Addictions

We all have addictions. Kris sat on her drab brown couch in her drably furnished three-bedroom house. Her furnishings all came from the side of the road, discarded pieces of broken, stained and smelly trash. 

Trash, that is what she had become in her 30 years of living. She wasn’t raised this way. She grew up with church going parents who tried their best to hide their dysfunction. She grew up going the church camp in the Summers of her youth. She was raised in nice large houses. One even had an in-ground swimming pool. Her parents always made sure their home was decorated in clean, new furnishings.

Kris had a craving for the finer things in life, until she was introduced to heroin her first year of college. She had graduated from homeschool at sixteen and started college at seventeen. She had the honor of being the youngest person on the Dean’s List her first semester. By the second semester she was sneaking around the campus getting her boyfriend to shoot her up between her toes. Nobody realized she was an addict until her eighteenth birthday. That is when she left home. She disappeared into the depths of the trap houses where her dealers would pimp her out to pay for her drug use bill. 

When her mom finally found her, Kris weighed eighty-five pounds. She will never forget the day when her 5’4” fireball of a momma barged into the trap house, stepping over bodies sprawled over the floor of that nasty, trash strewn place. There were needles laying everywhere. She couldn’t remember how long she had been there. She was ready to leave.

With the help of a doctor, God, and her family Kris was able to quit heroin. However, she struggled the next ten years with pain pill addiction and meth addiction. Five babies later, she was finally in her own home. It had been a long hard life, but she was trying to be a present mother to her boys. She got them up every morning for their daycare bus to pick them up. She had their afternoon snack ready when they came home and she was feeling good in her daily routine. The only addiction she had now, was online selling and shopping. She had grown up seeing her mother selling everything from old DVDs to purses and vintage clothing online. It was honest money and that was what made her excited. She loved finding designer purses online for ninety percent off retail price. She grew giddy when she saw the delivery lady put her packages at the door and even more giddy when the postal carrier would pick up her sold items.

The most exciting packages were things she would buy for her boys. She loved seeing their eyes light up when they saw her purchases. Lately, though, she would wrap their packages up and put them under the Christmas tree she had put up in October. She was feeling a little ridiculous at the number of packages she had under the tree. This was her way, too, of making up for those lost ten years of drug addiction. She was still an addict. She fought her addictions daily, but this addiction didn’t hurt anyone. This addiction made everyone happy and she was happy.

She should probably stop buying so much. She had spent three hundred fifty dollars in one day after selling two hundred thirty-five dollars’ worth on her seller apps. They could use the money for other things. She should learn to save her earnings. 

Kris stood up and went outside to smoke the cheapest menthol cigarette she could get. It was chilly outside and her breath caught as she stepped out barefoot. Her rotted teeth ached as she pulled her first drag on the short cigarette. She looked a mess. She was only thirty and she looked forty. Rough living takes a toll on a person. She was amazed she was even alive, but somehow, she was. Her throbbing gums reminded her that she had a pulse. She rushed through her cigarette and ran back inside.

Her phone dinged a notification as soon as she sat back down. She had made another sale! Immediately her mind raced over the mental list of things she wanted to still purchase for the boys. She went to one of the many apps she kept open on her phone and swiped through her wish list. She found the item she was looking for and made a mental calculation of the days it would take to be delivered and clicked, ‘add to cart.’ She then went to pay, added her coupon code for being a faithful customer and clicked ‘submit order.’ She felt like a hero. Her boys would have a good Christmas. Her elation lasted and helped her get through her chores. 

Kris worried about paying her bills, but as long as she kept up with everything on the dry erase calendar, she juggled everything nicely. As long as nothing unexpected happened, she was ok. Hopefully she hadn’t forgotten to write down all her bills. She anxiously went to the board and scanned over it quickly. Her dentist appointment was coming up in one week. If she had to, she could put that off another month. She had gone years with the pain, she could go a little longer if she had to. 

She would wait. She looked up the number for her dentist in her contacts and dialed the number. She rescheduled the appointment for the next month then went back to her spot on the couch. Her phone made the notification sound that her bid on shoes for her baby had been accepted. She opened the app, reviewed her purchase, then, clicked on ‘pay now.’

Everyone has an addiction. Everyone has something they have to fight to control. Creeping thoughts that won’t leave you alone until a decision is made. Sometimes the urges are recognized and dealt with. Sometimes they seem harmless. Everyone has addictions.