Im just a stupid emotional highschool girl aren’t i

It was a Wednesday night, in early August so the skies were still light at night in Texas. The cool breeze brushed my skin when I pulled up to the youth group. I was not to excited but being such an extrovert any chance to meet people was the highlight of my day. Also being home-schooled doesn’t help in seeing people much. This older judgment girl who acts like I am her old stuffed animal who she wished she had thrown away years ago had suggested this youth group to my mom. Thanks only to my prying mom, Moriah would never give such precious details to her person life away. So, I pulled up looking around not recognizing anyone. It was chill though because in this small environment everyone seemed pretty nice. Oh, wait I scratched that thought out. Moriah saw me. Thankfully she is one of those fake girls who talk all sweet to your face so I got introduced to her friend group which made me wonder how long I would stay at this place. Then the group kind of pushed me out of the circle so I went and said hi to some other girls. They were nice enough and super kind for the fact that this girl just came up and said ‘hi’. Thank goodness I’m home-schooled because I can get away with being weird and blame it on being home-schooled when I have the social awareness of any normal teenager. We were all herded into this room to worship where I meet the two nice girls. One with beautiful doe eyes and the other with natural golden hair contrasting her tan skin. I asked to sit beside and an awkward conversation struck up with mainly me trying to keep it going to not go into a conversational ditch. The service began and I really enjoyed it. The view was also nice. This guy who was just my type sat two rows in front of me. I had saw him when talking to some people earlier. He was catching my eye when he smiled and laughed. His tall lanky body made heart beat a little faster. I laughed at myself though; I attach to quickly. I knew as soon as I had a conversation with this guy, I’d realize he was an idiot with a nice body and face. His fluffy hair was kind of distracting though when I was trying to take notes. I tapped Rebecca, the blue doe eyed girl with wispy eyelashes, and wrote on my paper, ‘who is that guy?’ She smiled knowing all too well what my curiosity was about.

“Fox.” She softy whispered back. Ugh, I wish his name wasn’t cool. It makes things more difficult to write out things I dislike about him. Like Fox?! Come on please have named yourself or something and be a weird furry or something. I can’t fall for someone I haven’t talked to. After the main service we went to our small groups and I couldn’t help but have the thought of that Fox guy in my mind. How creeped out would he be if he knew I was already thinking about him and he doesn’t even know my face. We got let out and I joined another monotonous conversation when it suddenly became a bit more exciting. The tall guy joined the conversation. Even though it was getting dark out I could see the lights reflect off his greenish blue eyes. Fox, I need you to stop being my type. He was looking at me a lot but no more than anyone else. I wish I had put makeup on after school and not washed my face making me look a little like a zombie who got socked in the face. The conversation was going places and suddenly it was just me and him talking together. He had a cute voice that matched his fox-like looking face. He spoke well was kind. I scoffed knowing that’s where our similarities ended. Then he brought up fall out boy. Darn it. I fell a little bit deeper. I should’ve known he liked rock with his skinny black jeans and dark green and black flannel shirt. I tested out some more bands. He knew them and maybe even brought up some songs I hadn’t listened to although all without cuss words because he didn’t like that. He causally asked me my name forgetting I had never said it.

“Ruth.” He smiled and said his was Fox with his toothy grin his name sounded even better to my ears. We got on the top of tattoos and he said he wanted a sleeve. How many good Christan teenage boys want tattoos. I started talking about my dreams when the leaders called out that it was time to go to our cars. He kept talking and my mom from her car gave me that look of ‘hurry the heck up please.’ He wouldn’t shut up but I loved it. I kept backing up and he did too but wouldn’t stop talking to me and asking me questions. I laughed inside and out but I love to laugh so it isn’t that hard to make me laugh. Although my laugh seemed to come easier out with him. He finally said he had to go and sweetly called out,

 “See ya Ruth! Wait wait!” he ran back to me. This boy can’t leave me alone.

