Missed

Nina stared hopelessly at the train time table, clutching her duffel bag in one hand and wiping away tears with the other. Huffing out a breath, Nina tugged at the collar of her T-shirt, feeling it stick to her back with sweat. The summer air was humid and heavy, coating her like a second skin.

“Okay,” Nina mumbled, flicking her eyes over the time table again, “I’m just gonna go back where I was, but I don’t think that was the right place either…what did Dad say on the phone?”

Nina was trying to get to Red Bank, New Jersey. She’d opted to take the train, instead of driving, because it was July 4th, and traffic to the beach would’ve been horrendous. But after an exhausting morning of train changes, Nina would’ve been willing to sit through any amount of traffic, if it meant she didn’t have to take another train. First, Nina took an Amtrak from Philadelphia, and then changed over to another train at Trenton. Then, her dad had called her and convinced her to get on a different train, which would save time. This was a fateful mistake though, because she took the wrong train, and now she was sitting in perhaps the sketchiest train station known to man.

Nina turned around and went to sit on a wooden bench opposite the train time table. Sitting down, she rested her bag on her knees, gripping the straps tightly. As she sat, fresh tears bubbled up in Nina’s eyes again, and she swiped furiously at them.

“Stupid trains.” Nina muttered to herself, biting down on her lip and tasting the lip-gloss she applied that morning. That seemed like years ago. “Stupid holiday weekend, stupid idea to come here at all.”

Reaching into her bag, Nina withdrew the tube of lip gloss, carefully reapplying where she’d smudged it. She turned the tube over in her hands, fiddling with the peeling wrapper as her thoughts took over.

This brand of lip gloss was her boyfriend Brian’s favorite. Nina liked to think it was because she’d been wearing it the first time they kissed. It was on their second date, a blustery day in the November of their freshman year. They’d gone to Magic Gardens, two jittery eighteen-year olds who’d been casually flirting since they met in August. Nina remembered walking through the mosaics, her delight at seeing the art almost outweighing her nerves. They walked side by side, making occasional comments about how beautiful it was, their hands brushing now and again.

That was until Brian had grabbed her hand, stopping her underneath an archway of stone. The light was dim, the colorful pieces of glass embedded in the archway reflecting it back onto Brian’s tanned skin. Nina remembered him just staring at her, before taking her cold face in his warm hands and pressing their lips together. Nina remembered feeling like all the pieces of her were coming together as they kissed, creating a beautiful mosaic of her own.

Sitting at the train station in July, Nina desperately wanted to regain the chill of that November day and the heat of her feelings for Brian. She was sure if she asked Brian now why he liked this specific lip gloss so much, he’d just say because it tasted like strawberries.

Nina wondered what other flavors of lip gloss he’d learned to love over the summer, while she hadn’t been around. Not that her presence had stopped him from kissing her friend Ally at that sorority party last March.

Nina flung her lip gloss back into her bag, as if she could fling away her fears with it. She’d deal with all that once this fiasco was over.

As she sat there, Nina looked around herself, shaking her head in disbelief. This train station barely deserved the name. It was just two train tracks parallel to one another, heading in opposing directions. The only place to buy tickets was from a machine on the side opposite to Nina. After getting off her last train, she’d dragged herself and her bags through a tunnel underneath the tracks, to get to the other side. Panic entered in when Nina realized that she didn’t know which train she needed to get on next. Because her side of the tracks was deserted, there was no one she could even ask.

Nina looked down, picking at the cuticles of her nails in agitation. She closed her eyes briefly, soothing the sting brought on by her earlier tears. Sinking down lower on the bench, she rested her neck against the top slat and tilted her face up toward the sun. Nina let out a long breath, feeling the tension leave her shoulders for the first time that day.

“Excuse me?” an unfamiliar voice said.

Nina jolted in her seat, her eyes snapping open. She stared at the person standing above her, the words Getawayfrommepleasedon’tkillmeohmygod dying in her throat. She blinked a few times, gulping to wet her dry mouth.

“Sorry to startle you,” the young man said, taking a step backward. “I’m just wondering if you know which train goes to Philadelphia? This station is quite confusing, isn’t it?”

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Nina stammered. “I don’t know where I need to be either, I shouldn’t even be here.”

“Oh, well,” he said, concern flashing across his features at Nina’s obvious distress. “It’ll be alright, it’ll all work out.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nina said, wiping away some running mascara.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, fidgeting from one foot to the other. He indicated with his head to the seat beside Nina, and she nodded. They sat in uncomfortable silence for a few moments, Nina’s new companion taking off his backpack and putting it down between his feet.

“I’m Xander, by the way,” he said, reaching into his backpack and rummaging around. “What’s your name?”

“Nina,” she replied dully, scuffing the toe of her flip-flop against the cracked ground.

“What brings you to this lovely station, Nina?” Xander asked, flashing her a smile and portraying deep dimples in the grooves of his cheeks.

“I’m going to visit someone for the 4^th,” Nina said. “He- he lives in New Jersey.”

