LOVE IS A FOUR LETTER WORD

LOVE IS A FOUR-LETTER WORD

I lay there in the early morning semi-light, listening to Susan's soft breathing, feeling her body stirring. No, I thought, it’s too early. Sleep longer so I can put off what I have to do. Susan rolled over, naked leg across my pelvis, setting off a burst of desire. Soon enough, I felt her lips on mine, and we wordlessly allowed our bodies to rise in waves of heat, crest, and release, then slowly come back down.

“Good morning, Susan. “I moved my body to rest on my side to be able to look into her eyes. Susan lay her face on my breast and literally purred.

“I love you," She murmured into my breast." She had first said it during the night.

“Please don’t say that. You know how dangerous that can be.” I felt somehow out of myself at giving her a way out.”

“I do love you, and I don’t care who knows it." She pulled her face out of my breast and looked at me with big, gold-flecked brown eyes. My own eyes were a light sky blue. Susan pulled her curly, deep brown, beautiful hair from her face and secured it in a ponytail. We were both sitting up now. “Don’t you love me?”

I got up and looked down at her and her naked beauty. I did enjoy that, but it was simply lust, repeated over and over again over these last two months. I put some coffee on to brew, and its aroma filled the studio apartment; outside, the rain started to hit the window, a tiny sound in the silence hanging between us.

“No, I do not love you, Susan,” and threw on jeans and a tee shirt

Susan's face crumpled like wax on a hot day.” But I love you, I love you, I love the very thought and sight and smell of you.”

This would be bad, I could tell. “Please don’t say that again,” but she did, and I, well, I did my job, triggering a silent alarm on my phone. Then I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table to wait, listening to the beat of the rain and the sounds of Susan’s sobs.

“You should get dressed.”

“Why?” she asked between the short catches of breath of someone trying not to cry.

A hard knock sounded on my door. “That’s why. Now throw a shirt on, sweatpants too.”

As she dressed, I went to the door and opened it. Two men and a woman wearing BERP jackets came inside. Susan paled when she saw them. Then she turned on me, venom in her voice. “You work for them?"

I nodded. “I told you not to say it or reveal yourself.”

“I hate you,” she said

“Another banned emotion.” I watched them take her away, thinking that I would definitely miss playing with her body. “Oh well, moving on, other fish to fry.”

Once upon a time, the world had love, and Big Brother and firemen burning books were just stories. I once knew about all three, but now I have mostly forgotten. Deep down, I realize I am something much worse. I am a Love Assassin. I work undercover for the Bureau of Emotion Removal and Purging. BERP for short. Endless jokes have been written about the name. I have worked for them since 2040, nine years ago. My job is to get close to anyone who showed telltale signs that they might fall in love, have them fall in love with me, and once they said” I Love You,” have the police arrest them and take them to the BERP for emotion removal.

My name is Lara Marks. Yes, Lara, just like in Dr Zhivago, where emotions ran rampant, until disaster followed. Over the last nine years, I have closed forty-five cases. I don’t know what happened to each of them; I was too busy working on the next case, and I did not care. I am a true believer in emotion removal, knowing how badly those with emotions have screwed up the world.

I am forty-five years old, old enough to remember the chaos of the world before the Great Awakening, when love, hate, fear, and greed almost destroyed the planet. Half of it was lost in 2029, WW3, with Russia and the US leading the way. The world lost one-third of its population to nuclear holocaust that first day when only a portion of the nukes were fired, and many more millions in the starvation and the atomic winter that followed.

When the world's leaders saw the reality of the war instead of just computer simulations, they got together and brought a quick peace. Commissions were formed to study the reasons for the war, and the conclusion was emotion, unchecked and extreme. The result was that every country set up its own BERP. And it worked. The world stayed at peace, and the great disarmament came to be: nukes were destroyed, and conventional weapons were mothballed.

I work primarily with rooting out the big three—love, hate, and fear—but mostly with love. Seven years ago, I turned in my mother and father. Parents are the worst offenders but the easiest to cure. It’s really no fun turning in your parents.

Back in the city, I went out at night to one of my favorite gin joints, as they said in the old pulps, but remained fitting. Pickups in bars never go out of style; everyone is there for the same thing, sex with no ties and simply to be around other humans

I sat drinking in the far back of the bar, just watching people and not having or wanting to talk. I was there to hunt. I saw a beautiful redhead saunter towards me with the gait of a runway model, all sex in every step, and an “all the world adores me” confidence on her face.

“May I sit?”

“By all means,” I pushed a chair out to her.

“I’m Barbara Davis, she said as if her name should mean something to her and held out her hand.

“Lara," I took her hand briefly. It was cool and soft. I liked the feel of her skin, and I took in her emerald eyes, flawless skin, and stunning smile. She was about five feet seven inches tall, probably 115-120 pounds, on a very shapely frame. She was the full package physically. I recognized her now.

“You play tennis, don’t you, Barbara? Just won Wimbledon?”

“Yes. First Scottish woman to do so.”

