Alicia

It was Sunday afternoon at the wine bar. People had lined up outside the door to get a good seat at one of the tables or barrels near the stage and the place was quickly filling up. This was a popular spot at the trendy suburb on the edge of town and it was not only the locals that liked getting together for a glass of wine while listening to a live band. People came from everywhere, even interstate. Kirsten had helped her husband to set up the equipment on the small stage and was now taking a break in the little courtyard out the back. She watched the regular crowd, chatting and taking their seats. Some stopped by her table to have a few words on the way to the bar. She knew most of them as her husband had been playing there now for a couple of years. They were mostly nice people who enjoyed the music and a chance to let loose a little before the working week would start again.

Although there was no dress code as such, some took pride in wearing something special and showing off that new dress, jacket, or coat. Compliments were flying and Kirsten who loved second hand shops usually found something unusual to wear to the Sunday gigs. She knew the owners of the bar quite well and chatted freely about the previous week’s events. They were a married couple originally from England who fell in love with this old house and turned it into a wine bar. There was no looking back, the place had become an enormous success. Josh was a stocky built man in his early sixties with a rosy complexion and a cheerful smile. You could say he was the perfect proprietor, while his wife Juliet, who was a little younger, with bright coloured red hair, wore long black flowing dresses that revealed a slim well-trimmed body. She served behind the bar, she had the ‘gift of the gab’ and knew how to communicate with the clientele.

The late afternoon sunlight shone through the windows and the rays lit up the tables and made the wine glass chandelier in the ceiling sparkle. The music playing through the speakers was soft, creating a relaxed atmosphere. Kirsten waived at the band who were seeking refuge in the green room, the converted old stable out the back. There was still an hour to go before they would go on stage, and they enjoyed a few drinks to pump themselves up before the performance. She had been there before but now she preferred to mingle with the crowd and the familiar faces from the previous gigs. She waited for Eve, the guitarist wife whom she had got to know very well over the years. They used to sit together and have a drink and a chat, sharing secrets and a little gossip on the side. Special moments that she never took for granted. Eve always had an interesting story to tell and complimented Kirsten with her inventive mind.

The barrel tables were the most popular, you could watch the street life outside the window at the same time as you watched the band. Kirsten looked around for a free seat and a group of ladies who sat by the barrel gestured for her to come and sit with them. Alicia, the tall dark lady in the bright red dress nodded at her as she moved towards them.

- Can I sit here? She looked around at the girls at the table.

- Of course. Alicia smiled at her and revealed her perfect white teeth.

- Cheers to another lovely Sunday!

They raised their glasses and Kirsten took a sip of the cold white wine.

- Ahhh, that is so nice, she said. It was getting warm out there. Just what I needed.

Carol nodded.

- I walked here today, it nearly killed my feet. I have the wrong shoes for walking, and I got hot.

- Well, its not that warm. Alicia opened her handbag and brought out a fan that she quickly unfolded and began to fan her face with.

They all laughed.

- That is so practical, we should all have one of those.

- Here, take mine, I’m just showing off.

- It suits you darling, very elegant.

Alicia handed the fan to Miriam and Kirsten noticed small drops of sweat on her forehead.

- Oh, its just menopause, she said. One minute I am hot and cold the next. It’s driving Ken insane, especially at night when I throw the blanket off the bed, and he freezes. He tells me to go and stand outside for five minutes and cool off.

Everybody laughed.

- Well, I have not reached menopause yet, said Alicia with a smirk. Can’t wait, sounds like…she did not finish the sentence.

- Yea, hell! Someone yelled out.

She fingered at her glass and Kirsten could not help but notice her red nails. The same colour as her dress.

- I don’t know how you can keep nails like that. What about housework? Don’t they get in the way?

Alicia looked down at her hands and smiled. They were perfect. Everything about Alicia was perfect. Her makeup was effective with a soft golden glow over the blue eyeshadow and her eyelashes well-toned black. Her full lips moistened with a dark red lipstick that enhanced the feminine touch.

- I have a friend who does my nails. I must redo them quite often; they are fake, and I can’t wear them to work.

Kirsten glanced out of the window; she was waiting for Eve who was running late.

Bling. There was a message on her phone, and she reached into her bag.

- Sorry I must take this.

She opened the door and took the call from her mother-in-law at the nursing home. They had forgotten to call her, and she was wondering why they did not come to visit. The conversation went on for a while and as she glanced towards the stage, she noticed the band was getting ready.

- I’ve got to go, they are getting ready now, but I will call you tomorrow.

Kirsten put her empty glass down on the table.

