Contest #198 winner 🏆

183 comments

American Sad High School

Okay class! Pop quiz. If you've been doing the readings, this should be a piece of cake. Remember to fill out both sides of this paper. You have the whole class period to finish. Good luck.


1. Christopher Columbus first traveled to the Americas using which means of transportation?


A) A cargo ship

B) A steam locomotive

C) A Boeing 747 airliner 

D) A vintage red 1985 Camaro with a crack in the middle of the windshield and no heated seats



2. What is the term for the pilgrims leaving England to journey to America?


A) Immigration

B) Emigration

C) Migration

D) A breakup



3. What is the name of the people who were already living in America before the arrival of the Mayflower?


A) Indigenous Peoples

B) New Yorkers

C) Canadians

D) A fiancée



4. Founded in the early 1600s, Thanksgiving best symbolizes which of the following?


A) Eating a Tofurky dinner alone in a home that smells like pumpkin pie and the leftover bottle of aftershave you found under the bathroom sink and summarily poured down the drain

B) A celebration of the harvest and a means of giving thanks for other such blessings of the year

C) Your five-year-old son choosing to spend the holiday at his father's new apartment

D) Both A and C



5. Salem, Massachusetts, was famous for its witch trials, wherein a number of men and women were accused of performing acts of dark magic and sentenced to death. Now, imagine a woman named, say, Sally. Which of the following is something a guilty woman like Sally might reasonably have been accused of?


A) Sneaking off with another woman's fiancé during your springtime PTA meetings

B) Luring a woman's son to Thanksgiving dinner with the promise of cooking a real turkey

C) Driving a vintage red 1985 Camaro that doesn't belong to her to the Safeway in your neighborhood, despite her apartment, which she now shares with the car's owner, being on the other side of town, twenty-five minutes away.

D) All of the above



6. Please select the adjective you think best describes Sally from the previous example.


A) Caring

B) Considerate

C) Thoughtful

D) None of the above



7. Please select the adjective (or phrase!) you think best describes the nameless fiancé from question 5.


A) Ignorant

B) Hedonistic

C) Confused

D) Doesn't understand he's letting a good thing go by choosing Sally instead of the superior PTA woman.



8. What is the definition of a "pilgrim"?


A) A person who journeys, especially a long distance, to some sacred place.

B) A person who journeys, especially twenty-five minutes away, to an apartment in the gutter of Bismarck, North Dakota.

C) A person who journeys, especially twenty-five minutes away, to a supermarket in the heartland of Bismarck, North Dakota, with the intent of running into people on the PTA so she can "accidentally" display her new engagement ring, the same sapphire ring that fit on someone else's finger not too long ago.

D) A woman who shares joint custody of her turkey-bribed son, a woman who tucks him in and reads him a bedtime story every night and kisses him on the forehead, then spends the next thirty minutes scrolling through her ex-fiancé's social media posts in the hopes that she'll see her name pop up.



9. What is the name for someone who invades a foreign state or nation with the intent to dominate or gain control over its settlers?


A) Homewrecker

B) Adulterer

C) Sally

D) Colonialist



10. What was the reason the pilgrims left their first home and strayed to America?


A) They said their needs weren't being met with England.

B) They wanted to break away from the Protestant Church and start their own religious community.

C) They said they hadn't been truly happy in a long, long time.

D) They said the only reason they hung in there as long as they did was because of the five year old.



11. Which of the following statements is true, pertaining to question 10?


A) England watched the pilgrims sail away to America, watched them drift toward the horizon until they were nothing but a speck in the sunset, knowing there was nothing they could do.

B) England waited for days, weeks, months, hoping the pilgrims would come back, checking every starlit night for a sign of their return. 

C) England would still take them back with open arms, even after they chose another place and another life, if they only chose to come back.

D) All of the above



12. Do you think the pilgrims ever thought about returning to England when they were off with their homewreckers/adulterers/Sallys/colonialists?


A) Yes, definitely

B) Maybe once in a while

C) Every other weekend, when the joint custody kicked in

D) No (briefly explain your reasoning in the space below, if chosen)



13. How quickly things change. Not even 200 years after the arrival of the pilgrims to America, the founding fathers spearheaded the American Revolution, instituted the presidential system, and even created the Declaration of Independence. Which of the following is a line from that famous document?


A) "We need to talk."

B) "Look, Lainey, this just isn't working out anymore. It's not you, it's me. Please don't bring Sally into this."

C) "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

D) "Daddy said you can come to his wedding with me, Mommy. Why are you crying? He said you can come too."



Extra credit bonus question: You finish your quiz early. When you walk up to the front to turn it in, you notice your teacher is at her desk, silently weeping into her thermos of lukewarm first-period coffee. What should you do?


