1:03 a.m.
Claire: is it true what I just heard?
Louie: huh?
Claire: what they're saying u did
Louie: idk what ur talking about
Claire: not doing this
Louie: good
Claire: …good?!?
Louie: don’t wanna talk to u anyway
Claire: too bad
Louie: shut your mouth
Claire: i’m the only one still on ur side
Louie: SHUT. UP. NOW.
Claire: i’m trying to HELP you
Louie: don’t. i don’t want ur help
Louie: don’t need anyone
Claire: wtf
Louie: fr
Claire: stop
Louie: u think i do, but i don’t
Claire: answer the question
Louie: go fkn screw urself
— Claire disliked a message —
Louie: dead serious
Claire: me too
Louie: 😂
Claire: wtf is funny
Louie: u think i did it
Louie: some sister u are
Claire: did u hurt that girl?
Louie: don’t
Claire: did u
Louie: i’d NEVER hurt her
Claire: was she just another hookup?
Louie: stop
Claire: WAS she?
Louie: blocking u
Claire: i’m ur SISTER
Louie: u think i care???
Claire: i’ll fly down there
Louie: my lawyer says i’ll prob be in jail by tuesday so have fun
Claire: that’s TOMORROW
Louie: it’s 1am
Claire: exactly.
Louie: who told u anyway?
Claire: someone worried abt u
Louie: joe?
Claire: maybe
Louie: imma kill him. I’m gonna really kill him.
1:10 a.m.
Claire: did u do it?
Louie: no
Louie: hurts that u think i did
Claire: her parents said u picked her up
Claire: before they found her bleeding out
Louie: we fought
Louie: not like that
Louie: we were at a bar, she threw her heel at my head n stormed off
Louie: idk who hurt her
Louie: but if i find out, i’ll end that mf
Claire: is she awake?
Louie: no, she’s not awake. Of course she’s not awake.
Claire: is she gonna…
Louie: wake up?
Claire: yeah…
Louie: idk
Louie: going to sleep
Claire: louie
Claire: LOUIE don’t—
*Missed call*
*Missed call*
*Missed call*
1:18 a.m.
Louie: i’m serious
Louie: stop
Claire: so am i
Louie: what do u want from me?
Claire: is she gonna make it
Louie: they don’t know. it’s bad
Claire: i’m sorry
Louie: why?
Claire: u sound like u really loved her
Louie: i can’t do this
Claire: did u tell the cops it wasn’t u?
Louie: YES
Louie: they don’t believe me
Louie: last thing she texted was “with louie”
Louie: some guy said he saw us in my car
Louie: i chased her when she left
Louie: bar people saw
Louie: now EVERYONE thinks it was me
Claire: i believe u
Louie: thx… doesn’t help
Claire: i’m flying out. we’ll figure this out
Louie: if she wakes up, she’ll tell em
Louie: if she doesn’t…
Claire: what?
Louie: idc what happens to me. I really don’t.
Claire: WTF?!?
Louie: i wanna sleep. That’s what I wanna do.
Claire: don’t shut me out
Louie: I’m not trying to
Clarie: then talk to me about this!!
Louie: I’m tired
Clarie: so am I… but I’m still here.
1:27 a.m.
Claire: louie… u been w/ a ton of girls
Louie: she’s not like them
Claire: what do you mean?
Louie: she’s different
Claire: how long?
Louie: 3 months
Claire: ur serious?
Louie: she’s good
Louie: like, actually good
Claire: how’d she end up w/ u then lol
Louie: no clue
Claire: u love her
Louie: if she dies i’m done
Louie: u don’t get it
Claire: we’ll fix it
Louie: i was drunk
Louie: called her something awful
Louie: that’s why she walked
Claire: oh
Louie: hate myself
Louie: feels like it’s my fault anyway
Claire: What’d u call her?
Louie: doesn’t matter
Claire: maybe it does
Louie: i can’t take it back
1:36 a.m.
Claire: i’m calling joe
Louie: i’ll throw him off the balcony
Claire: already texting him.
Louie: i wanna be alone. What part of that do u not get??
Claire: u don’t get to be alone
Louie: says who
Claire: ur big sis 😒 that’s who
Louie: i’m kinda…
Claire: ?
Louie: drunk
Claire: how much?
Louie: bottle… maybe 2
Claire: 🙃
Louie: shut up
Claire: joe’s on his way
Louie: i loved her
Claire: i know
Claire: hang in there
Louie: FOR WHAT
Claire: for HER
1:40 a.m.
Louie: her parents hate me
Louie: i hate me
Claire: stop drinking
Louie: nah
Claire: is it helping?
Louie: :) yeah
Claire: louie.
Louie: leave me alone
Claire: nope 😊
Louie: why don’t u just go away
Claire: bc i love u, idiot
Louie: why
Claire: no idea
Louie: u woulda liked her
Louie: she was like u
Louie: but nice
Claire: gee thx 😂
Louie: np
1:47 a.m.
Claire: gimme ur lawyer’s number
Louie: ask joe. he knows the prick
Claire: the prick?
Louie: he’s rich
Louie: super nice
Louie: makes me sick tbh
Claire: lol
Louie: joe sucks
Louie: imma strangle him
Claire: joe loves u like a brother
Louie: i’m gonna punch him
Claire: LOUIS 😡
Louie: i freakin
Louie: love that guy
Louie: he’s all i got
Claire: u got me too
Louie: i already ruined ur life just by being born
Claire: don’t u dare say that
Louie: it’s true
Claire: it NEVER was
Louie: mom & dad dipped
Louie: u gave up everything
Louie: and look how i turned out
Claire: go lie down
Claire: joe’s almost there
Louie: i hate joe
Claire: no u don’t
Louie: i wish i did
Claire: please
Louie: everyone i love leaves
Louie: i’m cursed
Claire: better to love and lose
Claire: than to never know love at all
Louie: where’s that from
Claire: idk
Claire: just popped in my head
Louie: sounds dumb
Claire: maybe
Claire: still true tho
1:53 a.m.
Louie: joe’s banging on the door
Louie: suing him for paint damage
Claire: go
Louie: hey
Claire: yeah?
Louie: i… care about u
Claire: lol. i know
Louie: like… i might love u
Claire: i love u too
Louie: ur my family
Claire: forever
(Last message read at 1:54 a.m.)
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I was assigned to read this through critique circle. Not sure if there is a specific format for feedback but here are my thoughts.
The story reads well. It is easy to follow. The short text messages are very realistic. As is the SMS slang.
The character development is well done. I especially liked the way the sister hangs in there no matter how much her brother tries to push her away. Clearly, they are very emotionally bonded even before they say it to each other.
I liked the variety in pacing, how sometimes one person would write 4 or 5 text messages in a row.
Sweet ending.
It's a difficult form, the text message form, and I think you told your story well.
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Serious stuff told quickly.
Thanks for liking 'Recipe for WOW...'
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Thanks for reading my story! 🙂
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