Sister Sister

TW: Death of a family member.

My sister died almost a year ago and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. Now before you come to a conclusion about me, let me tell you how it all started.

Our story began on a warm May night when my mother was rushed to the hospital by my father because her water broke. They went into the hospital expecting to go home with a bouncing baby girl but instead left with two identical girls. They hadn’t planned for me but they did their best, in their own way that is. Me and my sister were like two sides of the same coin, we were identical on a genetic level but we couldn’t be anymore different. It’s no secret that we weren’t close and for twins, that’s pretty weird. She was an extrovert while I liked to keep to myself, she had the love of my parents, friends, teachers, all while I was neglected, but that wasn’t my breaking point… no, my breaking point was Oliver. I had met him first, I called dibs, he was mine but she took him from me. I had met Oliver our first year in college, he had a sense of humor and was smart which is really never a good combination but he was the perfect man for me. We hung out almost everyday, going to the movies, cafes, malls, late night drives, classes, people thought we were dating and I did too. I went out of my way to keep him from my sister’s sights and it was working. One day, I was going to our usual spot when I saw him with her, sitting on the bench, laughing, giggling.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, shocked and jealous.

Rose, my twin, looked up at me and smiled, “Oh hey Lily-”

“You never told me you had a twin.” Oliver interrupted, talking to me but never taking his eyes off her. His gaze trailed down her body in a way that he never looked at me and I understood why. We were twins and identical in every way, same hair color and length, same eye color, same body but we had two differences; Our personalities and our aesthetics. While Rose was into brightly colored and short-fitted clothing, I was more into dark colors and loose or baggy clothes. I tried to calm myself by thinking he was imagining me in those clothes but eyes don’t lie, all his focus was on Rose, it was like I ceased to exist in that split moment.

It didn’t take long for them to start dating which shattered my heart to pieces, it made it feel like the time we spent together was nothing. He kept me as a friend but that wasn’t enough, I wanted his hands around me, I wanted him to kiss me, hug me, love me, I wanted him to want me the way I wanted him. I’d stare at him and Rose flirting and making eyes at each other and feelings would bubble up in me, such negative feelings made impure thoughts roam in my head. I kept wondering and wondering, was it something I did wrong? Did I not hide him well enough? If I was Rose would he look at me like that?

I have an idea. A voice, my voice, resounded in my head. What if Rose wasn’t here anymore?

“What do you mean?” I asked.

What if we killed her, and you took her spot? Wouldn’t that be great?

“NO!” I thought. Even if I was jealous and angry, Rose was still my sister, I could never think of ki… kill… killing her.

Suit yourself.

The voice seemed to stop after a few days, there were times where I’d wake up with those thoughts, times where I’d dream about it even but it always felt like looking into a mirror, it felt more like suicide than murder, like I was killing myself and not Rose.

“... y… ily… Lily.” Oliver called, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Yes, what is it?” I asked, faking a smile for him. I was just thinking about killing his girlfriend, it’s the least I could do. I think.

“Um… well, there’s this party at my frat house tonight.” he paused, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Cool.” I nodded. Since we’ve been at this school, his fraternity has thrown about a million parties and I haven’t been to any one of them so why he’s telling me about this one is a mystery, why he’s even speaking to me right now is a mystery. After he started dating Rose, he kinda cut me off.

“Well, Rose wanted you to come and I don’t know why but she thought you’d come if I invited you to.” twin telepathy at its finest, so she knows I like him yet she’s dating him. How cruel.

I was about to decline when an idea sparked in my head, “I think I’ll come.”

“Okay, cool.” he nodded and turned around to leave. He stopped and turned around, “See you later, I guess.”

**

Later that night, I found myself in front of Rho Zetta Alpha house. The porch was littered with red solo cups and smelled like vomit so I guess I was in the right place. I twisted the knob and pushed in, the first person I saw was my sister in the same dress that I was in, her hair curled the same way, red lipstick, smoky eyes and everything matching to a T, which wasn’t a coincidence on my part. Thank you sweet Jesus for social media and youtube tutorials. I walked in but remained far enough from Rose and Oliver that I could stalk them but remain unseen. My plan was to approach Oliver looking like my sister in the hopes that I could have him for one night, even though he thinks that I’m someone else, that much is enough for me.

I finally found my opening, Rose was nowhere to be found and Oliver was leaning against the wall bordering the living room. My plan wasn’t to go up to him, no. My plan was to make him come to me. I stared at him, practically burning holes in his head till he finally noticed me. He lifted his head, his eyes immediately finding mine. The corner of his lips lifted into a smirk and for a second I thought he saw me, Lily, but then I remembered that right now I looked like Rose. I turned around and beelined for a private place, somewhere I could cry and kick my stupid self for making this crappy plan, I mean what was I doing right now? I was supposed to be happy for my sister but here I am, trying to steal her boyfriend. I waded through the hallway of rooms till I finally found an open door. As I moved to enter, someone pushed me into the dark room, forcing my back against the wall.

“I thought you went to the bathroom.” Oliver’s voice rang in my ears. Was my plan actually working? Did he think I was Rose right now?

His lips slammed on mine, dispelling every thought in my head. It was better than I imagined, warmer and sweeter. His lips were soft against mine and his tongue ravaged the inside of my mouth, making my knees buckle under me. He moved to my neck, licking, nibbling, sucking, conjuring sounds I never thought I’d hear myself make.

“You smell different.” he whispered against my neck, sending my brain into overdrive. Of course I smell different, I’m not Rose but hopefully he hasn’t noticed that. He stopped kissing my neck and inhaled deeply, “I like it.” I practically melted at his words.