- I better go to the ladies before the show starts. Shall I get a bottle of bubbly for us all to share?

- Great idea!

- I am hot and I am thirsty, and I am…. she was interrupted.

- Horney as hell by the look of it!

They all laughed.

She returned with the bottle and sat next to Alicia. Her husband nodded at her from the stage, and she knew there was not much chance of communication once the music started, it could get a bit loud. Eve came through the door just as the band began.

- Sorry, I am late, she gave Kirsten a hug and pulled out a chair to sit down.

Kirsten could barely hear her. The music was so loud that they were almost yelling at each other often hearing the wrong words and laughing at their mistakes. Alicia was talking to Carol and Kirsten could only pick up a few odd words. She wasn’t sure she had heard it right, but it sounded as though Alicia was telling Carol something about living a lie. She got curious but did not want to act nosy. Alicia gestured with her hands, pointing to her body, and making faces. Carol seemed concerned and frowned. Words like difficult and embarrassing came through and when the music suddenly stopped Carol who was not prepared for it, continued in a loud voice.

- That’s not living a lie! That’s who you are.

Kirsten looked at Eve, but she was watching her husband on stage and had not heard anything. The next song started, and it was to late to question or to reflect on what had been said. It was only in the break the conversation continued.

- I am a man at work during the days and a woman at night! I tell you the guys at work would have a fit if they knew this.

Alicia laughed.

- Imagine this body in blue overalls holding a welding torch and wearing a grey protective welding mask over my face! It’s hilarious really, and tragic at the same time. I tell you ladies, I am moving between two worlds. A welding mask during the day and mascara and lippy during the night.

Miriam leaned forward as she grabbed Alicias empty glass.

- Well, don’t we all. This is how we know you Alicia, we would not know you any other way. The bottle is empty, and this one is on me. She disappeared into the crowd heading towards the bar.

- I will be back, just need to powder my nose.

Carol left the table and Kirsten found herself alone with Alicia as Eve had gone to talk to her husband. She did not know what to say, she felt embarrassed and admired Alicias honesty.

- I am sorry Alicia, I guess it’s not exactly a shock, we all have our little secrets, but I don’t know what to say.

Alicia smiled at her and winked.

- It’s all right, I’m just having a bit of a difficult day, so I am winging.

She sighed deeply and touched Kirstens hand.

- I love coming here where nobody judges me, and I can have a good time and be myself. You are all so lovely and accept me for who I am. Or at least who I am in this place.

She laughed.

- I am sorry you did not know the real me Kirsten. You would not recognize me in my everyday life, I don’t look like this. For a start, I have no hair. I lost that a long time ago, so I am bold. You should see me in my overalls at work. I look like the average worker, and I suppose I am really. It’s only when I come home and shower off the drudgery of the day that I can fully be myself.

She pointed at the wig.

- I put this on, sometimes makeup while I sit in my comfortable dress having dinner or watching tv. I am a different person at home.

The tone in Alicia voice was sad and Kirsten found herself feeling sorry for her at the same time as she admired her for her honesty.

- I guess sometimes I feel like I am living a lie, Kirsten. A fantasy, and can you imagine how that feels? If you can’t be honest with yourself then how can you be honest with the world? There is no way I can tell them at work. Sometimes I want to, especially my closest workmates, but they think I am the regular bloke, a bit quiet at times but still enjoy a beer with my friends on the weekend. The only thing is my real friends are here and I really prefer a glass of bubbly.

Kirsten wanted to hug Alicia, but something held her back.

- No, I can not imagine what it would be like. But I want you to know that this is how we know you and that we will always be there for you, so please don’t hold back if you need to talk. You have friends here who like you for who you are and who will always respect you.

Alicia looked at her. Kirsten could see that she wanted to believe her, but that she could not be sure. She had obviously been let down before.

- I haven’t always been like this you know. I was a little boy once, who climbed trees and rode my bike with all the other little boys in the neighbourhood, and there was nothing strange about it. So don’t ask me when this happened to me because I don’t really know. It was something that grew from inside and I just knew. I will tell you all about it one day if you want to hear my story.

Alicia reached for her hand.

- Thank you for listening. Now let’s enjoy this Sunday evening! She looked at somebody standing behind Kirsten.

- I’ve just had a long conversation with your lovely wife!

- Well, I hope you will stop talking now and start dancing! We are getting ready for the next set, and we want to see you out there on the dance floor!

Alicia smiled. She looked up at the chandelier, electricity was moving inside the wineglasses casting soft shadows on the ceiling. The light had changed, the afternoon was passing, and the night was just beginning.

- Don’t worry! I’ll be dancing all right!