Disappearing Rainbows

Have you ever felt as though the sun is setting, and it is setting on you. They tell me it is depression, but I don’t know that I believe everything they tell me, they have agendas. I have an agenda as well, but I doubt it is compatible with theirs. I have tried explaining my feelings. I am under a spell cast on all those that were born at a particular time, under a particular planet alignment, but they tell me that is just an excuse for my feelings of inadequacy, my lack of self-esteem. I wasn’t even aware I had any esteem. I believe it is another one of those words they make up, to explain a situation they themselves don’t understand.

People have planted, harvested, traveled, all by using the guidance of the planets and stars. Both the same really, but when I look at the sky, I prefer to see planets, like Saturn. Stars in distant solar systems appear less significant, although they are all planets, I believe they deserve the separate designation as a way to identify their prominence.  They give me hope that there is more to life than this, what there is now, why I am here. It is not as if I’m waiting for some extraterrestrial being to come rescue me, but the chance is intriguing. Not because I want to leave, but it would bust a lot of arrogant bubbles around here, that imply they have all the answers.

They never tire of telling me, not in so many words, how lucky I am to be here. I will get the help I need, if I cooperate and follow the regiment set up for me. The problem is, they won’t tell me the particulars of the regiment, or how it is supposed to change me “for the better.” I have no idea why they believe I need to change for the better. I have yet to understand why I need to change at all. I know why they think I need to change, but then I could tell them a thing or two about changes they've made in their own lives, that could use improving. 

This confinement, I understand is meant to be a benefit to me, but I can’t see how. I know why it started, and when, but can’t believe what I am attempting to do is really so different from what the majority of people on our planet are attempting to do, change.

By change, I mean the acceptance of a parallel reality, where things work out. Where I am not the one who drops the egg, spills the milk, forgets to turn off the gas and burns down the house. It isn’t that I’m not aware of my surroundings, I just prefer to recognize only portions of them. In short, I am attempting to change my luck by accepting only the positive influences of life, and ignoring the negative.

When I attempt to explain this to them, they look at me skeptically, and ask questions that don’t make sense. They do not believe in luck. They won’t admit it, but they become noticeably uncomfortable when talking about it. It is like I dreamt-up luck, to justify my quest for unpredictability. I did not make it up. On the contrary, I believe in luck, fate, or whatever you wish to call it. It exists whether they believe it or not. 

Just think about all of the things we take for granted, predictable occurrences that we do not question, because they are predictable. But how did they become predictable?

The repetitive result of performing the same task and not only expecting, but obtaining the same result, is the accepted definition of sanity.  I do not believe they believe that being repetitive, and expecting the same results is the definition of sanity. It indicates you have abandoned hope. They fail to believe it is possible for a speck of dust, metaphorically speaking, to be introduced into the equation and change the outcome, even if imperceptibly.

I’ve tried to explain to them that luck is just that; the acceptance of the fact, there are no absolutes. There is always a chance that something will change, altering the results of their, predictability. They say that may be possible, but the odds are infinitesimal, and therefore not part of the equation. They do not believe in luck, and yet we are surrounded by it. When and if you stop to think about it, we are walking examples of it. 

Think about the demands of society where we are asked to provide a divergence from predictability. Insurance, just think about it and what it promotes. It attempts to improve our odds of physical or financial ruin, by purchasing security. But security for what? Protection from luck, fate?

Everything having to do with security, has to do with predictability. They insure your security by looking at the number of times something occurs, and then looking at the number of times it fails to perform as predicted. What is that, if not admitting that there is a separation between predictability and actuality. They call predictability, the periodic tables. But what they are blatantly proving, is that luck exists, and I intend to change mine.

I will continue to believe in that small, but significant chance, between predictability and absoluteness. It is after all in that space, that luck lives. Although insignificant to some, that small speck of whatever, has the ability to alter life. If you are one of those born under the wrong star at the right time, you know what I’m seeking to amend.

The only way to alter predictability, is to disregard the notion it promotes. Dwell on the unpredictable, because that is where chaos exists, and it is chaos that provides the impetus for what is known as, luck. I have never experienced good luck, only bad that I know of, and so therefore have my doubts about whether luck can be either good or bad. It is in my opinion, simply a diversionary tactic to take our minds off the possibilities that exist in unpredictability.

I believe, if I limit my efforts to only things of hope, luck will follow. It has to. If you believe that your mind has the power to heal the body, move mountains, save humanity, then you believe that the stars have the possibility of transforming predictability into hope, not absoluteness. I don’t seem to be able to get them to understand. They believe in the old adage of predictability and saneness, walking symbiotically hand and hand down the primrose path to, what? 

They are asking me, in no uncertain terms, to accept the odd divergence in predictability, and believe only in its absoluteness. How can one look at the sky, the moon, stars, the promise of infinity, and believe in absoluteness, when there is so much we do not know, and therefore cannot add to the equation; the reason I’m here, and you are, there.

And please, don’t get me started on the power of self-delusionary prayer. They, do not believe in luck, but they want me to believe that luck is the absence of predictability, and therefore insane; agendas.