I wish

Beep...Beep...Beep...

“Battery at a hundred percent” A female’s voice filled the silence. A moment later the door to this room opened and slammed shut. 

Everything was dark at first, I couldn’t see anything but a vast empty, dark void. Until I felt the plug above my left chest was pulled. Then a button was pressed, automatically my silver steel lids slowly opened. 

The very same white walls, big windows were before me, and also the familiar face of Sarah filled my vision. My owner. A green hue lit her face, the light that came from my eyes. 

As always, her smile was bright and welcoming. 

“Goodmorning Zy!” she greeted with delight

“Goodmorning” my emotionless voice spoke, sometimes I wished I could change that. I wish that my voice could be filled with feelings as I say the things I say, yet again I wish for a lot of things.

“It’s time for work” she pulled me up from the floor, I was seated at the very same place where I am whenever I sleep. Propped against the wall, a cord attached from my chest.

I followed my owner out of her room, to the escalator that brought us down to the first floor. Mark was on his usual station, watering the plants outside, BB on the other hand is in the kitchen with her four pairs of arms cooking up breakfast for the family.

Sarah rarely eats breakfast, she eats them when she’s at work. At the breakfast diner near her school. She brought me down the long stairs to the basement where the four cars are parked, she opened her black Audi and slid right inside the driver’s side. 

I always am fascinated by how humans can move gracefully and smoothly, unlike machines like me, we are stiff as a stick. 

The drive was the same, kids running around the street with their colorful dogs to play with. Cars lined the block, one by one their propellers underneath whined, sending them up into the air and flying through. Sarah was old-fashioned, she preferred to drive on land.

My metal arms stayed beside me, people wondered whether we feel uncomfortable or numb. But we don’t feel anything.

I watched as other droids followed endlessly their keepers, either they walked or the feet were made of wheels. 

Sarah parked in front of the diner that was already jampacked.

“Oh boy” she sighed

“Looks like this is going to be another tiring day Zy”

But I don’t get tired.

One thing I love about going to work with Sarah is that I get to meet different types of people, watch their obscure variety of habits whether how they ate their meals, how they acted in front of whoever they were with. 

Their subtle mannerisms, tucking the hair behind the ear, pursed lips when thinking, their eyes narrowing when the people they are with are talking. It amazes me how just one simple look, a million meanings are already behind them. 

I wondered what are those, my processor could never understand no matter how hard I tried to decipher.

I piled the plates up on top of each other, my eyes landed on a couple by the window. When Sarah was still showing me around, I witnessed for the first time what kissing is. I thought they were eating each other’s faces and I pointed my handgun at the guy. 

But after a ton of rom-com movies, dramatic shows, I finally understood what it was. 

His hand was on top of hers, their eyes were simultaneously on their meals or sneaking intimate glances at each other. Their lips would tug at the corner when their gazes are met. 

I stared at their hands, soft and smooth skin, I wondered if the boy had calloused palms like some of the characters inside the books I read, or whether if the girl’s hand was dainty like a princess’ would.

I peered down at my hand and all I could see was metal screwed together, smoothened to remove the hard edges. No skin, no flesh, just metal.

I closed and opened my jointless, boneless hand, I heard the machine’s sound as I did it. A human’s hand doesn’t do that. 

“Zy, I’ll be back!” Sarah yelled before she left the diner. The door swung shut behind her, the familiar sound of the engine of her car revved as she slowly backed away from the parking lot. 

I finished up tidying the kitchen before going out to wait for Sarah by the park. I sat on one of the benches and stayed like that. 

Technology, without a doubt, improved so much over the years. Scientists, inventors, engineers, they all have made something that helped the humans in their day-to-day lives to be easier than before. We were created to a company for humans, to be their ready at an arm’s length when they needed help. 

It’s amazing from other’s perspectives but for mine, I wished nothing more to be able to do the things I cannot do.

I wish to be able to taste a meal for real, not just to try and list down the ingredients. I wish to feel the touch of the contact of skin, to sleep at night without a plug on my chest, to lay on a bed, and not be seated on the floor.

I wished to be able to say words that don’t sound too remote to the ears, to be able to curse with actually meaning it. To be able to breathe in air, to feel the heat of the sun against my skin. To not have to imagine all this with reading fiction books to fill in the emptiness that I felt. 

Lastly, I wish to be able to feel love. To have someone to look at me like how Sarah looks at Jake, her boyfriend. Or how her parents still treat each other even after years and years of marriage.

Love. How amazing that would feel.

“Hey Zy, time to go”

Sarah stood in front of me, her hands inside the pockets of her wool jacket. I stayed on my seat, unmoving, unwavering. Sarah cocked her head to the side and sat down beside me.

“What’s on your mind?”

“How does it feel to be human?” Damn this robot voice

“What do you mean?”

“How does it feel, to be able to feel?”

Sarah paused her eyes searching mine as if she could search any.

“Human emotions it’s hard to understand, one minute your fine and the next you’re not. You can’t explain how you feel without stumbling over some words and it’s just there. I can’t- I don’t know how to make you understand but, being able to feel it’s sometimes shitty”

She chuckled, I just stared.

“If anything Zy, you’re closer to becoming one unlike the other bots I have come across with. It’s like a tiny human is inside you and she is trying to get out.”

She patted my hand

“You’ve always amazed me by how much admiration you have for my species, reading books, watching films and shows, asking questions like what you asked me earlier. I’m lucky that you ended up with me” 

And I’m lucky that you found me. 

I guess she’s right, amidst a sea of humans and robots. There’s me, I’m in the middle of it all. I’m no ordinary robot, and I’m certainly not living flesh. 

I’m a scrap of metal with wires and batteries but with an invisible heart that beats.