Volatile Notions

Trigger warnings: language, manipulation, and suggestive actions

***

Rays of early morning light slanted in through the slits in the blinds, the sun refusing to be shut out completely. He’d kept them shut, not for himself — he’d been up for hours — but for her. She always stayed up late, forever sleeping the mornings away long after he’d started his day. 

It was always like this. 

He woke before the sun, workout clothes donned, just as she was turning in for the night. Some days they crossed paths, politely nodding as one left and the other returned. How she did it, he wasn’t sure, but it worked out. 

Especially since she was his roommate's sister, and becoming attached to her wasn’t an option.

Unless… 

***

The text blurred before Ren’s heavy eyes, neck straining from the weight of holding her head up. 

God, how long had she sat in this position, studying?

Tapping her phone, the digital clock read 5:31 AM. 

“Oh shit,” was all she could mumble, annoyance flowing through her. Every night it was like this, an after dinner routine. Settling in, eager to begin her studies — desperately wanting to pass her college classes — she let the evening wear on. Almost every night she lost track of time, absorbed in the words before her while seated at the dining room table, the sound of her pen scratching over her notepad. 

And tonight was no different. 

Hours had passed, back aching, eyes watering from the lack of blinking, but still she pushed on… sleep just out… of reach…

The sound of an alarm blaring far off woke her. 

What was that?

Peeling her cheek from the glossy, textbook paper, she looked around. 

She was still in the kitchen, tucked awkwardly in the wooden chair at the dining table. The house she rented with her brother and his friend wasn’t big enough to have a separate room for the table, so they’d shoved it against one of the kitchen walls. 

It had worked great so far, only she used it for studying. The other two ate in their rooms, on a completely different schedule. Ren didn’t mind though, the solace of the night wrapping its shadowed arms around her. 

But something was different this time. A prickling sensation slithered down her back as her surroundings came flooding back in. 

And her eyes landed on the anomaly — on a person. 

Her brother’s friend… her roommate. 

Matteo.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she softly spoke, “How long have you been standing there?” She didn’t want to know, but had nothing else to say. His presence was always a peculiar one, their schedules hardly allowed them to be in the same room for too long. 

And it was probably for the best. He never seemed interested in talking, always on the move. 

His dark hair was combed back perfectly even though sweatpants and a T-shirt adorned his figure. 

Workout clothes. 

Wherever Matteo went, he made sure his appearance was exactly the way he wanted, needing to always be put together. She wasn’t sure why he cared so much, especially if he was just going to the gym, but the less she talked, the better things went between them.

“A while,” he finally answered her, eyes quickly assessing her. Rubbing her cheek, she tried to massage the wrinkle imprinted there from the book page out. It was futile. “You slept through my alarm… and the blender.” To punctuate his words, he shook his bottle, smoothie sloshing around inside. 

“Oh, that’s– I’ve never done that before.”

“First time for everything.” Without another word, he placed a cup of water near her books, papers scattered about messily. The look in his eyes as she met them told her enough. 

Drink.

And for a split second, Ren thought she saw more… a hidden meaning that mirrored his previous words, but then it was gone. 

***

Matteo had lost count of all the mornings he’d gotten up, ready to start his day, only to find her hunched over the kitchen table studying. But today was a first. 

Ren had been asleep, completely oblivious to his alarms, his presence. 

The blender.

He wasn’t one to judge, forever content to mind his business if it meant no one would pry into his own life, but today…

She’d looked so peaceful, cheek pressed to the open textbook, body desperate for rest. Cole had told him that was how his sister always was, partial to the nighttime. No matter what she tried to do to get adequate sleep, it never worked. So, she’d given up, relenting to the stubbornness of her brain. 

Matteo would never understand it, always needing eight or nine hours of sleep to be able to function the next day, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued. 

Or distracted during his whole workout, wondering if she’d drank the water he’d given her.

He hoped she thought of him as much he thought of her.