“I want to see you.” he groaned. I’d never heard him sound like that and it did things to me, things I could understand or explain.

Suddenly the lights came on and he pulled away from me. His eyes dropped down my body and studied my feet. That was the only part of Rose’s post that I didn’t see so I took a chance, she was wearing a red dress so it was between black or red heels and I chose the latter.

He started to back away and my heart dropped, “Fuck.” 

“What’s wrong babe?” I kept up the pretense hoping he hadn’t figured it out.

“Stop it!” he yelled. It was the first time he’d ever raised his voice at me, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do this to Rose? Why would you make me do this to Rose?”

“Babe what are you talk-”

“Cut the shit Lily.” he yelled again.

“How’d you know?” I asked. There was nothing I could do but admit defeat.

“You smell different, your lipstick tastes like cherries, your shoes are different. How the fuck could I not know?”

“You didn’t know about a minute ago when you had your tongue down my throat.” I snapped.

“That was-”

“That was what Oliver, hmm?” I rolled my eyes and walked out, bumping into my sister in the hallway.

“Oh look, we’re matching.” she chirped.

I ignored her and continued walking. After what I just did, I was too guilty to look at her. I made my way into the kitchen where all the beer and alcohol was. I shot back cup after cup after cup, hoping to wipe the taste of him from my mouth because the more I thought about it, the more sweet it tasted, and the more my want for another kiss grew, I drank until everything went black.

I woke up to silence, music was dead, everyone was leaving. I rummaged in my purse for my keys and made my way out of the house, staggering closer and closer to my car. I unlocked it and slid into the driver’s seat. I took off my shoes and threw them into the back seat. I sat there for a minute, waiting for the ache in my head to subsidize when I heard the passenger door open and close. I looked to my right to see my sister smiling at me. She bent over and did the same thing I did, hauling her shoes into the back as well.

“What do you want?” I asked, “What more could you possibly want from me?” I couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of me, “You have everything, and I only wanted one thing but you just had to take him from me. Why are you such a bother in my life?”

“You reek of alcohol right now, you shouldn’t be driving.” she said softly which only made me madder than I already was.

“Why are you like this? Why are you always so nice to me at moments when I want to hate you so much? Just leave me alone.”

She sighed, “It looks like there’s no way I’m getting those keys from you so just drive.” she was right, there was no way in hell that I was going to give her my keys. I pushed the key into the ignition, started the car and we were off. We live in the same building so it makes sense to drive together.

A few minutes into the drive and I’d begun to feel drowsy, suddenly the headlights of the passing cars were too bright or their horns were too loud in my head. It all felt too much. Rose had offered to take the wheel a few times but my pride wouldn’t let me give it up, even as I struggled to stay awake. The road was straight and I figured, if I could just keep my hand straight like it was right now, I could just close my eyes, if only for a few seconds and I did. The next thing I know, my sister is screaming my name. Horns blaring and suddenly my body was being thrust forward and my head hit the wheel, knocking me out cold.

I wake up feeling nauseous, I’m not in my car anymore, I’m laying down on a bed probably, and everything hurts. I see a tall blurry figure standing at the door, the closer they got, the clearer they became. It was my father and he was… crying?! I tried to lift my hand to reach for him but it felt heavy. I looked down to see my mother, resting on my arm and gripping it tightly.

“Hey kiddo,” my dad smiled softly but something felt off. He never called me that, only Rose. What the fuck was going on? Why was I in the hospital?

Oliver burst into the room behind my dad, almost knocking him over. He ran straight for me and just as he was about to hug me, he stopped. His eyes skated all over my injuries as his face twisted in pain. He fell to his knees beside my bed, palming his face, “I shouldn’t have let you get in the car with Lily, I wasn’t thinking Rose. I’m so sorry.” he sobbed.

My mum, who had been sleeping on my arm, woke up. She raised her head and the moment her eyes met mine, the brightest smile I’d only ever seen her show to Rose was directed at me, “Hello love.” she said, caressing my cheek. It was the first time she’d ever shown anything remotely like motherly love. I’d always been neglected and ignored like I never existed, but now, my dad was crying for me, my mum was looking at me with eyes full of love and Oliver was here, by my side, all because they thought I was Rose.

“Whe-” I clutched my throat, my voice came out more hoarse than I thought it would, “Where’s R-” no Lily, right now they think you’re Rose so it would be best to play along, “Where’s Lily?” I asked.

Their smiles dropped and it clicked, I- Rose was dead but they assumed that I was the one who died.

**

I was discharged one month later and was going back to school. Pretending to be Rose hasn’t been that hard, in fact it’s been the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. No matter where I go, I’m always showered with love, I have friends and I have Oliver. There are sometimes I miss my clothes, my car and my old solitary life but when I see Oliver’s smile, that all washes away.

“Is it weird that I kind of miss Lily?” my ears perked up at his question and raised my head to look at him.

“No,” I shook my head a little too excitedly, “No I don’t think it is.”

He smiled, “Okay good, it’s just, she was a good friend you know. Even when she started distancing herself, she was still a good friend to me.”

My heart was beating so fast. He missed me, but why did he wait till I died to admit that. I guess it’s true what they say, you don’t realize how much something or someone matters until you lose them… or something along those lines.

I picked up my pen and began writing the notes from the slides my professor shared to everyone in the class. I could feel Oliver’s eyes on me the entire time.

“Take a pic, it’ll last longer.” I said like I knew Rose would probably say. He laughed and I positively melted. I’ll take this secret to my grave if it means being with Oliver.