“I’ve never played, but I enjoy watching.” I was definitely watching her, how her eyes sparkled on the lights from the bar and the candle on our table. Hmm, I thought, when did it become our table.

“What do you do, Lara?”

“Hopefully you, but my job is pharmaceutical sales.” I saw her eyes widen, a smile curling up her delicious-looking full lips. I saw no sense in beating around the bush, so to speak. If it's going to happen, it will happen, and the people in this bar have little time to waste.

“I would very much like to do you to Lara. Let’s go to my hotel room, Marquis Marriott 46^th floor overlooking Times Square.”

“Let’s go. I will pick up some cheesecake from Juniors next door, as I expect we will work up an appetite.”

Barbara laughed, a husky laugh, deep in her throat. I liked it immediately. Her hotel was only a few blocks away, and the night was mild, so we walked. I got the cheesecake, and just like that, we were in her apartment.

“Nice view.” I pulled the drapes wider.

“I’m enjoying my view as well. “She left the apartment lights off, so I knew that I was silhouetted in the lights of the city coming through the window. She came to me, and we kissed, deep and slow, melding together effortlessly. She was undoubtedly the best kisser I had ever experienced, and I’ve done a lot of kissing. While we kissed, I slipped off her blouse, and she did mine. I kissed her up and down her neck, lingering in a spot just under her ear, and then over her carotid, then up and down her arms, lingering on the inside of her wrists and elbows, then back up to her neck and lips. I felt a shiver in her, not from the cold.

She unhooked my bra, and I hers, then she kissed along the sides of my breasts, then kissed and sucked my nipples, lightly closing her teeth on them. Now, it was my turn to shiver. I slipped her out of her skirt and panties, stepping back to look at her.

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” I walked around her and took her in.

“Take the rest of your clothes off, and let me look at you.”

I did, and she gave me the same appraisal that I had given her, and it thrilled me. “Come to bed," she said huskily, just a bit of force behind her words. I complied.

Our lovemaking was the most spectacular I have ever had, as she brought me to orgasm after orgasm, and I did the same for her. We collapsed in each other’s arms, breathless.

 After a while, when we had sufficiently recovered, she said. “I am glad you got the cheesecake. I am famished.” I got out of bed and walked slowly, her eyes upon me, to the refrigerator, pulled out the dessert, put it on two small plates, and returned to the bed. The cheesecake was so delicious that I’m sure we both licked our plates, and not one crumb fell on the bed. Then we lay in each other’s arms, talking until we fell asleep.

For the next couple of months, we were inseparable, which was my job, but it became less and less a job, and more and more what I wanted to do. I went with her to tournaments, cheering her on, and she piled up win after win, trophy after trophy; at the end of the summer, we were back in New York for the US Open, which she won. A staggering victory party for all the winners was held. When I say staggering, for many of us, it literally was.

Back in the same suite at the Marquis Marriott where we had made our first love, we made love again, drunken love to be sure, its length shortened when each of us passed out.

In the morning, I awoke while Barbara snored on, a gentle snore, more like a purr.

I went and got some water and sat next to the window, watching the neon sparkling below. I was experiencing something I had never experienced before. I knew what it was. I looked over at the beautiful woman in the bed. I have fallen in love, I thought. So that’s what it feels like, not dangerous, but glorious. How mistaken I had been all these many years

I thought about how many lives I had cut short of this feeling. How could I be forgiven, even by myself? How could I make amends? Outside, it had started to rain, more seen than heard on these thick windows. In the bed, Barbara stirred, and I went back and slipped next to her, laying my head upon her breasts.

I whispered into her chest, “I love you.” I felt her go stiff under me

“What did you say?”

I raised my head and looked into her gorgeous green eyes. The smell of sleep and sex filled our bed.” I said that I Love you.”

“Don’t ever say that, Lara, don’t ever say that, especially not to me.”

“I have to say it, Barbara, I’ve never been in love before, and it's pressing out of me until I think I will explode. I love you; I love you.”

Barbara got out of bed and went to the window, watching the rain, holding her phone. “We had such a good thing going, Lara; why do you have to spoil it? “

“How can it be spoiled by falling in love with you.”

She threw me a tee shirt and sweatpants. “Put those on. “

I started to grow apprehensive. ‘I can’t unlove you, Barbara. It’s not possible.”

"Lara, are you absolutely sure”

“Yes, and here’s the kicker. I am not a pharmaceutical saleswoman. I am a BERP agent.”

I expected her to be shocked and outraged, but she just shook her head sadly. Reaching into her purse, she grabbed something. She threw a BERP badge on the bed.

“So am I, Lara, so am I”

I watched her press a button on her phone. “They will be here in five minutes. Grab some coffee and put your sneakers on.”

I did just that, too stunned to think beyond those simple tasks

A knock on the door, and Barbara rose, came to me and, hugged me one last time, kissed me deeply one last time.

“Don’t worry, Lara, you will be back to work in a few months, and you will barely remember my face,” and then she opened the door