Susan’s Pond
The tiny green traffic light blurred by the wintery mist glowed in the distance. Its glow was a stark contrast to the dark black sky and the glistening white frosted ground. The irony of what it represented struck me. The green light, a future and a hope for freedom glinting and winking, almost knowingly, at me signaled my go ahead to take that leap and finally leave behind the pain and guilt of this place which held me captive for so long. Yet, all the memories of fun adventures before that one fateful night were like the contrasting of the pure white snow that glistened like a billion tiny diamonds in the moonlight against the black sky. They conflicted me and froze my plans and life like an icy prison.
The same frosty air that created the beauty of the diamond dust that covered the ground was the same air that turned the fun summer pond into the treacherous frozen icy death trap. The haunting sound of its victims’ shivering moans howling in the boisterous winter winds, a sound that would drive a guilt-ridden mind into madness, or was it the guilt-ridden madness that was taunting my mind into hearing this delirious orchestra of ghostly voices. She used to talk about hearing the voices in the wind. I had always thought it was just the intense emotion of her missing her dad that was manifesting itself in her mind’s ears. Love is a powerful emotion that can stir all kinds of strong illusions in our minds, especially in the intensely imaginative person. We had that in common, even though there were many differences in our personalities. Mostly she was the yin to my yang. She was strong and worldly, and I was shy, reserved and sheltered.
I was first introduced to her by our mutual friend Melinda at middle school in our 7th grade year. Melinda was a wild, fiery, red head who made friends easily and led with ferocity. I didn’t make friends easily so when I met Melinda and she took me under her wings, I was so enthralled. She was the kind of person that in the first two minutes of meeting her, you felt like you had known all your life. When she introduced me to Susan, I felt invaded, because I had finally found a friend, but she already had a friend. Still, now we were a pack. I didn’t see Susan much that first year because she was a year older than me and had most classes that were a grade ahead of me and Melinda. That summer, though, little did I realize that a chance meeting would change the course of my destiny and seal my fate forever.
I was a starting teenager but thought I was an adult. Like a child I didn’t want to stay home but I also didn’t want to be seen in public with my parents either. So, I decided to go with them on a trip to the local grocery store, but I chose to stay in the car. There walking in the parking lot was my new friend Susan. A familiar face outside of school during the summer that I thought would just be another boring summer. At our first meeting my mind was determined not to like this invader but thankfully I didn’t express my feelings because now she was a sight for sore eyes. I called out to her and that was the launch of the best time of my life with teenage adventures and the introduction to male encounters.
So many summers we would spend at the pond teaming with life. It was the local gathering place for generations, the teen make-out point, and a cool refreshing swimming hole for people of all ages until the air began to cool for fall. That nip in the air was a signal to us that school was about to start, or vacations were over, and way too quickly winters frost would call forth the spirits of the frozen pond. I am not sure if it was the ghostly voices that sounded like sirens calling forth their victims that was the allure for so many people who fell to their icy graves, or the sparkle of the illuminated diamond-like snow in the frosty mist that projected illusions of lost loves across the pond. Whichever it was it entranced people to cross the thin ice and claimed the lives of so many. I still wonder which it was for Susan’s father. He had left that morning for the store which was just across the pond for a few necessities but normally during the winter, he, like all the other locals who were aware of the dangers, would have taken the longer path of the road. However, the store was in walking distance if one cuts across the pond. Having lived there for so many years, he would not have normally considered it, so what was it that allured him to risk it that day? A question that burned so indomitably in Susan’s heart that she was completely consumed by it. It was not unusual for her to spend hours at the bank of the frozen pond just staring out across the pond deeply pondering. Though she was so extremely positive and had an energy so magnetic and attracting that her radiation almost visibly glowed, her life was extremely tragic in event after event. It was like her soul was determined to negate every event with the power of positivity.
There was no doubt that it was her positive energy that had attracted Ken. They met at a movie that typified her personality imaginative and enticingly fantastical. He was blonde haired, blue eyed and fair skinned which was not normally her type but mine, but he did possess the drive for fantasy that she craved. It was that drive for fantasy, though, that ended up being the catalyst for the act of betrayal to her. An event that would be the greatest regret that I would have in my life as well.