***

As usual, Ren stayed up through the nights, always alert in the mornings when Matteo came through the kitchen. The cup of water was soon replaced with a portion of his smoothie, his words following her throughout the day.

“If you’re going to stay up late, at least eat something every now and then.”

He was just being nice, but the actions started plaguing her already busy mind. The dreaded late nights for her, and early mornings for him began to morph into a time she anticipated. Fidgeting at the table, words blurring as he brain dissociated, waiting impatiently for his alarm to sound from his room down the hall. 

As soon as it sounded, his routine began — one she was learning as well as her own. 

After a couple rings of the alarm, he’d snooze it once before getting up and donning athletic clothes. Exactly six minutes later, he’d slip through his bedroom door, visible from her vantage point, and walk quietly toward her — the kitchen. 

Today was no different.

Although his frame was large, body obviously used to the rigorous routines he put it through, his footsteps were silent. 

No wonder she’d never woken when he’d come into the room all the other times. 

“Still studying?” he asked, crossing the threshold, tile floor softly squeaking against his tennis shoes. His voice was rough, unused and coated with sleepiness even though he looked attentive for the early hour.

“Always.” Pulling her eyes from his appealing figure, she turned a page in her book, eyes tracing the words sightlessly. He huffed, his only response, a man of few words before he made his morning breakfast. 

She’d avoided looking at him successfully, hating the feeling growing in her stomach at the sight of him — his presence. Until he placed her glass cup filled to the brim with a berry smoothie in front of her. 

“Thanks,” she said, not touching it. She always waited until he was gone to divulge, not wanting to seem too eager. And he never lingered, so it wasn’t hard.

Except…

This morning he pulled out a chair, the sound of it scraping across the tile barely covering her rumbling stomach. 

“What are y—” 

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that,” he interrupted her, gracefully sitting in the chair across from her and the mess of paper surrounding her. “Eat up.” 

Her stomach grumbled again, a traitorous thing. A pointed look from him as he drank made her brain spark back to life. Grabbing the cool cup between her hands, she took a sip, nerves fluttering in her chest. 

“A routine and consistent sleep might help you retain your study materials better,” Matteo said after finishing his smoothie. 

Almost choking on hers, she set it down, eyes wide. “I– I do just fine– I don’t need your advice.” His words stung, but she was also suddenly livid. He was her brother’s friend, and he may talk like that to him, but to her. No.

“Your eyes say differently,” he countered, resting his elbows on the table, muscles contracting with the movement. Tearing her eyes from his arms, she struggled to form a response. 

“I liked you better when you were quiet.” 

Matteo’s eyes widened, but a small smirk tipped the edge of lips up. “And I like you better when you’re not.”

***

Walking across campus, Ren hardly noticed how late it’d gotten. She enjoyed calm and cool nights like these, nothing but the stillness and music playing in her earphones to keep her company. 

Street lights lined the sidewalk, but they did little to penetrate the inkiness closing in around her. The campus was old, buildings nestled within the mature trees. In the day, it was picture perfect, but at night, it could be intimidating. 

Shaking the spiraling thoughts from her head, she pushed on. The house that she shared with Matteo and her brother wasn’t far. They lived right on the edge of campus. 

If she could just keep her brain from imagining things…

Backpack slung over her shoulders, she resolved to carry some of her heavier textbooks, unwilling to shove them in with the rest. Now, her arms ached, and she wished she’d chosen to leave them behind. It was unlikely she’d get to the homework associated with it tonight. 

It was too late now.

Humming along with the music playing in her ears, she didn’t hear the faint set of footsteps behind her. A slight echo that was almost indistinguishable from her own.

Ren put her head down, ready to push through the last portion of her walk, trees crowding in on her. This street had even fewer lights, letting her fend for herself in the darkness. It was always the worst part, but every night she’d made the trek and been fine. 

Tonight would be no different. 

It was the price she paid for staying up so late, her stubborn mind unable to rest. 

