The Second Son

I am the second son in our family of two sons and no daughters. My brother Ralph was first one born. I don’t blame him for being so accomplished in so many ways. He was early on a bright light, and I was in his shadow as far as my parents have been and still are concerned.

His family stardom began with his skill as a talented hockey player. He scored goals like magic even in his first year playing. He led the league at eight years of age, when I was still a toddler. Our parents loudly cheered him on throughout every game that he played. Pictures of him in a hockey uniform hang in more than one room in the family house. When I was eight and began to play hockey, I was no leading figure. I scored three goals that year. I soon noticed that my parents were not cheering me on when I was on the ice, passing, shooting, and stealing the puck (that was my best skill). That was very different from when they were at Ralph’s games which I attended as well, not that I had a choice. As fans in Ralph’s games, our mother and father were the loudest people in the stands. They watched my games in silence. It wasn’t long before I decided that my first season would also be my last. And my parents did not argue with me against that decision. My father’s reply was ‘That’s okay son. It is your choice. It’s just not your game.” He would never had said that to my brother if he had made such a decision. Ralph played for several years to follow, but our parents talked him out of trying to become a professional.

Then there was school. Ralph had a bit of a tough time in the lower grades. But the parents hired a private teaching instructor to help him through the first grades until he got decent marks. To celebrate those grades at the end of every school year, the family went out to dinner in a fancy expensive restaurant. My grades were about the same with no hired help, and no celebration for any of my marks. But then, I was learning that there would not be such a positive response concerning any of my achievements from our parents.

Then there are our careers. Ralph got a high-paying executive position handed to him in the family business once he was 21 years old. When I graduated from high school, our parents offered me a position that earned a lot less money. It involved loading and unloading trucks for the family business. I turned it down, which was received by my parents with deep frowns and heads that moved side to side in condemnation. Instead, I decided to go to college to become an electrician. I paid for it with money earned during summers working for a friend’s dad loading and unloading trucks (one reason why my parents wanted me to do that job for them). It took a while, but I did finally become a licensed electrician. I was my own man in this, not having receiving much help from family members in learning my trade..

A Time of Change

There was one area of life in which our parents had never been able to shift Ralph into high gear. That was in his relationships with women. Our parents tried to set him up with the daughters of their richest friends. Those relationships did not last more than a couple of dates.

The parents did not help me in the relationship arena (just like the hockey arena), but I didn’t need their help. I was and am lucky in love. My current relationship eventually grew and grew, and soon I believed that one day we would marry. We are well suited for each other. She has an older sister who was as parentally privileged as my older brother had been. That subject was one that led us to understand that we have had a very similar family-based background.

On the down side, I asked my parents whether I could ask Sandra to come to our place for dinner the night of her birthday. Her parents has done nothing in that regard. My parents just looked at each other and then both shook their heads. My mother spoke up, she is the more vocal of the two, saying that such an event would make brother Ralph feel bad, so they thought it was not a good idea. He had no girl friend at the time, nor had he ever had one for any length of time.

While I was disappointed in my parents’ response, I was not one bit surprised. Sandra and I celebrated her birthday with a dinner from a local restaurant. No parents were involved, hers or mine, although both sets were invited. A few weeks later, I proposed to Sandra, and she gave me a positive response.

Older Brother Asked Younger Brother for Help

I was sitting in a chair in the backyard as darkness began to descend in the sky. I was drinking coffee and looking up in wonder at the changing sky. Then I heard the back door open and shut behind me. I turned around and saw my brother, who pulled up a chair to sit beside me, He then spoke. “I need some advice my brother. Our parents keep trying to set me up with unmarried rich girls who are daughters of their friends, and all of them have rejected me. I need your help to change that negative aspect of my life.” The last sentence was something that I had never heard from him before or ever thought that I would ever hear.

Sandra and I later talked it over and decided to invite him to a celebration we were holding for Sandra’s sister’s birthday. It worked out well. They were very similar in nature, and it soon became obvious that they were made for each other. When we left the restaurant, they stayed there together. I guess that like likes like.

We made a regular practice of going out together as a pair of couples. We agreed that when we have children, we would treat each one equally. It is better for both younger and older. Neither should be privileged by their age.