Nina obviously wasn’t going to tell a stranger that she was going to visit Brian. Ever since he kissed Ally, things had been rocky between them. He’d begged her forgiveness at the time, saying it was just a drunken mistake, and Nina had decided that she wouldn’t throw away a whole relationship over one occurrence. But then summer had started, making Nina’s fears about him cheating go into over drive. Brian worked as a lifeguard at home and seeing him with all his female co-workers on Snapchat did nothing to make Nina feel better.

Whenever she alluded to anything, Brian just told her to stop worrying about it. Then, he had the brilliant idea of having Nina come to stay and officially meet his family over the holiday weekend. And she could meet his friends and see for herself that there was nothing between them. Somehow, Nina doubted that seeing hot beach lifeguards in person would help matters.

“Would you like a Polo Mint?’ Xander asked suddenly, withdrawing his hand from his bag and brandishing a roll of mints in her direction. Nina stared at him, eyebrows wrinkling in confusion. He reddened, reaching up to run his free hand through his tousled brown hair.

“Sorry, being dumb,” Xander said, letting out a hoarse laugh. “My mum always gave me mints when I was little, apparently it’s a calming flavor? And you seemed upset, so I thought…”

Here, Xander broke off, giving a slight shrug. His thin shoulders rose up and down with the motion. He then reached into the roll of mints and popped one into his own mouth.

“Where are you from?” Nina asked suddenly, curiosity overcoming her.

“Belgium.” Xander said, his voice muffled around the mint.

“You don’t sound Belgian,” Nina said. “Well, I’m not totally sure what a Belgian person does sound like, but you sound…”

“British?” Xander finished for her. He nodded a few times, as if he got that a lot. “I went to boarding school in England when I was younger. It was ‘adapt or die’, so I came out with this accent.”

“Wow, how’d you end up here then?” Nina asked. “Army kid?”

“No, no,” Xander said, shaking his head thoughtfully. “I go to school in the States, in Philly. My roommate and I drove to New Jersey to visit his sister. But then he got called into work unexpectedly and had to leave. Which left me to navigate the train system.”

As he spoke, Nina’s phone buzzed with a text. She smiled apologetically at Xander, then reached into her pocket and pulled it out. Nina had expected to see some text from her family group chat, probably her mom worriedly asking if she was with Brian yet. The last thing she expected was to see a message from Brian himself.

Hey, are you close to Red Bank? Because I’m gonna be late to pick you up. Something came up at work and Michelle needed some help with some angry tourists lol

Nina scowled deeply, closing her phone abruptly and shoving it back into her pocket. A text like that didn’t even deserve a reply: today it was Michelle, last week it’d been Bella whose car needed a jump right when Nina wanted to Facetime Brian. And, as she’d seen from Snapchat, they both looked remarkably like Ally: beautiful, tanned blondes who oozed self-confidence.

Nina turned back to face Xander, pinching the bridge of her nose to stifle an in-coming headache. He looked at her worriedly, his forehead creasing.

“Everything alright?” he asked, and Nina gave a brisk nod in response. She then held her palm out to Xander, smiling weakly.

“I’ll take that mint now, if it’s still on offer.”

“Okay!” Xander said, dispensing one into her hand. Nina nodded her thanks, raising it to her lips.

“Oh!” Xander said, making Nina jump. She fumbled with the mint, and it fell to the ground. Letting out a sigh, she then turned to look back at Xander.

“Yeah?” Nina said, struggling to keep exasperation out of her voice.

 “It’s not drugged! He burst out, looking frantic. “In case you thought I was like some creep, who like, went to train stations and gave pretty crying girls sweets. Because this is not that. I mean, you are pretty, but I’m not…”

Looking at her face, Xander’s voice died out. He sheepishly put a hand behind his neck, a dark blush staining his pale skin. There was silence for a couple seconds, until Nina started to laugh. It was the kind of laugh that made her stomach hurt, a full-bellied thing that shook her deeply. Eventually, Xander started to chuckle too, albeit embarrassedly.

“Can I have another non-drugged mint?” Nina asked, between giggles.

Over the next hour, the two of them worked their way through all Xander’s Polo Mints. Together, they figured out what trains they both needed to get on next. Xander was better at this than Nina: he’d gotten used to taking trains to and from boarding school as a kid. Xander’s train back to Philadelphia would be leaving ten minutes before Nina’s, and he’d have to cross to the other side of the tracks to catch it. However, he insisted on staying where he was for the time being.

“Some gentleman I’d be, leaving you here.” He scoffed when Nina suggested he head over. “I’ll wait until five minutes before it’s supposed to arrive.”

He then gave Nina a crooked smile, and she noticed a small white scar above his upper lip. She considered asking him how he’d gotten it, but then decided she invaded his privacy enough already. Xander was still smiling at her, looking gentle now. He titled his head to the side, studying her.

