Try Again

I took a deep breath as I pushed the front door open and limped inside.

The accident was almost a year ago, and I wasn't fully recovered, but at least I could hobble around with a cane now. And I was mobile enough that the coffee shop owner said I could come back to work.

So here I was, making my way to the back of house to set down my bag and put on my apron. Alex, a guy who had evidently only been here for a month, shot me a questioning look but didn't say anything. I'd never seen him before, but the owner had texted me asking if I could take on a shift with someone with less experience. I ignored the pinging in my head telling me my back would not thank me later and said yes. It wouldn't be the first time I'd picked up that kind of slack, and it wouldn't be the last time. I had to get back into the swing of things some time, so this had to be fine.

I can't just pick and choose who I work with. I won't get any hours that way.

Alex was wiping the same spot on the counter when I got out front again. I clocked in on the computer system and looked around. One kid was typing on their laptop in the corner, otherwise the place was empty. And the floors very much needed sweeping. I looked back over at Alex, who didn't seem interested in moving beyond that one spot.

"Alex, right? I'm Maya." I held my hand out to him.

He looked up and shook my hand," Yeah, that's me. Are you new?"

"Sort of. I just got back from an extended leave, but I worked here for a couple years before."

"So you know what's going on and what we need to do? I just don't want to have to train you is all."

I raised an eyebrow at him but kept the kind look on my face," No, you don't have to train me. I know what I'm doing. And from the looks of it, we need to get to cleaning."

"That's what I'm doing." Alex said.

"Right now, you're standing and wiping the same spot on the counter. The dining room needs to be swept and a few tables need to be wiped off. Why don't you do that while I make sure everything back here is fully stocked and prepped."

Alex scowled," Seriously? You think you can just come in here and boss me around?"

"Yes, she can."

Alex and I turned and saw the owner, Mariana, walking behind the counter and clocking herself in. Then she turned to Alex," You have been here for three weeks, and Maya here was a star employee before her accident. She's back now, and she's a manager. So I recommend listening to her."

I blinked. I didn't know I was getting my old position back.

Mariana looked at me with a small smile," Welcome back. I just came to get payroll done and be extra hands if needed during the rush. I'll keep an eye out for when we get busy."

Then she disappeared into the back. Alex stared after her for a second before huffing and leaving to find a broom. I grabbed the towel he had left on the counter and decided to just refill the sanitary bucket he had been using. The water was cold, so it was definitely time to switch it out anyway. Getting to the back with the bucket and my cane was a little difficult, but I did it.

Ok. One hard thing done. Refill it and go back to the front. Then take inventory of what's stocked and what isn't. One step at a time.

I took my time getting everything together. I didn't want to risk falling and re-injuring myself, and I definitely didn't want to risk messing up the store. So I took my time, and still somehow managed to refill every sanitary bucket, replace all the towels, and restock every single item behind the counter before Alex had finished sweeping the dining room. He hadn't even started on the tables yet by the time I finished wiping everything down and went to wash dishes. I would poke my head out front every few minutes to make sure no one had come in yet, and everything stayed eerily calm for that first hour.

By the time I finished the dishes, Alex was standing behind the counter on his phone, all the dining room tables still dirty. I frowned but wiped the look off my face right away. This is my second chance at life. I need to keep it positive and be happy that I can walk right now. He's just a punk that needs a little guidance.

"Hey, get those tables cleaned up?" I asked, making my way over to where he was standing.

"No one has even come in. What's the point of cleaning?" He snapped, eyes not leaving his phone.

"The point is to have a clean space for when people do come in. You wouldn't want to sit at a dirty table if you came into a coffee shop, would you? Especially if the coffee shop was dead. What's the excuse then?"

He rolled his eyes grabbed the towel, and went to start wiping down tables. I bit back the snarky comment on the tip of my tongue and went over to the deep cleaning checklist we kept by the register. Might as well get started on that until people started coming in.

It started raining.

I spent another hour taking apart one of our two espresso machines and cleaning out every crevice I could possibly reach. Alex was instructed to make sure the straws and napkins were full everywhere and to wipe down all of the syrups so that nothing was sticky anymore. A few people started to filter in during that time. A grumpy old man ordered a black coffee and left immediately. A middle aged woman ordered a double espresso and sat on her laptop, typing furiously. A few pairs of people came and went, most of them looking like they were students at the university.

