minutes left of my break and two more hours of my shift here. Not long to go. I finish my bargain meal burger and then scroll through my Instagram on my phone. It feels strange to be sitting here. I want to be there where my friends are posting. How can they still be there? Why am I the only one who has moved on?

Six months ago I was a twitch streamer. I would stream for all hours of the night, playing video games and talking to my loyal viewers. They all knew me by my light pink hair and low cut tops. I was also a pretty good gamer. It was easier there, than it is here. All the people there showed up like numbers on a screen, here they are all real and standing right in front of me and some times they are not impressed. I thought if I looked good, I'd be good at this job. I don't have the childish pink hair and I'm now a natural brunette again but some of these people honestly just don't care and want to get out of there.

I have no idea what I was doing. It was easier when I could do what I wanted to do and decide when I was ready to read what people wanted to say and decide if I wanted to respond or not. I can't do that here, my training told me the customer was always right. Besides accepting inappropriate behaviour.

My break is up, I get out of my chair and put my phone into my trouser pocket. I compile my rubbish together from the table and then throw them away into the bin. I leave the staff room and then return to the work area. I see my friend Melanie working on burgers, she seems stressed out. It is a Friday and this place can get pretty busy. I was surprised by the amount that I could handle. Unless I am a cashier. Then it takes a lot less for me to start getting messy. Melanie smiles and nods at me as she notices me walking past her section, I return her greeting and meet my other colleague, Ash who is working on the other till.

He nods his head at me as I log into my till. Customers have already started to queue up in front of me. I want to sigh but I try my hardest not to. I am off tomorrow and I will be leaving here soon. I must keep my composure, I must keep my smile. These people love me, they love what I give them.

"Welcome! How can I help you?" I say to the first customer who approaches me, he is a tall guy, his height makes me blush. He is not bad looking and is interestingly dressed. This is a fun part I can get used to.

"I'd like a regular hamburger and fries please." He orders. He has an accent, I'm not quite sure where it's from but its intriguing. I nod my head slowly and input it into the till. Do you think guys expect attractive looking girls to be awkward? Only, I feel all shy and I'm not certain I should be.

"That will be £"1.98." I tell him. I should be asking him to fill in an experience survey but I am not able to. No, I can hardly talk. Not this one. He raises his card up, which wasn't too high up considering his height. I inform the till I want to make a card payment and he touches his card onto the reader. The payment is accepted. "Would you like your receipt?" I ask him.

"No, I'm good thanks." He says and he makes a small, cute laugh at the end. I really can get used to this. He walks away towards the back of the restaurant. The place isn't that big at the front. I beam brightly towards the next person I'll be serving. I hope it's as good as the last.

Oh. Not quite. However I am at work what is to expect? He is a middle aged man with mousy brown hair, he looks rather tired and it looks as though his face might start sagging soon. Somehow, he doesn't look all that impressed with me and I'm not sure how my face might've said it all.

"Lara." He says as he approaches the counter. My face screws up and I'm overtaken with guilt and confusion. I feel like I'm being reprimanded by a man who feels like he's my father. Am I too internet girl for you dad? Am I too; SakuraGurl?

Suddenly I turn cold. It feels as though my eyes are bulging. I can't see clearly straight ahead. How does this man know my name? How does he know my real name? I turn my shoulders and blink my eyes then look at him. Abruptly, I remember that I have a name tag on. I am at work, I am doing my job and there is nothing to be alarmed about. That didn't feel good.

"Hi, can I take your order?" It came from me, though it doesn't sound all me. The pitch is all squeaky and my voice is all crackling. He smiles at me and I feel a wave of annoyance run through me. Another annoying customer. He orders a burger meal and I glance at the handsome guy from the corner of my eyes as he walks away.

If someone wasn't right in front of me, I would shrug my shoulders and walk away. I'm starting to grow tired.

I am Lara. I am at work.

This is what I do now.

Though this doesn't really come naturally, I'm teary eyed, drawn away from space and there's nothing I'd love better right now than to be back at the deep fryers. Not here, talking to people as if I am Lara and not SakuraGurl. I'm used to hearing people ask about my day or to tell them my biggest secrets. They wanted to know all there was to know about me and these people in front of me only want me to buy their burgers for them. How can this be?

She pulls me from her.

The lady at the till.

It's my manager she must be back from the head office.

She's standing there with a younger looking man. My head moves as I hear her call my name. It's like a breath of fresh air; mango gelato on a summers day. It appears as though they've kept the AC on during the summer and it's been bordering a modern desert in recent days. Oh but she's here with him. He's wearing a uniform I presume he must be new here.

