A Simple and Complex Gesture

CW: Mental health struggles and threat of violence

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. It’s been a long time since we last spoke and I wanted the opportunity to make things right.”

“I applaud you for reaching out and you’re right, it’s been almost a year since we last spoke.”

“I consider us friends.”

“Same.”

“I think we would agree that our views and past disagreements are what caused our separation.”

“Agreed.”

“I wanted to find a neutral place we could meet and that would be quiet so we could talk.”

“This place is fine.”

“I would like to think that we could agree to disagree and still be friends.”

“I don’t know. We both said some things that really destroyed our relationship. I don’t know if I can go back to how things were.”

“Would you at least try?”

“I’m here, right? As I sit here, I’m willing to listen to what you have to say.”

“I went ahead brought you a coffee. You know, the one you always ordered.”

“I appreciate the gesture. It smells good.”

“You’re welcome. To start, I’d like to apologize for the things I said the last time we met. I’ve felt nothing but terrible since I called you those inappropriate names.”

“Well, I said some things.”

“True. But I’d like you to understand that those were said in the heat of the moment and don’t reflect how I feel about you. I let our differences divide us.”

“Over the last few months of our friendship we became polar opposites. We could blame each other or the state of our country or family or social media or whatever.”

“We could, yes, but it would get us nowhere.”

“I almost lost everything. My marriage, my job, family members…”

“No, no, I know. It must have been a terrible time. I did my best to help you, but you really wouldn’t let me.”

“Maybe so. I can’t tell you how bad it got.”

“I wish you would’ve.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Sorry, I’m trying.”

“Listen, my political views or my views of society are quite real to me.”

“As are mine.”

“Right.”

“C’mon, let’s have a rational conversation.”

“Your idea of rational and mine are very different. Do you remember how our last conversation escalated, do you?”

“Yes, sorry.”

“You always start out calm and collected and then things are said – or insinuated – and the next thing you know we each take exception and things escalate. Just like always.”

“I’m trying to change that.”

“It doesn’t seem.”

“Let’s start over. Can I get you another coffee?”

“No, I’m good.”

“Have you gotten back on your feet? Can I help with anything?”

“Well, I found a job, but it sucks.”

“I may be able to help there. I’ll put a good word into my boss.”

“Okay.”

“How are your parents?”

“They’re fine. Except my father is a bigot. We don’t speak anymore.”

“I’m sorry to hear.”

“My sister doesn’t even speak to me since the last election.”

“Geez, I had no idea.”

“I’ll tell you; I’m not the same person you knew.”

“What if we considered the idea of not speaking on certain topics when we’re together?”

“Together? You mean in the future? There’s no guarantee we’ll leave here today as friends or even willing to reconcile.”

“Fair point. I was just hopeful…”

“Stop!”

“Okay, are you okay?”

“Just stop. I’m fine.”

“Right, got it. Excuse me while I use the restroom.”

“Still an ass, one of those people that thinks they’re better than me or others,” whispering. “I should just leave right now, or I could just...”

“Sorry for that. I’ve been going the restroom more frequently since the change in my blood pressure medicine.”

“Yeah, I have to the same problem. It sucks.”

“I’ve got more than that going on though.”

“Like what?”

“Well, if you care to know, I’ve been going to therapy every week for the past six months.”

“Really, for what?”

“You know, just regular things.”

“No, I don’t know. What are regular things?”

“Just trying to get to a point where I’m less concerned about things that really don’t matter. You know, things I can’t control.”

“What makes you think you can’t control them?”

“Things like who wins an election, I can’t control it. I can exercise my right to vote, but I can’t control the outcome.”

“Somebody controls it, no?”

“Well, that’s debatable, but I’m learning to trust the system.”

“Right, you don’t get pissed off by the mere thought of it?”

“I’m learning to be more accepting.”

“So, you’re better than me.”

“No, that’s not at all what I’m saying.”

“That’s not what I’m hearing. It’s kind of condescending.”

“Listen, that’s not what’s happening.”

“It’s most certainly what’s happening.”

“Seriously?”

“This is almost exactly what happened the last time we spoke. We’re so different.”

“I’m just trying to…”

“You’re trying to make you feel better about yourself! It’s always been that way.”

“Again, I’m sorry.”

“And that makes it all better, eh?”

“No, it doesn't. My intention today was to reconcile and maybe that’s not possible, but I still would like to help you get through a tough time.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Listen, I like you and I really believe I can help you.”

“I’m fine. No one else helps me so what makes you so important?”

“We were friends. To me, if I see someone who is struggling, I want to help.”

“Here we go again.”

“What? I just want to help. No strings attached.”

“What if I don’t want to be friends with you?”

“It’s fine, if that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want.”

“Wait, what are doing?”

“What I should’ve done last time.”

“Is that thing loaded?”

“Yeah.”

“Please don’t point that at me.”

“Funny.”

“No, please and don’t tap it on the table.”

“Shut up.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“You really don’t get it, do you?”

“I guess not, no.”

“Do you want to kill me right now?”

“Um, no?”

“Here…”

“Don’t slide that over here.”

“No, go ahead. Point it at me and pull the trigger. C’mon do it.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not? I want you to.”

“No. I’m sliding it back.”

“And I’ll slide right back to you.”

“This has to stop.”

“Why are you unloading it?”

“This can’t happen – not to either of us.”

“Coward. Where are you going?”

“Stand up.”

“For what?”

“Just do it, please. Stand up.”

“Wait, why are you hugging me?”

“Because you need it and you deserve it.”

“No one’s hugged me in a very long time.”

“I know, you need it.”

“Now what are you doing?”

“I’m giving you the address to my therapist. Meet me there tomorrow at ten o’clock and we’ll get you some help. Oh, and I’ll hold on to the handgun.”