"The Power of a Friend

(This story contains mention of suicide)

Richard slowly chewed his lunch while he watched other college kids move about the cafeteria. He was exhausted from staying up late the night before and hadn’t really thought much at all today. Gradually he became conscious of the fact that his friend, Matthew, wasn’t at his usual booth in the corner. Come to think of it, he hadn't been here all day.

Unlike Richard, who lived in a dorm room, Matthew lived with his mother in an apartment building just across the street. It wasn’t often that he didn’t show up for school and he always let the professors know if he couldn’t make it.

Trying to wake his tired brain, Richard walked over to the corner booth and glimpsed a crumpled paper under the table. He picked it up and after a moment began to straighten it. Immediately he recognized Matthew’s handwriting and without second thought began to read it.

Someone once told me it helps to write down your feelings, so here goes.

Richard paused. Perhaps it’s private. After all, it was crumpled . . . But on a hunch, he continued.

I can’t bear to explain what exactly has upset me but I’m so confused and frustrated. Ever since I started college I’ve been on edge. everything that happens affects me in a way it never used to. I feel as if everyone is a judge and I’m not reaching their standards.

I live with my mom in an apartment building just across the street and all the other kids are here without their parents. So I can’t really make my own decisions and kids laugh at that. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me . . .

Last Sunday, Mom convinced me to go to church with her. It’s the first time I actually listened to the preacher. I thought maybe it would help me sort things out but instead I’m more confused than ever!

Tomorrow I might just go ahead and solve my problems. Mom has some shopping to do and . . . come on! I live in a flat-roofed nine-story apartment building.

Well, writing things down hasn’t changed my mind or helped categorize my thoughts, so I guess that someone I mentioned earlier wasn’t as right as they thought they were.

Farewell,

Matthew

Richard’s heart leaped. If Matthew hadn’t been here today then . . .

Stashing the note in his pocket, he raced out of the classroom - and soon - out of the building. Dashing rashly into the street, he scarcely heard the cars screeching and horns honking and people tried to avoid him and an accident. He looked up and was sure he saw a figure on the roof.

At the building entrance he headed straight for the stairs. Second floor . . . faster! . . . third floor . . . fourth floor . . . I’m probably too late. Why didn’t I say something from the street . . . Come on! . . . fifth . . . sixth . . . keep going . . . seventh . . . eighth . . . not much further . . . ninth . . . now the ladder . . . and . . . roof!

Panting to the point that he couldn’t hear anything else, Richard dragged himself to his feet. His legs and lungs burned like fire and he had to take a moment for his eyes to focus. Matthew stood some ten feet from the edge; unaware of the older student’s approach.

“Matthew,” Richard said softly so as not to startle his friend.

The boy jerked his head up and returned to face the speaker. “Wh . . . I . . .”

They fell silent for a moment and it was Matthew who broke the stillness.

“What are you doing here?”

“I . . . I found your note.” Richard pulled out the crumpled piece of paper.

“You thing you’re gonna stop me, don’t ya?” His voice remained low.

“I was hoping-”

“Well, forget it, Rich.” Matthew took a step backwards.

“Please. You don’t want . . . Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Matthew’s hair was damp with sweat despite the May breeze. “Nobody does,” he murmured.

“Try me.”

Silence. The boy’s head lowered.

“Matthew, I’m your friend and the last thing I want is for you to be down there littering the streets.” He tried a small smile but it didn’t work.

“Guess I should’ve thrown it away.” His eyes picked up the piece of paper in Richard’s hand. “I was in a hurry to leave and I thought the janitor would . . .”

“I’m glad you didn’t.:

Matthew looked up angrily. “Aw, quit pretending you care.”

“I do care.”

The younger boy ignored him. “Nobody down there cares either. They’ll be glad for the headlines.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Everyone down there will be affected negatively. They’ll have to live with what they witness for the rest of their lives. The innocence of little children will be wiped away! Do you-”

“Rich,” Matthew said rather calmly. “It’s not working.” Another step toward the edge.

“It’s my last year of college. Please don’t make it bad for me.”

“It’s my first year, Rich, and I’ve had it! I’m just not college material.”

“Alright, well, drop out.”

“Mom would never let me.”

“Have you talked to her? How does she feel about-about her only son jumping off a nine-story building and having to be scraped off the streets.” Richard drew in a deep breath. “Matthew, what did the preacher say that confused you?”

“Everything.” The youth’s eyes remained on the roof.

“Tell me something,” Richard took a cautious step closer to his friend and the dreaded roof’s edge. “Do you believe in an afterlife?”

“Doesn’t everybody?”

“No. Do you?”

Matthew hesitated. “I don’t know.”

“Shouldn’t you decide before you call it curtains?” Another step toward the boy.