A) Turn in your paper, say nothing, and return to your desk—chances are that if she scheduled a quiz for the entire class period, she probably needs some time to herself.

B) Turn in your paper, say nothing, and return to your desk—chances are that your teacher is like England when they were waiting for the pilgrims to return, and with enough time, she'll understand the truth.

C) Turn in your paper, say nothing, and return to your desk—chances are that you could end up like her someday, because history repeats itself.

D) All of the above.

May 20, 2023 02:47

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

183 comments

Suma Jayachandar
07:11 May 21, 2023

Zack, I read this story earlier and read it again now. This is the most audacious (in the best possible way) story I have read in sometime. The very format is deceptively casual giving out bits and pieces of information that breaks your heart at unexpected places. And then walks away swiftly as the whole damn thing comes crashing down. Clever, ambitious and impactful- Top three things on my list of short story writing (a novice’s list of course, I’m not a trained writer). This ticked all the three boxes and many more. A tale of longing, lov...

Reply

Zack Powell
13:33 May 21, 2023

"Audacious" is a huge compliment, Suma, especially when you put a superlative like "the most" in front of it. Very high praise from a writer of your caliber. Glad the format worked too. I'm finally making good on my new year's resolution to experiment more in my writing. Gotta start somewhere, right? Thanks again for the eternal kindness and thoughtfulness. It's always appreciated.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
03:25 Jul 03, 2023

amazing bro's =P

Reply

Show 0 replies
03:24 Jul 03, 2023

woawwwwwwwwww

Reply

Show 0 replies
Clyde Laffan
22:09 Jun 23, 2023

Wow! How original!

Reply

Zack Powell
01:16 Jun 26, 2023

Thanks, Clyde! Good to see you back.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Norah Mazzola
20:44 Jun 22, 2023

This looks exactly like ANY exam would look like! I love how you wrote it this way. Smart choice of words and a good choice of prompt.

Reply

Zack Powell
22:50 Jun 22, 2023

Thank you very much, Norah! It was a lot of fun to write, so I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it too.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Nina H
13:38 Jun 20, 2023

This is just amazing! Bravo! 👏🏻

Reply

Zack Powell
14:44 Jun 21, 2023

Thank you very much, Nina!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Wally Schmidt
18:11 Jun 18, 2023

Hi Zacky The prompt this week sounds like all of your stories. Write a story that experiments with tone — perhaps a difficult subject dealt with in a playful way, or an ostensibly happy scene that hints at darkness lurking beneath. Waiting for yours to drop. You'll kill it

Reply

Zack Powell
23:09 Jun 18, 2023

I was just looking at the prompts for this week and that's the exact one that caught my eye! Anything with the word "experiment" on it, you know I'm gonna try it. I've got a couple ideas floating in my head already. Hoping I can commit to the right one.

Reply

Wally Schmidt
06:16 Jun 19, 2023

You got this.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Zatoichi Mifune
16:06 Jun 15, 2023

Arrrgh. How come everything you do is just so GOOD? Looks like God got fed up with sprinkling writing talent around and just dumped the rest on you. Yet another fun and enjoyable read.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Steve Uppendahl
14:54 Jun 14, 2023

Oh man, this is f-ing awesome! As a teacher myself, I love this story even more. I love to throw in off-key answers for humorous reasons. (Though, this poor teacher had other far more pertinent issues to deal with.) I guarantee, if this teacher has a middle school class or higher, and is popular at all, she would be receiving all kinds of chocolate and Starbucks cards. (We get those anyway, but I'm willing to bet parents would be sending some gift cards to the local liquor shop, numbers for divorce lawyers, LOTS of free advice, and proba...

Reply

Zack Powell
19:51 Jun 14, 2023

Thanks, Steve! It's nice to see a teacher's response to this story, and even more reassuring to know this woman would (hopefully) be shown support and kindness instead of being reprimanded for giving her class such a revealing quiz. Teachers are people too, and it's good to know there's still kindness out there for them. Thanks again!

Reply

Steve Uppendahl
20:43 Jun 14, 2023

You're right. That WOULD be nice. But, sadly, it's few and far between - especially in some states. But, I like to think that most people are kind and supportive - even more so to someone who is going through something.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
12:50 Jun 10, 2023

I don't know why I like this, but I like this

Reply

Zack Powell
13:24 Jun 10, 2023

Pretty much the exact same feeling I felt while writing this, haha. Thank you for the read!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Peggy Lee
21:46 Jun 08, 2023

When I read just the story first I felt sincere appreciation for the creativity, the humor, and the depth of this story about a teacher heartbroken by the downfall of her family because of Sally, but then when I read the praise of the comments I thusly started to feel envious, inferior, but mostly anxious because I do not have the same will as you do to be a professional writer. it’s these impurities in my heart that block my writing from growing hell, even seeding. I personally don’t think that can truly handle neither praise nor critici...

