A Wedding and A Break Up

A Wedding and A Breakup

By Tyler Kettle

Why did I agree to this? 

I wondered as I sat in a half-crowded and heavily decorated church. Countless amounts of flowers were hung throughout the room, creating a pollen sufferer's worst nightmare. Bright, white sash was draped along the walls. To top it all off, rose petals littered the aisle. 

To me, it felt so lavish and overdone. 

I took a look at my watch, and saw that the ceremony was still ten minutes away. I stifled a groan, and leaned back into my seat. I wanted to be home, playing video games, and smoking weed. 

Fuck, why didn’t I make up some excuse last minute? 

People filed past me, and took their seats. As more people came in, it seemed to be getting hotter and hotter inside the stuffy church. I could already feel a bead of sweat forming on my forehead. 

It wouldn’t be long before I got sweaty armpits. 

To distract myself from my rising body temperature. I brushed a hand over my bow-tie. I was particularly anxious over this, as I hadn’t seen anyone else wearing one.  

I wished that I had worn a tie. If only I owned one..or..knew how to tie on. 

As if sensing my anxiety, Jessica rested her soft palm on my hand. Without words, she stared at me with those bright blue eyes of hers. In return, I glanced at her red dress, her beautiful makeup, and perfectly conditioned blonde hair.  

Everything about her was perfect. Not like me. I might have put on a fine suit today, but there were cracks under the surface. Like the bowtie, and the stray thread on my pants that I forgot to take off. 

I met Jessica a month ago on Hinge. We hit it off over our shared interest in baseball. Which, admittedly, as I found out, she knows a lot more about than I do. I liked her. And, I liked her smile. 

Then, over the course of three dates, the initial feelings drained out of me. I’m not sure how it happened, it just did.  

Was it because all we talked about was baseball? 

Possibly. 

Was it because her smile had lost its luster? 

Maybe.     

Was it because she didn’t get me? And, I didn’t get her? 

Let’s say that’s in the right direction, and move on. 

The day after the third date, she texted me and asked if I wanted to go to her cousin’s wedding. Which sucks, because I was trying to formulate the best breakup text. 

All I had was “It’s not you, it’s me” and “I think we want different things”. 

Not my best, I admit. 

I was a little hesitant. Then, she told me  “There’s an open bar”

Immediately, I asked “Where is it, and what time?”

Thus, here I am, sweating in a stuffy church. I’m trying to avoid the suspicious glare of Jessica’s father, sitting across the aisle. A large fiftyish man with broad shoulders, I met him outside. We shook hands, and his grip was like iron. I’m pretty sure it left a bruise or two. I don’t know if it was a warning or how he shakes everyone’s hands. I’ll go with the latter. 

“Isn’t this church lovely?” Jessica said to me, bringing an end to the silence of the last five minutes. 

That was a good run. 

“Yeah, it’s great” I took my hand away from her soft fingers.  

Meh, it was okay, actually. 

An aging woman in a purple dress, and a massive violet colored hat sat down in front of me. Instantly, my view of the stage was blocked, forcing me to stare at this monstrosity of a hat. Adorned in a multitude of varying shades of purple flowers, and ribbon, it was quite the sight. 

The woman looked around her, and noticed Jessica. 

“Oh!, you’re Jessica, right? Erica’s daughter?” The woman fully turned in her seat, peering at Jessica.

“Yes, yes, how are you..Yvette?” Jessica smiled at Yvette. 

“I’m well, thank you, and who is this? Your future husband, I presume” Yvette narrowed her wrinkled eyes at me.

“No, this is my friend, Lucas” Jessica made an awkward laugh, as I ran a hand over my bow-tie. 

“Hello” I smiled a little. 

“Friends? But, you look so perfect together! And, imagine the children you would make !” Yvette clapped her liver-spotted hands together “Ah, children they are perfect little gifts sent from god!” Yvette stared upwards, before staring right back at me. “So, what are you waiting for, find a ring and marry this woman.” Yvette narrowed her eyes even more than before. 

I shifted in my seat. “Well, I..uh..we’ve just started dating” 

“And, plus, I think we are far from that” Jessica interjected.  

“Why are you far from that?” Yvette asked. 

“If everyone could settle in, we’ll get started in a moment” A tall priest in white robes with thick glasses spoke from the stage. His slightly over-pitched voice was amplified by the microphone at his collar. 

“We’ll continue this later” Yvette spun back around, as the groom and his groomsmen  walked out of a side room, and joined the priest. 

That’s as much as I could see before my sight was blocked by Yvette’s hat. 

I tried to think of a polite way to ask Yvette to take off her hat. But, I didn’t want a repeat of the previous conversation. 

The bridesmaids walked into the room, followed by the ring bearer and the flower girl. Then, the music changed to “Can’t Help Falling in Love With You” By Elvis Presley. 

“Please stand” The priest ordered and we all stood. 