 “You are coming back, right? Like next Wednesday night?” I giggled at his honest eagerness and social awkwardness. (Fox, I know you might read this so sorry but your social awkwardness just makes you cuter so don’t take it the wrong way lol)

 “I will try.” He smiled then started walking backwards still staring at me. I was waiting to see him trip on a rock. Then the boy opened his mouth again.

 “Wait I won’t be here next week but I will see you the Wednesday after that! Okay!” I shouted out ‘okay’ back to him. What a kid. In the car ride home, my mom kept asking me questions but I was unusually quiet because I couldn’t rap my mind around this guy. I am a super over thinker so all the ‘signs’ he liked me were probably in my mind. And for goodness’ sakes Ruth, a guy you just met can’t like you that quickly and if he did that’s a red flag. Why did I feel like he was involved in my life now. I didn’t see him the next week at Wednesday night like he said but I met some more people and started to get more connected with the youth. I got Rebecca’s number and this other girl’s number named Sage. Sage was friends with Fox and she had an android phone. You might ask why I mentioned that and here is why, it is because you can’t unsend messages. My curiosity got the best of me and I became a classic falling in love girl.

-Hey Sage...

-Yea???

-Is Fox like a flirt with everyone? (At this point I thought he was just a flirt and was playing with my feelings to get attention)

-Yea he's super friendly why?

-Curious he's kinda cute

-oooooooo?!!!

(continues to be girls talking about guys)

I was a little disappointed every girl wants to be told she is different and that that hot guy that everyone wants was flirting with her but that’s just fairy tales. The next time I saw Fox was at his Church on Sunday morning. I walked into the high school room which was just a room in the elementary school that the church used. He was talking with his friends and he made eye contact with me. He stopped talking and his mouth opened a little. It made me feel good. Next thing I know he was following me like a little puppy at my heels.

“Hey!” I laughed- my most common response to his voice now.

“Hi Fox.” He laughed and said my style reminded him of Misa Misa from Death note. My eyebrows raised.

“Dude!” my tomboy came out. “NO way! That’s my favorite anime series!” It was his too. After us fangirling after the characters for a little bit we cracked up those common questions like ‘what does your dad do for work?’ and ‘how many siblings do you have?’ He was the oldest of four and I was the youngest of four. His dad did something with engineering as did my dad. The high school service started and since we talked the whole time there was only two seats really left. We sat next to each other. He loved drawing and while I was taking notes he was sketching a beach scene. He kept bumping me to show me his drawing and when I smiled at it, he grinned like a toddler who just got a piece of candy. I went back to focusing when I felt another bump. He showed me his drawing again and I smiled back. He did it again. And again, and once more. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. After we went to main service and Rebecca, Fox, and I all talked. Rebecca texted me later shipping us. after talking for a good 10 minutes and service started. After me and my parents started leaving and Fox kind of chased after me and when I already had left, he stood at the door and waved with this sheepish grin. I was a little disappointed he hadn’t asked for my number though. Whatever I would see him on Wednesday. Wednesday came and he singled me out and we talked. Then he asked me a stupid question.

 “What’s your name again?” I was a little annoyed. He definitely didn’t like me because he forgot my freaking name. Stupid boy. He just lost points.

 “Ruth.”

