Eyes

What makes something real? Can it still be real, even if it isn’t for someone else? If you believe it, it's real, isn’t it?

The stale old light from the tv glares on my skin as I sit in the darkness of my room eating chocolate ice cream. The show's cheery noises clash with the deafening silence enclosed around me. Watching it helps me keep my mind off everything, though. It also keeps me company since it's usually just me keeping myself company. 

When the show ends, I try to find something else to watch. There's not much on, though, since I’m using cable. I just put on this movie that is some thriller or horror. The beginning is slow but takes a turn when approaching the climax. Progressively the main character realizes he’s being stalked by more and more people- all of which are hallucinations. In the end, the eyes and paranoia become too much for him; The judgment eats him alive to death. Now, I become afraid because of the movie and suddenly become aware of the darkness around me- darkness like the lifeless depths of the sea. Yet, I can feel eyes watching me. I'm entirely still- almost paralyzed. My eyes widen and are acute in defense.

I head to my room to read a book and keep my mind off my fear. It’s just the movie that catalyzed it. But, as I'm reading, I actually hear something. I hear something coming from the room- something like footsteps. In accelerated heightened fear, I grab my childhood stuffed animal I sleep with every night and clench onto him as hard as possible. I fumble, holding my phone, and turn on the flashlight to dig through my cabinet and grab a knife. Too afraid to move, I sit in my bed the rest of the night, holding everything in my shivering hands to protect myself. 

I woke up the following day late, in my bed, everything still clenched in my arms. I look at my phone and see missed messages. It's from Alex. "Are you coming??" Crap. I forgot I was supposed to meet up with my friend Alex. "Be right there," I reply.

As I approach the ice cream parlor, "Where were you?" Alex laughs. There's no pause. He continues to order. "Yeah, I'll take a mint ice cream!" He looks at me as if to say my order. "I'll take a scoop of chocolate ice cream." I smile at him in gratitude. 

We start licking our ice cream, and Alex's face lights up as he has an idea. You always know when he has some crazy idea because he has this ecstatic, genuine smirk. "There's something I want to show you!", He grabs my hand, then shouts, "Come on, let's go!". He starts running, holding my hand, and we're just running through the streets together. We keep running, almost bumping into the passersby or cars as we crossed the street, people honking or yelling at us for it. 

But we just start laughing. I don't know if it was from the humor of being shouted at, tripping who-knows how many times, running freely together like birds soaring in the sky, or from the pure anticipatory stupidity of another one of his ideas. Or maybe, at least for me, it was from just being with him- being able to be stupid with him by my

side- having someone to laugh with. I look at him. Time slows down, and the bright sun beams on our skin- Alex's looks golden against it, the crisp wind blowing through his hair, and his palm's a little sweaty. He's still wearing his little smirk so often- his smile that I love so much about him.

"Okay, we're here!" he says, letting go of my hand and switching to grandly gesturing at a big empty field. I'm confused. What is this? Why are we here? "Wait until you see it. It's so cool," he says, shaking his head in anticipation. We walk through overgrown grass taller than us, and at this point, we're away from all civilization. It's just us and an open field. 

Then there's a spot the grass stops. He's already ahead of me, past the tall grass. I part the path with my hands, the tips of the sharp, stiff grass soft against my fingers. As the green departs from my visions, I look up, and what I see before is like a city from some imaginary planet- a planet unlike earth, heck, unlike even Saturn or Neptune; It's unlike any planet in our solar system. It’s like a utopia- a perfect city away from all the troubles on earth. It's a small, old abandoned fairground. There are these bumper cars still in this building though very dilapidated, and other shacks of buildings that looked like they must have been buildings, like concession stands or ticket booths. There was even a small old manual rollercoaster looped around the park. The show's main star is the Ferris wheel right in the center. I must have looked in awe because he exclaimed, "I knew you'd like it. 

"Come on, let's go check it out," I asked him how he found it. He looks down a little." He looks sort of sad as he thinks about it. "Well… I don't know," He pauses and thinks about it for a second. "Y'know…. Sometimes you need a place to escape to." He tries to cover his sadness, replacing it with a sort-of ingenuine smile- though still easily distinguishable from his typical smirk. His eyes look a little dull. When he tries to smile, he says, "As soon as I found it, I knew I had to show it to you.".

This is incredible. As we walk closer to the rides, I slowly drag my fingers across the rusted metal. I think of what they must have been like when they were brand new. All shiny and silky with vibrancy. Now they're old, rusted, and dull, each scratch, dump, and crevice filled with memories, sweat from living people, and the lives of thousands engraved in its collapse. 

These have got to be from at least 40 years ago. I hear something briefly- something out from the woods. It only pops up briefly before my thought is interrupted by Alex and forgotten. Alex's face brights up again like it did when he brought us here. "Shall we see if they work" Of course, his expression is undeniably endearing, but there's no way they would work. But somehow, he finds a stand with a bunch of buttons and presses a huge red one. Does he not know? You never press the giant red button. Everyone knows that. Yet he proves me wrong. I'm glad he proved me wrong. All the rides start to light up, and a whirring sound ignites from their power sources. I guess this is one exception to the red button. 

We spend the entire day at the fair with it all to ourselves. Finally, it was like living in an alternate world that is only filled with the things that matter in life. We laugh and sing and scream on the rides and dance at sunset. When the sun officially sets, the lights from the rides light up like stars in the land of the sky. It’s one of the most beautiful phenomena I’ve witnessed. I feel safe. I feel peace.