And as the trees closed in, the hair on the back of her neck raised, senses on full alert. Reaching up to pull one headphone from her ear — a precautionary measure — a warm, hard body hit her from behind. 

The wind rushed from her lungs, a scream knocked from her mouth, but it was a pitiful one. 

No one would hear it — would hear her. 

***

It was too easy.

With her headphones in, and pockets of shadow between the street lights, Matteo could close the gap between them effortlessly. She didn’t even know how close he was. His blood hummed at the thought, his obsession growing steadily over the weeks. 

Everywhere she went, he was never far behind. 

It’d started when Cole had mentioned that his sister was going to be moving in with them, his spark of curiosity igniting when he’d finally met her. Ren was quiet, but she had her own fire in her eyes.

He usually kept to himself, but with the passing weeks, he found it hard to stay away — to keep from pushing the boundary of right and wrong. Matteo wanted to scare her, yearned to make her see him for who he was, and fall for him regardless. 

Maybe it was wrong. Maybe it was manipulation, but he didn’t care. 

He was in too deep, and soon she would be too, unable to escape his desperate claws as they sunk into her tender flesh. 

Ren’s ponytail swished with her gait, completely oblivious to the outside world, the danger that lurked right outside her sphere of comfortability. 

He couldn’t wait to destroy it.

A couple paces from her unsuspecting form, she popped a headphone out, anticipating the endless patch of darkness ahead of them. It was a shame the university didn’t spend more money on lighting along this lonely strip of sidewalk. 

But it was the way of predators and prey — luck was on his side. 

By the time she heard his telltale steps, felt his presence, it was too late.

His body crashed into hers, throwing her off balance. A small shriek ripped from her throat at his unexpected contact, and the noise made his heart clench. 

Good, she should be scared of him.

Before she could fall to the concrete sidewalk, his hands gripped her aggressively, his sheer strength keeping her upright. The thought had his blood racing, the simple thought of controlling her outweighing any other high he’d ever experienced. 

Ripping her backpack from her arms, he let it fall to the ground, pulling her back flush against his front. Matteo needed to feel her fear, and craved the direct contact. The heat that poured from her shaking form was enough to make him groan, excitement growing at her peril. 

Ren struggled, arms desperately trying to dislodge the iron grip he had on her. Her hidden strength surprised him, but it still wasn’t enough to dislodge him from her. 

“Let… me… go!” she yelled, voice raw despite her near silence up until now. 

“Shhh, it’s just me, Ren.” His words finally whispered across the shell of her ear. Her trembling didn’t cease, but he could feel the moment his voice registered with her, muscles freezing. 

He heard her nervous swallow, before she answered. “Matteo?” The way her meager voice spoke his name almost brought him to his knees, but he refrained, adrenaline fueling him. He heard the tears in her voice before watching them fall.

“Yes, it’s just me.” With a gentleness that didn’t match his previous actions or thoughts, he turned her to face him. “Hey, hey, don’t cry, it’s just me.” He brushed an escaped strand of her hair off her cheek. It stuck in the wetness of her tears. “I would never hurt you.”

Lie. 

“W-what are you d-doing out here?” she asked, eyes nervously flicking back and forth between his own. 

A small smile formed on his lips, all mischief if she knew where to look. “Why are you out walking all by yourself?” He ignored her question, playing a mind game. “Someone could’ve just taken you, Ren.”

Looking down at her feet, he didn’t miss the blush creeping across her cheeks. “I-I don’t know. No one has ever bothered me before, so– I thought– I don’t know…” She trailed off, unwilling to finish her scrambled thoughts. 

The same hand that had tucked her hair back, trailed down below her chin, using it to tip her face back up at him. In no universe would she not look upon him. He wanted to take all of her firsts, be there to push her over the edge only to put her back together again. 

It would be a waste not to. He could see how much she trusted him, all because he was her brother’s best friend. 

So naive. 

“Let’s get you home so you can finish studying. I know you’ll be up late.”