Silver Lining

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Terence. I can't say I understand what’s going wrong with me. It’s like I'm losing control of my mind. It's slipping away from me. It’s terrible in there. It’s killing me softly. I'm dying slowly. Please! God, say something.”

Terence is having a hard time with himself. He can't place his finger on a particular cause for his troubles. He’s just sailing through them in the hope that one day everything will be assuaged permanently.

“Mum, can I be honest with you?”

“Oh! Definitely my dear.”

“Mum, I feel like running somewhere far and away.”

“Oh! Terence dear you’ve started with one of those your fantasy talks.”

“No, mum. I indeed mean this. It’s for sure.”

“Oh! Dear. What’s the problem? Why do you want to run far and away? Can you please let me in on what troubles you?”

“Mum, it’s my mind. It’s ...”

“I have told you time and time again. We've discussed about it in our devotion. You've heard about it in church that our mind can't be more powerful than us. Our minds can't take the wheel and chauffeur drive us. We have no excuse to have dark, murky and weak minds. Have you forgotten what the scripture says about renewing your mind through the Word of God?”

“Mum, what about if the mind is wilful and obstinate?”

“Then, you aren't making use of the scriptures. There’s nothing beyond God’s infallible Word.”

“I know mum. You’ve told me several times. I have heard about it time and time again from my childhood.”

“I'm glad you can still recall.”

“Mum, how about if God chooses to be silent about my battles? How about if His Word refuses to break the ice?”

“Are you disputing the potency of His Word?”

“No, mum. I’m not.”

“Then why do you talk like that?”

“Mum, there are some things beyond us. There are some raging tempest that cannot be quelled by His Word. His light doesn’t beam on them. He just lets us journey through.”

“No! Don’t sound like that. You sound like an infidel. Where is your belief? Where is your faith?”

“Mum, I haven’t thrown away my belief. I'm still living the faith life. It’s just I don’t know when I'll get through my mind troubles. It seems they have come to stay. I just need to learn how to rearrange the items in my drawer.”

“No! Son, No! Dear. I won't allow the devil make you believe in fallacies and heresies.”

“Mum, the devil is not behind the scene. I'm not pulled by his strings. It’s just that some things are veiled from us despite they gnawing at our minds.”

“I don't think so. He has made all things naked before us.”

“Then why did Jamie’s wife die? Didn’t you pray? Wasn’t she a good person? Wasn’t she a believer? Mum, you testified to it that her heart yearns for God. You also said you haven’t seen a young lady that is as considerate as she was. Mum, you said it wasn’t pretence that you could see through her.”

“Yes. Oh! I could see through her as clear as glass. She was one in a million. Oh! Her death was a huge loss. Jamie was devastated. Oh! My son is having a hard time opening the door for someone else. But for your case, you need to see Reverend. I think yours is exceptional”

“No, mum. I'm like everyone who has unanswered questions to their plight.”

“But, how come you don’t show it. It doesn’t reflect In you.”

“Because I choose not to wear my heart on my sleeves. It’s can be crazy within. It’s a fight. It’s a tussle.”

‘I don’t think I really understand you. I feel Reverend should.”

It was a glorious Sunday service. The auditorium was electrified. After service, there was a long queue of people who wanted to see the Reverend. Terence wasn't taken aback. It happens nearly every Sunday.

“Good afternoon Reverend.”

“Good afternoon Terence. Hope you were blessed by today’s service?”

“ Definitely. I’m always blessed by your teachings. It’s like water poured on parched ground. It runs through my cracks and crevices.”

“Thank you, son. I'm honoured.”

“You're welcome, sir.”

“Yeah. Lest I forget. Your mother said she would want me to see you, that you have something important to discuss with me.” 

“Reverend, did she tell you anything about the matter?”

“Not in depth. She just said you have some issues with your mind. That there’s a tussle going on in your chamber.”

“Chamber?”

“I mean mind. Your mind.”

“Yes, truly. Sometimes I feel I don’t own my mind. I feel like an alien to it.”

“Please, tell me what the problem is.”

Terence narrated his ordeal to the Reverend. He empathized with him. He advised him not to throw in the towel. He said running to hide somewhere wasn't the solution neither would being a recluse. He said with his humble position as a Reverend and counsellor, he has met his likes but a few. He said although it’s a hard nut to crack, there’s something very unique about him and his likes and he only needs to channel his strength aright barricading everything unwholesome. He also said that it could be a herculean task but with time the summit would be lowered.

“Oh! God, I know I don’t pray that very much though your Word said we should pray without ceasing. Please, Father, help me not to lose my marbles and strengthen me to keep holding on.”

“Hello! Wake up son,” she touched him lightly.

“I was just praying a while ago.”

“Yes, I know but you slept off.”

“Oh! I was pouring my heart to Him. I don’t know when I slept off. ”

“Yeah, He has heard you. He said you shouldn't worry. He’s always standing by.”

Terence turned and looked at the woman tears streaming down his face.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Don't worry. You would soon get to know when the time comes,” she said.

Terence stood up and went home wondering who the woman was. She looked different from every aged woman he had seen in his district and neighbourhood.