Relief from Grief

***This is a sequel to Making a Connection***

      Leigh entered Father’s house and gave him an affectionate kiss on the cheek. While holding Tony’s hand, she said, “I’ve brought Tony for you to begin to watch this afternoon like you asked.”

           Half squatting, the grandfather tried to give Tony a hug, who turned his body away from him.

           Father stood straight. “I thought he knew me. Most kids like hugs. It was such a thrill to see him say Bird’s name and know it was a bird.”

           “I know. Bird is a silly name for that tufted titmouse I gave you for Christmas, but it works.” Leigh grinned. “He said Kate’s name for the first time this morning! Here is her phone number in case you need it.”

           Father looked at the phone number. “Kate is the babysitter? . . . It should have been you he called ‘Mama’ instead.”

           Leigh’s dimples faded and she clenched her teeth. While still holding onto Tony, she faced her father. “He is not ‘babysat’. He is taken care of.” Leigh spoke loud enough for the neighbors to hear. “When Tony was born, my husband, Willard, looked forward to playing football with him. I looked forward to planning his nursery and birthday parties. Both of us wanted to see him go to college. Neither of us knew he would have so many challenges to overcome!”

            At the sound of her raised voice, Tony covered his ears with both hands and began to cry. Leigh reached down to him to give him a hug, which he did not return. However, he did slow his crying.

           Leigh’s father said, “Mother raised you right. Can’t you just follow her example?”

           Leigh fought back tears for Tony’s sake.

           “It is not my fault he like he is. He has autism! I work the extra job because insurance will not pay for his therapies.”

           “Your mother learned how to handle him. Can’t you?”

           “Mother spent a lot of time and money to learn to do so. By the time I take Tony home each evening, he is exhausted. I’m doing good just to give him a bath, read a picture book to him, and put him to bed. Willard and I have struggled with Tony’s difficulties with communication. We are grateful he is trying to speak at all.”

           Tony quit crying and Leigh let go of him.

           Father wrapped his arm around Leigh’s shoulders. “Why can’t you stay at home to raise Tony, autistic or not?”

           “You don’t understand!” Tears streamed down her face as she escaped out the door.

           Chad spoke to the closed door, “Leigh, you’re right. I don’t understand.”

           After it got quiet, Tony looked around. He peered through his fingers at the empty bird cage which Chad had never placed in storage.

           “This is a good time to call the babysitter. . . I mean caregiver.” He punched in the numbers.

           “Hello, this is Kate Southerland.”

           “Hello, my name is Chad Pierce. You have been babysitting my autistic grandson.”

           “You mean taking care of him.”

“Yes, that is what I meant.”

 “Leigh said you would call. I’ve already mailed most of my materials for Tony. Did you receive them yet? I’ve included pictures I printed off the internet. Have you looked through all the papers?”

           “Yes. And I don’t know where to begin. . . Are you a trained professional?”

           “Yes. I have my certification as a board certified behavior analyst. I have a waiting list of parents who want me to care for their autistic child.

           “Mr. Pierce, Leigh said you got him to say the word ‘bird.’ And that you showed him other pictures of birds. That’s a good place to begin. Next, show him a picture of the sky along with the printed word ‘sky.’ When he can say that word, you can show him a picture of a bird in flight with the printed word ‘fly.’ Review these each day until he makes the connections between the pictures and the words. Then he can apply that understanding to describe an actual bird flying in the sky.”

           “That sounds easy enough.”

           Kate laughed. “It likely won’t happen in one day, Mr. Pierce. It takes repetition and patience. In those papers I sent, there should be a list of words he can already identify.”

           “What if he cries for no reason?”

           “Try to find out why. It may be for something he wants. Or to leave from somewhere. Here is where the bag of pictures come in handy. He knows some pictures of what he needs. They are on his communication board.”

           “What communication board?”

           “It was in the package I sent you. I had it labeled.”

           “Uh, I guess I didn’t look at it much.”

           Kate sighed. “The pictures have Velcro on the back so Tony can take them off and put others on when he needs to tell us something.”

           Momentarily silent, Chad asked, “Do you have a picture of a bird in a greenhouse?”

           “Oh yes. You have Bird in a greenhouse, don’t you? You can find a picture on the internet.”

           “I won’t buy a computer. And I don’t intend to start learning now.”

           “Leigh said you would be leery of using the internet.”

           Chad pursed his lips but said nothing concerning Leigh.

           “I’ll send you an image of a bird in a greenhouse, if I can find one,” said Kate. “It actually would be better to use a photo of Bird in the greenhouse. A good reward is to take him to see Bird again.”