“What really brings a lovely girl like you to this station, eh?” he asked quietly, almost more to himself than to Nina. Now, it was Nina’s turn to blush. She looked down at her lap, toying with the lace embroidered to her jean shorts. She considered his question for a moment, pondering to herself what answer to give. What was she here for, really?

“I’m going to break up with my boyfriend.” Nina said abruptly. Xander looked at her, his eyes widening. She shrugged, unbothered now that the words were finally out in the open.

“He’s definitely cheating on me.” Nina continued, “Maybe even right now. That text earlier was from him, he’s gonna be late to pick me up because someone named Michelle needs his ‘help.’”

Nina sighed deeply, then forced a smile. Xander frowned in displeasure, a groove appearing between his eyebrows. He woffered Nina the last mint, and she chuckled sadly, taking it from him.

“You’re better off,” Xander said. Nina shrugged, but he nodded vigorously. 

“Really, you are. If I were you, I wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of breaking up with him in person. Christ, send him a text and just take a train home.”

Nina bit the inside of her cheek, considering Xander’s words. His suggestion was a fair one: it would make the breakup less painful and her life much easier. She could just head home, curl up in bed, and wallow with a pint of Raspberry Ripple and Love Actually. Plus, she’d surely know she was on the right train, since she and Xander would be going the same way. That’d take some pressure off.

Xander looked at her, those dimples appearing once more. Nina smiled nervously, acutely aware of just how Xander was looking at her. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She knew that if he tried, she’d let him. Her own eyes flicked to Xander’s lips, focusing on his scar again.

“I fell off my bike when I was a kid.” Xander said softly. 

“Huh?”

“My scar.” Xander said, indicating to the ridge above his upper lip.

“Was I staring?” Nina asked, horrified.

“A little.” Xander said, with a small smile. “Figured you were curious.”

“I’m so, so sorry!” Nina said, feeling heat flood her cheeks. Sher averted her gaze from Xander’s, looking down at her knees. He chuckled a little, and Nina looked back at him, worried he was laughing at her. But the look in his eyes was as gentle as ever.

“Don’t be.” Xander said. “Besides, blushing suits you.”

Nina smiled too, more at ease. Xander swallowed, so deeply that Nina saw his Adam’s Apple bob in his throat. Was his stomach twisting with nerves too? Was he wondering if her lips were as soft as they looked?

On the opposite side of the tracks, the train to Philadelphia roared to a stop, breaking the tranquility between them. Nina jolted away from Xander, returning to her senses. Xander’s head snapped to the left, staring as the train opened its doors.

“Looks like that’s your train.” Nina said breathlessly.

“Looks like I’ve just missed it.” Xander joked. 

“If you hurried, you could make it.” Nina suggested, but Xander shook his head.

“I’ll just wait for the next one,” he said. “Anyway, yours will be coming soon. I’ll make sure you get on it.”

Nina nodded, shifting away from Xander on the bench. The tension between them was gone, popped and deflated like an old balloon. They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, Nina busying herself by taking out her wallet and counting out the ticket price. To her right, Xander occupied himself by rummaging around in his bag again.

As they sat, relief washed over Nina, relief that the Philly train had come and stopped what she and Xander had been about to do. As angry as she was at Brian, as infuriating as Michelle and Bella and whoever else were, they were still together. She didn’t want to become just as bad as him.

A gust of wind blew across Nina’s cheeks, signaling that her train was pulling into the station. Nina stood up, swinging her bag onto one shoulder. The train chugged to a stop, the doors opening in front of her. Xander stood up too, holding his hand out to shake. Nina chuckled, taking his hand in hers. They stood like that for a few moments before Nina pulled him in for a hug.

“Thanks, Xander.” Nina said into his shoulder. “For everything.”

“No worries.” He said. “Glad to have helped.”

With that, they broke apart, Nina walking up the platform of her train. Before she entered the carriage, she turned back, giving Xander a wave. He raised his hand in farewell, above his head. Nina stepped inside the carriage, finding an empty seat by the window. Xander had gone back to sit on the bench, but he was still watching. She smiled at his blurry figure through the Plexiglass, waving like a little kid now. The train began to roll out from the station, picking up speed. Nina kept staring out the window, long after Xander’s figure had faded in the distance.

Awhile later, Nina reached into her bag, rustling around through the mess of things she’d thrown into it. This train ride was monotonous, and she felt sure she put headphones somewhere in there. Unsuccessful in the main compartment, Nina patted along the side pocket of the bag. She reached her hand inside, feeling around for the plastic headphones. Her fingers brushed against something, shoved deep into the pocket, and she pulled it out, certain it was an old receipt or something.

In her hands was the bright green Polo mint wrapper. Nina stared at it uncomprehendingly for a few moments. Had Xander shoved it in there when they hugged, as some weird memento? Frowning in confusion, Nina narrowed her eyes, looking more closely at the wrapper. Scribbled hastily, in spidery handwriting, was:

537-782-1902 : )

Grinning, Nina carefully folded the wrapper and slid it into her jean’s pocket.