It was the winter of my senior year in high school when the event happened. It had been a high rainy season the proceeding summer, so the pond was higher than normal. Ken and Susan had been together from middle school to high school. He was aware of her eccentric ways and gave her plenty of space to grieve her father and accepted that whenever she went to the pond that was her alone time. This day was very different though. It was the anniversary of her dad’s death, and the wind was blowing harder than normal for this time of year. The weatherman was telling everyone to brace for a possible winter storm. I hated winter and especially when I felt trapped in my home. Susan was usually my escape from home and from the stress and pressure of school. I didn’t really fit in at school. She referred to us as “the exceptions”. We even had t-shirts made with that name on it. My dad hated it, maybe because he could sense the underlying meaning which we thought was cleverly disguised. The anniversary nights of his death were always so lonely for me because I knew she would not be rescuing me on this day. It was a day that she needed to be rescued but I never knew how to help her. I was selfishly stewing over my own misery when the phone rang. It was Ken. I had always been attracted to him deep down but I always kept it suppressed. He was calling to see if I had heard from Susan because it was getting late, and the storm was starting to really bolster. It wasn’t like her to be gone this late even on the anniversary nights. We decided to go looking for her. Although deep down it was just an excuse to leave the house and the thought of spending time with Ken was a bit enticing.
The pond was a bit of a distance from my house, so Ken picked me up in his truck. On the way there a strong tension had been building between us. He parked in the make-out point parking lot. Perhaps it was just raging teenage hormones or his drive for fantasy or maybe he had a secret desire for me too that we both kept under wraps for Susan’s sake, but whatever the reason neither of us could hear the voice of reason that I am sure was screaming at us with a message of looming regret. It wasn’t until everything was done that our minds turned to why we were there in the first place. Could she have seen us and in a delirium state of emotional pain run out to the thin side of the ice? Maybe if we had of gotten there earlier, we could have saved her. Had she finally succumbed to her dad’s voice to meet him on the other side long before we even got there? These questions burned in my mind and heart so intensely that it melded my subconscious to this place like I was shackled with an iron chain. After what I felt like I had done to her the thought of leaving this place felt like I was murdering her and then abandoning her there. Now I was able to hear the voices in the wind that she used to tell me about. Her voice being the leading voice in the choir of shivering ghostly moans. It was now my burden to bear in a mind seared with guilt. How often had I came to the edge of town to this traffic light, which always seemed to be red? The whining “why?” crying in the wind would have me turning back like a boomerang to my home of torture to where there was no longer an escape. There was no longer a hero to come rescue me by whisking me away to a fantastical adventure.
Finally, after 20 years of doing that boomerang dance I decided to go to the pond once and for all. The closer I got to the pond the louder the voices would cry but I refused to let it drive me back this time. I had to go there and see for myself if she would be there. When I arrived at the edge of the frozen pond a chilling wind penetrated my clothing like an icy knife. My coat was a useless sheild against the frosty air’s bite. The wind blew the snow into ghostly figurines playing around the pond like it was a summer’s day. As I was touching my toe on the frozen water’s edge contemplating stepping out onto the ice, I saw a translucent shell of her form. I could hear her voice in my mind and could see a slight smile on her face. She said, “You finally came for me. I’m so happy to see you so I can finally tell you that everything is okay now. I finally reached the elusive shadow of my dad that I had watched across the pond for so many years. I know what happened that night between you and Ken, but I had felt the attraction between you both since the beginning. I forgive you and want you to live your life now and know that I am finally where my heart had longed to be for all those years.” Hearing her words, I could finally feel the iron shackles release their grip.
Arriving at the traffic light at last it was green for the first time. Crossing under its emerald green glow and over the tiny emerald gem dust that sparkled on the snow, I could swear I saw her sitting in the car with me smiling like she did before heading out to our next adventure.
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.
1 comment
Hey, welcome to REEDSY, Dorothy 😁
Reply