“Oh yeah that’s right it’s pretty.” He should be so grateful he said that it was pretty because 10^th grade me is not mature enough to forgive him. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no to which a small smile slipped out. I ate to many caterpillars that morning because the butterflies in my stomach were going crazy. We walked into the room with pews and he shyly asked me to sit with him. Of course, I would I don’t know why he waited so long to ask. We sat together and he kept writing me notes. His handwriting was messy and he was trying to see if I liked him but I misunderstood it. We both got super confused and I finally just said like liked him. He gave the most unclear response which was something like “oh yeah me to you are pretty cool.” So, is that a yes Fox?! Or is that you being like thanks for the compliment that’s all I wanted. Ugh. :/ After we talked again and he showed me this dance thing homeschoolers can go to and said he would send it to me. I waited for him to give me his number but I got impatient and said okay here’s my number. Then the truth came out. He said he is not supposed to text girls but he really liked me. He laid out the ground rules. Don’t text me before I text you. And after a certain time no “texty texty” using his words. We began texting and we began falling for each other more and more. It was only our 3^rd hour phone call when he ended it with “I love you, Ruth.” I was so shocked I mumbled out I love you too. He made me feel amazing. He was the first person to ever call me funny. He was laughing so hard and it slipped out and he said, “You are hilarious.” I didn’t know what to say. He was so surprised no one had every called me funny before. I have had a rough life in some areas and to hear this was so sweet. There was a part of me that still didn’t believe this was real though. I was like he is really convincing at playing me. I would give it a month or so. A month came and we had our own trials. I never had great trust in people and him being socially awkward made him come off flirty to everyone. I was so close to breaking up with him when he made a joke about one of my friends. I still don’t realize how close I was. I texted out the message saying I couldn’t because I couldn’t tell if he was joking. I knew this was coming to an end at some point even though I thought he was the one. I thought he just thought I was cute and wanted me for the time like any immature high school boy. When I told him how I felt about the joke and how it hurt me he went silent. I thought ‘this is it, too bad it was like every other high school relationship.’ Then he apologized for the 20^th time and said,

“Ruth, I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you and I want to know I pick you over everyone.” I smiled but didn’t believe him. I decided I would see where it goes but he isn’t it. He made a joke about how our mutual friend was hot and I was over him being so friendly to girls. I kept thinking I was falling more than him but then all of our friends were telling me how every time he heard my name he would smile and how when I wasn’t there, he would always bring me up. His friend from Chemistry class told me how he was drawing my name on his paper everywhere. I started to believe he did love me. I started to think of it more and I was being way to insecure. Even when he is ‘friendly’ with other girls he always mentioned me or something. My best friend Braelyn called me an idiot for the 100^th time for not seeing how he loves me. We wrote each other letters when his parents say that we were texting but soon after that we couldn’t write each other letters. So, in person we passed letters. We texted each other over group chats so we could still hear from each other. That didn’t last very long either. I even forgave him when he said that when he first met me, he thought my name was boring. It helped me to forgive him when he said now when he hears it makes his ears sing. He also almost got smacked when he said when he first met me, I was only pretty but now I am beautiful to him. The most beautiful person on the planet. He barely dodged getting smacked by his feisty 5’2 firecracker of a girlfriend. We once did meet each other at a library in secret. We both got in trouble after but I have to say it was worth it. It sounds so lame most kids sneak out at night to smoke weed but me, I go to library to do some homework with my boyfriend. I gave him a silver ring at the library because we both love silver. When his dad asked what the ring was for, he said it was from me. His dad asked if it was a promise ring. It wasn’t so he wasn’t lying when he said it wasn’t. because quite simply it is a wedding ring. He said when I turn 18, I will get a pretty silver ring on my finger to. I told him I want it to be a small diamond because if he tried get a diamond as big as his love for me, he would be debt, or least I hope he would be. Our thoughts for the future are simple. We love GOD first and then each other. No matter where we are we will have each other. All of our friends laugh at us being so in love with each other but knew if everyone had this feeling the world would go insane. I know we will make it because my heart loves him but my reason too. We both want the same things in life. I know all the adults reading this are laughing and saying, “I’ll give it two more months.” And maybe you are right. I hope to GOD you aren’t but if you are I know after meeting him my life will never be the same. He helped me learn to draw even though it looks like a 5-year-old did it, he taught me to trust others, he taught me to love with risk, he taught me to wait, he taught me to laugh like no one is watching although everyone’s eyes our on us. All these lessons I can never lose and all I hope is that Fox can teach me some more.

Notes: Moriah if somehow you found this, I made you a bit more extreme in the story ‘sorry’. (Have to say this just in case.)

Also, all of this is true. Even the conversations although some of the really sappy stuff I left out for my sake.