           “What do I do? Just sit with him and let him point at pictures?”

           “You can start that way. Take your time to become acquainted with him and to let him do the same. He needs to make the associations with the pictures, written words and the spoken words. That takes time and consistent practice.”

           “All right,” Chad said with skepticism. “I’ll give it a try. Thank you and good-bye.”

           Looking through the pictures Tony already understood, Chad found a table, a chair, and a picture of a person sitting. The old man walked the child to the table and showed him the pictures while pointing. The boy sat down.

           The child’s grandfather took out a picture of a bird. “I don’t want you to forget Bird.” Again pointing at the picture, he said to Tony. “This is a bird.”

           “Bird. Bird. Bird.” Tony said, looking at the picture.

“This is going to be a breeze, Jessica. I wish you were here. I still love talking to you, even if I am alone now.”

Chad pulled out a picture of a sunny, blue sky with clouds. It had the word “sky” printed on the corner.

“Sky,” said the grandfather.

The boy looked at the picture but did not say the word.

Without warning, Tony cried out.

Out of reflex, Chad said, “What do you want?”

           Now, not only was Tony crying, but he also began flapping his hands.

“Uh, I’ll show you a bunch of pictures.” Chad placed most of the pictures in front of Tony who swiped the pictures onto the floor.

“I need help.”

He dialed Leigh’s number.

“Leigh, take Tony to Kate. I can’t take this.”

“I can’t,” said Leigh. “She has a waiting list of people who want her to care for their child. I already told her you would be working with Tony. She has no room for him in her schedule now.”

“What should I do?”

“Wait it out, like we do. Or call Kate. I’m at work. I can’t talk right now.”

Chad returned to the child.

“What now, Jessica?” To Tony he said, “Stop that crying or I’ll . . . no I won’t. Just stop crying, you spoiled brat!”

Tony’s cries were interspersed with gasps of breath. He covered both ears with his hands and began to rock back and forth in the kitchen chair.

Out of desperation, Chad walked to a different room to call Kate.

“Have you checked the schedule I sent you?” asked Kate. “It’s nearly lunch time. Tony may be hungry.”

“Schedule?”

“Yes. Autistic children like routine. I’ve been having him make his own sandwich. I told Leigh to make sure you have cold cuts and bread. Try showing him a picture of the kitchen and food. By the way, make sure you put out the ketchup and mustard, even though he has not been using them.”

“What kind of sandwich is that?”

“The kind Tony likes.”

Chad returned to Tony and picked the pictures up off the floor while Tony’s cries escalated to screaming.

Chad found the pictures he needed and set them in front of Tony. “Food. Kitchen.”

Tony stopped crying long enough to look at them through his fingers, but it did not satisfy him. He resumed screaming.

The grandfather sorted through the pictures again and stopped at the picture of a toilet to let Tony see it. “Toilet?” asked Chad.

The hysteria slowed and Tony opened his eyes. On seeing the picture, he stopped crying and pointed at it.

“Whew! That was a close one.” Chad reached for and held Tony’s hand as they walked to the bathroom.

           That afternoon, Tony became upset again. The grandfather had already been through lunch, breaks, even playing music. Nothing satisfied the boy.

           “Are you bored?” Chad asked, grasping at straws. “Let’s go to the zoo.”

           Tony could not settle in during the short bus ride. He started breathing hard and was red in the face as he covered his ears tightly. The noise of so many people talking at once confused even Chad. When the screaming started, people stopped to stare at the pair. Then Tony pounded on the seat in front of him in frustration.

           “Quit doing that,” said the man in the seat.

           The bus driver stopped, leaving the engine running, and pushed off with a hand on each seat to make his way to Chad and Tony.

           “Sir, you and your child need to get off the bus. If I let you stay, your child may destroy the bus seats or hurt himself.”

           “It’s just a short ride to the zoo,” said Chad.

           “Please get off the bus, sir.” The driver pulled his cell phone from his pocket.

           The silence of the people watching eased Tony’s distress enough for him to make it off the bus.

           Once he was off the bus and walking, he quit crying and seemed to enjoy the walk, often looking up at the sky or at birds on the ground digging for food.

           “I am doing the right thing, Jessica. I think he likes to walk. He will walk a bunch at the zoo. I wonder which animal he will stare at.”

Tony followed Chad quietly, who stopped to buy tickets. Once inside the zoo, Chad began to describe animals to Tony. He imitated their sounds, but did not notice Tony breathing hard.

 The hot sun. The bright colors of the signs. The bawling of a baby calf in the distance. Children squealing with delight. The squalling of a baby. All of it was just too much for Tony.