When we depart late at night, I start to head home, though the mood shifts. When I open the door to where I live, it's old, dark, and so depressingly stoic compared to where I was just a few minutes ago. Nonetheless, I start to get ready for bed. Brush hair. Shower. Dress. Brush teeth. As I'm scrubbing my chompers, though, I hear something downstairs. Just like I had the night before. 

This time, instead of footsteps, I hear the tv turn on. Again the cheery voices and scheduled laughs juxtapose the eerie darkness. I freeze. I'm paralyzed. I am trapped. There's not even anywhere I can escape too. 

My hands start to shake. My eyes widen in alert, and my brain calculates what to do next. But as I look at myself in the mirror, I look at myself, and I just see a coward. My eyes afraid and sunken into my face. I have to do it. I have to muster up the courage. The courage to do what? That, I don’t think through. Instead, I just grab my stuffed bear, hold tightly onto him, and grab my knife. I slowly and quietly walk down the stairs, crouching and in position to defend myself. 

As I move closer to the living room, I hear a crinkling sound that the loudness of the tv has covered up. Nonetheless, I turn the corner of the stairs. Standing directly at the bottom of the stairs is a silhouette of a stranger. The tv turns to static. I freeze. Initially, I can't see who it is because he's cast in the shadows of my house, but in a split second, the tv lights up a fraction of his face. He's eating Cheetos. That's what that crinkling sound was. He slowly puts one Cheeto at a time in his mouth, his fingers covered in orange dust, as he stares directly at me. I stare directly at him. His eyes are so bulgy and red. 

Grunts start to come from behind him. Other strangers begin to walk into my house, all their eyes just as terrifying as his. I run outside my house frantically, too afraid to even scream, despite it being all I want to do

The muddy water from the streets soaks into my pajamas. It's cold. I’m so afraid. I look back behind me to make sure no one is following me. The darkness is literally engulfing me this time. Tears start to well up in my eyes. My breath is heaving. Fortunately, I still have my phone, so I try to find who to call. My Mom and Dad are at the top of my contact list. The only ones. They died long ago, though. I can't ask them for help. I don't have any other family. Alex is there, though. His contact is right below them. I call him.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Crap

I check the time. It's 5 am. I can't blame Alex too much. When I look up from my phone, I see the figures have caught up with me; The eyes have caught up with me. They crowd behind me. Each one is of different age. There's an old woman. An old man. A young woman. A deranged-looking child. They're all just staring at me. Their eyes are bulging and beady. Tears start running down my face, and strained, I still feel the deep yearning to scream- to scream and yell all the fear away. I can’t, though. It doesn't come out. 

I flick my head around from looking at the terrifying eyes in front of me. There's a figure standing directly in front of me once again, standing there still like a box, their arms to their sides. But immediately, I recognize who it is. His posture. The size of his head. I’d who it is from anywhere. "Alex!" I blurt in relief. Still fearful of all the people chasing me, I grab onto him, my arms frantically waving, "Oh my gosh," I pant, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you!” Alex, Alex, these people are chasing me! Not even people. These eyes are chasing me. Help Alex, Help!" I turn around and point at them as I look back and forth between them and Alex. "Alex, help!" He seems different. It's scary. The smirk he always wears isn't there. Now I'm more afraid of how he's acting than the others. 

He tilts his head. "Oh, Charlie…." He smiles. But not the way he usually does. It's like a  devious smile. "I can help you….you have no idea" His mouth starts to ooze a black goo. His eyes begin to bulge and look a beady red like the others. "You know I was never real…." What, no…no, no, no, no, no, that can’t be. Of course, he's real. His skin starts to almost melt like the goop of a chocolate ice cream. 

He grabs my head gently, and his fingers are longer than usual. His face is pale, too, the black goop seeping from his eyes now. "Think about it….."

I think back to the day I first met him. I can't remember it. I can only remember the day I met him before we went to the abandoned fair. I weep. "You have to be real….You are…. You have to be" I'm in denial.

He smirks a devious smile. I remember the night at the fair. This time I remember what actually happened. He was never there; I was there all alone. I glimpse at my phone, and his contact isn’t there. I ordered the ice cream alone. 

I remember the days before the fair. I’m walking down that concrete street alone. Just me. Always just me. I’m going to the store alone. Never am I going out with any people. I’m watching tv, the cold, stale light beaming on me as I fall asleep there. Never talking to anyone, despite how much I yearned for it, I start breakdown crying, "You're real! You have to be!!!"

I already know the truth, but I just can't admit it. Alex laughs despicably. The groups of others with their beady-eyed people surround me as Alex still holds my head. There are so many eyes on me. I feel depleted and brokenhearted. The thing I loved left in life- that I thought I had- it's not even real. Every eye feels like it's judging every part of me- every epic of my soul, every insecurity, everything around me. I can't handle it. I wish I could disappear. I wish I could disappear. I wish I could disappear. I'm closing my eyes shut as tight as they can be, but I still feel the eyes eating me alive. Why, why, why, why? My hands cover my ears. I started saying it out loud as I could. I'm sobbing. The eyes around me get closer and closer. Louder and louder. "I just want to do is disappear into a void and escape it. I just want to disappear. At that moment, I could no longer hear the eyes or feel the stares. Alex's eyes are no longer on my head. All the noise turns to complete silence.