Every time I saw a swish of light brown hair enter the coffee shop, my heart stuttered.

She's not going to come in here. Why would she come in here?

I pushed away all thoughts of her and kept my focus on the latte I was pouring. I blinked away the tears that immediately had formed and turned around to give it to Roger. Then I turned around to put the espresso machine back together. I took my time, letting the muscle memory take over. My mind started to wander into dangerous waters, so I brought myself back and decided to think about how my body was feeling after being on my feet for three hours. This was the longest I had gone without sitting since the accident, and I was starting to feel it in my lower back.

Maybe I should go into the back and do a couple stretches before the rush picked up. I don't want to pull anything.

"Hey, what can I get you?" Alex said, a little more enthusiastically than he'd been speaking all afternoon.

"Two regular iced lattes with oat milk. One with a pump of hazelnut and the other with three pumps of vanilla." A painfully familiar voice said.

It wasn't the voice I had been fearing I would hear, but it was almost scarier. I slowly looked over my shoulder and saw her best friend standing there, eyes burning a hole into mine. I spun my head back toward the machine and slammed them shut, trying to control my breathing.

If Grace was here, did that mean she was here? Grace did order two lattes. If she's not, Grace is definitely going to tell her. That would probably mean she'll definitely never come in again. I couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not.

I could still feel Grace staring at me, and I knew I had to make the drinks since Alex barely knew how to work the register. My head stayed down as I grabbed two cups and made the lattes as fast as I possibly could.

During the three minutes it took me to make the coffees, I could feel the urge to turn and look for her grow.

She had to be here. I bet she came in, saw me, and made Grace order for them both. She always loved her vanilla lattes. I couldn't count how many times she'd ordered one from me.

I didn't turn around. Instead, I powered through the two lattes, put a lid on them, and turned to call for Grace without lifting my eyes. Then I spun around and went to clean up my station, hoping a new order would come in fast.

"You're not even going to look at me?" Grace snapped.

I tried not to wince.

"Stop." A soft voice said from next to her.

My heart shattered, and I froze at the sound of it. The voice I had been hoping I wouldn't appear and had so desperately wanted to.

"Rach-" Grace started.

"Let's just go."

I waited for the bell to ring, but it never did.

Oh god, did they sit?

I didn't dare look at the dining room.

"You know her?" Alex asked.

"I did. A long time ago." I said shortly.

"So you can get me her number?"

My eyes snapped to his," Don't even go there, kid."

"Why not?"

I raised an eyebrow and finished cleaning up my station. He pestered me about Grace's number for about ten minutes before I had had enough.

"I'm going to be honest with you, kid. I don't know you well enough to give you her number, and I'm not going to disrespect her and just hand out her number to anyone who asks for it. If you want it that bad, grow the balls to talk to her like a human being."

"But you already know her. You can put in a good word for me."

"I don't talk to her anymore, and I don't know you. So drop it."

"But-"

I turned around to go into the back and stay on top of dishes, but a shot of pain ran down my spine and through my right leg. I almost dropped to the floor and barely caught myself on the counter.

"Whoa, are you okay?" Alex said, stepping back a little.

I huffed out a couple breaths, the pain still radiating through my back," I'm fine. Just- just give me a minute."

"Do you need to sit?"

Yes.

"No. I'll be okay. I just need a minute to let the pain pass."

"Sounds like you should be sitting. I'm getting Mariana."

He was gone before I could say no. I ground my teeth and just let it happen. This is my life now. I'm disabled, and I can't do everything I could before, and that's fine. It doesn't feel fine, but it is, because everyone needs help sometimes. My body is rebelling against me, and I need help. He's trying to help. There's no reason to be angry or annoyed.

"Hey, what's going on?" Mariana was in front of me in no time.

"I'm fine. I just need to wait for the pain to pass. Then I'll stretch my back, and I'll be fine."

"What happened? Why did your back start hurting?"

Reluctantly, I said," I pushed it a little further than usual today and tweaked it when I turned around a little fast."

"Okay, let's get you sitting." She looped her arm through mine and guided me to the back,. She sat me in the chair most people use when they're on break." I'll get you some water, I'll be right back."