Reply

Zack Powell
02:51 Jun 09, 2023

Wow, what a wonderful comment this is, Peggy! Before anything else, I'd like to thank you for taking so much time to engage with this story, and with me. It's truly appreciated. And trust me: There's nothing to be envious about. If it makes you feel any better, I don't have much of a desire to be a professional writer. I'm never going to be a novelist, and the only time I write creatively is for these contests, which I enter solely for fun. And I think that's the main point of where the tenacity comes from: The joy of conjuring up people an...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Ah Jones
14:49 Jun 08, 2023

What a thoughtful, engaging, funny submission. Congratulations!

Reply

Zack Powell
18:28 Jun 08, 2023

Thank you very much! What a lovely compliment.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Onyx Stone
22:11 Jun 07, 2023

Crude muffins I didn't do any of the reading, what class is this again? Seriously this is cool, good job

Reply

Zack Powell
05:23 Jun 08, 2023

Thank you very much, Onyx! And don't worry: I have a feeling that all the reading in the world wouldn't prepare anyone for this type of quiz. 😂

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Amanda Lieser
20:30 Jun 07, 2023

Hi Zack! Holy cow! What a creative take on the prompt. I loved the way you formatted the piece and my heart broke for this educator because I did have a teacher who endured a divorce while she was teaching us. It’s something unspoken, but felt by all in the room. I loved that the answers slowly unfolded the story for us in a way that felt enduring and heart wrenching at the same time. Nice work! Beautifully done. And CONGRATULATIONS!

Reply

Zack Powell
04:35 Jun 08, 2023

Thanks, Amanda. Was a lot of fun playing around with this formatting, though I felt awful for putting the teacher through this. Can't be easy going through personal problems and having to keep it together for the sake of all your students. And my heart goes out to your teacher. Thanks again!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Deborah Uzurin
02:07 Jun 06, 2023

this was great

Reply

Zack Powell
03:02 Jun 06, 2023

Thank you very much, Deborah!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Robin Owens
00:32 Jun 05, 2023

Heartbreaking and brilliant. I used to like the name Sally too. Friggin Sally. High school math teacher here: it is so fascinating how students don't realize there is more to you than grading and passing out homework.

Reply

Zack Powell
16:10 Jun 05, 2023

Thanks, Robin. And my heart goes out to all you teachers out there. Especially at that age, students are so caught up in their personal lives/drama that teachers are often just background characters for them. With any luck, maybe stories like these will help people recognize exactly what you said: teachers are more than just grade-givers.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Samaira S.
16:05 Jun 04, 2023

Wow! Damn, it took me a while to figure out what was going on, but wow, such a creative idea. Kudos for the last question. I'm interested to know the students' reactions xD Great story, Zack!

Reply

Zack Powell
16:46 Jun 04, 2023

Thanks, Samaira! In a more conventionally-structured story, I definitely would've ended this with the students' reactions. Just a whole paragraph describing the horror, the shock, the wide eyes. Priceless. I can see it now. 😂

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
S N
13:27 Jun 02, 2023

Such an enjoyable read. The kind of story I think "I have only a moment for a sentence or two," and then I find my morning plans rearranged to accommodate re-reads. This is the kind of creative work that inspires me. So funny and really, really sad. You have got skillz, Zack!

Reply

Zack Powell
16:30 Jun 02, 2023

Thank you very much (and an additional thank you for every re-read that may have occurred)! "This is the kind of creative work that inspires me" might just be the nicest compliment I've ever received. Thanks again.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Coco Nut
12:36 Jun 01, 2023

Brilliant. Love the jokes you made. Where did you get such a good sense of humour? I think this is probably one of the best stories ive ever read/pop quizzes ive ever done, no joke. Hope to see more outstanding talent from you! :)

Reply

Zack Powell
13:39 Jun 01, 2023

Thank you very much, Coco! What a lovely comment. As for the sense of humor, I watch a lot of comedy sets/shows/movies, so maybe (hopefully?) some of that has rubbed off on me. Well, I can dream, anyway. Thanks again!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kimberly Walker
09:46 May 31, 2023

Haha...you made a pop quiz interesting, whether I passed it or not.

Reply

Zack Powell
20:02 May 31, 2023

Thanks, Kimberly! And I'm sure you passed. You don't have to have the right answer- just the one that the teacher wants to hear, haha.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply

Bring your short stories to life

Fuse character, story, and conflict with tools in the Reedsy Book Editor. 100% free.