Hell On Earth

Just what everyone wants, never. You have a degree and we aren’t just talking about high school. You have a BS degree in the liberal arts. But, I hear you say, ‘there are no BS degrees in the liberal arts. There are only BAs, BFAs, MAs, MFAs,and pH D.s. And I’m here to tell you, you’re wrong; all the liberal art degrees are BS. Otherwise you wouldn’t be living back home with your parents. But, they have a great idea, they’ll put you in a community college, since it’s cheap, and you’ll get another BS degree in something you can make money with like welding or computer science. Say goodbye to your hair, the clothes you like. They’re house, their rules and you should be grateful to them. They’re giving you free room and board, so you should want to do what they want for you and you’ll see, some day, you’ll look back on this and thank them for this. Hell, once you earn enough money, which will be two weeks after you get the job your parents are happy you’re going into, you can buy a handgun and some bullets and blow your brains out, then you’ll never have to worry about moving back in with these bastards. But, think about what you can do with this degree? You can get married and settle down. This is what you want, right?

Wouldn’t it be great if you won the lottery or the Publisher’s Clearance House or a law suit or anything to get you the hell out of there. Hell, if you can steal a hammer, you can crack their tail light, put the wire in the gas tank and blow us all up. Then, I won’t have to wake up to guilt trips and restrictions. They keep telling you, you tried it and you fucked up and . . . . guilt trip. So, after a few months, you can’t take the mental pain, so you go into your parents liquor cabinet to numb the pain. It won’t solve anything, but neither will this second BS degree. Neither will narcissistic parents, but . . . if they were you, they’d be grateful, but they aren’t you. Logic says they need to take out any piercings, because they don’t like it. They want you to be buried when you die and you want to be cremated. Make a will before you off yourself. They need to decide what they want you to eat. They’re paying for it. You should be grateful you’re getting food. Without them, you’d be starving. They don’t want you to go to those websites or e-mail or talk to those people and you’d better participate in their religious ceremonies and be a member of their religion and only write things they like and you’d better not write about them, but they can write about you as much as they want and try to publish it. What’s the definition of hypocrisy? Mom and Dad are in the dictionary besides Lou Gherig. Then, why have them spend money on education, food, minimal health care, etc. Why not off yourself now? Because you’re broke. What’s your account balance. Don’t know. Parents took over all bank accounts since you owe them money for bailing you out and food, gas, room, etc. and you should want to repay them. If they were you, they’d want. And give them any Christmas money and Birthday money since you owe them. The guilt trip train is coming now.

Well, they know you’re angry, but that’s good because then you won’t fuck up again and you’ll never come back to their home and you interrupted their retirement and they can kick you out any time they want. They’re under no legal obligation to keep you at their home. Sometimes, you want to take them up on that offer, but they’ll throw away or sell everything you own and you’ll starve to death which takes about three months. Slow, painful, a gun’s a lot easier. Or maybe Dad has a hose and duct tape and you can beat him up and get the keys and kill yourself. Then, you won’t have to live at this place anymore. They wish you’d won the lotto or the PCH. Wish you’d been a miscarriage.

There’s no way out. They keep saying you can leave any time you want, but with no way to accumulate money and no place to shower, you don’t have many options. And the credit card companies will varnish your wages. Your credit’s terrible. You fucked that up chasing your dreams. But, you’ll see, maybe you’ll grow to like this job. Maybe women will like you if you look the way your parents want you to and you can meet someone of their religion that they like and they approve of so they can be happy for you. You’re selfish because they give and give and you should want what they’re giving you. They would want this if they were you, so what’s the problem? Too bad the library can’t have how to books on how to kill yourself. That would be unethical and Kavorkian is dead. No, he didn’t kill himself.

This is what you said. No, this is what they said you said, which isn’t what you said. 80% of communication is non-verbal. But, someone’s lying; you or them and you have a bad reputation for lying and stealing, so no one’s going to believe you and there’s no reset buttons or time machines or any of that shit. Get your head out of the clouds and once you graduate, you’re sister will help you with budgeting and then we can decide what you can and cannot buy and you’ll be free to do what we want. And then, see, you’ll be happy and you’ll thank them. Some day, unless you kill yourself afterwards or they kill you or kick you out. “Home is where the heart is” and I’m homeless. But, if you graduate, you’ll have . . . enough money to euthanize yourself. Remember Heller’s Catch-22