"Lara. This is Kenzo. He is new here. Please help him around while you are still here." My manager says to me. She is smiling and looks polite, she is a middle age woman, it is nice to be around a woman in power. I nod my head at her and then look at him. My skull turns into a migraine and I'm fuzzy in my vision. I'm not sure why, he looks interesting but he's not someone that I'm usually into. Well that doesn't matter, right? I'm here at work and here is someone to lighten my load. I give him my friendliest smile.

"Hi, I'm Lara, nice to meet you." I say and I extend my hand out towards him. He takes my hand and we shake.

"Kenzo." He says, his voice is quite quiet. It might be easy for me to miss it and it makes me nervous. Maybe he's not the cashier I needed. My manager walks away from us, back down stairs most likely to her office. To my surprise, Kenzo strides straight to the till and looks at it.

"Well how do you work these things?" He asks me. I smile at him as I feel a sense of relief. I walk over to him and try to explain how the till works to him. I am still not used to these things and this moment is intense for me. I know everything there is to know about the till, I just have no idea how to talk to him. Though he stands there, in his black and red uniform, with a hand on top of his other arms elbow. He acts as though I give a good explanation, or maybe I am, I haven't got time to think. I try to look up from him from the corner of my eye. Is this too much? How do normal people behave?

He's not actually standing that close to me and he's taken over the till. "I think I've got it." He says. He's pretty much taken my place and seems confident but I linger around him just in case and try not to smile over the power play. He starts to take the order of the next customer. It's a man who looks relaxed and laid back, he seems like a pretty good first customer.

"Hi! May I take your order?" Kenzo says, his tone is friendly, definitely the type you would call a customer service voice. Very good, if I must say so myself. I nod my head though I know he can't see me as I'm standing at the back of him and then eagerly look at the customer for his response. The customer starts talking however I can't stop myself from trying to peek at Kenzo's back. I can't work out if he is muscular or just a little rounder. I notice the customer has a criticising look on his face and it is aimed towards me. I feel a sense of dread, smile from embarrassment and quickly turn to start working at the packing station.

I'm sure he'll be fine.

I'm sure I was wrong.

"Lara?" I hear him call from behind me. His accent is blue satin, it twirls me around like a baton. "I'm sorry could you help me?" He says. He's really not my type why am I so nervous? Oh right, I forget. I did spend the last three years pretty much at home as a Twitch streamer. I smile at him like I have air for brains and then walk over to the till. He doesn't exactly look like he needs my help, he just needs to press cash or ca- I think I might've caught myself from giggling there; this is definitely strange.

Is it because he's rescued me from work? I look at the time at the right hand corner of the till, I only have five minutes of this shift. It must be because he has saved me from this shift. This is the last customer that is in the store waiting to be served too. There's really nothing left. I felt so bad just a moment before and now I can go home, now I can be me. There isn't a Lara, there isn't a SakuraGurl, I don't need to think about these things. I can be free.

I smile again. "What can I help you with?" I say politely. He chuckles a little in response and I catch myself smiling harder. The middle of my torso has become all tense and I'm feeling a little queasy. I want to sneak a glance at him.

"How do I get off of this screen?" He replies and it feels weird that he's said something that is so normal. It doesn't feel like it should be what he's talking about.

"Oh, you ask the customer whether they would like to pay with cash or card and after that you click either here or here for cash or card." I explain to him and I point out the different functions on the screen to show him.

"Got it." He says. I feel completely normal once again. I peer down at the corner of the screen again, just three minutes to go. I turn around to start packing again. Within a short moment, he's at my thigh again. "What do we do here?" He says.

Is he for real? He gave me quite a scare creeping up on me like that. Except I feel another wave straight after. It crashes against me like swirling pools of sea. I want to tell him I'm SakuraGurl, I can't keep up this double life. I open my mouth and the oxygen congests me, I'm not sure why he makes me feel so strange.

"You can go now." My manager says. It knocks me right out of my thoughts, I see it in front of me like a headache. "I need to train him." She continues. I turn my head, it feels as though it moves unnaturally, like some supernatural force has control of my body. I am paralysed, glued to his side.

I need to breathe again before I can speak. "Yes." I say. Yes.

I tear myself away.

I have so many thoughts, so many are new to me.

I'm a big kid, I might turn into a toddler and throw a tantrum.

I could stay here longer, I've got it in me.

Though I want to go home, I want to log into my laptop and see if people are still wondering where SakuraGurl is.

I'll come back to you soon, Kenzo. Maybe, I'll tell you the truth.

I walk downstairs into the locker room and take my bag from my locker. I take my phone from my pocket and check to see if I have gotten any notifications. There is a notification from Twitch.

I flinch a little and look behind my shoulder to check if anyone is looking. Then I roll my eyes and sigh, it's only Twitch, what's the matter? I click on the notification. There's a new update and they want me to install it. I smile to myself. I'll accept it some other day.