The blonde haired bride walked in, escorted by an older man with white, thinning hair. A few sniffles punctured the air. Yvette dabbed at her eyes with a monogrammed handkerchief, as the father and daughter walked past, and reached the stage. They were met by the groom, and a few words were said. Then, the father handed off the bride and took a seat in the front pew. 

Hand in hand, the bride and the groom stood before the priest. 

“You may all be seated” The priest proclaimed and we sat down. Immediately, I found my view blocked by Yvette’s hat, once again. 

As the priest started the “We’re all gathered here today..” spiel, I leaned towards Yvette “Yvette, could you take off your hat? I can’t see” I whispered softly. 

She didn’t respond. 

I tapped her on her shoulder  “Yvette? I can’t see. Can you remove your hat?” I whispered a bit louder.  

This time, she turned with a frosty glare on her face.  “And, where would you like me to stick it? Under a pew? That is no place for a finely crafted hat like this. Do you know how much this cost? They had to get one of these flowers all the way from Toronto! Can you believe that!? And, you want me to stick it under a pew? Ridiculous ” She said to me, in a volume that almost doubled my own, drawing the attention of everyone around me. Including Jessica. 

“I didn’t say that..okay” I gave up and leaned back in my seat as far as I could go, allowing me to see half of the stage. 

At least, that was something. 

“Can you not see?” Jessica whispered to me. 

“It’s okay” I answered, but before I could stop her, Jessica had leaned forward, and tapped Yvette on her shoulder. 

“Could you please remove your hat? Lucas can’t see” Jesscia smiled at Yvette. 

“Oh, of course, darling” Yvette took her hat off, and placed it on her lap. 

“Thank you so much” Jessica leaned back in her chair, and directed an angry glare at me. 

What did I do?

With the hat out of my way, I was able to get a clear view of the stage. The priest was talking about love, and how it heals us. Binds us. 

Whatever. 

“If we wrap ourselves in love, and stand before god, we shall know his embrace!” The priest’s voice rose another octave, and cracked. I laughed a little, drawing the attention of everyone around me. Especially Jessica and Yvette. Jessica glared at me, as a few “Tsk..tsks”’s escaped from Yvette’s mouth. 

“What’s so funny?” Jessica was even madder than before. 

“His voice? You didn’t hear it”

“No” Jessica turned away from me.

“Now, I understand that the bride and the groom have written their vows. Let’s proceed” The priest stepped back a bit, and the bride began her vows. 

I desperately tried to pay attention, even though my attention was wavering. The bride started by talking about her and the groom's habit of watching gray’s anatomy every weekend. 

Poor guy. 

Then, she threw in so many love metaphors, I felt as if I was about to overdose on them. Halfway through the speech, she talked about how the groom makes her feel so great everyday. 

She was crying at this point. 

So was the groom. 

And, some members of the audience. Including Jessica. 

Which was odd, because I didn’t feel anything for it. 

The whole thing seemed fake. As if parts of it were taken from Nora Ephron movies, and Hallmark films and crammed into one speech.  

She ended her vows with “You’re my best friend, I love you, and I can’t wait to spend my life with you” and wiped away her own tears.

I do have to give her credit for memorizing that whole speech. Quite impressive.  

“I.. want to say..” The groom said as a child began to cry from the audience, interrupting the ceremony. This was followed by a second, third, fourth, and fifth child. Their cries filled the room, and started to give me a headache. 

I dislike children, by the way. 

The majority of them were silenced with bottles, whispered words, and the rattling of keys. Except for one boy, who refused to be quieted. 

“I want to play video games!” The boy screamed into the air. 

Me too, kid. Me too. 

The small, formal dressed boy ran from his seat, and into the aisle. Chased by his embarrassed-looking parents, he sprinted past the pews. 

“I want to play video games! I hate this place!” The boy tore his tie off and threw it to the ground, as he dashed towards the exit. Only to be caught by the large hand of Jessica’s father, and presented, kicking and screaming, to his red-faced parents. 

“Perhaps, the child could use some time outside to calm down?” Jessica’s father suggested. 

His parents nodded as they took the child and left the room, as Jessica’s father sat back down. 

The priest whispered a little to the groom. 

“Right, right, let’s get back on track” The groom said, and began his own vows. I thought he would be different. 

I was wrong: it was completely unoriginal. Just like his soon to be wife’s. 

I fully stopped paying attention, and looked between the groom, and his bride. They both looked perfect. She was pretty. 

And, even though I'm straight, I’ll say he was pretty as well. 

But, that was the problem, nothing can actually be perfect. So, what was imperfect about this couple? Did they fight? Did someone cheat? 

Did they actually love each other, or were they more in love with the idea of getting married? And, just now, they’re realizing: Holy shit, we’ve made a terrible mistake. 

Or, maybe, they really do love each other. Miracles can happen.  

