Random

“So what’s the catch?”

Those were the last words Clark heard before he fell asleep. His Dad had asked him the question. He was in the middle of telling his Dad how perfectly imperfect his life was. Clark knew growing up that he would have a large family with a dog on several acres by the time he was 40. He was on the high school football team; living, breathing, eating, and sleeping all things football. As a teenager, he would run around telling everybody how his dozen sons would be a string of team captains for 15 years.

And here he is, 42, with a small family, two cats, a small house on a quarter acre, and an unkept yard. His two kids were the opposite of anything you would predict from his teenage years. In hindsight, he could not imagine any other possible outcome. Everything from taking off to the military academy a few years into college, becoming a professor of nuclear physics, a beautiful wife, inside and out, two brilliant kiddos: none of it made any sense. But Clark wouldn’t change it for the world. It was almost like the source of true happiness are the exact things you can’t predict, you can’t plan, you can’t pick, you can’t prioritize. In the heart of randomness is absolute joy.

Clark had been explaining exactly that point to his Dad. He and his daughter were at his parents’ house for a week of “Gran camp”. Everything in his hometown felt so nostalgic. Driving around the town with the same small-town restaurants, the same small town high school, even the same landscaping. Lounging around the house he grew up in. As he was telling the story, he noticed the same show he used to watch growing up. In fact, it was the show he would fall asleep watching every afternoon after football practice. When he turned the volume up slightly, the fatigue immediately sat in. Like Pavlov’s dog, the show’s theme song put him into a blissful coma right as his Dad was saying, “So what’s the catch?”

As Clark slowly gained his senses from a 15-minute power nap, he had trouble understanding his surroundings. His TV show was a few minutes from finishing. All 90s shows had a dilemma in the middle, but always finished the show with the dilemma solved. What was odd was the TV. Clark could swear something was different about the TV but couldn’t put his finger on it. The after-nap TV felt… very old for some reason. It didn’t look old. In fact, it looked fairly new. He just couldn’t shake that feeling that something was odd about it.

He looked over at his Dad, who looked alarmingly young. And why was his Dad wearing his business casual like he was just coming home from work? He hadn’t worked in several decades.

“Where’s my princess?”

“Uh, that’s an odd thing to say after waking up. Do you call your girlfriend princess?” His Dad looked at him like Clark was bat shit crazy.

Clark kept blinking his eyes, looking around the room. As the realization slowly sat in that his entire life had been a flash of a dream during a power nap, the deepest sense of sorrow filled Clark’s heart. Every ounce of happiness had been a flash of a memory during a dream. He could hear his kiddos laughter. He could smell his wife’s perfume as she showed her beautiful smile at one of Clark’s corny Dad jokes. Everything still felt so real but already so distant. He could remember all the details about his dream life. He could even remember the story he was telling his Dad, about true happiness resting at the heart of randomness.

“Before you fell asleep, you were explaining to me how you had everything planned out. Big family, big yard, big dog. Sounds like the American dream. What’s the catch?” His Dad was ready to hear the punch line.

“Well Dad, I’ve had the oddest dream. I had a dream about my future family. None of the details were any where near what I predicted. My wife, my kiddos, my career… even our pets. Life was so incredibly perfect. But none of it was perfect. And herein lies the dilemma.”

Clark’s mind was reeling as he rubbed his eyes to wake up and think clearly. How can you guarantee a specific life path and still expect to find true joy if true joy is sitting at the epicenter of a hurricane of random events? How can you control every interaction, every decision that influences one’s life, every seemingly random event, all so you can achieve the same level of “random”?

“Now, I know exactly the woman that I want to marry. I know what my kiddos are going to enjoy in their free time. None of it is as I predicted, but I want exactly that life. Every detail. Every imperfection. But this directly contradicts the entire premise of my dream. If true happiness lies at the heart of randomness, how can I build my entire life around running into the same woman, having the same arguments that strengthen the bonds of marriage, have the same trials, the same kiddos, the same friends. I want exactly that life.

“And that robs the randomness of every detail. If I force myself into that exact same life, it is no longer random. In fact, it would be quite the opposite of random. Perfectly planned. Perfectly forced. Unnaturally forced. It’s almost like the chance to get a full “re-do” on life is the worst curse a person could ever hope for.”

Saved By the Bell rolled into the next episode. Clark felt absolute despair. There was no pre-planned life path that would lead him to the exact same result. Letting randomness play out in hopes of achieving absolute happiness felt nothing more than absolutely hopeless. As he drifted off to sleep, the hopelessness almost dizzying, he could not stop reeling about what to do to get back to that perfectly imperfect life.

As his senses awakened, he recognized the tune of his daughter’s video game right away. His eyes were not even open yet, but he knew. He knew in a nanosecond he was back to reality. The flashback to teenage life was a dream. It was a nightmare.

Clark’s eyes popped open with tears of joy as he lifted his daughter into a monster bear hug. They immediately pulled out the phone to Facetime with his wife and son. Even the cats! Clark was even content with the cats, knowing that they found him by randomness, and that brought Clark the purest of joy.

Clark didn’t even try to explain this to his wife. He would never stop planning, because planning was engrained to his very core. But Clark knew, the purest joy comes from random things, and random things you simply can’t plan into existence. All you can do is appreciate every detail about the things that bring you joy. Relish in the randomness of it all.

“You never told me the catch to your story. You fell asleep and never finished your story.” Clark’s dad finally doubled back to the conversation earlier in the afternoon.

“Dad, to be honest, there is no catch. A catch implies you could game the system and plan for the perfect outcome. But the perfect outcome is random. Life is random. We cherish the Randomness and love those relationships that are born out of Randomness.”