"Mum, it happened again", I sobbed. "I was fast asleep.... and the end of my bed got lifted, really high, and then it was let go and I came crashing down". I was angry and a little scared. Why did this always happen to me? Why was I the weird one? All the other girls were normal, they brushed out their long hair, 100 times, slipped into their perfect pyjamas, kissed their parents’ good night and dreamed blissfully all night. 'Comparison is the death of joy", I heard my Nana say. So true.
I was 'active', yep that's the word I heard every day, in many
ways, everywhere I went. It had always been hard for me to sit still in class, but now that I was ten, I had learnt some tricks to help me. Basically, I took lots of bathroom breaks, offered to run the teachers errands and volunteered for anything that gets me out of my torture-seat. So, I had mastered my days, but I was still a slave to my nights and with my first ever school camp coming up I was scared.
How was I going to go to camp if I still couldn't sleep
properly? Sleep walking, sleep talking, vivid dreams and the worst...bed wetting. So pathetic... I was so angry at myself when it happened. It didn't happen very often anymore, but often enough that my fears haunted me, and I felt betrayed my body. Some adults think that dreams aren't real but not my Mum. She believes
that dreams are messages, little puzzles to solve, providing clues for us. Anyway, Mum dreamt that I needed some natural
remedies to help me, so we added raisins, dates and cranberries to my meals. I didn't like any of these, but I liked wetting the bed even less.
My friends knew that I didn't go to other houses for sleepovers,
I told them my parents were super strict but last year I was brave and invited Rachael over to my house for the night. Mum and I had planned it all out, I wouldn't drink any water after 6pm, we would go to bed at 8pm, read until 9pm, talk and giggle until we fell asleep then Mum would secretly wake me at 6am to go to the toilet before anyone else in the house was awake. Perfect plan, right? As if life works out that way.
What really happened was everything was going perfectly until
about 2am when I felt that warm feeling, so comforting at first until you fly through the layers of awareness and realise what is happening! Luckily, I was able to wake Mum up and she helped me sort the sheets and my PJs before Rachael woke up, so she never knew. But I knew, and now I couldn't forget. Imagine how
embarrassing that would be if it happened in Grade 5 camp!? I asked Mum why it happened to me and what was I dreaming about that my body would think it was OK to pee in my bed. Mum was good at understanding dreams and really good at helping me to feel better. She said I needed to practice loving myself as much
as I loved her, "that's hard Mum because you don't wet your bed and I do", I snapped. Then I felt bad for being mean to Mum, she was only trying to help.
"Well, I think you were dreaming about being a Warrior Princess, unique, strong and brave. You like to protect everyone in your village, and everyone looks up to you, young and old. Going to the toilet is a very natural process; like eating and sleeping, we all need to do it. Only the bravest souls are trusted with the challenge of bed wetting. The challenge is to love yourself anyway and then to extend this love out to all others in the world that may also have this challenge. You don't know by looking at anyone if they wet the bed, you also don't know what other people's challenges are, but
you can be sure they have them. My darling, hold your head high and go to camp. Be brave and be vulnerable to life and all the things that happen to you and around you. Goodnight my beautiful Warrior Princess, you have important work to do in this world and now your job is to rest". Mum's soothing words rocked me into a peaceful slumber.
I woke refreshed and happy, to the rays of sunlight bouncing
around my room! What? I slept through until the sun came up. That's a first. "Mum, Mum, I slept in", I ran into the kitchen to find her and tell her. Mum was smiling as she made my favourite breakfast, scrambled eggs for a weekend treat. "Good morning sleepyhead”. "Mum, I had the BEST dream last night. I can't really remember it, but I know it was good". Mum laughed, so pleased to see me so happy and we ate our breakfast together, the sun shining upon us through the kitchen window.
"Well, I had a good dream last night too", Mum started, looking to see if I wanted to hear. I nodded at her to tell me. "I dreamt that you were at camp, and someone wet the bed, but it wasn't you. It was one of the boys from the rugby team and he was really embarrassed, but you were able to help him to feel better". "Like that will ever happen Mum, but I am feeling braver about going to camp next week" I smiled. The week whizzed by, in a blur of school, homework, soccer practice and packing for camp. Sleeping bag, books, my favourite comfortable shoes and two pairs of PJs, just in case.
As we all piled onto the bus everyone was so excited for our
first camp. There were three kids from our class that weren't coming, and I felt sad for them, because they were missing out on something special. I hoped none of them were too scared to come on camp, because I know what that feels like, and I knew they would be proud of themselves if they could find the strength to
come. There is no better feeling in the world than overcoming your fears and doing something that scares you, but is good for you. Thanks Mum.