Lost in those thoughts, I totally missed the rest of the groom’s speech.

“Now, where are the rings?” The priest asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. The ring bearer stepped forth, and presented the rings to the priest. 

“Surprise!” The small boy yelled, and tossed the rings into the crowd. A cry of shock erupted from the audience. 

“Franklin Henry Jackson!” A woman in a blue dress yelled, as she stood up from her seat, and marched towards the boy. 

“Anybody see the rings?” The priest asked, as he tried to calm the frantic-looking couple. 

People searched around the seats. 

“I found one!” Someone yelled out, as the former ring bearer was taken back to the pews by his stern-looking mother. I bet there’s going to be early bedtimes in that kid’s future. 

“I found the other!” Someone else shouted and both of the rings were gathered up and brought to the priest by members of the audience. 

With the excitement over, and the ring portion of the ceremony commencing, I tuned out again. 

I thought of my job as a printer salesman in a small company. To be honest, I don’t care about the work I do, or even, the people I work for. However, I make it look like I care so, at least, that’s something. 

The trick is to smile a lot. 

My thoughts shifted to my mom’s new guilt-laced  text. The one where she asked what I’m doing with my life, and why she doesn’t have any grandchildren. 

I left that one on read. 

I thought about Jessica.  Strangely, being at this wedding made me doubt if I wanted to break up with Jessica. Was it the high levels of love in the air, disrupting my brain patterns? 

Or, I was starting to have..feelings again. Ridiculous, right? 

No, I knew that I had to break up with Jessica. It wasn’t a choice. Because, if we’re being honest, she’s like 99% of the girls out there. 

She hikes. 

Has every social media. 

And, she drinks white claws. 

For me, I want that 1%.  The  girl who is not afraid to be herself. Who will say what she wants, and does what she wants. And, this might sound mean, but Jessica isn't that. 

She’s not authentic. 

Authenticity is what I seek. 

Finally, I returned my attention to the stage. 

“I now, pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride” The priest proclaimed. People stood to clap, and I slowly followed along, as we all watched the bride and the groom stepping off the stage. The couple walked down the aisle, hand in hand, as rice was thrown into their path. The doors were opened for them, and the newly married wife and husband left the church.  

“Folks, the bridal party wanted me to tell you that there is a reception across the street. Food and drinks will be served. And, of course, I will see you there" The priest announced.   

Jessica and I exited the pew, and walked down the rice covered aisle. Yvette was behind us, talking with another older woman with a big hat. 

“Do you think about getting married, someday?” Jessica asked, catching me a bit off guard. 

“Sometimes”

“Only sometimes?” She stared at me with those perfect eyes of hers.  

“Maybe, more than sometimes” I darted a quick look at the floor. 

Jessica and I stepped out of the church, and into a warm, September evening. The sun was beginning to fall behind the distant mountains, bathing Jessica in an orange-tinted glow. It made her look absolutely beautiful.

Okay. Maybe, I thought, what if I don't break up with her?  What would happen? 

We’ll go on more dates. Until, finally, she’ll ask to move in because so much of her stuff is at my apartment. “I’m practically moved in already” she’ll tell me. 

Then, she’ll move, and we’ll try to figure out whose stuff has to go. Obviously, most of my stuff, including my favorite bong, and my star wars action figures will end up in the landfill or on craigslist. But, at least I’m not alone anymore, I’ll tell myself. 

Eventually, she’ll bug me repeatedly about getting married. So, I ask her to marry me, and she’ll say yes. 

The months will fly by in a blur of wedding planning. She’ll take charge, of course. I’ll sit back, and try to quell the “What are you doing?!” feeling. 

I’ll drink more around this time to make up for it. Jessica will be too busy to notice. 

Finally, I’ll have to face facts and realize that I fucking hate the person that I’ve become to be with her.  

That feeling will stick to me and refuse to go away. No matter how much alcohol I drink. 

But, the wedding is two days away, so I get married anyway, hoping that it might just go away. 

It doesn’t.  

Finally, Jessica sees my drinking, and tries to fix it. Then, we’ll have kids hoping they will fix it. 

And, in the end, we find that the only thing that fixes it is..divorce. 

“Hello?” Where did you go?” Jessica snapped her fingers at me, which drew me back from the plains of failed marriages, and alcoholism. 

“Sorry, I think I’m just tired, or overheated” I replied as she stared up at me. 

“Well, why don’t we get you a drink?” She asked, and we left the church steps. Along with groups of formally dressed people, we walked over grass to a hall in the distance. 

Maybe, none of what I imagined will come true. Maybe, Jessica is the one for me. But, if she’s meant to be the one for me, why does she feel so wrong to me? 

As I held her soft fingers, I thought about what I was going to say. All of the words I’ll use to lighten the blow. 

Then, I diverted myself from that thinking. 

For now, I decided, I was going to enjoy the night, and worry about breaking up tomorrow.