The child started shaking his hands as if drying them. There were no answers to his grandfather’s questions as to what was wrong.

           “Something’s wrong,” said the old man. He offered Tony his hand. “Let’s go home. I’ll take your hand and lead you out.” Tony accepted his grandfather’s hand while his body shook like a flag in the wind.

            Suddenly, multiple loud honks shattered the air from geese in a pond near the zoo.

           Tony, startled by the geese, raised his arms in the air and shook his hands as if flagging down a car in an emergency. With his eyes squeezed shut, he clamped his hands down over his ears and started screaming. He shut out not only the words his grandfather was saying, but the world at large.

           People coming to the zoo stopped to stare.

Then Chad yelled loud enough for his wife in heaven to hear. “What do I do now, Jessica?”

Now everyone was staring at him too.

           Not knowing what else to do, Chad picked up Tony to carry him. Tony arched his back and released an ear-piercing scream. It will be a long walk home, thought Chad.

           At home, the old man sat in the rocker while holding Tony on his chest. Quietly, Chad sang, Rock-a-Bye Baby to him. With the familiar setting and without the noise, Tony calmed down and laid his head on the old man’s shoulder.

           Leigh opened the door to see her child asleep on her father’s chest. She could not help but smile.

           “So, I take it the day went good,” said Leigh.

           “Humpfh,” said her father. “You need to take him home. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.”

           “I understand. It is tiring caring for him.” She gently shifted the boy off his chest and awakened him enough to walk to her car. With a “thank you” and “goodbye,” Leigh left for home.

           Chad took a deep breath and let it out all at once. He called Kate once again and told her what happened at the zoo.

           “I don’t understand what happened.” said the grandfather.

           “He imploded inside himself.”

           “Huh?”

           “Sensory overload. Too many sounds. Too many people. Maybe too many smells. Implode. It is comparable to those buildings on TV destroyed by making it fall into itself. It was just too much for Tony to handle, so he pulled into his own world.”

           “But he enjoyed the walk. I thought he would enjoy walking around the zoo.”

           “One day he might. I use a walk—not the zoo—as a reward. He was protecting himself from a world he doesn’t understand very well.”

           “That’s silly.”

           “Not to Tony, it isn’t.”

           “What do I do next time?”

           “Focus on Tony, not the crowd or problem. Make him feel safe and loved. Sometimes having him wear noise cancelling headphones can help.”

           Chad drummed his fingers. “Hmmm.”

           “Try to understand your grandson by imagining what his world is like.”

           He opened his eyes wide. “How should I know what Tony’s world is like?”

           “Try remembering your feelings in new surroundings. Then add an inability with verbal communication. Tony’s behavior is his communication.”

Drained from the walk and second-guessing Tony, Chad needed coffee. He sighed. Even though the coffee was cold and leftover from this morning, he poured a cupful. I’ll just reheat it in the microwave, thought Chad. Then he sat in his recliner to imagine what Tony’s world was like.

           He took a sip of coffee.

“Jessica, I remember our vacation to Italy. We needed to return to the dock before the cruise ship left. The bus driver didn’t speak English. You and I did not speak Italian. We couldn’t even find out if the bus was going where we wanted. Or how much it cost. It seemed hopeless.”

           He took another sip of coffee.

“Then there was the vacation to the state fair. You and I disagreed where someone lived from our house.” Chad pointed to the left. “I said, ‘No. It’s in this direction.’” Chad pointed right. “You said, ‘No this way.’” My need for a bathroom brought the argument to an end, but the direction discussion confused my sense of direction to the bathroom. It was only momentary, but I wondered if I was losing my mind.”

           For the third time, Chad took a sip of coffee.

“I remember my first woodworking class. The teacher only lectured us and told us to read the textbook. It was so frustrating.” Chad lowered his eyebrows. “The teacher only helped students who already knew what they were doing. But, Jessica, I persevered and became a master custom cabinet maker with my own business. I know you were always proud of me for that.

           “So that is what Tony’s world is like. He is living in his own world, like I have been living in the old days, Jessica. Tony and I are both going to have to learn new ways. Lance, my neighbor, said he would help me learn to cook. I’ll ask Leigh to help me learn to clean, rather than asking her to do it. I’ll ask Willard, her husband, to come to learn with me, since he was the one who complained about my bathroom!”

           Chad returned to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. “Fresh coffee always tastes so much better than old coffee. I guess it’s not too late for an old guy like me to get a fresh start in life. Maybe Tony and I can both learn some new ways to get along in our world.” The old man stared off into space for a moment. “I wonder what Tony will be like as an adult.”