She went up front, and Alex followed after a few seconds because he was obviously uncomfortable.

I shook my head and shut my eyes. The pain was starting to subside.

"Here. What else do you need?" Mariana asked.

I hesitated again," Would an ice pack be too much to ask for?"

"No, Maya. It's not too much. I don't have an ice pack, but I'll grab some ice from up front. How much?"

"I don't need much."

"Okay. I'll be right back."

She went out front again and was gone for longer than before. I sipped on my water, my mind wandering back to that voice. The one that was probably still sitting in the dining room. Had she noticed? Did she care?

I shook the thought out of my mind and sipped the water again, closing my eyes.

"Here."

I froze. The voice was back, and I wasn't sure if I was imagining it. I had imagined it before, so it wouldn't be new. But she was actually in the building. She was near, so this very much might not be my imagination.

"Maya?"

Slowly, I opened my eyes and felt my heart stop.

There was Rachel.

She was holding out a bag of ice wrapped in a towel, and her eyes were worried.

"You're here." I whispered.

"Yeah. Um..." She looked down, dropping her arm," Grace convinced me to come in here since she hadn't seen you since the school year started and wanted to study for finals. And then we walked in, and there you were."

"I'm sorry." I muttered.

Rachel looked up again," For what?"

Everything.

"For...being here. And for...after the accident."

Her breath hitched for a second, and she looked away. Her eyes rested on the sink, and she stood in silence for a few minutes before shaking her head," I spent...months. Just trying to stop crying. And then I tried to get over you, and I just never did. It broke me. Because I'm the reason you got hurt, and I couldn't be there to support you."

Tears were streaking down both of our cheeks now.

"Rachel-"

"I still love you. I think I always will." She said, still looking at the sink," And I know you don't want me anymore. I know you probably hate me because of the accident, but I just need you to know that that will never change."

"I don't hate you. I never for a second hated you."

"You didn't want me there."

"Because I didn't want you to see me at my worst."

"But that's what I was there for."

"I didn't know how I was going to react during physical therapy, and I didn't want to risk lashing out at you when I got frustrated. And you deserved to be with someone who can lift you up and support you and not hold you back."

"Maya." She squatted down in front of me, her dark eyes searching my own," You also deserve someone who can be there to lift you up and support you. And don't for one second believe that you would have been holding me back. Because you wouldn't have. There would have been difficult days, sure. But we would have come out stronger in the end. I wanted to be there for ever single step. I wanted to help you get better. And you pushed me out of your life."

The tears wouldn't stop, and breathing was starting to get hard. The pain in my back wasn't making this any better.

She leaned away from me ever so slightly," Do you regret saving my life?"

"Not for a moment." I said immediately. "I would learn to walk a thousand times if it meant you were safe."

"And why do you think I wouldn't jump in front of a speeding car for you? Because that's basically what I'm hearing right now."

"I..." My voice failed me. I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't want to believe she would jump in front of a speeding car. I could never ask anyone to do that, especially not the girl I was so certain I would marry.

"Anyway." Rachel cleared her throat and stood up, holding the ice pack out again," I just wanted to come back here to make sure you were okay, not to attack you with my feelings. I um. I hope you feel better. I'll leave you alone."

I reached up to grab the ice pack but ended up holding onto her hand. Her eyebrows scrunched together, and she looked at me in confusion.

"I have regretted telling you leave since the moment it came out of my mouth. I said that, and I forced the best thing in my life to walk out of my life, and I've regretted it every moment since. I'm sorry. I never should have...I love you. I think I'll always love you. And I don't expect you to ever forgive me. I don't expect you to talk to me ever again because I treated you like trash, and I never should have. You deserved so much better than that. And I'm sorry."

Rachel's bottom lip trembled. She leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek.

"Of course I forgive you." She stood up and held out the ice pack again. "Can you take this please?"

I sheepishly took the ice pack and realized something else was wrapped in the towel that was definitely not ice. Confused, I unwrapped the towel and pulled out a coffee sleeve.

"What-" I looked up, but Rachel was gone. I flipped the coffee sleeve over and smiled at the note. The same one I had written on her coffee cup over a year ago.

Let's get coffee- Rachel