The young student’s hand shot up; palm out. When he looked up his eyes were glazed and Richard momentarily wondered if he was on drugs.

“I don’t need you preaching to me, man!” He took a step backward; now only about six feet from the edge.

What do I say now? Anything. Just don’t look stumped. Lord, help me! “You’re only nineteen,” Richard pleaded. “You’ve got a lot of years ahead of you.”

“Oh, yeah? Years of what? Frustration and confusion! to the point I go crazy?!”

The older student tried to remain calm. Getting upset wouldn’t help.

“Why don’t you come down with me and we’ll talk to you mom and try some things. You just can’t let it all rest on your shoulders like this. You know, the roof will probably still be here.” He walked forward until his friend yelled at him to stop. The sight of the street below made Richard break out into a cold sweat. He could see that Matthew was using him to build anger so that he could jump, but could he just leave?

Matthew’s arm dropped to his side but he wouldn’t turn to look at the fall. Once again he lowered his gaze and they stood silent.

“Don’t you see? It’s the only way.” The young man turned and walked until he was less than a foot from the edge.

“It’s not the only way. Have you ever tried God? He’s who you need. This won’t accomplish anything.”

“Stop it!” Matthew screamed.

“No, I’m not gonna stop. People are people and some of them are gonna judge but it doesn’t have to bother you.” Richard inched his way closer. “You’re only thinking about yourself, Matthew.”

“If you don’t stop I’m gonna jump!”

People were now looking up with gasps from the streets below.

Richard was so worked up he barely noticed. “What about-what about when you stand before the judgment seat. When you face your Maker, that you rejected, and He says ‘Depart from me, ye worker of iniquity, I do not know you.’” He’d tried to keep his voice under control but now he had to lower it. “Please don’t.”

“Just go away,” Matthew moaned.

“Alright. Alright, I’ll go away. I’ll walk out of here as if nothing ever happened and blame myself for not being able to help you.” He began backing toward the ladder. “Go ahead and jump, Matthew. Go ahead and ruin my life, and ruin your mom’s life, and ruin the lives of all those people down there! And why don’t you send me a detailed description of what takes place at the judgment seat, so that I have something to read while I watch your mama work herself to death trying to pay for your untimely funeral. That is if she still has a job after this.”

He turned to descend the ladder but Matthew’s soft voice stopped him.

“Rich?”

Richard stopped and slowly turned. Matthew looked young and vulnerable out on the edge with the wind blowing his white t-shirt against him. Tears gathered in his eyes and he sank down on the roof. Richard walked over and sat beside him.

“I’m so sorry.” Matthew cried.

The older student placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”

“I . . . I’m so tired and confused; and all those other people look so carefree. You know, sometimes I would wonder if I’d ever get it figured out.”

“You could’ve come and talked to me.”

“You were just like the rest and I didn’t want to trouble your happy life.”

“Matthew, my life isn’t all that it may seem, and it would trouble me much much more if you . . .” he stopped. “I’m always ready to help you any way I can.”

“The young student nodded. “Thanks.” He shifted his position.” We got a call a month ago that my brother had jumped off a bridge and killed himself. I couldn’t tell anyone at school in case they spread it, so it’s been building up inside me. See, last year I came home to find my father had hung himself in front of the fireplace in our old house.” He cleared his throat and continued. “I figured that it ran in the family and so . . .” he spread out his arms, gesturing to the roof.

“So what stopped you?”

“You, I guess. It was when you mentioned how it would affect others. I-I reckon my mom feels similar to me about all this, and I remember how I felt when . . .” his voice cracked and he stopped speaking.

Before anything else could be said, two police officers emerged from the open trapdoor. They took a moment to take in the situation.

“Everything alright up here?” One of them asked.

The two college students looked at each other.

“Yes, sir.” Richard answered.

“You mind coming down?” He looked back and forth between the two boys. “Folks were getting nervous. Thought someone might be thinking suicide.”

“It’s alright now. We better get back to the college.” Matthew spoke.

Richard glanced at his friend as they stood up. He hadn’t expected the younger student to want to go back to school at all.

Later, both college students sat in the cafeteria at the booth in the corner. Upon returning, Richard found that not as much time had passed as he had thought and he still had half an hour before his next class started.

“I’m not ready to go back to class if that’s okay but I thought that it might be best to talk here.”

“Sure. That’s fine. We can talk to your Mom when she gets home.” Richard could feel that his muscles had stiffened from not walking it out after his stair excursion.

Matthew nodded. “I don’t want to keep you from your classes. We can talk later if you want.”

“No worries. I don’t think I could focus anyway. I’ll make it up later.”

Matthew took a deep breath. “I . . . I want to learn more about your . . . about God.”

“I don’t know much myself but we can certainly study the scriptures together.”

“Thanks, Rich. For everything.”